27 October 2012

Food Journaling


I want to talk about food journaling. I have a love/hate relationship with food journaling. I love the accountability factor of the whole thing. It's important to know exactly what you've eaten. Face it, most people who gain weight, serious weight, are in major denial about what they eat. I know I was. So the accountability factor is obvious and the part that I love. I just can not argue with what I wrote in black and white. But I hate doing it. I hate taking the time to remember to do it, many times I forget. I hate having to look up every single thing I eat. Mostly though, I hate getting sucked into the numbers and getting obsessive. And that is what I want to talk about.

I am a scientist. By definition that makes me not only nerdy and geeky, but detail oriented and obsessive about recording. Huh, maybe that's why I've had this blog for 8 years. I also have a competitive streak in me. Mostly I'm competitive with myself and I think that's even worse. Having done this time and time again, I have seen a pattern. I will start journaling and at first be all relaxed and casual about it. I will record what I eat and just keep track of my calories. Then I will have a really good day. The food will be perfect, I will feel energetic and thin, and all will be right with the world. So I will look at my journal and see what I ate that made me feel that way. Then I will repeat it. I will do that for a couple of days and things will go well. Then, as always happens, something will change. I will eat the same, or similar, things but I won't feel so awesome. I will then try to tweak things. I will try eating less or restricting something, or eliminating something completely. The next thing I know I'm feeling like total crap and throw everything out the window and have a binge. That is what I would like to avoid.

As I was typing the above paragraph I realized something. I feel good and then try to replicate it and end up chasing that feeling trying to get it again. Just like a junkie. The first time a junkie does a drug they usually get an unbelievable high. They feel so good and want to feel that way again. So they do the drug again. But no high is ever quite like the first high and they keep doing the drug and doing the drug, trying to get that feeling again. That's what I do. What a revelation. I'm trying to chase the "high" that eating right and taking care of myself gives me. Unfortunately, I think that feeling only happens in the beginning because once you get used to it, it becomes the norm and you are not going to feel that "high" again. It's going to become your normal.

Another part about being a scientist is that I have to understand. If I understand I can deal with just about anything. Now I understand my issues with food journaling, I think I can manage it. I want to journal my food because I think I'm eating more crap then I realize. A peanut butter cup here, a funnel cake there, it all adds up and I think it's adding up to more then I realize. So I want to start journaling again. Also, November 1st starts a paleo challenge at Crossfit and I would like to see where I am and what I need to work on for it.

So, I'm going to give it a try again. Now that I know what's going on in my head, I think I will be able to keep it together. I'm really going to try anyway.

26 October 2012

Food and other nasty things


I've always said that it would be easier to be an alcoholic or a drug addict. At least those you can avoid completely. Having issues with food is hard, really, really hard. You can not avoid food. You have to eat. You don't have to drink or take drugs, but you have to eat.

So yesterday I was completely okay with what I ate. I knew exactly what I was doing going into it and I was fine with that. Today on the other hand, just got away from me. I stopped at Starbucks for breakfast - non-fat latte and an oatcake. Ended up not having lunch until 1:30 and that was a tuna sandwich. We decided to go to the mall, Sports Authority opened up right near me - woo hoo!!! We decided to go check it out and pick up something to eat. I made a very reasonable choice in Blazing Steaks. This is basically grilled steak. Not a bad choice at all. It comes with rice and salad, not great but totally doable. The problem arose when 2 of my students called me over to Hot Dog on a Stick. Turns out it was family and friends night and you could get 2 entrees and a drink for free. For free. How cool is that. Initially I was going to decline, but then I thought about their fried zucchini. I haven't had that in years and I love it. So I got an order. Plus an order of funnel cake. Plus a large lemonade. And proceeded to eat it. Me and Hubby. All of it. Now I am stuffed and sleepy and not overly pleased with myself.

But!!!! Tomorrow is a new day and I'm not going to dwell on the negative things and look towards the positive. My box, Crossfit, is starting a paleo challenge in November and I'm going for it. I need to spend some time this weekend figuring out what I'm going to eat and stocking up. This should be good.

Okay, the food binge has officially ended and tomorrow will be a better day.

25 October 2012

Some days you just want to watch the world burn


Odd title, I know. I've always wanted to use that phrase and somehow today it seems strangely appropriate.

