08 February 2011

Epiphanies all over the place

Things are tough right now financially.  We are in pretty dire straights and I'm not sure how we are going to get out of them.  I am looking for a part-time job to ease the situation temporarily but that is not a permanent solution.  Needless to say this is on my mind pretty much constantly and I don't know exactly how it's going to be resolved.  Which is kind of unusual.  Things like this will come up but I usually come up with a way around them.  This time I'm stumped.  As I was driving to work today I was thinking about this, as usual, and realized at least part of the problem.  I don't have any silent reflection time.  When I worked at the lab I had hours where I could mull things over in my head.  Hours where no one spoke to me and I spoke to no one.  Hours to do nothing but look at my situation from all sides. Hours to be open to whatever the universe had to say to me.  I don't have that anymore.  In fact, I rarely have 10 minutes of quiet time a day.  I get up at 5 a.m.  I get things ready for the birds and me for the day.  I shower, dress, and I'm out the door.  Driving to work I've taken to listening to the Hollywood gossip.  Once I get to work I usually hit the ground running.  I'm racing around prepping for my classes, eating breakfast, schmoozing with the other teachers, etc.  Then classes begin and I'm bombarded by questions, all kinds of questions, about all kinds of things. I hardly have a minute to think when students are in the room, I'm busy jumping from one topic to another.  On the ride home I usually veg out, listen to music and just shut my mind off.  Once I get home it's walk the dogs, clean the bird room, do any work I have for school, watch a little TV and off to bed.  On the weekends I have time to rest and reflect but I've taken to filling those hours with noise.  I have the TV on or something.  I don't  have silent time to just think and be.  So I need to change that.  I know there is a solution to our problem, I'm just not able to see it clearly right now.  I need to take the time, to be still and know, and let the solution find me.  I need to run, that's where a lot of solutions come to me.  If not running I need to find some isolated bar stools and just sit alone and open my mind. That's a large part of the problem. I am working so hard on trying to find an answer that I'm not letting my mind sit open so the answer can come to me. This all probably sounds like crazy talk, but I know it's true. I knew that teaching was supposed to be what I do. I knew we were supposed to buy that house. I knew, deep in my soul, that these were the things I was meant to do. Now I just have to figure out how we are going to get out of this mess. What is the solution. I actually think I already know, I just need conformation from the universe.....

07 February 2011


I love routine.  I really do. I like having things set and knowing what I'm doing all day long.  If I don't have a routine, like on the weekends, I will get up in the morning and make a list of things to do, which usually includes the order I'm doing them in.  I function well with that structure.  I find if I "play it by ear" I tend to not get anything done.  For example, all weekend I had a pile of work to grade.  On Saturday, after WW, I basically did nothing all day.  I kept thinking that I would grade on Sunday.  Well, when Sunday dawned I realized I needed to get my butt in gear.  I made a mental list:
(wait, I didn't have to do that this weekend did I??? See why I need routine...)

Interestingly enough, I got all my papers graded by 2 pm and had the rest of the afternoon free.  Nice.  So structure and routine work well for me.

Setting up a routine however can be a whole different story. I am a person who resists change.  I look at the down side of new routines.  For example, I need to run and I have a plan to run in the evenings after we walk the dogs.  I did that one day last week and came up with excuses for the other 2 days.  On Monday it was late and I needed to clean the bird room so I really couldn't spare the time. On Friday I had 3 beers for lunch and slept the afternoon away, I was in no shape to run.  Also, let's not forget the whole it's hard, my legs are sore, tired, I'm tired, whatever.  Excuses.  Excuses are like as*holes, everyone's got one.

So I need to work on my routine. I need and want to run and I need to work on a routine that will fit running into it. I need to lose the excuses and just do it.  Once I get into the groove I will be fine, it's always starting out that is difficult.  I get the feeling that's not how most people are.  From what I hear, others start out fine and all gung-ho and lose steam as time wears on.  I'm the opposite. Once I work it into my routine it may as well be set in stone.  I will continue to do it until I make a conscious effort to quit.

So routine and structure.  That is my goal for this week.

06 February 2011


Inertia:  the resistance of any physical object to change it's state of motion.  More simply put, an object in motion remains in motion while an object at rest remains at rest.  This is of course until something comes along and has some direct effect on said motion. 

I have times when I am tired and need to rest.  I will spend most of the day reading or watching TV but I generally feel kind of antsy just laying there.  Then there are days like yesterday.  I was a complete slug.  I spent the majority of the day on the couch snoozing in and out.  I woke up this morning feeling like I had taken some drugs.  This is my indication that I am oversleeping.  I feel all groggy and foggy and just not myself.  This tells me I need to move more, which presents a tiny bit of a problem.  Breaking that inertia is hard.  I will have to focus my mind all day on doing things and not give in to the temptation to stretch out on the couch.  I am starting the day with a long dog walk so hopefully that will shake things up a bit.  Right now I'm off to grab a  quick shower and hope I can wash away the inertia....

The best time of the year

It's amazing the things you get used to. I am entering my 10th year of being a teacher and I honestly cannot remember how I worked all...