18 April 2009

The paper

Time spent on research: 5 hours

Time spent reading: 20 hours

Time spent writing: 10 hours

Time spent worrying: 160 +


I let everything under the sun get in the way of my workouts. Everything. Nala passing away. My paper. Everything!!! And I'm sick and tired of it. Excuses are like as*holes, every one's got one. I don't like excuses yet I've got a pile of them. Enough. I'm done.

What set this off is that my weight is up today and there is no freaking reason why it should be. None. Yes, I know all that salt, water, blah, blah, blah...... But there's nothing. I can usually pinpoint what caused it but today there's nothing. Nothing!!!!! NOTHING!!! I'm tired of this. The truth of the matter is I'm not putting as much into it as I should. I have to, HAVE TO, be extremely honest with myself and stop this bullsh*t. UUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

That's it, I'm done.....

17 April 2009

Just because I know what's going on

doesn't mean it will stop all by itself. I was very pleased to have figured out what was going on, that was well more then half the battle. So this morning I was all ready to get up and work out hard.....Except I didn't set the right alarm.... Hmm.....Freudian slip?? Who knows. I didn't beat myself up over it just figured tomorrow is another day.

I have to get that paper done tomorrow. I've been struggling with it but I think I've got the tact I want to take now. I do believe I'm ready. I've got to really work hard tomorrow but I'm up to it. I won't have anytime this weekend to play at all. I won't even have time to look for term life insurance quotes. I'll be super busy getting that paper done.

Right now I must go have dinner. Ribs....yummmm......

16 April 2009

Falling back into old patterns....

I guess I could consider this a success since I recognized it immediately instead of it going on for days, but it's amazing how quickly I fall back into old habits. Grad school is nearing the end of the semester, in fact there are only 2 classes left - yeah!!!! But Tuesday night a huge paper is due. Huge. I've had all semester to work on it but with other assignments I've put it off and put it off. I did begin working on it about 5 weeks ago and do have the vast majority of the research completed. Now it's a matter of sitting down and synthesizing the information into a coherent paper. It's crunch time. I'm starting to panic. I have today, but I have to take time out to get my tattoo. I work tomorrow. I have Saturday. Sunday is booked from morning to evening so no time there. I have about 4 hours on Monday and something similar on Tuesday. That's it and I'm starting to freak out. So what's the first thing that flies out the window?? My workouts. As if sleeping for an extra 20 minutes is going to in any way help my paper. Not!!! The benefits I get from working out just don't hold a candle to 20 minutes of sleep. So, while I'm pissed I let that habit creep up on me again, I'm glad I recognized it and won't let it become a week of missed workouts. Now, I really have to get to work.

15 April 2009


I'm of two minds about taking supplements. There are times when I refuse to take anything but the truth of the matter is that I probably need some. I eat well but I know there are days I don't eat enough. Some days I'm so busy and by the end of the day I'm wiped out. Then there are the times I am so busy for days in a row and then I have trouble sleeping. I will not take sleeping pills, that is just out. So when I heard about Stemulite I was intrigued. It's an all natural supplement that will help boost your energy, lose weight, even sleep better. That sounds pretty good to me. It's just things like melatonin, L-carnitine, things like that. I don't see anything that I haven't seen in the health food stores. I like that it's all in one place because I hate taking pills. Also, as I run head-on into menopause things are changing in my body. If I could get something that would help me sleep and isn't a drug of any kind, I'm there. It's a bitch waking up numerous times during the night.

14 April 2009

Do you know what I like??

I like hard, sweaty, gut wrenching workouts. I do. If I finish a workout and am covered in sweat and feel like I'm going to throw up, I consider that a good workout. I also like working out of 60-90 minutes. I don't know why, but I do. I love to do weights and just push myself till I scream (literally) and then do cardio for 30-45 minutes. I love it. Those are my favorite types of workouts. So why don't I do them more often?? Mostly it's a question of time. I currently get up at 4:30 so I can get 30-45 minutes done in the morning. These are usually cardio workouts to wake my butt up. Then in the afternoons I get my strength training in, generally about 30 minutes with cardio intervals. That's good, but I just love when I can do them all at once, back to back, and really push my self to the limit. I like that.

Do to some testing at the high school I don't need to go in until later so that's what I just did. I did Jillian's The biggest winner backside (brutal), then Turbo Jam 20 minute workout (fun), ending with Turbo Jam Ab Jam (ack!! I can't breathe!!!) and I feel great. I really, really love that. Have I mentioned how much I like that :)

Anyway, life goes on. I'm still sad and I find myself weeping for no apparent reason, but life goes on. My other dog, Rocco, is not acting right. He's not eating and I think he may be getting depressed. I imagine it took him a little while to figure out she ain't coming back. It's sad.

Okay, but now I have to get moving.

12 April 2009

Ob la di, ob la da

Another crappy night of sleep, but at least I know why. I've been preparing for her loss for a while now. When she was diagnosed with brain cancer back in September I knew it was only a matter of time. The actual event yesterday was gut wrenching, but having been prepared I think we are already starting to heal. Last night we went out to dinner and were laughing about the goofy things she used to do. So that's good. There is a huge hole in our lives that I don't think will ever be filled. I know people say their dog was the best dog ever but I think everyone has a special dog. I've owned a lot of dogs but Nala was a very, very special dog. I know I will never have another dog like her and that's the hole that I will always have. As much as I miss her and as much as it hurts for her to be gone, I'm so glad I had her. She was the best. We stopped by the tattoo place last night and I'm going in Thursday to have her tattooed on my leg. She was that special.

On the way out to dinner last night we heard the Beatles' song, Ob la di, ob la da Life goes on..... It seemed appropriate somehow. She's gone but life does go on. We can miss her and remember her but life goes on.....

So this morning I'm heading out for a hike. I like hiking and I've come to really like it on Sunday mornings. So I don't know exactly how far or how long I'll go. I'm not even sure exactly where I'm going since I'm taking a new trail. This will all be great fun.

Monsoon season has arrived

and we got our first rain yesterday. Actually, it's still raining a little this morning. It wasn't a lot of rain, but it was rain....