09 January 2010

Hardcore was apparently only passing through

I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past 3 weeks and some things have occurred to me. At this point in time I don't really have anything I'm passionate about except teaching. I absolutely love teaching and all that's involved in it. I love the planning and the grading, I love it all and am very passionate about doing it well. In my home life though, there are lots of things I love, but nothing that really gets me all excited and fired up. I don't know if it's me or just a phase I'm going through. I have danced with depression before and though I've never gotten diagnosed, because I won't take medication, I know what it feels like. Part of the problem is the house. We have run into a roadblock that I'm not sure can be moved. The worst part of this roadblock is there is nothing I can do about it. It's in the hands of other people. So we may lose the house and there's nothing we can do about it. This particular roadblock will also make it impossible for us to buy a house here in Hawaii. I'm trying to look at the bright side which may mean moving to Colorado - like we planned for 2 years. That is not bad, in fact I almost like it more than staying here. But, as I said, I have no control and nothing brings me down quicker then not being in control of my own life. Anyway, I can't change the current circumstances I can only hope that all involved will move quickly and resolve the issue. What I can do is make alternative plans. Since there is a very real possibility that this may not get cleared up, I am going to start making plans for the Colorado move. Action, or the thought of action, immediately makes me feel better. Already I can feel the cloud starting to lift. I am apparently a control freak, crazy person who needs to have something to do.

Another thing, I'm not pleased with the way my life is structured at this point. I'm not crazy about the day-to-day stuff. This probably sounds insane because this is something I can control. And I need to take control of it. I've kind of drifted along and let things happen to me and routines develop. No more. Maybe that's what leads to my depression, the not feeling in control. Well, time to take that control back and it starts right now.

06 January 2010

You can call me hardcore

My running streak continues. I woke this morning to rain. Pretty good rain. Too much rain to run in. But since my elliptical is blocked by boxes and my DVD's have all been put away, I really have no other activity. So I waited a little while and as soon as it lightened up I headed out. I told you, hardcore. Then, the body was feeling a little achy from 2 days of back-to-back running so I decided to do one 4-minute interval and see how I felt. I did that interval and felt like crap, but I told myself the first one always sucks. I needed to do another to really guage how I felt. So I did interval #2 and felt pretty good. I ended up doing all 6 intervals. I told you - Hardcore!!!! Now I need some food.

05 January 2010

Time to step it up......

I'm watching the Biggest Loser and I really like this show. It's really very inspiring. Anyway, I've been keeping my food journal for the last two days but I haven't been putting the calories in. I've just been writing down the food. Even that little bit helps. But tomorrow I think it's time to start counting calories. The only way I'm really going to lose any weight is to know exactly how much I'm eating. So tomorrow I start counting calories again. I also think I'll run again tomorrow. Hmmmm.....three days in a row?? What would other people say???

The revelations just keep on coming.....

My revelations during yesterdays run really freed up a lot of things in my head.  As I said, I tend to look for the magic bullet and as a result I get hung up on what other people say I should and shouldn't do. For the last few months I have been attempting my workouts with the thought in my head that I can not run 2 days in a row.  So I would wake up and really feel like running but I wouldn't because either I ran the day before or I'm supposed to run the following day.  So I would not do what I wanted to do and I would force myself to do something I didn't feel like or, more likely, end up doing nothing at all.  I get it, I'm not supposed to run 2 days in a row because my body needs time to rest and rebuild, blah, blah, blah.  I would buy that nonsense if I was running 10 miles or running really fast.  I'm not.  I'm only running about 3 miles and I'm running pretty slow.  I dragged myself on the run from hell yesterday and felt like crap the entire time.  But I woke up this morning and felt like running again.  My initial reaction was to say that I ran yesterday so I can't run today.  And then I said, according to who?  I felt great, I had no aches or pains, and I felt like running.  What better reasons do I need?  So I ran.  And I rocked it.  And I feel awesome.  And I've decided that I'm going to run whenever I feel like it.  I'm going to workout every morning and if I feel like running two, three, four days in a row, I will.  Who really cares what those other people say!!!  I may even get myself some custom water bottles that say I will run when I want to. So there!!!!

04 January 2010

Revelations

I dragged my ass out on a run this morning and as painful as it was I'm glad I did.  I got some thinking done, so here goes. 

First, I'm still trying to find the quick fix.  Even though I've been at this for years and I know that there is no magic bullet, I still keep looking for it.  I bought two  books in the last week that prove that fact.  The previously mentioned Beck Diet Solution and the Flat Belly Diet from Prevention.  Having read through the Flat Belly Diet I realized I can not follow their plan, I would be setting myself up for failure, but there are some things I can incorporate into my eating that may help me. As for the Beck Diet Solution, that is a psychological approach to weight loss and quite frankly nothing new to me.  So, no magic bullets, nothing new under the sun really, and I'm surprised???  No.  I know how to eat right.  I know what's good for me and what's not so good for me.  I know all this so that's what I'm going to do.  I am going to journal because, while I hate it, it does help a lot. 

Second, when I'm out running I keep lamenting that I'm not where I used to be.  The detail I leave out is that I used to be there 5 years and 15 lbs ago.  Hello!!!!  I can not compare myself to that person, it's not fair to me or her. So I'm not.  I know how I did today and I'm going to try and do better tomorrow.  I'm not going to compare myself to the person I was only to the person that I am now.  I will strive to be that person again, but I'm not going to beat myself up because I'm not her now. 

Third, I need consistency.  I may not be the person I was 5 years ago and I may be 15lbs heavier but if I want to be that person again I need to be consistent.  This is an area I really need to work on.  What does consistency look like?  Doing something every day.  I'm going to start with 30 minutes.  That's all.  Just 30 minutes.  When I weighed 225lbs it took me 30 minutes to walk a mile.  If I can struggle through that I can do 30 minutes of activity.  I will also do weight training 2 nights per week.  I'm going to put the weights back in the living room and during commercials I'm going to do some weight exercise.  Consistency!!!

Finally, I need to focus on the now.  I am a person who is typically always looking ahead; lunch time, dinner time, tomorrow, next week.  That stops right here and now.  I focus on now.  Focusing on the future allows me to indulge too much. Oh, I'll have this brownie now because tomorrow I'll eat nothing.  Bullshit!!!!  It's the now.  Delayed gratification is going to be my mantra from now on.  If I can burn 500 extra calories I'll have a brownie but not before. 

Okay, butt kicking is now over. 

January 4th !?!?!?!?!?!?

We are already 4 days into the new year!!!  Wow, it's going to be one of those years I can tell. 

So where have I been?  Around..... My eating plan has not been going as I planned.  Too many days I've had beer with lunch which resulted in a sweet tooth that I had no control over.  I ate an entire package of creme wafers the other day.  The whole package.  In about 4 hours.  The worst part was I was not even close to being full.  I could have eaten more but I ran out.  What the heck is up with that???  So yeah, things are not going well. 

Next week is back to school and I am completely not ready.  This week though I'm going to get up earlier and earlier (I've been sleeping until 7) and there will be no naps during the day. This will naturally lead to an earlier bed time and hopefully by Monday I'm back on schedule again. I'm also writing down everything I eat.  I'm not restricting my eating just writing it down.  And I'm drinking tons of water.  Tons and tons....  And running.  I'm running everyday.  That's all.  Just trying to get life back in balance. 

The key to change is awareness

So I posted yesterday that I really had nothing to write about because things were going well and I just didn't have much to say. Scra...