07 February 2014

Wrong is right?

I am a firm believer that things happen the way they are supposed to. That does not mean that I don't believe in free will, I do. We can control our fate, make our own decisions, do our own thing, but if you are open to the guidance of the universe or God or whatever you want to call it, it will guide you to the best path. For example, I have wanted to be a teacher for a very long time but I resisted it. Once I gave into I got into a teaching program, found a job fairly quickly, discovered something that I really like doing, and people I really enjoy working with. I also managed to buy the coolest car ever and a house. I absolutely believe this was the way things were supposed to be. I had the opportunity to possibly travel to Europe this summer. It presented itself and I was excited about it, even though it would be a bit tricky to pull off. I didn't get it, and while I'm a little bummed, I think that will actually be for the best. So I'm okay with that.

There are however, a couple of things I have been avoiding doing for quite a while now. I have a habit of doing that when I don't want to deal with something. I think it is now finally time to deal with these things. I hate it. It gives me lots and lots of anxiety to do it, but I have to. So wish me luck and let's hope that things will work out the way I think they will.

04 February 2014

Highs and lows

Yesterday I came home from Crossfit all happy and proud of myself. I felt on top of the world. I did doubleunders and I ran - a lot. I felt really really awesome. Today I went in thinking I would rock the WOD again and got bitched slapped. There were 70 push ups. 70!!! I can barely do 5 and there were 70!!! I got to the second set of 10 and stopped in the middle, sure I couldn't go on. I wallowed a little, then pushed myself and said I can do this. And I did. It was hard. It was ugly. But I did it. Need to watch that cocky attitude....

I did post about this on Facebook and I got comments that I inspire people. I'm not real sure I like that. I am nothing to look up to and I don't want the pressure of being someone's inspiration. I don't know how to say that to them though. I'm not comfortable being someone's inspiration. What if I let them down? I'm strange, I know. But it's true.

I am a thick chick

One of the greatest thing about Crossfit is that it helps you appreciate your body and what it can do. I have never been super thin and I probably never will be. For years and years that bothered me. I did everything hoping to get skinny. Even when I lost a lot of weight, I was still never skinny. I had big thighs and big arms. I tried to tell myself it didn't matter, but it did. I hated my thighs and arms. But Crossfit has changed all that. I am thick chick and damn proud of it. I am probably the healthiest and fittest I have ever been. And I love my big thighs and big arms. Love them. I can lift lots of weight. I can do all kinds of crazy things. And I love it. I got these socks to remind myself, I am a thick chick and I'm proud of it. I no longer desire to be thin and skinny. I want to be strong and healthy.

I didn't run yesterday. To be honest I'm a little nervous about running. My knee has been good but I don't want to make it bad. As much as I want to run, I'm really rethinking that goal. I may have to dwell on it a little more before I commit to it completely. Hmmmmm...

Food has been back on track since Saturday though. I ate with absolute abandon on Friday night. I kind of knew I was going to do it. It was time. But I'm glad I got back on track so quickly. Didn't lead to a lost weekend.

02 February 2014

New month, new goals

When the year began, my main focus was on getting healthy. I had decided to have no greater goal this year then to be well and healthy and solid. Well, doctor appointments in January changed that. My knee is what it is and I just need to be careful, but I'm free to do as I please. As for my shoulder, the MRI is next week and then I will know for sure. Physical therapy has helped a lot and I'm confident that my shoulder will be a-okay. With these turn of events, and basically having reached my goal of getting healthy or at least on the path, I think it is a good time to come up with some new goals. I have given this a lot of thought and don't want to go crazy, but I do want to up my movement and cardio. So February will be the month I start running again. It will be slow, and it will be only three times a week, but it will happen. It starts today. I will get on the treadmill on Sunday, Tuesday, and Thursday. That's, 3 days for the entire month of February. No time limits, no speed, no other expectations, just get on the treadmill 3 times a week. That is it. I will still be on the paleo challenge so that will all stay the same, I'm just going to add some running into the mix. Okay, I feel good about this. It will be good to go slow, not go crazy, and start running again.

Am I a child?

I'm the first one to admit that I don't know how to be friends with someone. At least I'm not good at it. I haven't had a lo...