25 December 2012

Why Bother???

I went through a period in my life where that's what I thought about most things. Why bother? Why bother when we are all going to die anyway. I know it sounds very morbid and fatalistic, but that's what I thought. About almost everything. Why bother to create things? Why bother to worry and plan for the future? Why bother to celebrate holidays? Just why bother? I think a lot of it stemmed from my mother passing away. I loved my Mom and her dying was hard on me, in ways I don't think I really expressed. I think I internalized a lot of the pain and redirected it. One of those ways was in my whole Why Bother attitude. I think I also battle a touch of depression and that was part of it also.

Anyway, the point of this post is not to be all morbid and depressing on Christmas day. The point is to explain how I don't feel that way anymore. I like to bother. Intellectually I realize that we are all going to die someday and there is nothing we can do about that. We can, however, make our time here pleasant and enjoyable. And that's what I try to do now. I am getting back into things I like. I am seeing the holidays with new eyes. I didn't do a lot this year, but I at least see the purpose for it. Next year I plan on doing more. And for this year, I'm going to make the best of the day just because I can.

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