28 December 2013
I had started a post about a week ago with all my goals for the new year. I had a list of things I wanted to accomplish, fitness goals, personal goals, etc. It was very lofty and inspired. Since my doctor visit yesterday, I have gone through a lot of things in my head. At first I was very, very depressed. I could possibly be looking at a knee replacement and that could be the end of any Crossfit or running or anything in my future. I decided not to focus on that, to just let that thought go. I can not change what has happened to my knee, I can only wait to see the doc and see what they recommend to fix it. So, having accepted that what is, is, I can now move on. I did the WOD this morning and did not try to do anything stupid. I didn't run, I rowed. I didn't try pistols, I did one-legged squats on a chair. I worked, but within my capabilities. It is actually kind of freeing to know exactly what is wrong. I now know that I am not a wuss, I am not wimping out, I have a legit problem. Knowing that allows me to ease up on myself and only do what I can. I busted my butt in the WOD today and it felt really good. But I did not push my knee at all, and that felt good too.
So, back to next year. Having shifted my attitude around from yesterday, I have decided to focus the next year on getting healthy. I will do whatever needs to be done to fix this knee and my shoulder and I will work hard on it. But that is all. I will not be adding anything new into the mix and I will take it light where I need to. Next year will be all about getting healthy and strong. I figure that the earliest I could have any surgery is spring break at the end of March. I would like to have the surgery at the beginning of spring break, that would give me two weeks to recover. If not, I'll wait until summer. The thing is, I will most likely need two surgeries so if I could have one during spring break and one during summer, that would be awesome. But that is my goal for next year.Focus on getting healthy. I will focus on my eating and keep that clean. It will be a good year. I have a clear goal in mind and I will get there.
Yesterday was a giant pity party. I was down and depressed all day. I did not do a damn thing. I did go to Crossfit and modify, modify, modify. But man, I was down. Then last night I got cold. Freezing cold. I ended up wearing sweats and a long sleeve shirt. I was freezing. This did not help the pity party. I woke this morning with a touch of a head cold, little stuffy nose and a bit of a headache. I should be fine though.
So back to the pity party. When I was going to bed last night, I decided that today would be a new day with a new attitude. I would wake up and deal with things and the pity party would be over. And so it is. Time to move on. I can't do anything about my knee right now, just don't go crazy with it. So I will do what I can and wait to hear from the docs. I will not borrow trouble. I will just live my life and what happens,happens.
The problem today is that I have a paper due tomorrow that I have not even looked at yet. I spent this week doing absolutely nothing, and now this paper is hanging over my head. I do have one extra day because the professor is at a residency, but I still have to get it done. So that will be my goal today - get that paper done.
Yesterday I got my first ripped callous:
27 December 2013
See the above picture? See how there is a space between the upper and lower leg bones? Yeah, I don't have that. My bones are crashing together. No wonder I'm in pain. I also have bone spurs growing where the bones are rubbing together. Oh what fun. That is the cause of all my pain and swelling. Wow! Also, it appears that I might have a tear in the subscapular tendon. Both of these things will require surgery to fix. I'm glad they are fixable, but I'm not looking forward to two surgeries. I'm scared. I'm glad that I know what's wrong. I'm all kinds of things I can't completely sort out right now. I have a headache and I have inertia. I need to shake this but I don't know how. Poor, sad, me.....
26 December 2013
I just got back from Crossfit. With my knee and shoulder problems, I have been trying very, very hard to keep a good attitude. Do what I can and not get crazy with Crossfit. But it's hard. I know what I'm capable of and when I can't do it because of my knee or my shoulder, I get angry. When I get angry, I go to a very, very dark place in my head. It's weird because I don't say negative things to myself, I am just so mad and angry because I can't do what I want to. At that point I don't want to talk to anyone, I do not want to hear anyone tell me good job, I just want to suffer in silence. It's a strange reaction, but I can't help it. I want to cry and I just get angry. Nothing anyone can do can talk me down, I just go to that dark place and I can not get out.
It happened tonight. My knee has been bothering me all day and I did debate going earlier, but I decided to go. We did back squats and I could only do a few and once it got heavy I was out. Then I got angry. Angry that my knee was bothering me. Angry that I couldn't do what I knew I was capable of. Angry as hell. I am over this knee. I am calling the doctor in the morning and they are going to fix it. They are going to fix it soon and then I will be better and I will be able to do what I want to do. That dark place is no fun, and I don't want to go there anymore.
