14 October 2012

Time for a confession

I've been saying repeatedly that things are going really well lately. And in many respects they are. But there are a few areas where they aren't and I have decided it's time to fess up with myself.

First, I am really having trouble letting go of the bull with my neighbors. We had the mediation in February and I still am not able to let it go. That's insane. Not only is it insane it's not healthy. I can not continue to hold on to this anger towards them. They don't know I still have it and with any luck at all they never will. I can not allow them that kind of control over me. This anger does no good for anyone. So I have got to let it go but I'm really not sure exactly how to do that.

Second, my eating has not been good. I've been working out at Crossfit for 6 weeks now and things are starting to change with my body but I'm not eating well. I eat far too much processed foods - though I don't want to. I eat way too many sweets. I do not eat enough fruits and veggies. In my own defense, part of this has been due to my being on break this week. Whenever I am home I just do not do as well as I do at school. I thrive on structure and routine. Being home I have none of that.

See that, just writing these things down has made me feel better already. The food thing is actually the easier of the two. For that I will:

  • Pack my lunch and breakfast every day
  • Eat a fruit with every meal
  • Have a salad for lunch
  • Write down what I eat
The first one is actually the hardest one. I am going to work on not focusing on them when I am home. I am also going to try and think nice thoughts about them. That will be so difficult. There is so much bad blood between us that thinking anything nice about them is incredibly hard. But I will try. I will try to say one nice thing about them a day. Even if it's only to myself. I need to switch the way I think about them and hopefully that will be a start. I wonder if them being quiet while I shop for 
Oboz online counts as something nice???????

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