20 August 2005

So, what have you done today???

Not what I planned.

I spent a number of hours working on this stupid blog. I'm kind of interested in HTML and playing with this blog is a cheap, safe, way to learn some stuff. But since I don't really know what I'm doing, every little thing takes me awhile.

I went to WW this morning and much to my surprise I was down. I feel so fat it was a huge shock - but a good one.

After WW we went to pick up my packet for tomorrows race. I'm not nervous or worried at all about this race. It's 15k or approximately 9.3 miles. I haven't really run in probably a month because of my ankle. But I know I can walk 9 miles so that's why I'm not too concerned...

Then we went off to the lab so I could get my work done. This week has been real hell at work and I finally figured out today why. I haven't been exercising. When I exercise I handle stress much better and I have not handlede it well at all this week. Yet another reason for exercise.

Then we went to Gordon Beirsch for lunch. That was my mistake. I hadn't eaten properly in the morning so by the time we got there I was ready to gnaw off my own arm. I ordered my goat cheese and hummus salad (to die for) but we also got an appetizer - Southwestern egg rolls. These consisted of spicy pulled chicken with beans and corn wrapped in an egg roll wrapper and fried to death. God was it good!!!! So we inhaled them. Then my salad came and I pretty much inhaled that with all it's flat bread. Then I ate 1/4 of Charlie's burger. And I drank 1/2 liter of Hefeweizen beer. Oh god was I stuffed. On the 45 minute ride home I fell asleep. When we got home I was so tired all I could do was lay down. I slept for an hour. The moral of this story: poor eating, beer and workout plans do not mix. I didn't get my bike ride in and now the tide is so high the surf is pounding; I'm not going out in that. So that kind of shot my day but I'm okay with it.

I've really decided to change the focus not only of this blog but of my efforts. For over 7 years I've been trying to lose weight (I only have 18 lbs to goal). All of the other stuff, running, triathlons, have taken a back seat and as a result my training is sporadic. So I pulled out my triathlon training book and have set a schedule that will take me through to the Na Wahine and the Ko Olina 2 weeks later. I'm going to increase my running gearing up for the marathon in December. I've got a couple of goals and the only way I'm going to make them is to focus on my training. I will continue to journal my eating and I will focus on good, whole food; but weight loss will not be exactly where I'm looking. I figure if I eat well and exercise good the weight loss will naturally follow. So to that end; I have added a ticker to the Na Wahine at the top and a list of my races on the side. This will hopefully keep me focused and on track with what I want.

Now, I must go start getting my stuff ready for tomorrow. I have to leave here by 4:30a.m. as I have a 15k race. AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!! What the hell am I thinking????????

Okay, I've had it with this unmotivated crap is over.

I really need to get my butt moving again. I haven't exercised since my swim Tuesday night. I feel like a big fat blob. I have to weigh in this morning and I know I'm going to weigh like 400 lbs. Okay, I know it's not that bad but it will be bad. My eating for yesterday was not great. I mean really, when you think of it what I want to do is not that hard. I want to exercise 6 days a week and eat healthy (mostly fruits and veggies and whole grains). I was doing that so well for quite awhile and now I've just lost it.

But you know what?? That's over. I'm tired of whining about my weight and exercise and blah, blah, blah!!!! I am going to shift the focus of this blog slightly. I have my first triathlon in 29 days. I'm going to put up a counter on the side bar to count it down, and my focus will be training and eating right. I'm also training for the Honolulu Marathon in December and there are a couple of other tri's I'm going to compete in this year so yeah. The focus is shifting a little. It's still overall about health and weight loss but I'm going to stop focusing on that and start focusing on my sports Okay, I'm starting to feel better already. Towards that end I think I will go for a bike ride later this afternoon. I have to go to WW this morning and then I have to run into work and then I have a packet pick up for my race tomorrow, plus we are going to stop and have lunch at Gordon Biersch-yumm!!!! After all that instead of coming home and taking a nap, I will go for a bike ride of at least 1 hour. Wow, I can feel my motivation and desire building up in me. I'm really feeling better. I know everyone loses motivation but I seem to lose it every other day.

19 August 2005

Tatu Behati Minor

This is the bird I "work" with. Her name is Tatu Behati and she is 3 years old. Isn't she just the cutest????