Christmas eve and Christmas day were filled with food and friends and good times. But it is over. Today is the day after Christmas. This is no special day. There is no reason I should be eating anything other than good, healthy food. And there is no reason at all why I shouldn't workout. Yesterday Crossfit was closed and I never stepped on the treadmill, but I don't have that excuse today. I also spent a good part of yesterday napping. I need to stop that too. Today I will accomplish the following:
- 30 minutes on the treadmill even if it's just walking
- Make 4 wrist wraps
- Get more wrist wraps listed on Etsy
- Follow my eating plan
- Go to Crossfit at 4pm
- Start grading my finals
- Start working on paper that is due on Sunday
- Go to Sears for bobbins and fabric store for valentine fabric
That should keep me busy and off the couch most of the day. I find that if I don't have a plan, nothing gets done. I was like that yesterday. I had no plan for the day and napped most of the morning away. I was going to take a drive to Kmart, but then decided to sew. That took up the rest of the afternoon and kept me busy. Yeah.
Also, my sleep has not been good lately. I'm not sure exactly why, but I know that napping doesn't help it at all. Last night I slept well and maybe it was because I was busy all afternoon and evening. I think not being mentally busy affects my sleep also.
Okay, I feel better having a plan. I'm off to get dressed and hop on the treadmill for a while and listen to my book. I will check in later.
25 December 2013
Merry Christmas. The day is finally here. I can not believe that it is Christmas already. The time goes by so rapidly. Time flies when you are having fun, and face it, I really am having fun.
Last night we met some friends for a Christmas Eve celebration. We get together with these folks every year. I knew we were doing it and I knew that I would be going off my eating. I did great up until dinner, then I had nachos, wings, poke, oh and 2 margaritas. Not to mention the gingerbread and other dessert afterwards. Then this morning there will be eggs benedict and probably more of the dessert. But that is it. Once I go to bed tonight it is over. Christmas is just one day, no need to eat for a week because of it. Next week for New Years we are having crab so that should not be as bad to my eating as this is.
No Crossfit today. I am going to get on the treadmill though. I need to work a plan for working in the treadmill. If I do Crossfit in the morning I should run at night buuuuutttttt.......usually by afternoon I'm involved in other things and don't get around to it. On the other hand, if I run in the mornings - which I enjoy doing - and Crossfit in the afternoon - which I will always go to - it might work out better. I was going to go the olympic lifting class, but face it - I don't really like that stuff. It's fine during a WOD but just straight lifting - bleh..... I would rather work on my running.
24 December 2013
This is my second Christmas at Crossfit and the WOD was similar to last year. I forgot last years at the box, so I'll just go with this years. It is done like the song 12 days of Christmas; 1 deadlift, 2 pullups & 1 deadlift; 3 kness to elbow, 2 pullups, & 1 deadlift, etc. all the way to 12. So you end up doing:
22 med ball cleans
36 jump squats
40 wall balls
42 KB swings
42 KB presses each arm
40 box jumps
36 push ups
30 knees to elbows
22 pull ups
For a total of 406 moves. Yikes that is a lot of moving. It took me 36:13 to complete the whole thing. I'm just glad I made it through.
Last night I struggled with the WOD, I struggled something fierce. There were a lot of moves I couldn't do and I was getting frustrated, like I do and UGH!!!!!! I have been trying to be realistic about my abilities but still push myself at the same time. Not an easy line to walk. Today I partnered up with one of the strong girls and let her dictate the weights used. I managed to not only complete the workout but do it all with the higher weights. It was hard, really hard, but not impossible. I need to push myself more. I need to build up my strength by pushing my limits.
I have to walk the fine line of playing it safe but not making it easy on myself.
Since the kids moved out, we have not made a big deal about Christmas around here. We usually don't even buy each other presents. It is generally a pretty quiet day with hubby watching football and me doing whatever. Whatever this year will be writing papers. We always have a special eve dinner and Christmas breakfast though. It is a nice tradition. Other than that, I'll be working out today at 9am. Tomorrow the box is closed, so I'll do the treadmill. I'll probably do some treadmill tonight too just because.
