24 January 2009

New Start......

John is Fit is this fabulous blog I found recently, which is good because I recently culled my reading list. I actually found him on a day he did a post about bloggers who disappear. It was rather fortuitous timing as I had just thinned the herd on my Bloglines and needed some new blogs to read. His has turned out to be one of the better ones I've found. Side note: I'm kind of funny with blogs. I will find a blog usually because another blog I liked linked to them. I will go over, read a post or two, read their about page if they have one, and if I like what I see I will add them to my Bloglines reader. Then, what tends to happen, I will read their posts for a couple of weeks and generally find they are not to my tastes. I will then remove them from my feed. Okay, John is not like that. I am finding all his posts interesting and informative. But that is not what this was supposed to be about.

John has a post today about a 40+ year old grandmother who lost 140 lbs. The timing on this post is perfect. It fits right in with my new attitude. This woman took 5 years to lose all that weight and she is in her 50's now and looks fabulous. This is a great reminder that slow and steady is the way to go. This is not a race but a lifelong journey.

I really do tend to lose sight of that fact. I'm impatient and want things to happen now. I want a job - NOW!!! I want to be a teacher - NOW!!! I want school to be over - NOW!!!! I want to move to Colorado - NOW!!!! I want to be a size 2 - NOW!!!! The theme here??? None of those things are going to happen - NOW!!!! I have to be patient. Things will happen, they will come, I just have to work the program so to speak.

Because I can't have all those things NOW, I tend to get down. I'm not going to let that happen and here's how I plan to battle it. First, I will follow a workout and eating plan. By eating right and working out daily I will feel better physically which will lead to feeling better mentally. Second, I will do something I enjoy everyday. This past week I was so focused on my problems I did not pick up my camera once. When I take my camera and start taking pictures I literally lose track of time and all my problems. It's just me and the viewfinder. So that is an absolute must. Everyday something I really enjoy, just for fun. Thirdly, I will set aside time everyday to try and make those things that I want NOW a reality. I will work towards them but I will not make them the sole focus of my entire day.

I feel lighter already. Like a huge mental weight has been lifted. I have a huge desire to go to the zoo today and take pictures of the animals there. I'm thinking I'm going to do that this afternoon. Sounds like fun doesn't it :)

23 January 2009

And apparently

it begins with a new template. I thought I was really happy with the old template, when suddenly I just decided it was time for something new. Hmmm..... Funny how that works.

That's it, I'm done

I've been really feeling kind of down this week and I'm tired of it. I'm tired of worrying about money and I'm tired of thinking about how I have to find a job. I've been quiet and not myself and I don't like it. So I'm done. Starting right now things change. I'm going to do everything I can to find a job but I'm not going to worry and stress over it. I can only do what I can do. I can't make people hire me or like me or even get back to me. I'm going to keep track of the jobs I apply for, make follow up calls, do all that good stuff but I'm not going to stress over it. When I was listening to Eckhart Tolle talk about The New Earth, one thing he said was to set aside a time everyday (or whenever) to make future plans. Don't live in the future. Don't dwell on it constantly. Just set aside time to do it. That's what I'm going to do. I'll set aside 1 hour everyday to look for work, send out apps, follow up, etc. If I need more time I'll spend more time but I'm not going to freak out over it any other time.

The new attitude starts right here, right now.

Starting to come back

That's one thing about my down moods, they don't really last that long. I woke this morning planning ways to fight my way out of it. I got a comment on the last post from the very lovely Vivica. She said, and I quote,
depression is anger turned inward
. I love that, and how true is it!! I am angry. I'm angry that things aren't working out the way I want them to. I'm angry that my work let me go instead of putting me on part time. I'm angry I haven't been able to find a job yet. I'm angry that I have to get a job. I'm angry that I have to worry about money like I am. It's true, I am angry. Do you know how freeing that is??

So I'm going to use this new found knowledge and anger and channel it toward the things I want. I want a job that pays well and is flexible enough to accommodate my schooling. I want a job that involves teaching in some capacity. I will channel this anger into good.

Right now I have to channel myself into the shower so I can get to school.

22 January 2009

I'm tired

I think I'm getting down because I don't have a job and I don't really have any prospects. This is not good. For my finances or for my butt. I get down, I don't move, I eat. Definitely not good. I don't know what I'm going to do. Starting to freak out just a little bit.

You would not believe my strong aversion to candy now. I can't even look at a piece of candy without getting all creepy. That headache was so bad I don't ever want to have anything like that again. I don't know exactly what caused it and I may be laying the blame on candy for no reason, but ugh!!! I never want that to happen again.

