08 March 2008

The crack dealers are out in force.....

I ran into them at the tennis club last night at dinner. They were out in front of Safeway when I stopped on the way home. I just saw them in a shopping center. This has really gotten bad. All those dealers selling that crack right out in the open. It's horrible.

And you have to know that I caved. I just couldn't resist, the pressure was too great. I ended up just buying a little, but a little is all it takes to get started. This is bad. It really is all downhill from here............

There it is. My drug of choice. This is bad. I can feel myself sliding down that long slippery slope of addiction. And I blame all those little girls!!! Luckily they are only around for a short time :)

07 March 2008

Why can't I remember these things??

I'm sitting here watching the sun lighten the sky and stain the clouds pink as it slowly makes it's way over the horizon. The last star is still slightly visible in the lightening sky, but it's glow is slowly fading. I love watching the transition from night to day and I love that it's happening earlier and earlier. Now, if only I was in the swimming pool instead of sitting here typing.

Wednesday night I was unbelievably tired. I mean I just felt completely drained. I took the night off from working out. Yesterday morning I was still kind of tired so I didn't get up to work out. I felt much better last night, not so drained and wrung out. For dinner Hubby had gotten this really good bread, sun-dried tomato and basil. It's delicious and I love it. I had a couple of slices. Now, I have not had bread in about 2 months. In December I realized it may be a problem and made a real effort to stay away from it. It's become such a habit not to eat it that apparently I stopped really thinking about it. Until last night.

I had a couple of slices with dinner and Hubby and I even commented that we haven't had bread in quite a while. Still, it didn't register in my little, tiny brain. After dinner and cleaning the kitchen and settling down to watch LOST, it started to hit me. The pain. As soon as it started I remembered and thought why?? Why can't I remember this stuff, it's important!!! Well, I had a pretty miserable night and woke up this morning in utter agony. So nothing as far as working out this morning. Ugh!!!

As I sat here typing the clouds have turned a brilliant pink and the blue of the sky is fading to a washed out blue. Not the clouds look like bloody streaks across the sky. Okay, time to get ready for work.

06 March 2008

Sometimes it just hits you....

I stumbled across this video and, although I've seen it before, it really struck me this time.


This whole thing is just like the global warming scam. Why didn't I see that before?? Why have I swallowed the kool-aid and not questioned it?? Why?? Why?? Why??

Yes, I want to lose weight because I like the way I feel when I'm a little thinner. But as I said earlier, do I want to work that hard?? Am I doing it for me or because I've been brainwashed??? I kind of hate when I come to realizations like this because I like to think I don't fall for this kind of stuff. But I guess no ones perfect :)

05 March 2008

Ha Ha...

I knew that working in the adult theater would get to some of you :) I'm not going to say what I did. Maybe someday I'll tell you the story. If I were to lay out the story of my life you'd be shocked and amazed. Not because I'm so special or have done anything that fantastic, but because you'd see how far back my ADD goes. How completely neurotic I was at some points in my life, and amazed that I turned out almost normal with no major mental problems (I think :).

Not much to say today. I'm kind of tired this week but I'm getting my workouts in. Oh yeah, over the weekend I picked up Making the Cut by Jillian Michaels. She's one of the trainers from the Biggest Loser. It's how to drop the last 20 lbs and get cut in 30 days. That's not exactly what I was looking for. I bought it for the workouts and I have to say, WOW!!! These are kick butt workouts that get my heart pounding and the sweat pouring. Wow!!! Actually, they are set up in circuits and you are supposed to do 2 or 3 circuits. I have only been able to get through 1. But I can see improvements already so that's good. Since the vast majority of the exercises are body weight, I'm also using weights at another workout. Anyway, it's great, I like it, and it totally kicks my butt around the room.

Last night I was home alone and feeding the animals. I've been spending a lot of time on my nutrition and what I eat lately and as I'm feeding the animals I got to thinking about them. When did it become best to feed dogs dry, hard pellets?? Carnivores in the wild don't eat like that. I'm thinking that my next dog will be on a raw diet. Or at least a homemade meat diet. No more commercially produced pellets for my dog. I don't feed the birds strictly prepared food. The birds get seeds and pellets, but they also get fresh food. When I had my large birds they got hardly any commercially prepared foods. They were fed almost exclusively fresh fruits and veggies. This line of thought continued this morning when I was feeding the fish. The only thing he gets is flaky fish food every morning. Fish in the wild don't eat flakes. They eat algae and plants and little critters. How did we get here??? How did we get to the point where our convenience takes priority over the animals welfare?? If we are going to keep animals as pets, I think it's our responsibility to feed them the best food available. Okay, not sure how I got off on that tangent but I'll stop now.

That's all I have today. Work is kind of slow today so I'm going to take advantage and goof off a little :)

04 March 2008

So, I been thinking

about my post the other day about needing to make a decision. I've upped my workouts - a lot - and I've really given it some serious thought. It's worth it. I want to be fit and buff more than I want to do triathlons. That truth came to me this morning when I was swimming and it kind of shocked me. As much as I love triathlons, I love being fit and feeling the way I feel when I am more.