Here she is in the sample fridge helping us get samples...

Why oh why can't I keep it together?

I do so well for a few weeks and then it all falls apart. WHY???? I don't understand.

I'm thinking of changing my focus of this blog. I think I'm going to turn it into strictly an exercise blog. No, that doesn't sound good either. I don't know what I want or what I want to do and therein lies the real problem.

What do I want?? Is it worth fighting for?? Is it worth working hard for? WHAT IS IT???? I need to know and I need to know now......

18 August 2005

The mind is a very powerful thing.

It was just about 1 month ago I had a huge ephiphany about how my mind was controlling my weight loss/exercise and how it wasn't good. I realized I was engaging in a lot of negative self-talk and I was letting my fears get to me (this seems to be a theme in the blogs this week). For a couple of weeks things went really, really well. I lost weight and I exercised regularly and felt awesome. Well, last week I got a head cold and that slowed me down. This week I just haven't been able to get back into it. I did exercise Monday and Tuesday but yesterday and today I slept in. At least today I got up and walked the dogs; yesterday I didn't even do that.

I have got to get my positive attitude back. It's not that I have a negative attitude it's just that I'm feeling blah!! I can't seem to get motivated. So I have to get my faith and belief in myself back. As is the trend in a couple of blogs today, let's look at what I fear.

I fear failure. That's not totally true. I fear not being good enough. For who?? Me! I have these unreal images in my head that I know I can't live up to. Why can't I be happy with who and what I am?? I have people tell me how great I am for doing the athletic things I do but I can't seem to accept it. I downplay my accomplishments and seem to think I'm never quite good enough.

I fear the unknown. When it comes to doing new things alone I'm really fearful. If there is someone else with me no problem, I'm all gung ho. But when I'm alone I become nervous and shaky.

There are some other things but those 2 are what's on my mind right now and what I have to combat. I'm going to work all day today on regaining my positive upbeat attitude and veiwpoint that I had a mere 2 weeks ago. I am an athlete. I just ordered this from Tyler Hamilton's website:

This is what I need to do. Believe in myself. Believe in what I can do. Believe that all is possible. The story of Tugboat is such a heart breaker yet he lived with gusto till the end.

So this is what I will do from now on: BELIEVE.

16 August 2005

So Far So Good.

This week has started well and I'm pleased with the way I feel. Yesterday morning I did the Firm Complete Aerobice and Weights and last night I did 25 minutes of yoga. This morning I got up and ran for 43 minutes. I would have stopped at 40 minutes but I was listening to a book and got caught up in the action.

I'm trying a new morning routine; I exercise first then walk the dogs. It seems to be working better then the reverse. I get my exercise in right away and if I'm running a little late I can shorten the dog walk some. I think this is the way to go.

Eating has been good so far except we are getting Jack in the Box salads for lunch. I know that's a lot of food and very high in points so I have a plan. I'm going to eat very slowly, putting the fork down between each bite, and I will stop when I start to feel full. Just because the salad is huge does not mean I have to eat it all.

Well, I have tons and tons of work to do so I guess I should get started...

14 August 2005

Okay, I really need to get back on track again.

So last week I was sick and let my eating and exercise slide. Starting tomorrow that's over. I will get back on the exercise track and my eating will return to my healthy "normal" eating. I will follow the schedule I've laid out for myself and I will journal all my food and activity. Okay, I expect some interruptions this week (a possible 4:00 a.m. call on Tuesday) but I will recover and carry on. I will run 9 miles on Sunday and I will do the best I can. Okay, I will do this.

Wow!! What was I so worried about???

The race was not near as bad as I imagined it would be, can you believe that??? I was so nervous this morning I was shaking, physically shaking!!! I started really slow and took my time, was really careful on the course, and I did great. I took 3rd place in my age group and these are my lovely prizes:

A medal and a lovely Jamba Juice mug. The mug will come in handy as I do drink alot of water and tend to leave glasses all over the house. I feel great, the ankle is a little sore as the run was 3.75 miles and near the end I was getting tired but overall I feel great. Now, next Sunday I'm supposed to run 9 miles. I think I'll begin the freak out over that long about Wednesday.

Completely out of control

What is it with me and free time? I had last week off and things literally spiralled completely out of control. I've lost track of the...