28 May 2011

Deep Introspection


Or your basic navel gazing, whatever. But I have been indulging in it and I think it may be good.

I just took Bella to the beach. This is a Saturday morning thing that she loves and I love. I love the ocean, I love the beach, I love the sand and the salt and the water. I love it all and I don't get there near enough. So off we went to the beach. It was a windy day but I think that was a good thing, it blew all the cobwebs out.

Anyway, this beach we go to is one of the most popular in the state. It is also attached to a large park and right next to a cute, quaint little neighborhood that has a real nice 1.5 mile loop road. As you may have guessed, this place attracts a lot of people who workout. I saw runners, walkers, bikers, swimmers, windsurfers, stand-up paddlers, kayakers, the list goes on. I saw them on the beach, in the park, heading into and out of the neighborhood. I saw young, old, fit, unfit, serious exercisers, and casual tourists. I saw them all and noticed them all. One particular lady made me stop and think. I was walking Bella up this steep sidewalk and this lady came running up behind us. She wasn't running very fast but she was running. As she passed me I got a look at her and this woman had to be late 60's early 70's. She was no spring chicken. Since her age caught my attention, I watched her as she went past. She was trim and fit and clearly ran and worked out a lot. Watching her run away from me, I thought to myself, I want to be like that when I'm her age. Then I thought, hell, I want to be like that now. Then I thought, I DO want to be like that now, what the hell is stopping me? Then the long list of nails began to run through my head; my heel hurts, my ankle hurts, I'm too fat, I don't have the aerobic capacity, I don't have time, blah, blah, blah. Then it hit me, I have to have reasons to do it more than I have excuses not to. It doesn't take a dna experts to figure out that I am not programed to workout constantly or to be super skinny, but I can be the best me I can be. So I started thinking, I can't run right now but I can bike. I can pull the mountain bike out of storage, fix it up and start riding it around. If I go for a ride every afternoon, gradually I can build myself up. I can focus on eating and moving and hopefully shed some weight. Then I can start thinking about running again. I need this. I need to feel good about myself and just feel good in general. I need to chose between napping on the couch or doing something that will benefit me.

Suck it up, Buttercup


That's what it's time for.... After using excuses as crutches for far too long, it's time to suck it up and start doing what I need to do. This is true in many areas of my life. I have a horrible tendency to procrastinate. Just a couple of examples of how that's bad.


  1. I have put off finishing my thesis only to discover that it will net me a substantial pay raise next year.  Now I have to work my ass off to get it done in time. 
  2. Money is tight - really tight...but by putting off keeping on top of the checking account, I just cost us $26.00... bummer...
  3. The pile of mail on my desk is staggering.  It's not that hard to deal with and will take me 10 minutes tops. If I did it everyday it would take me 2-3 minutes at most.  Instead I let it pile up until I can't stand it anymore. 
  4. Grading - I have put off grading a project for a month now. I have all kinds of "reasons" for not doing it but the bottom line is - I just didn't feel like it.  So now I am in a crunch to get it done since the school year is ending next week. 
Do you see a pattern here?? I sure do.  So I am going to work on my procrastination.  Okay, poor choice of words...I'm really good at procrastination....I'm going to work on beating it.  Starting right here, right now with a workout of some sort.  Time to Suck It Up Buttercup!!!!!

Out of control


That's what the last 4 days have been. Completely and totally out of control. I have been eating anything I want. I have been working a lot and not getting enough sleep. I have been kind of stumbling through. Why. Well, there some reasons for that. One is that I started my new, part-time job at Walgreen's. It's actually a pretty cool job and I think I will like working there. But the hours are 5-10 at night. When I have school during the day, that is hard. The good thing is school ends next week so I don't have to work both jobs much longer. Another reason is that I chose to lose control. Seriously. I made a conscious decision to not worry about what I eat or try to get any exercise until school ends. Wow, how bad is that?? Then the other day I ran across this:

Excuses are the nails used to build a house of failure. ~Don Wilder and Bill Rechin

Ummmm....wow!! That hit me. Hard. It got me to thinking. And I decided that yes, working until 10 at night is hard, but it's not the end of the world. Working 2 jobs is difficult and people do it every single day. When I was in school I worked as a nature tour guide. I started picking tourists up at 5 am and I didn't go to bed until 9-10 at night, and I was going to school. The difference between now and then? I was in great physical shape. I lead nature tours, so I spent the day hiking and climbing things. I was in fabulous shape. I think that is what got me through that challenge. So, why not do that again. Instead of letting things get out of control and make me tired all the time. Why don't I take control, work out, eat right, get my energy back and get through this??? That really sounds like a much better plan. So, once again, I start tomorrow. I will watch what I eat and get some exercise. This weekend I'm going to go a little over the top. I'm going to work out and take Bella to the beach. I know that initially I will be more tired, but eventually I will have more energy. So I just have to hold tight and keep going. So there you have it. I have done this so often before, and her we go again....

23 May 2011

Maybe it's time to start faking it....


When I began this weight loss and health journey I started on the outside. I was sick of being fat and tired and was determined to make a change. I had read somewhere about how acting like you want to be will help you get there. So I started doing that. It was really little things like doing my nails and dyeing my hair. Nothing earth shattering, but little things to make me feel better. It helped. I felt good because I looked good and that inspired me to move and eat right. It became a self-fulfilling prophecy. I think that was one of the reasons I was so successful. Also, I bought new clothes. Well, the clothes became a completely different obsession but that's for another post.

Lately, I've been spending a lot of time in large t-shirts and baggy shorts. I haven't dyed my hair in months, I haven't cut it in months either. I think it's time to kick it up a couple of notches. Tonight I sat and did my toenails. This weekend I'm going to get a haircut and then dye my hair. So instead of sitting around reading about things like creatine supplements, it's time to start taking action. I may not feel as good as I'd like to, but it's time to start faking it until I feel it.

22 May 2011

When intentions don't meet actions.....


I want to workout. I want to get back into shape. I want to run again. Yet nothing is happening. Granted, I have a whole lot going on in my life right now; I'm busy with school; I start a 2nd job today; I've got the animals to take care of; my foot is seriously bothering me; and those are just the things I can think of off the top of my head. I keep saying to myself that I've done this before I can do it again, yet I just cannot seem to make a consistent effort. Why? I read a blog of this girl who is my total hero right now. She works out, she has lost a ton of weight, she runs, bikes, does all kinds of things all the time and I read her and think that I used to be like that. Now?? Not so much. How do I get it back?? Do I force it? Do I workout even though it's the last thing I feel like, and just keep at it until I'm motivated again? Do I not workout and wait for the desire to hit me again? What??? What exactly do I do??? I'm so confused.

I've been putting a lot of this off on the fact that I have too much downtime. I get home at 4 when I used to get home at 6. I always spend one day of the weekend just laying on the couch. I nap 2 or 3 times on Saturday and Sundays. During school breaks I generally reach a point where I don't do anything for days. So I've been trying to get busier. I know that energy begets energy. So if I move I will more likely keeping moving and get things done. It's like that law, a body in motion tends to stay in motion while a body at rest tends to stay at rest. I've been spending too much time at rest.

Okay, so today I start work at my 2nd job. Weird that I'm so looking forward to it just to get me out of the house??? Anyway, since I'm working all day I won't be laying around the house, that's good. I think I'm going to take Bella and train her a little bit then have some breakfast and get ready for work. I'm trying to decide if I should workout or not. I really do not feel like it so I think I will pass today. I will work on getting moving and add working out in once I get that down.

On a side note, I started my period yesterday after not having one since December. Bummer. But they are getting farther and farther apart.

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