Irene had a very good post yesterday about the Obama inauguration. I watched and thought it was good. Anyone who reads this blog knows I'm not an Obama fan but I do hope he proves me wrong. I hope he fixes everything and I will shout from the rooftops how wrong I was about him. But that's not the reason I brought this up. Monday was Martin Luther King Day and if I remember right he once said, "....I have a dream, that my young children will be judged by the content of their character and not by the color of their skin." I hate to be the bearer of bad news but by constantly pointing out that Obama is not white people are perpetrating the racism. By this point in time we should be color blind. That would make this a really momentous occasion. Instead all the news people talked about was America's first African-American President. People, get over yourself.

Okay, enough about Obama. I'll be happy to just wait and see what happens. Right now I'm unemployed and bordering on depression.

21 January 2009

Never eating candy again

I'm not a huge candy person, but once in a while I like it. Yesterday someone gave me a bag of M&M's. Now I am not a candy person but who doesn't like M&M's? After lunch I went ahead and ate it figuring my blood sugar could handle the hit due to the carbs and protein I had for lunch. Ummm.......wrong!! Within an hour I had the beginning of a headache. At 1 1/2 hours I was hungry, even though I had a big, healthy lunch. By the end of the night my head was killing me and I was nauseous and couldn't eat dinner. I ended up going to bed early just because of the pain. I took ibuprofen and nothing helped. It was miserable.

When I woke this morning I had vestiges of the headache but the majority of it was gone. After having my morning coffee and protein shake I appear to be fine. That's it. Candy is out. I don't eat candy much anyway, a mint here or there, but no more. I am done with candy. It clearly doesn't like me and I don't like what it does to me.

20 January 2009

And we're back

School started today. So I was up at 4:30, working out by 5, out of the house by 7. I was in the high school for 3.5 hours. Home for a lunch. Then it was off to grad school. I just got home from there. Monday and Tuesday are going to be long days.

The good news is I did get up and got my workout in before it all began. I kicked my own butt. My hamstrings and butt are sore from Mondays workout. Fun stuff. Tomorrow is a cardio day. I'm not sure if I'll get a run in with the sore muscles I'm having. So I was thinking of doing something I have not done in almost two years. I was going to dig out my GPS and go geocaching. I have not done that in well over two years and I think I would love to do that. It's fun because you are hiking but it's hiking with a purpose. You use your GPS to find hidden treasure. It is fun. Lots of hidden 'treasures' on the trails here. I just may do that tomorrow. It would be a lot of fun.

19 January 2009

Two little words

running today?


Two little words. Two little words that greeted me this morning when I checked my blogs. Two little words left by MizFit, a fitness/blogging diva of celebrity status. Two little words that changed everything I had planned for this morning.

As I said in last night's post I put off my run yesterday. Then, in the middle of the night my TOM arrived. As I approach menopause (which can come anytime I'm ready) things are getting worse and worse. More cramps, heavier, etc. Plus the first 24-36 hours are the worse. I try to stay near the house during these times because I just never know how it's going to be. If I need to go out I do have some medicine I can take but I only do that in extreme emergencies.

So when this happened at 3 am, I thought to myself that's it for my run. I'm not doing 6 miles in this condition. So I get up this morning, turn on my computer and get smacked with those two words,

running today?


Ugh!!! I still knew that running really was out of the question today, but my visions of lying on the couch curled up with a book went right out the window. I went and did my scheduled strength training and pushed myself - hard. I then did 30 minutes on the elliptical at a higher resistance then normal and I kept the RPM's higher then normal. I am sitting here covered in sweat and feeling like a rock star. Yeah, I feel like crap but my workout today was above and beyond and I feel awesome.

So MizFit, no I did not run today but I got the best workout I've gotten in a long time. Thanks.

18 January 2009

Sunday Night

It has been one of those weekends. It's been cold here. Yes, I know, 69 degrees is not cold. Well, if you live in Hawaii it is. I've spent the last 3 days in sweats and socks and long sleeve shirts. It's been cold. Today was a little warmer. I had shorts on most of the afternoon. But come 4 pm it started getting cold again, back on went the sweats.

Yesterday I took a rest day so that I would be fresh today. Well, today I got up and just did not feel 6 miles. Just didn't feel it. I decided to put my run off until later only to get into a cleaning frenzy and not get a run in at all. Oh well. I may run tomorrow, I don't know yet. I have to do something tomorrow though. I've had 2 days off. Anymore and I'll need to check out those fat burners I see advertised everywhere. Wait, didn't I talk about this yesterday?? Oh, oh. Do I sense a trend.

That's all I got. I've been cleaning all day and I'm tired. I want to sit and watch Desperate Housewives in peace and quiet.

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