19 December 2008

Going well

Last night we went out with some friends we haven't seen in about 2 years. It was fun. They now have 2 kids and I just don't know how they do it. Watching them with the 2 year old and the newborn just wore me out. I honestly don't understand how people have children. Guess it's good I only had 1 :)

In other news, since lightening up my attitude things are going well. Last night I had 3 beers and a pastrami sandwich and didn't think twice about it. I was feeling good, having fun, and just didn't let any type of diet thought enter my head. It was great. I also noticed that I had a lot of energy yesterday. I had a good portion of the day with nothing to do and I got all antsy and wanted to do something. Now that happened for one of two reasons. Either I'm eating more normally and not stressing over calories so I naturally have more energy. Or having taken the insanity away I'm more relaxed and don't feel the need to hide away in sleep. Whatever the cause may be, I like it and plan to keep it up.

Well, I probably should get my butt off to work.

18 December 2008

What am I willing to do??

I've pretty clearly defined what I'm not willing to do - workout 4-6 hours a day and obsess totally over food. So that naturally leads to the question, what am I willing to do??

I am willing to workout everyday - hard. I still want to be fit and healthy, even if it's not in a size 2. E.L. I agree with you to a point. I do believe that you can get an amazing body with an hour a day and an active lifestyle. I also believe that your dream body has to be realistic for you. Mine wasn't (please notice the past tense here). I wanted something that would be physically impossible for me to obtain. I've readjusted my vision and am confident I can achieve it. I'm willing to workout 1 - 1.5 hours a day. That's an amount of time that works well for me and that doesn't interfere with the rest of my life. The 1.5 hours usually only happen on the weekends when I go hiking or something like that.

I'm willing to eat healthy 80-90% of the time. After all these years I know what works for my body and what doesn't, but I'm not willing to deny myself completely (something I tried and failed at). I will allow myself a 10% fudge factor with 20% for special times like Christmas and New Years.

I am on the fence about logging my food. When I start to log I start to obsess. I don't want to do that. Maybe I'll log my food but not total the calories. That way I can go back and check the calories if I need to, but as long as I stay consistent things will be good. I don't know, I have to think about this some more. I do know that I am on a food logging hiatus until after the first of the year. With my insanity the last few months over food I've completely lost touch with my body and the intuitive ability to eat. I eat when I'm not hungry because it's time to or I don't eat at all. It's time to get back in touch with the body and the hunger mechanism and quit obsessing over food.

What I'm really changing is my attitude. I seriously had gone a little crazy over this weight loss thing. My views had gotten all kinds of screwed up. I've said before I have a tendency to do nothing when I know there are lots of things to be done. So when I kept saying to myself, you need to lose weight, you need to eat right, you don't need that dessert, it put added pressure that resulted in me doing the opposite things. So I've removed the pressure. I don't need to lose weight though I would like to. I don't need to eat right all the time, though I will most of the time. I won't avoid dessert all the time, just most of the time. It really is all in your mind and my mind had gotten into some pretty dark, scary places. I see how eating disorders can develop. And how easily. The human mind is an amazing thing if used right.

17 December 2008

How badly do you want it??

I was watching the Biggest Loser finale last night. I know I've said it before but I'll repeat, when this show started I thought it was the stupidest show idea ever. But I've come around and am now a huge fan. There have been times when I've wished I was big enough to get on the show. Okay, not really. But it sure would be nice to have 4 months where I could just focus on weight loss. Perfect my diet and exercise program so I was losing weight at a rapid clip. Thankfully I'm not big enough for that show so I'll have to struggle through on my own.

Last night they were going over the lives of the contestants since they left the ranch. One lady was saying how she got up at 4 am, worked out for an hour, went to work, then headed off to the gym. She didn't get home to 8:30 or 9 every night. She hardly saw her kids. This means she was working out 3 1/2 to 4 hours a day on top of work and home, etc. The other lady was talking about how some days she could really go all out for 4 hours of working out. Excuse me?? 4 hours of working out?? Every day??? That's just crazy.

I've heard before how hard these people work out once they get home. If I had 1/4 of a million dollars riding on it I'd probably work that hard too. But you can't keep that up. I read one former contestant worked out 6 hours a day to maintain. I'm sorry, that's just not something I'm willing to do. For some reason though last night's show really resonated with me and started me thinking. How hard am I willing to work for it??

I want to lose weight. I want to lose body fat. I want to not have the belly fat that I have. But really, how badly do I want it?? Is it worth it to me to give up time with my family and friends? A lot of time?? Is it worth it to fixate on it constantly? Is it worth it to have that be the sole focus of my life? I don't think so. I really, really don't. With all the things I have going on in my life I'm only willing to spend so much time exercising. I will watch what I eat all the time, that can be done while living my life. But I'm not willing to give up 4 hours of my day to workout. I'm just not. And that's okay.

Making that realization was a liberating moment for me. I still want to work out and lose weight, but now I realize I may never reach my dream body because it's not that important to me. Living my life and doing the things I enjoy are way more important then the size of my pants. As much as I would like to be a size 2, I'm not willing to invest the time necessary to reach that number. I really feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me. This goal was really weighing me down and, in a way, keeping me from moving forward. I think that's why I have zero desire to do an Ironman. I'm not willing to invest that much time, give up that much of my life, for one thing.