Today actually began yesterday around 3:45pm. I was leaving school when I fell and twisted my ankle. It's the ankle I twist all the time and while it hurt, I was more pissed off then anything. Pissed that I had done this yet again. Pissed that it happened at all. Just plain pissed. I made it to the bus stop and had Hubby pick me up from the bus. It was hurting pretty bad by then. Needless to say, Crossfit was out last night and that pissed me off too. But I iced it, elevated it, did what I was supposed to.

When I woke this morning it was still pretty sore and I had a pain on the top of my foot every time I took a step. I decided to take the day off because I was still pissed and I've been wanting a day off all week. So I took it. I didn't do much, in fact I didn't do anything. But it felt good.

What did happen is I wanted junk food. I've been craving junk for the last week or so but I've been fighting it off. Today I decided to give in to it. I rode my bike to the store - it's only 2 blocks away - and I bought junk. I wanted popcorn so I got some Smart Pop white cheddar and while I was in the chip aisle I noticed the Pop Chips were on sale, so I got some of them. I also wanted some cookies. Specifically I wanted sugar wafers. The only ones this store had were $6 for a small package. Then I noticed the cookies pictured above were on sale. So I got those.

I went to the store around 9:30am and it is now 5:34pm. I have eaten all the popcorn, 4 or the 6 cookies, and some of the pop chips. That's pretty much all I've eaten all day. And I'm not upset at all. I don't feel stuffed or sick or anything. I feel fine. I bought those things knowing I would probably eat them all and I pretty much have. I'm okay with that.

I think that every so often my body needs a day of junk. I don't know if it's because I've cut down on carbs so much or if it's just old habits rising up. But every so often I need to eat junk food and I do and I don't feel bad about it at all. I will have a nice healthy, normal dinner and tonight before I go to bed throw away anything that's left over. When these things come upon me I have found it's best to put a limit on it. I gave it one day - today - and that's it. When I go to bed tonight it ends. Tomorrow it's right back on track.

A quick mental calculation indicates that I have eaten about 1500 calories today. Jeez, that used to be one meal back in my real binge days. Dinner will probably be around 400-500 calories, so I'm looking at a 2,000 calorie day. I didn't do anything so none of it was burned off in exercise but I'm still okay with that.

So while I was not happy that I could not work out, I'm kind of glad I got my binge out of my system. Now it's time to move on.

21 October 2012

Yesterday


I'm not exactly sure what happened yesterday. It was a weird day and stayed that way all day long. Let's see if I can make sense of it.

I woke up yesterday just feeling lazy. I didn't have any real energy and I didn't feel like doing anything. After my post I sat and watched 4 episodes of The Office on Hulu. I never made it to Crossfit and I was totally okay with that. I was hungry and ate a banana with peanut butter and some toast with butter and jelly.

After Hubby got home from work I did manage to get up the energy to finish the end table I'm working on. Well, it's not completely finished but almost. Then we had some lunch, a grilled hamburger. Then I lay down on the couch and napped for a couple of hours.

Around 3pm we decided to go to the movies. The Dark Knight Rises was playing at a 2nd run theater so we decided to go see it. We also had a gift certificate for a place across the street, so we decided to grab something to eat first. This place is a hamburger and beer joint and our table looked something like the picture above. We had french fries, onion rings, fried shrimp, hot wings, fried cheese sticks and Cesar salad. And I ate. I had like 3 hot wings, 2 cheese sticks, a couple of shrimp, a number of onion rings, some fries, and half the salad. The salad was my redeeming item even though it was covered in dressing. Oh right, and 2 beers.

After that feast we headed over to the theater. I can not watch a movie in a theater without popcorn. I go so rarely, I don't think I've been in a theater in over 2 years, that I figure a popcorn is not going to kill me. So there was popcorn and raspberry ice tea.

When we got home Hubby had some ice cream to share with the dogs and I ended up having a little bowl. Even though it was that red velvet ice cream and even though I was full, I still ate it.

Now here's the real kicker about yesterday; I don't feel guilty at all. I don't feel the slightest bit bad about eating all that stuff. I don't know why, but I don't. I have not eaten like that, with such abandon, in I don't even know how long. It's not something I do regularly anymore and I don't regret it in any way whatsoever. Weird, huh?

I plan to get right back on track today. I am going to do some shopping, prep for the week, and plan, plan, plan. I feel like I just let last week happen to me and I don't want that to be the norm. I need to take control and that has to happen today. I have to have a plan.


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