24 June 2011
I sometimes wonder about myself. Seriously. I'm reasonably intelligent. Fairly articulate. Relatively intuitive. And yet sometimes I'm a complete moron.
Three weeks ago I had these grandiose plans of working out twice a day; tracking every little thing I ate; creating huge calorie deficits and losing vast amounts of weight. Then life hit. I worked out and hurt my back. Then I got rolling on my thesis which distracted me from working out. Then I was getting tired from working late. Then I just got lazy.
Here's the deal, I'm pissed off and angry with myself for not doing the things I want to do. I want to run. I see people out jogging when I'm walking the dogs and I think "that's what I want to do." So why am I not doing it? A couple of reasons - none of them great. First, my weight. I'm too heavy at this point to try and run, everything hurts. (Please note that I started running when I weighed over 200 lbs so this really is a lame excuse). Second, I need new shoes. Now this one is legit. The shoes I have are pretty worn out and I wear them to work, but we really didn't have money for me to buy new. I think I can afford a new pair this week. Third, I am just freaking lazy.
I believe in the power of positive self talk but I also think there are times when you need a good swift kick in the ass. So this is me trying to kick myself. For the past week I have been lazy and using excuses to not work out and to eat lots and lots of crap. So the excuses stop right here and now. I am going to work out this morning and I am going to eat right all day and I am going to track everything. No crap, no excuses, no bullshit. Just one freaking day........
Update: Problem #2 taken care of. 10 minutes online and I not only found the running shoes I love but a 25% coupon. They are on their way to me now.....
Update #2: Decided to tackle things head on. Did Couch to 5k Week 1, Day 1. My left heel hurt, I was getting shooting pains in my right knee, I've been having low back pain for a week now, and I generally felt like crap. But I did it. Not only did I do it, but I started the program on my phone and it wasn't working right so I started the whole damn thing over again. A 30 minute walk/run turned out to be 56 minutes - yeah me!!! Then I came home and made a 2-egg omelet loaded with veggies and had a banana. I also realized that it's not necessarily the workout that helps me, but the fact that it makes me want to eat better. A definite plus.
22 June 2011
slow. Seriously. I consider myself an extremely bright person. I have a pretty sharp mind withe the ability to use reason and logic like a weapon. But sometimes, sometimes, I can be slow on the uptake.
I have pretty much given up on serious binging. The kind where I eat until my stomach hurts and I don't want to eat for 3 days after. Seriously. I could consume 1,000 or more calories in the course of an hour or so when I was in the frenzy of binge. I hated it. So while I no longer do that, I still have my moments where I break down an have a tiny binge. Maybe I'll have McDonald's for breakfast or lunch. Maybe I'll get donuts on my way home from work. Really not that serious in the grand scheme of things but still a binge. One of the things that happens in my head when I have one of these binges is why? Why do i still do this? Why can I not resist the lure of the Golden Arches? Why? Why? Why? And I've never been able to satisfactorily answer that question to myself.
This morning I felt like working out but then I got involved in some school work and time got away from me. So as I'm getting ready to leave the house I thought I would like Burger King for breakfast. I really didn't need it but it sounded kind of good. As I drove towards work I zipped right past the Burger King. Darn!!!! Well, there's McD's near the school, I figured I'd go there. Then the thought of a bagel popped into my head. Then I thought I don't want that many carbs, they make me feel bloated and gassy. Then I got to thinking about how carb loaded McD's breakfast is. Then I started talking myself out of it. And out of the bagel. And into something that wouldn't make me feel like crap. I ended up bypassing McD's, going into Safeway and getting a little fruit and cheese platter they had. There were about 6 small cubes of cheese, a handful of grapes, 1/2 an apple, and a small container of low fat caramel sauce. I bought that, and only that, and ate it and it was absolutely perfect. I'm a little concerned about the caramel sauce since it's main ingredient was high fructose corn syrup, but other than that it was good.
So I realized that if I take my time and not give in to impulse, I will make a good choice. I generally get these cravings or desires when I'm on the move. If there is a store within 5-10 minutes, I'm screwed because I'll stop and give into the craving. If I have to go 15 minutes or more, I can generally talk myself down. Perhaps that wait 20 minutes before eating has a grain of truth to it???
