28 August 2010

More on binge eating

Today has been awesome. I went and worked out - did weights for an hour - and felt fabulous. Leaving the fitness studio I decided I needed to eat really healthy today. I headed off to the store and stocked up on cereal, almond milk, salad stuff, and fruit. Then I came home a proceeded to eat like a champ. I have not felt so good in a long, long time. I've eaten right around 1000 calories so far today and I'll probably have 300-400 for dinner. I've burned around 1500 so far today and I haven't done much and the day is not over. That is a good day.

I've been thinking about why I did what I did yesterday and something hit me that I hadn't considered before. Yesterday morning I was really hungry and went to McDonald's for breakfast. I never do that. When I want to eat out for breakfast I go to Starbuck's - they have this fabulous oakcake that I seriously crave sometimes. But I went to McD's for some unknown reason. I got, well I should say I ordered a sausage muffin with egg, what I got was one with ham - bleh!!! But I ate it. That seemed to start the whole binge. For lunch I had some braised beef from the cafeteria but then I went and bought a Reese's candy after I ate. Then all that garbage on the way home. It really is like McD's started something. I read The End of Overeating a while back and I really think what he says in the book is true. I have eaten Starbuck's for breakfast and never craved sugary stuff all day long. I ate McD's on Friday and all I could think about was sugar and fat....mmmmm, yum! That is crazy. I know that a steady diet of junk makes you crave more junk, but I have never experience something so quick and so profound. Wow!!! It really makes you think. So, not only is sugar out of my diet but apparently fast food of any kind also. It's not like I eat a ton of fast food, in fact I don't think I've been to McD's 3 times in the past year - oh, I lie. I have gone a couple of times recently to get their smoothies, but that's all. I gave up fast food years ago just because I realized how bad it was for you. Ugh!!! I set myself up for a horrible day without even realizing it. Ugh!!!!

Binge eating

There was a time when I used to binge eat. I guess technically I still do but to a far lesser extent. I used to eat until my stomach hurt and then I would keep eating. I can remember sitting there stuffing cookies into my mouth with my stomach hurting and me thinking why? Why am I doing this? I don't want these cookies, I feel sick, my stomach hurts, why can't I stop? And literally being unable to stop the action. I would get a burst of willpower and put the item away only to go back to it in 5, 10, 30 minutes. I would eat it until it was gone no matter how I felt. Then I began to gain information. I learned that I have underdeveloped taste buds and because of that I would never be able to satisfy my sweet tooth. I learned to look deep into what was bothering me and why I felt compelled to eat this way. It took years but I learned to not binge eat. I can honestly say that I don't remember the last time I ate until my stomach hurt and kept on eating. I think it has to be 4 or 5 years ago at least. That doesn't mean the behavior is gone completely.

In the past 2 weeks I have worked out 10 times so far. Last night would have been number 11 - notice I said would have been. Towards the end of the school day yesterday I realized I was tired. Bone weary tired. The thought of jumping around and doing cardio for an hour was the equivalent of torture at that point. Also, I was hungry. I didn't bring lunch yesterday so I did not have my afternoon apple. On the way home I decided two things; 1. I would take the night off from working out, and 2. I would stop at 7-11 and get a Moon Pie which I was craving. Overall not a bad idea but not the best one I've had. I stopped at what had to be the busiest 7-11 in the world and went and found the Moon Pies. As I was standing there I realized I didn't have any cash. Crap!!! I can't charge $1.69, so I looked around for more things I could buy. Bad idea. I ended up with a jumbo Peanut Butter Twix, the Moon Pie, and two Newton Fruit Crisps (on a side note - these are awesome and only 100 calories, I may buy these again). I paid for my items and left. I then started eating. And eating. And eating. Before I got halfway home everything was gone. Now my stomach did not hurt like it used to and I had zero desire to continue eating but I do believe this qualifies as a binge. I totaled it up and I consumed 900 calories in less than 15 minutes. By the time I got home I was much tireder than when I left school. All that sugar was entering my blood stream and it was dragging me down. As soon as I got home I had to lie down and rest for about 15 minutes. We then walked the dogs. I was completely and totally wiped out. I felt like I could not move off that couch. It was horrible. Another indication that this was a binge was my failure to mention it to my husband. If I am eating normally I will tell him if I had something on the way home so he knows not to rush dinner. Last night - silence. When dinner was ready, even though I did not feel like eating, I ate. Just enough so it wouldn't be obvious. After I ate some real food I must admit that I felt better. This morning however, I am paying for that binge. I am running to the bathroom frequently - chocolate does that to me - and I feel kind of crappy. I plan on working out this morning - I may even take 2 classes back-to-back to make up for last night, we'll see. But first I have to be able to get more than 10 feet from the bathroom.