Yesterday's eating was spot on and I felt awesome. I ended up with ~1500 calories and it broke down in the following way:
A couple of things I noticed from eating one day like this. I was never hungry. Never. I ate breakfast around 8:30am, lunch around 12:30pm, and dinner around 7:00pm. I did snack on some grapes but that was because I felt like something sweet. So I did not really get hungry all day - and I did the WOD at 4pm. I also never felt stuffed. I felt full, but never stuffed. My belly never got huge. BTW, all the fats were good fats; ghee, coconut oil, and avocado. I woke up this morning feeling really good, so I'm looking forward to another good day. Tonight we are meeting some people for drinks and pupus, so it is going to be a little bit harder. I will just have to think about what I consume and not just eat something because it looks good.
I am kind of dreading the malaise that comes when the body switches from carb burning to fat burning. Yesterday I felt pretty blah, but I don't think it happens that quick. Unless, because I eat paleo on and off, it does happen that quick. I'll find out in the next couple of days.
So the plan for today is much like yesterday. Eat within the guidelines, get my WOD on, and be better than yesterday. Have a good one everyone.
23 December 2013
I jumped out of bed this morning, did my morning ablutions and hopped on the scale. It was the highest number I have seen in over a year. 195.4. In many ways that number saddens me. I had gotten so far and made so much progress and that number seems to say it's all gone. I know that is not completely true, but that is how it feels. Regardless, I'm not going to let that get me down. Today I begin my new way of life and I am excited about that. Of course, things have not started off so well. I planned on going to the olympic lifting class at 7 am but overslept. Of course, I could still make it if I rushed, but I'm on vacation. I do however, have a plan B. In a little while I will hop on the treadmill and do 30 minutes. I would like to do some running intervals, but my knees have been feeling awful. They feel unstable. Both of them. I know I can't really explain it, but it's true. I will walk for a bit and if it feels okay run for a bit. Then this afternoon is Crossfit. Woot. Or I could go to the 8 am class and run/walk this afternoon. Hmmm....decisions, decisions......I do know that I am working out twice a day every day of break. So I'm really excited. I love new beginnings and today is most definitely one.
So here is one of the pitfalls I have to watch for. I am going to track my calories, fat, protein, and carbs. I will keep them in a hand written notebook. But I have to be careful not to obsess. Whenever I start tracking anything, it becomes a challenge to see how low can I go. Then I go so low I completely lose control. So no obsessing or losing control. This time it is merely tracking. I want to make sure I am eating well and not eating a lot of junk. So no getting crazy with the numbers.
22 December 2013
Okay, I am ready. I'm excited and looking forward to the next two weeks. The trip to Costco was successful this morning. I got coconut oil, lots of veggies, olives, etc. All in preparation for tomorrow. Starting first thing in the morning I begin my new way of eating. I'm really excited about this. I think it is just what I need. So many breaks I put a lot of pressure on myself to do all kinds of things, not this one. All I want to do is get refocused on my health and fitness. I want to get back to running and only by refocusing will I accomplish that goal. I want to run a half marathon in April. That is 2 days before my 55th birthday. I really, really want to do this. But I need to get running again. I need to get over these injuries even if it means going to the doctors. Tomorrow it all begins. I'm excited and so looking forward to this new beginning.
Believe it or not, we only started shopping at Costco a few months ago. We had a Costco card and a Sam's card years ago, but every time we went we spent hundreds of dollars. So we stopped going. Then about a year ago we started going with some friends to buy meat. That proved to be such a huge savings, we finally broke down and got our own card. We have found grain-free dog food and biscuits, fish oil, coconut oil, etc. So now we are Costco fanatics. We go about twice a month and spend about a hundred dollars at a time. Not bad. There are some things we will not buy there no matter how cheap because it is just too much. I can't remember what it was, but it was way cheaper than the store, but I knew we would never use it all and where would we keep it???
This is where we are going today. I'm going to stock up on some things and tomorrow I begin my two week keto diet. It's not really a diet, I'm just tweaking the paleo. I want to get started today, but we have a Christmas party tonight so instead of beating myself up, I'll just wait until tomorrow.
Tomorrow also begins my workout blitz.
7:00 am - Olympic weightlifting
4:00 pm - Crossfit
9:00 am - Crossfit
4:00 pm - Running
7:00 am - Running
7:00 am - Running
4:00 pm - Crossfit
7:00 am - Olympic lifting
4:00 pm - Crossfit
8:00 am - Crossfit
Then it repeats for the following week.
I also have a whole lot of school work to do. That I should be doing right now. Guess I'll get to it....
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