15 February 2014
All day has been spent working on papers. Tomorrow will be too. The final projects in both classes are due and I am working like crazy to get them done. My brain has literally gone numb. I've got one almost completely done but I have completely run out of things to say. The other I haven't really looked at, but I have been working on it for 10 weeks, so it should go fairly smoothly. I just need a break. I'm waiting to play a game. I like playing hidden object games and they distract me and give my mind a chance to run free. As a result of all this paper writing, I have been sitting on my butt all day. I don't like to do that, but what are my options? My butt is numb along with my brain. The good news is, I have been drinking a lot of water. A small victory, but a victory none the less.
I decided a while back that I wanted to move back to the mainland. It has taken some time, but I have finally convinced Hubby of it. So it won't be happening for a few years, but at least we both agree that is the next step. Thinking about moving brings up so many emotions. We have lived here for 24 years. That is almost half my life. Weird to think of moving back. But I really do want to. We can buy a house for damn near what we make on this one. The cost of living will be cheaper. Charlie can semi-retire. We can get more Swissys :) So yeah, there are a lot of positives to moving back. And I'm ready for a new adventure. We have pretty much adventured this place out. time to move on.
Okay, my brain really hurts now. Time to shut down for a bit.
14 February 2014
have not been great. I had a melt down at Crossfit on Tuesday night. I have been struggling the last week or so and I'm not exactly sure why. But Tuesday night I went in feeling bleh, and things when downhill from there. My body hurt. I struggled with every single move. But I was determined to finish. And I did. Woke up Wednesday morning in pain. Back pain. Shoulder pain. Knee pain. Ugh...Felt like crap but since I was taking Thursday off, I went to work and struggled through. Well, that and I had an appointment after work. Spent most of the day in agony but I survived. Thursday, yesterday, I had off because I had an MRI scheduled. They told me it would take 1-3 hours so I took the day off. It took 15 minutes. Oh well, free day. Then at 11 I had a physical therapy appointment. That went well. I have made improvements and she gave me some new exercises. Then last night my left shoulder lower trapezius started hurting like you would not believe.
But Wednesdays back pain and yesterdays pain led to some really bad eating choices. The pain has made me tired, more than usual, and I've been eating stupid stuff for no real reason. I'm guessing it was stress, although that doesn't account for today. Maybe Valentine's Day was an excuse....I don't know. What I do know is that I need to get to the bottom of the eating and get my butt back on track. Pain will come and go. Stress will happen. I need to not use food during these times. I have gotten pretty good at not doing that, but every once in a while it kicks in again and I eat. Time to stop.
So starting tonight, right now, no more junk. Back on track with the Paleo and I will stick with it for the remaining 14 days. I got this.....
10 February 2014
I used to be shy. Very. Very. Shy. I'm not any longer, but I have always been and always will be an introvert. I have always taken that to mean I just enjoyed being alone.. This graphic not only explains the difference, but helps me to understand myself more. It explains the difference between an introvert and an extrovert is where they draw their energy from. Extroverts draw from other people, introverts draw from themselves. This creates a situation where being with people is exhausting for introverts. And that's exactly how it is for me. It's not that I don't like people, it is just that they take so much energy. I never really understood what that meant, but now I do. I think this help explain a lot of things about me, things I thought were quirks but may just be my introverted nature.
I don't need validation from other people. I never really did. I would hear people say they how they wanted someones approval and I would wonder why? But I see it now. They were extroverts and they get not only their energy but their ego builders (not the right word) from others. They want accolades. I want only to get the job done.
In Crossfit, it is common for people to cheer you on towards the end. There are moments when that actually pisses me off. I don't need your cheering or encouragement, I need to deal with this in my head. Weird, I know.
When people say I inspire them, all I can think is why? I struggle probably harder than anyone and that inspires you? I do not understand that at all. My inspiration comes from me. When I do something good that inspires me to do something great. I do look at certain people and think I want to be like that, but only really in passing, I'm not serious. But I see it now. I'm an introvert. My energy and inspiration come from within me, not from without. I understand that now.
I've never been big on parties or even large crowds. In any situation where I'm with a lot of people, I will sneak off for five minutes to be alone. I always thought of it as recharging, I just didn't know how accurate I was. And no matter how much fun I'm having, that is how I feel.
I also see why I can teach high school but not anything lower. I can tell these kids to get out and leave me alone. I can't do that with younger kids. Makes sense now.
I've always known I was an introvert, I just never had it explained so well. Now, at 53, I finally get it. As a scientist I always have to know the why. Now I know the why and I can live with that.
09 February 2014
I don't normally do Crossfit on Sundays, it is one of my two rest days. But since I missed the last three days, Sunday it was. The coach on Sunday calls it Sunday Funday and he makes up with WOD himself. It is usually brutal and today was no exception.
30 kb swings - 35#
60 goblet squats
30 box jumps - 16"
30 deadlifts. - 90#
* 4 burpees EMOM
* 15 minute cap
Yes, it was as ugly as it looks. Apparently this is a workout the coaches did yesterday during rowing certification. Oh joy. The picture above is of a goblet squat because I had no idea what they were until I had to do 60 of them.
This would be a tough workout by itself, but add in the burpees and you take it to a whole new level. Then add in the fact that yesterday I ate garbage and my digestive tract is not happy with me, and that takes it to a whole new realm of ugly. But I got through it in 13:57 - I was driven not to do that last set of burpees. But there were some thoughts along the way.
It was hard and I was kind of feeling like crap. I was going to only do 30 goblet squats but I just kept going until I reached 60 - yeah me. The deadlifts were a slap in the face. I can deadlift 250#. I thought that 135# would be fine, but by the time I got to them I was exhausted. 135# was out of the question. So I dropped down to 90#. Ugh, that's low for me, but given the circumstances, I guess it's okay.
Okay, time to shower and get human again, maybe even take a nap......
For the last few days I have been craving these. That in and of itself would not be so strange. I crave stuff. But the thing is, it has been a mental craving and not a physical craving - if that even makes sense. I've wanted it in my head even though my stomach was full. And of course, when I had them they were horrible. To be honest, I think it's hormonal. I am in menopause, but I think the hormones still bounce around during the month. When I had my period, this is what I always wanted 2-3 days before it started. So I have a feeling that is what is going on. Time to break that habit.
Thursday night is my regular rest day, so no Crossfit. Then Friday I woke with my knee hurting. I think it was because of the jumping in Monday's WOD. We had double unders, jumping squats, running, lots of pounding on the knees. By Friday they were a mess. So I ended up taking Friday night off also. Then yesterday I had to go to school in the morning and missed the WOD. It's been 3 days since a workout. I haven't gone that long in quite a while. I feel it. So I'm going this morning. I'm not a fan of Gil's WODs because they are usually insane, but I'm going. This means I will workout 4 days in a row. Not a fan of that either, but I cannot miss another day.
That's it. I have nothing more to say. It is early here. I slept well last night and now I have papers to work on until it's time to WOD.
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