So I have a whole new attitude. Eat healthy. Move more. Quit obsessing about the number on the scale or on my pants or any number anywhere. I'm done with that. I'm going to focus on doing the things I like, running, elliptical, weights. I enjoy those things and I'll do them. I'll move everyday but no more obsessing over things. I'm done......

16 December 2008

The best laid plans

I had every intention of getting up and working out this morning. The knee is feeling pretty good, as long as I don't allow the back to get tight. I'm going to make a chiropractor appointment today, so I was feeling pretty confident that I was okay. The alarm went off and I just could not get out of bed. I wasn't sure what was wrong but something was. I rolled over and snoozed for a little while longer and still felt not right.

I finally got up and immediately found out what was wrong. Something I ate was bad. I spent 20 minutes in the bathroom before I could put coffee on. I have a bit of a headache and my stomach is a mess. So that was why I couldn't get out of bed, I just didn't feel it while I was laying down. Now I don't know if I can even go to work. This is terrible.

Between bathroom bouts I've been reading some blogs this morning. There seems to be a theme or thread running through them. I don't know if it's my mindset that's picking it up or if it's the time of year and people are going through the same things, but emotional/compulsive eating seems to be on every one's mind. Mine too. Due to some circumstances over the weekend, I found myself not being able to no to some food. Even when I was so full it hurt, I ate a little more. That is not good and it's a bad mental place for me to be. I know I can get out of that space but I'm going to need to work on it. Hard.

I guess emotional/compulsive eating will always be a part of my life. I use those 2 words interchangeably because they are, at least for me. I don't eat compulsively unless I'm emotional and all emotional eating is compulsive. Anyway, I guess that's something I'm stuck with and will have to deal with. I do know that certain things can set it off. If I have a sugary snack during the day the rest of the day will be nonstop eating. If I have that same snack at night it's okay. If I overeat at any meal I will continue to eat. I don't know what the connection is there. If I get really full I can't stop eating. If I eat until I'm just satisfied I can pass anything up. Hmmm..... Interesting.

I guess the good part is that I do know what most of my triggers are. I don't always avoid them, but I know what they are.

15 December 2008

A real conundrum

I've figured out what's wrong with my knee. It's my back. This happens on my right side but rarely on my left. I discovered it this morning. I got up and my back was killing me and my knee was swollen. I did some yoga stretches to try and ease the back. When I was done the back felt much better and so did the knee. The light bulb went on. As I said, this happens on my right side much more often. The nerve, I'm guessing it's the sciatic, gets irritated/inflamed and manifests in my knee. The cure is to go to my chiropractor. He wasn't open today so I will call first thing in the morning to get an appointment.

My conundrum. When my back hurts not exercising makes it worse. So by not working out I think I'm actually making this knee thing worse. Also, I'm climbing the freaking walls. I was up at 5 am with nothing to do. I'm going to workout in the morning. I'll just do what feels good. Any pain and I'll stop immediately. I'll also keep it light maybe some sweaty yoga or something along those lines.

So that's it. At least I know what's going on and how to fix it. Now, I'm off to eat dinner because I haven't eaten enough today :)

Annoying Spammers

It seems like the spammers go in waves. I'll get nothing for awhile then suddenly all the comments seem to be spam. And apparently spammers don't understand the rules. I will not publish a link in my comments unless it's by someone I know recommending someone/thing to me. So I don't care if you lost 80 lbs in 2 days, your link is not going in my comments. Also, I don't publish your comments if you name is Cialis works, or Cheap Pharmacy. If your name is what you are selling you're not getting your comment published. And it doesn't matter if you leave a nice, relevant comment. I'm not here to provide free advertising for you by way of links. I get paid by people to provide advertising. If you want a link contact me and we'll work out a deal. You are not smarter than I am. I am sick and tired of this and I'm not letting any of your crappy comments through.

What a great way to start the morning, with idiots who think they can sneak a link through. Stupid people. Well, we know they are stupid or they would be putting their talents to good use. But apparently they have no talents and think everyone else is as stupid as they are. Okay, 'nuff said.

14 December 2008


the knee that is. I took it very easy yesterday and today the knee seems a lot better. I will take it easy again today, all I have is a Christmas party, and see how it is tomorrow morning. I must say I did get some other stuff done yesterday that I wouldn't have normally, so I guess taking a day off can be good. I had some pent up energy I had to expend.

Last night I picked up some rescue birds. Their owner passed away and the wife can't take care of them. I've got them in my house now and I need to find them homes ASAP. 9 birds is just too many. At least they are small birds and their cages are pretty small. It's not like rescuing a horse where you have tack and english saddles and western saddles. Birds are much more compact.

Well, I have to go clean bird cages and get ready for my Christmas party.

Sometimes things need to blow up before they can be fixed

So yesterday I kind of let loose on the 'friendship' chat. The girl who was away for a funeral was back and asked who was going to t...