I've altered my schedule and am working out twice a day. I've reduced my swimming to twice a week and I'm planning on open water swimming on the weekends. I'm working on getting the biking in. Running has been shelved just temporarily. Losing some weight and strength training will help my running more than actual running at this point. I'm focusing on strength training and cardio intervals. I can already feel the difference.

So there you have it. When I did my first triathlon 3.5 years ago, I was 20 lbs lighter than I am now. I did really well and I think the weight had an awful lot to do with it. My last triathlon sucked, for a lot of reasons, but a large majority had to do with my weight.

That's it.....That's all I have to say.

03 March 2008

Random things

So I was tagged by Ellie and I have to state 7 random things about myself. Okay, here goes.....

1) When I was 18 I worked in an adult theater. I'll let you try to figure out what I did there :)

2) I entered the army at 22. I was supposed to go into intelligence. I was going to learn Russian and be a spy. I had lied on my application and the FBI scared me so much that I ended up getting out at the earliest possible moment.

3) I can be painfully shy. I have to force myself to talk to people, even people I know. As a result I don't have a lot of friends.

4) I am an unbelievable Anglophile. When I was in my late teens, early twenties, I was absolutely convinced that I was going to go to England and marry Andrew. I did not want to marry Charles because I had no desire to be queen. I thought Andrew was to die for. Still do :) I still follow the lives of the Royals like it's my job. They absolutely fascinate me.

5) I seriously do not understand the attraction of children. I had my daughter when I was 18 and even now, 30 years later, I can describe in vivid detail every single second of the 26 hours of labor. After she was born I swore I was never, ever doing that again and I honestly don't understand how, or why, women do it. And don't even get me started on how ugly maternity clothing was in the 70's.

6) I love TV. I could sit and watch for hours, days, weeks.... I don't. It has become a big treat for me to sit and watch a show. I love it.

7) When I was in my 20's I did not honestly believe that I would live to see old age. The type of life I was living did not lend itself to a long life (hello!! I worked in an adult theater!!). As a result I did not do things in the time that most people did. I went to college and started getting healthy at 36. I have a lot of ground to make up :)

There you have it. As a bonus one, it took me 3.5 hours to write this post because I had a hard time thinking of 7 things I thought would be interesting.

I'm supposed to tag 7 people but I've seen so many people do this I don't want to double tag someone. If you are reading this and haven't done it yet, consider yourself tagged.

A connection??

Almost every Saturday Hubby and I go out to lunch. It's the only day we really have together. We usually run errands and end up having lunch out. It's also about the only day I drink beer. I really like beer, I just don't drink it during the week. At lunch on Saturdays I will have 1 or 2 beers. It never fails after lunch that I will end up taking a nap. I always put it down to the alcohol in the beer and didn't really think too much about it. That was until yesterday.

Yesterday I was reading and I felt like something sweet. We had some cookies in the kitchen so I had a couple of them. Within 45 minutes I was passed out on the couch. Again, not an unusual situation for a Sunday afternoon, except for a few things. First, I was really into the book I was reading and that usually keeps me awake and focused. Second, I wasn't tired at all. In fact, I couldn't nap just a little earlier because I was so sore from my brutal workouts on Saturday. I could not get comfortable. But I ate the cookies and passed out like a drunken sailor. The really odd part was the way I woke up. I felt like I was swimming up from the depths. I literally had to lay there for a few minutes to clear my head and feel human again.

This really got me to thinking. I don't think my Saturday afternoon naps have anything to do with the alcohol. Well, it does but not what I thought. I think the passing out, from beer or cookies, is my blood sugar. Diabetics have to be very careful when drinking because it can cause a severe low blood sugar reaction. I think that's what's happening to me. Now I love nothing more than a nap on a weekend afternoon, but these are not regular naps. These are like drug induced comas and I'm coming to the realization that my drug is sugar and/or alcohol. It may be time to give up my weekly beer. {{Sigh}}

Okay, I've been tagged by Ellie for 7 random things. I have to think about this. I'm not sure there are 7 things I can put out there on the Internet :)

On a completely unrelated subject, Hubby has decided he wants to mount his new HDTV on the wall. That scares me. Hanging something that heavy (though it's not near as heavy as a regular TV) on the wall. Especially here in Hawaii where single-wall construction is so common and how are house is made. Maybe I can talk him into a plasma mount that stands independently rather than hanging something on the wall. Scary!!!!

02 March 2008

Time for a decision

After my little fit on Friday, and trust me - there was a fit that went with that post, I've done some work. I've revamped my total workout structure. I've changed my whole schedule around and focused on what is most important to me, at least I think so.

I went through my old journals last night and found the one for 2004 when I was really thin and very fast ;) Reading through it one thing that really caught my eye is how hard I worked. I was working out 2x everyday and doing 3 or 4 things on each day of the weekend. Of course my eating wasn't going great at the time, so maybe that was one reason why I had to work so hard. If I have my eating under control, will I have to work out that hard?? Do I want to work out that hard?? Is it worth all that work??

I don't know and these are some serious questions that I need to answer. I did some serious working out this weekend and it felt great. I'm sore now. I realized how far my fitness has fallen and how much ground I need to make up. So, are the results worth the effort. Clearly this is something I need to decide.

The key to change is awareness

So I posted yesterday that I really had nothing to write about because things were going well and I just didn't have much to say. Scra...