23 May 2009

So it begins.......again

I awoke this morning in a fantastically good mood. What was it? A good night's sleep?? Having eaten pretty darn good yesterday?? Having a workout plan with a race in mind?? I don't know, probably a combination of all three. What I do know is that I felt absolutely wonderful!!!

I got ready and headed off to WW where I found that I had lost 3.2 lbs this week. Wow!!! And I didn't even stay within my points or workout all that much. Fabulous. It's amazing how important paying attention is, because that's basically all I did all week - pay attention. I did track every bite and clearly that works for me. So that was a great way to start a long weekend.

After the meeting I headed off for my run. Now I have not run in a long time and I have not run continuously in even longer. The last few times I attempted running I did intervals. But I decided to see what I could do. I had 4 miles on the schedule so I headed off to a marsh trail that is about 3.2 miles. I had thought of doubling back to make up the 4. So I headed out. The first half, about 1.6 miles, I did in 18 minutes. That's pretty good considering I thought I was going really, really slow. That's about 11 mins/mile. Not bad for a first effort and I ran all the way, didn't stop once. Woo Hoo!!!! I then took a short break and walked for 2 minutes and started running again. The return I did in 15:30. Wooo!!! Check that out!!! That's just over 9 min/miles and I was not pushing it. There was a guy running the trail who kept lapping me so I thought I was going really, really slow. He must have been flying. I was pretty wiped out when I got to the end of the trail so I decided to stop at 3.2 miles. But I'm very happy with that, very happy.

So I felt like a complete rock star and love the feeling of running with a purpose. I love having a training schedule and a purpose to the workouts. Tomorrow it's the bike...

22 May 2009

Words of wisdom

What is that saying, success is getting up one more time then you fall down, or something like that.

I was watching my birds play tonight and I noticed something. They would try to do something and fail, most times fall to the floor. They would walk over to their ladder, climb back up, and try all over again. My one bird, Mr. P, did this about 6 times. Every time he tried it slightly differently but he kept trying. Eventually he got it and then he kept doing it over and over and over. He was mastering it. But something really struck me as I watched him fall to the floor, climb back up and try over and over; his failure meant nothing to him. He didn't get upset because he kept failing. He didn't quit. He kept trying to find a slightly different way to do it until he got it right. I need to take a lesson from Mr. P, and I am.

I've decided to train for a triathlon. Actually two. And a marathon. And possibly a century ride. I've decided to keep trying. I'm not going to be fast. I'm not going to break any records, even my own, but I'm going to keep trying. It all begins tomorrow.

Starting to shake things off....

Wow!! It's amazing how a person can be totally flattened by emotional stuff. I finally feel like I'm starting to shake off the sadness and depression that has gripped me for a month now. I'm feeling better. And it's showing in my eating. Every day this week I have eaten cookies. Every. Day. Cookies. But yesterday I did not. Yea!! Small victories. Today I work all day so I packed some nice, healthy food and am feeling absolutely virtuous. I must confess that I did not workout this morning though. I really did plan to but I did not even hear the alarm. I woke up about an hour later. Much too late to workout. Oh well, there is always tomorrow. Plus I need a plan. I do much better if I have a workout schedule. If left to my own devices nothing will get done. So I'm off to work out a plan.....

21 May 2009

Time to move on....

This week has been pretty horrible. Not only did we lose Rocco on Sunday, on Monday my car broke down and a part has to be ordered from the mainland. I'm still waiting to get it back. Then I started to sink into a depression. I've had issues with depression in the past. I've never gone to a doctor for it because I refuse to take drugs and that's what they would offer. The good thing is that this time I recognized it as soon as it started. I wallowed in it for a day or so and now I've decided it's over and it's time to snap out of it. That means having a plan, and I do. Walk slowly one step at a time until I gain the momentum to run. I'm on it.

On the weight loss front, this week has been a disaster. I started WW on Saturday and I have been tracking every bite I eat - that's amazing. I really thought that I was eating pretty darn well overall. I thought I ate mostly fruits, veggies, and lean meats and I thought that I would have a hard time figuring out how to lose weight because my eating was so good. Ha!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!! Who the heck was I fooling? ME!!!! My eating sucks. SUCKS!!!!!! I've been tracking my points and they go as follows:
Saturday: 51
Sunday: 49
Monday: 34.5
Tuesday: 43
Wednesday: 50

I'm supposed to be eating 22. So this week I have eaten 117.5 points extra this week. That is 5 days worth of points. So in 5 days I've eaten 10 days worth of food. Fabulous!!!! Is it any wonder my weight is creeping upward.

But that's okay. It stops right here and now. I'm going to get back to having daily lists and goals. That really seemed to work for me. My goal for today is to get an hours worth of exercise in (I'm going for a walk and taking the camera) and to stay within my points. One day of 22 points, I know I can do this. I'm going to count calories like I have a barcode scanner in my head. I'm going to track every little morsel I eat today. One day, that's all I want.

Okay, I have to get moving. One day, one day.........

19 May 2009

Regrouping

Over the past couple of years a whole bunch of routines have been developed around the dogs. We had the medicine routine, both Nala and Rocco were on a couple of different meds. We had the feeding routines, neither of them were great eaters at the end so meals had to be fixed with gravy, leftover meat, anything to make it more appealing. We were constantly boiling something for the dogs. There was the biscuit routine. Not only did I have to make their biscuits, they preferred mine to store bought, but there was a whole routine about getting them. They would eat breakfast or dinner and get one. Then before I left in the morning they got a second one. Or after I cleaned the kitchen at night they got a second one. Then there was the milk routine. After dinner every night I have a small glass of milk. Nala and Rocco had to share it with me and I always had to keep track of who got it first (it alternated) because it was like they remembered. There were so many others I could go on for days. But most of them I never even noticed until they were gone. Sunday night after dinner I sat down to have my glass of milk and there was no one to share it with. When I went shopping on Sunday I automatically reached for the pill pockets because that's the only way Rocco would take his pills, only to start crying in the store and put them back. No need for them anymore. So now I feel at loose ends. All of my routines are gone and I'm a little lost. You don't realize how big a place someone takes in your life until they are gone. When we lost Nala I still had Rocco for all the routines. Now I have no one. The fosters are still learning so they don't have any routines yet. It's very depressing. I miss Nala and Rocco so much. They really kept me moving and going. Now I might need to get some Liporexall just so I don't gain even more weight. Well, enough moping around. I have to get moving. I think I'll go for a walk it's a beautiful day.

17 May 2009

Not the day I planned

I had planned to hike early this morning, then go and see the new Star Trek in Imax. Then take the fosters to the dog park for a while and get the boy a harness to see if that would stop his pulling. All of that got cancelled when we woke to find Rocco all swollen. His neck, lower jaw and front limbs were all swollen from his lymphoma. We quickly realized this was the end for him. We made an appointment at the vet's and spent the morning with him. Around 1 I left for the vet and he's gone. It's hard to lose a pet. It's hard to lose 2 in 5 weeks. It was really, really hard to leave Rocco. We are having him cremated and getting the ashes back, but for some reason I could not leave him. It was like this giant ending. Him and the other dogs that have passed in the last few years have been a major part of our lives for 18 years. It's like a chapter in my life is ending and I don't want it to. Wow, talk about sad. Anyway, I have to go on because I have other animals and fosters and things to do, I'll just be profoundly sad for a while.

Rocco 1995-2009

Bye Sweetie, Mama loves you.

The key to change is awareness

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