Things may be heading downhill again.....

ugh!!! I wish I could compartmentalize my life. I wish I could keep work separate from working out separate from finances separate from things I want to do, like that.

I woke this morning feeling no so hot. It's that time of the month and I was feeling kind of crappy. I decided to put off my strength training to tomorrow but thought some time on the elliptical would be a good idea. So I hopped on and did 30 grueling minutes. It was good and I was proud of myself. Then I went to check my email.

I've been waiting to hear if I've been accepted to graduate school. As of last week they had not received my letters of recommendation. Since the 2 people I originally asked were not available, I quickly contacted 2 more people. I know for a fact they were mailed last Wednesday and the school should have gotten them by Thursday. School starts Sept 2nd, which is less then 2 weeks away, and I'm getting a little antsy to know if I'm going to school or not. So last night before going to bed I emailed the graduate admissions counselor to see if I could find out what the status is. Just a side point, everything that needed to be in that was in my control was done in June!!! It's stuff that's out of my control that's holding it up. This is the reason I HATE having to rely on other people. UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This morning I get up to find an email that the counselor is out of the office until Sept 2nd. She gave the email of another counselor to contact. I called the graduate admissions office unfortunately the student who answered the phone really couldn't help me much and the other counselor wasn't in yet. So I forwarded the email I sent to the original counselor and an waiting for a response.

The thing is it's probably too late. If they haven't the letters yet I don't really have time unless I hand carry them down. I'm really bummed about this. I knew this was something that I really wanted to do but I didn't realize how much I wanted it. When it hit me that I may not be able to go to school next week I actually started crying. That's how badly I wanted to do this. And it's not just going to school. There is a whole chain of events that I was really, really looking forward to. I was going to go to school and in 12 months be a certified teacher. We were going to move to Colorado and I was going to get a teaching position. We have plans of traveling during the summer, having animals, starting a home based business. Just a whole life that would revolve around not working as much. It's almost like I'm watching it fade away.

Yes, I could start in the spring but that throws the whole timeline off and it'll be 2 years till we get to Colorado.


Yes, I could go to another school but HPU is only one that offers certification in 12 months. Everyone else is 18-24 months. That puts us in Colorado in 2 years.

Yes, I could get a job doing what I'm doing now in Colorado. That would have me commuting into either Denver or Colorado Springs which would limit where we could live and I don't want to do that.

Do you see?? I had it all planned out and it was perfect. Now it's not and I don't know what to do. I handled it this morning by getting a giant iced coffee and a pack of donuts at 7-11. That didn't really help at all :(

I am seriously depressed.