07 July 2006


This morning was swimming. Technically it's swimming and running. I got up and got my act together. Sidebar: I love Fridays cause hubby is off and he can take care of feeding all the animals and doling out all necessary medicine, etc. The whole time I'm getting ready I'm arguing with myself cause I just don't feel like running. I just didn't this morning. So I decided not too.

I get to the pool at 6 and am swimming by 6:10. I'm practicing what the instructor at the stroke clinic told me and just swimming. I decided to do 1000m. I get those done in 28:xx and I decide to keep going. I ended up doing 2050m in 55:34. I was very pleasantly surprised. The best part was I felt pretty darn good. Not tired and my arm wasn't bothering me, which is usually a problem when I swim for longer than 30 minutes. So a good morning.

So now this means I must bike and run tomorrow. Followed by an ocean swim and a bike on Sunday. Busy weekend. I need to get up early on Sunday so I can get all that in and still get my nap :)

Okay, off to my oatmeal and then some work.

06 July 2006

Skip this post.

This is totally a mental exercise for me and will probably be boring to anyone else.

The last few WW meetings we've been talking about self-talk. How those negative messages play in our heads and we don't even realize it. The statistic is there are 300-1000 words running through your head every second; what are they????

It really got me started thinking and that lead to the whole, I've decided, thing. That works well. I have been working on making my self talk positive and as far as food and eating goes it's working well. I have not binged on anything in over a month. I have not given into mindless craving in forever. I eat what I want, when I want but all within reason. It's working well for me. I'm feeling great and I know it's going to start showing up on the scale soon.

Last night I felt so awesome after my class and I've been trying to figure out exactly why. There are the obvious reasons, I saw myself compared to others and I'm not that bad; the instructor didn't tell me to give up swimming; noone laughed :) But I was trying to really get down and figure out what's going on in my mind. I think I've got it.

When I was in jr. high I was an athletic fool. It was during the time when Title IV was new and I was one of the girls who pushed for athletic opportunities. I played football, bowling, volleyball, and ran track. I was really good at track, really good. I broke some school records and the teacher just loved me. Unfortunately right around this time I tore the cartlidge in my right knee. I was taken out of all sports and it took over a year before they did the surgery to remove it. By now I'm in high school with all the insecurities and issues that go with that, and they had taken away my identity really - sports. I was a really good student but sports was my love. After my surgery I was told that I would never run again and I would have to find something that did not involve pounding of the knees. I remember my surgeon saying I'd never be athletic again. I tried swimming for awhile but even then I was not a fast swimmer and soon gave it up.

The years went by and that really stuck in my head. I used to say I could not do things because of my knee. I did ride a bike regularly and for a few years I played weekend volleyball, but eventually something would happen and I'd hurt my knee. I even ended up getting discharged from the army because of my knee ( a long story best saved for another time).

Finally, about 10 years ago I said, ENOUGH. Pro football players are on the field 6 weeks after knee surgery I think I can run a little. So things built from there. I won't go into that I've written about it before and don't want to cover it again.

I think those things the surgeon told me 30 years ago is still playing in my head. I doubt my athletic abilities because I was told I'd never do that again. I think I've proved them wrong with 2 marathons, 3 sprint tris, and various road races. Now, if I could just prove it to myself.

Last night really highlighted what was going on in my head and now I know hopefully I'll be able to shake it. The mental games begin/end here. I am no longer trying to become an athlete, I am an athlete. I'm a pretty good swimmer. I'm a fine biker and not too shabby as a runner.

That's another thing. The group I trained with for the marathon last year really pissed me off. The coach took one look at me and decided I'd be really slow. Yes, I am overweight, but that doesn't mean I'm a walker. I can run pretty well for my size; I'd know I'd run a lot faster if I could lose this weight - which I will lose because I'm successful at weight loss :) Anyway, this coach just fueled my self doubt fire and that pisses me off.

So there it is. No more I want, it's all about I am. No more doubting my abilities, they are as good as anyone's.

05 July 2006

Freestyle stroke clinic

I just got back from my first class and I'm so excited I can hardly stand it.....

We first watched some of a video and went over some very basic stuff. As I'm listening to the instructor talk I'm thinking, "Yeah, I don't know what I'm doing!!!" Well, everyone else felt the same way!!!!

Then we jumped in the pool and warmed up. The thing I noticed immediately was I am not a horrible swimmer!!! I was doing just fine; faster than some, slower than others; overall just fine.

A little bit of background. Anytime I do anything that's outside my comfort zone I freak. Depending on the situation I'll freak a little or I'll freak a lot. I was freaking a little all day today about this class and this afternoon it finally hit me why. I'm not at all confident in my swimming abilities and I'm afraid I'm going to be horrible. I'll get out there and run - no problem. I'll jump on my bike and ride - piece of cake. Get in the water and swim???? Uh, yeah, no. As I was making this realization this afternoon it hit me; that's why I have so much trouble at tris, I have no confidence in my swimming ability.

Once I got to class, got in the pool and saw that everyone was of similar abilities to me, I felt tons better. The class is structured so we warm up, do 20 minutes of drills, then 30 minutes of individual instruction. When it came my turn he pointed out 2 little things and I immediately noticed a difference in my stroke. It was awesome. I have a ton more confidence already. I'm so stoked.

I'll never be Mark Spitz but I am a pretty good swimmer. Who knew?????

The human body is made to move.

I knew that, but relearned it again this weekend.

My job has me on my feet alllll day. The only time I sit down is usually when I eat lunch. By the end of the day my feet and legs are tired.

I had 4 days off this weekend and I was faced with a choice. I could spend the days training or I could get some much needed down time. While I did do some training; there was biking, swimming, and running, just not a lot; I decided for my mental health it was a down time weekend. I spent the vast majority of the weekend laying around reading. It was wonderful!!!!!

This morning it's back up and back to our regularly scheduled program only I noticed my back was sore. I thought to myself, "I didn't do anything to hurt it....." and realized the first 4 words summed it up, "I didn't do anything....." My back is sore from laying around reading. While it was great for my mind it was not so great for my body. So while my back is screaming, my mental attitude is in the right place and roaring to go!!!

So I swam and ran this morning. It was slow and not very pretty but I got my butt out of bed and did it.

Tonight I begin a freestyle stroke clinic and I'm freaking out about it. I am basically extremely shy and new situations really freak me out. On top of that, I'm positive I'll be the worse swimmer there which freaks me out. Now, intellectually I know that statement is totally bull. Even if I am the worse swimmer there, I know how to swim and I'm there to learn how to get faster. Then I read a statistic over the weekend that said the average 100m time in an Ironman is 2 minutes. I do 100m in 2 minutes (of course I could not keep that up for 2.4 miles) so I'm not that far off. I do need to get a little faster and build some real endurance. So yeah, I'm a freak who is still 10 years old. I'm afraid of unknown situations and afraid of looking stupid. God, grow up already!!!!!!

'nuff said......

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