29 April 2006

Time for some deep thought here.

I just finished reading Mia's post and boy did it hit home for me. Basically she had reached the end and was ready to throw in the towel and quit. Just quit. Give up trying and admit defeat. That really struck a chord in me and really got me to thinking. I've been there. I've been in that place where I am willing to accept that I will be overweight the rest of my life. That I will never be an athlete and that I will never be what I want to be. While this may not be a good place to be mentally, it really does serve a purpose.

In general, once I reach that point, just totally give in to my "defeat" things usually start to get better. Total acceptance is what really allows you to finally and ultimately change. In the past, once I've reached that point of total acceptance I could usually start to do things better. I found the energy to exercise more regularly because I wasn't trying to reach any great ideal, I was simply trying to get healthy. I wasn't looking to necessarily improve myself, only to be the best I could be at that weight. Then, of course, once I stopped having all these high expectations of myself; lose weight, be more active, eat better; things instantly became easier because I wasn't putting any pressure on myself.

So, what does this all mean??? Oh who the hell knows!! No, really. It means I have to lighten up on myself. I have to accept myself as I am and try to be the best I can be. This has really hit home and has made me realize where I'm going wrong. I'm putting way too much pressure on myself. I have to celebrate each little tiny victory. I have to give myself credit for exercising and not beat myself up for not doing more.

So a new attitude is now in effect. I signed up for a trail running program today. There is a 10 miler on the volcano on the Big Island at the end of July and I'm going to do it. So I'll be trail running 2 nights a week and Sunday mornings. Starting Monday it's back to the Y; cardio and weights 3x a week and swimming 2x a week. Yoga and pilates at night 3x a week. Bike rides on the weekends. I will celebrate every single workout and not worry if I miss one.

I will take it one meal at a time. I will rejoice in every good choice and if I make a not so good choice I will let it go and move on. I will go to WW every Monday night and stick to the plan.

Wow, you have no idea how light I feel, like a fog has lifted and I can finally see clearly. I'm excited.

Tomorrow is the Kailua Town Party. I'm going to ride my bike over, it's about 5 miles, and cruise around the party. There'll be food and arts and crafts and all kinds of cool stuff. I'll have lunch and then ride home again. That's the kind of things I'll do on the weekends, at least when I'm not trail running :)

Mia, I know you're having a rough patch but thank you. You have no idea how much you've helped me clear things up in my head. Hopefully things will clarify for you too.

27 April 2006

I'm still here.

I haven't felt much like writing lately. I haven't even been commenting on other blogs much even though I am reading them. I just feel like I have nothing to say. Actually, I'm undergoing a paradigm shift and until it's complete there is nothing to talk about.

I used to kind of stumble through life and not give much thought or attention to what was really going on. Now I know, in minute detail, the things that are happening inside and outside. I like it but I'm afraid I spend too much time thinking about them. I need to find a balance between the thinking and non-thinking.

Anyway, things are changing. I've been exercising - good. I'm slowly working in my 2 a day (can't just jump right into that, at least I can't). I did not exercise yesterday as I had an early doc's appointment and I did not exercise this morning due to fairly heavy cramps, but tomorrow for sure.

Eating has been going well. I have reached a stage where I am not hungry. I force myself to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner but I really don't want them. This is good. This is part of the shift. If I'm not hungry it's really easy to make good choices. I also make sure I carry lots of heathy choices with me so that if I do get hungry I'm ready.

So I had to go to the eye doctor yesterday and something major happened. I wear contacts and eyeglasses (not at the same time) and needed a new prescription. My glasses are about 3 years old and while they work just fine, they are kind of stretched out and I need a new pair. So the doc is writing the prescription and I say, "I want to get bifocals so I don't have to take my glasses off to read" After the words left my mouth, I stopped and started laughing my ass off. Who would have ever thought that those words would roll so easily off my tongue??? Certainly not me!!!

So that's all. I actually do have more to say I'm just not in the mood. A shift is occuring and I need to get through it and adjust to it before I comment on it.

25 April 2006


Well, here it is Tuesday and things are going well. I think I have found a WW meeting I like. The Monday night meeting right near the lab has a leader I really like and the group seems lively. I'm going to try it for a couple of weeks and if it still fits transfer there.

Exercise has been going well. Sunday I went on an hour bike ride. It was a picture perfect morning and I realize that I now live in an unbelievable place to bike. The back roads around my house are full of flower farms and smell incredible right now. The main road leads to one of the most scenic places on Oahu. This is the coast that I live along, Hello, pretty sweet biking.

I rode along this coast up to Sea Life Park.

Sea Life Park is the home of the Wholphin. A cross between a whale and a dolphin. In fact, they just had a wholphin baby. Generally crosses like that are sterile but the wholphin bred with a dolphin and they had a baby.

Pretty sweet.

So yeah, I'm happier and happier with my new place. Now if the ocean would just clean up so we could go into it......

On the eating front, things have not been great but they have been better. Sunday I did awesome all day then for dinner I caved. If you've never been to Hawaii we have a unique thing here called a plate lunch (it's called lunch whether it's for dinner or lunch or snack). This consists of meat, generally fried or covered in gravy, white rice, and macaroni salad (heavy on the mayo). The only thing resembling a veggie is the shredded cabbage they lay the meat on. Hubby came home from work Sunday and really wanted a plate lunch for dinner, and I caved. At least I got the BBQ Chicken which is neither fried nor covered in gravy. But I did eat the mac salad.

Yesterday was much better. I only had ice cream for dessert and that was only to finish it up so it won't be tempting me anymore :)

So I am down a little. It's a start at least. And I am totally stealing Mipper's idea about a daily question:

What have I done today to further my weight loss??????

An excellent question!!!!

23 April 2006

Game On!!!

Okay, it begins today.

I can't believe how motivating my post from Friday was to me. Sometimes writing things out and reading them really make a difference (I've read it 4 times and I'll probably continue to read it). I wasn't going to begin this journey until Monday but I've decided, why wait. There is no time like the present right??? So, Game On!!!!!

In my mind this weight loss effort has become my own Ironman. I need to get through this challenge before I can move on to the next. So it's one workout at a time, one meal at a time, everything in the now not the later. Nothing has any power over me except my ultimate goal. I have to keep that vision in mind.

I'm going to print out a weekly workout schedule and hang it right next to my computer. I'm also going to print out my goal weight and post it there too. That way these things will be constantly in front of my face and a reminder of where I'm headed.

Unfortunatley, this blog will be dwelling on weight loss and workouts for the next few months. Tri training will be there but not as prominent since I'm focused elsewhere right now. It will probably become very self indulgent and I apologize about that but when it comes down to it, it's really all about me :)

It's an absolutely beautiful morning and I think I'll go for a bike ride.

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