The moral of this story, when I crave junk in any fashion, I will wait at least 20 minutes before giving in to it.
21 June 2011
In 17 minutes summer begins..... Woo Hoo!!! When you live in Hawaii it's hard to get excited about summer. It's summer a lot. A. Whole. Lot. And this spring has not been great with a whole lot of rain and windy weather. Yuck. Hopefully from here on out that will improve.
So my big plan yesterday fell by the wayside before it even got started. I did not record my food. I forgot to wear my FitBit to record my steps. And I'm sure I ate over 1500 calories. I could give a whole list of reasons why these things didn't happen, but I'm not going to. Excuses are like assholes, every ones got one. So instead of dwelling on failure, I'm going to choose to move on. I will set the same goals for today. Record all food, eat under 1500 calories and get in 10,000 steps. I put my FitBit on just now so I won't forget. One day....Just One Day.....
I can't be upset about yesterday though. I got a ton of stuff done. It was incredibly productive so it's hard to be upset about it. But today will be better. I will be productive and stick to my goals for the day.
20 June 2011
I was looking through Facebook this morning and one of the pages I like posts results for weekend races here in Hawaii. The North Shore Triathlon came up, it was held over the weekend. I was looking at the pictures and thought to myself, next year I will do that. Then it hit me - I've been saying that a lot lately. A. Whole. Lot. And I'm not liking it. At. All. I feels like I've put my life on hold. Why? Because I need to work a second job to make money? That's a lame excuse. There are people who work 2 or 3 jobs and still find time to do races and train. Because I'm tired? Again, lame!!!! There are people who are way busier than I am and they manage to make it through their day. Those are just excuses. I have gained some weight and do not have as much energy as I did and I'm using that as a crutch to lean on. Time to stop.
My back is hurting, my left knee and my left heel are hurt. Instead of throwing myself into a big old mess of working out and possible hurting myself more. I'm going to start slow. Yeah, I've said this before a thousand times, but this realization that I've put my life on hold is new. So starting right now, I am logging everything I eat. I am going to start by focusing on eating properly for a couple of days. Hopefully the energy will build and I'll want to workout but I'm not going to push it. I will start wearing my FitBit again and shooting for 10,000 steps a day. If I eat right and keep my calories in check for a couple of days I should start to feel more energy. Also, I need to stretch. I'm going to do some yoga stretching in the morning and at night just to get the blood flowing.
I am thinking of toying with Weight Watchers again but the fact of the matter is I really don't have time to attend meetings. That's not an excuse that's the truth. Meetings are generally held at night and I'm working many nights. Of course, as I type this I realize what a justification (aka excuse) that is. Meetings are held almost every night and while I work many nights, I don't work every night. There is also the expense. It's about $40 a month. While not bank breaking, considering our financial situation, $40 is a bit of money. I think I'll stick with my plan. I'll use Fat Secret to log my food and FitBit to track my activity and see how that goes for a few days. I was also toying with the idea of getting a table tennis table. I love that game. But I really don't have anywhere to put it, so that's out.
So here's the plan:
- Record all food eaten for the next 3 days
- Keep calories under 1500
- Walk 10,000 steps per day
That's it... Simple and easy. I am on it!!!
19 June 2011
Yesterday was a really great day. I didn't have to go into work until 10 am, so I worked on my thesis for about 2 hours. Awesome. I have actually got things rolling and started working on writing it. As it turns out I have a bunch of papers involved with this project; notes, printouts, etc; also I want to dedicate my netbook to this probject for the duration, unless I can finagle a way to get myself a tablet touch screen, that would be awesome but not likely - at least right now. Anyway, I was trying to come up with some ideas for maintaining organization and keeping everything together. Then while at work last night I noticed that we carried the Wonderfile. While I don't believe it to be the fabulous thing they claim it to be, I thought it might be the perfect thing to keep everything in one place. So I bought one. It looks like it will work out great and I think I'll use it for school when I am done with my thesis. Which will be soon.
So I ate well yesterday and went to bed at a good hour last night and now I feel awesome today. I think, inspite of the sleep schedule, that what I eat has an awful lot to do with how I feel. I hate that it does, but it does.
Okay, have to run to work.
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