So why did this binge happen? I'm pretty sure it was a stress reaction. My working out at nights has altered my routine and I'm feeling a little stressed about it. I feel bad when I can't spend time with the animals. I walk the dogs every night so that's time with them but the birds get gypped out of time. My workouts are during the time I used to spend in the bird room. Of course, I used to spend that time sitting on the computer in the bird room, but I was with the birds. Then, on Thursday night, Monty tried to bite me when I was putting him away. It got me to thinking that I wasn't spending enough time with him and that made me feel even more guilty. Feeling guilty I start to stress about how I can fix it and it comes down to choice between my health or spending time with the animals. Of course, if I don't have my health I won't be able to spend any time with the animals. So that's where I think this one came from.

I'm hoping that by writing this all out and delving into what happened it will be my last binge. Generally by exposing something to the light of day I can lessened it's impact and hold on me. I'm hoping that by doing this that will happened. I do know that for the next 7 days I am not eating sugar of any kind. Hey, it's a start.

Status Quo

I am not the type of person to just go along with the status quo. I do not believe in the saying that if nothing is wrong don't fix it. I believe that is the way to create a problem. So I think it's time to reconsider some of my options. I have had the same insurance for a long time - years and I think I've been going along with the status quo because nothing is wrong. But I think it might just be time to look for some car insurance quotes, life insurance, maybe even homeowner's insurance. Now that we own a house there are many place that offer deals if you have multiple types of insurance, car, life, home, etc. I think it might be time to put on my big girl pants and check things out. I can always stay where I am if I'm getting a good deal, but I won't really know until I look - right???

26 August 2010

Coming Back

For a long, long time I've been saying to myself that I need a workout that really kicks my butt. Something that leaves me a whimpering puddle on the floor at the end of it. And I looked and looked and looked. I tried every single workout that came down the pike and nothing really did it for me. Jillian was good but only about 25 minutes. Turbo Jam was an hour but I didn't push myself that hard with it. I could not find the one perfect workout. Until now.

I am finishing up my 2nd week of Les Mills BodyAttack and BodyPump and let me tell you what.... I feel like a million bucks. My energy is increasing. My hunger is getting under control. I'm feeling really good in my own skin. It is awesome. Last week I lost 4lbs, that number went up a little this week but my clothes fit better. So I think I burned off some fat last week but now I'm starting to build some muscle. That would account for the slight gain and the looser clothes.

I'm also starting to seriously think of racing again. I have a ways to go before I'll be ready to tri (ha-ha)but I'm definitely considering it for next year. I'm excited about that.

Tonight at class I pushed myself. Hard. I have not pushed myself so hard for a long, long time. It felt awesome. I love the feeling of working to almost total exhaustion. I love it. Now it's time to think about heading off to bed. Sleep is important when I'm working this hard.

22 August 2010

Rest Day

In all honesty, this is the first rest day I've taken in years that I feel I actually deserved.  I would say I was taking a rest day because of this or that but the truth is I was just letting the lazy win. No more.  I worked out hard this week and I feel awesome because of it.  Now my body deserves a day to heal itself.  I do have lots of things to do today though.  I have to grade papers - I have a huge stack that I need to get done and logged in the electronic grade book.  I also need to iron my clothes for next week.  I have discovered that I like doing that, it makes life so much easier in the mornings.  Okay, I guess that's all I have to do - thought it was more.  Oh yeah, I want some paper, some very specific paper that says a very specific thing.  I think I'm going to look at some online printing services to see if I can get this made without spending an arm and a leg. We'll see. So I guess that's about it. Tomorrow I don't teach but I have to go to a teacher's seminar. Ugh!!! Oh well, today will be nice :)

Social media holiday

I've decided to take a break from social media. I spend far, far too much time just scrolling through Facebook. Yes, I get a lot of in...