05 July 2014

Time to commit

I get lazy. I get really, really lazy. And I've been lazy for a while now. Part of it started when I got a little depressed after the 'incident'. But I've gotten over that and just moved into lazy. I need to not be lazy. I need to not give in to the siren song of the couch in the middle of the afternoon when it is too hot to move. I need to not let the chair in my computer room lure me into comfort and end up snoozing. I need to not put off things because I don't feel like it/it's too hot/I'm too tired/blah, blah, blah. So for one day I will struggle and sacrifice to do what I now I should. Tracking calories, moving, working on schoolwork, these are the things I should be doing. Once I get everything done, then I can rest - but that will take a couple of days at least.

So the plan for today:
Walk dogs
Plan tomorrow

Not so hard. Simple to do list that I can complete today. Notice there is no nap in there. There will be no nap today. I have gotten too much into the habit of napping and I need to break it. I only have 2 weeks of break left, then it's back to work. Ugh!!!! Stop, focus on today, this morning, right now. Not going to live in the future or the past, going to live in the right now. And right now I need to start getting ready for Crossfit. Maybe have a little something to eat before I do that. So move, I want to hit 15,000 steps today, and track food, I need to eat at least 1500 calories. One day, just one day!!!!!

04 July 2014

One extreme or the other

They used to say burn more calories than you eat and you will lose weight. I know now that it is not that simple. If you cut calories too much you will lose muscle. I also know that you can not exercise your way to weight loss. It is not possible to exercise enough to outrun a bad diet. Can't be done. I was going to say that I used to eat too much and that is how I got overweight. That is not completely true. I used to eat too much of the wrong things. I still eat the wrong things but not near as much as I used to. Now I eat pretty well, but I'm beginning to suspect that I don't eat enough. I'm not good at tracking my calories, but I think I'm going to make it a priority for the next few days. The few times I have tracked I always end up around 1000 or 1200 calories. That is not enough. I don't want to be so crazy about what I eat, I just want to eat whole, natural food. But I need to eat enough of it. Part of the problem is being home. I'm not doing a whole lot so I don't get hungry. You watch when I go back to school, I will be starving the first few days. But anyway, I need to track my food and work on eating enough good food to support my system. According to a BMR calculator I was playing with, my BMR is ~1500. That is if I do absolutely nothing all day, just lie and breath. Factoring in my activity and daily life, I should be eating ~2100 to stay where I'm at. Yeah, I'm generally not eating enough to meet my BMR. So that is something I need to work on. I need to come up with food that is enjoyable and whole food goodness. I'm not even going to sweat the carbs for now, I just need to up my intake of good food.

Let freedom ring

Today is the 4th of July. We have no plans since the pups don't take well to fireworks. We generally stay home and keep them calm. So that's what we will do again today. Also, it being summer, having a holiday isn't that big a deal.

Meanwhile, yesterday....it was weird. I felt like a donut so I went to the store to get one. I ended up getting a donut, a lemon cupcake, and some Munchies:

I did get the smallest bag they have but that is still pretty big. So I came home and ate the donut and the cupcake. I then laid down on the couch and dozed for a few hours. Then I grabbed the Munchies, ate some, and dozed for a while longer. The TV was on but I was in and out of sleep. Finally around noon, I got up and felt good. I had a salad for lunch, started doing some work on my lesson plans and had a great afternoon. Walked the dogs when it got cooler and ate a good dinner. Weird. I was so tired in the morning and just craved junk. I had considered fighting it, but looking back I think I did the right thing. If I had fought it off, I probably would have ended up eating a whole lot more. As it is, all I ate was a donut, a cupcake, and some Munchies. Not really much of a binge at all. And that was over the course of 5 hours. At most I ate about 1,000 calories over those 5 hours. Yes, they were junk calories, but still only about 1,000. My salad wasn't but about 200 and dinner was probably around 700. So I ended the day around 1900 which, considering it started with a binge, is not bad at all.

The best part is that yesterday is over and done with. I am not going to dwell on it or beat myself up about it. I made a decision and I went with it. Now it is done and time to move forward. Actually, it was done at noon yesterday, so that's even better. There was a time when I would binge eat until my stomach hurt. And then I would continue to eat even though it hurt. I could pack away 3,000 calories in an hour. So if my binge lasted 5 hours and I consumed 1,000 calories, I would say that is progress. Great progress.

Today Crossfit is only having a 9am class. Then it's off to celebrate the holiday for everyone. I think I need a little something to eat. 9am is too far away to wait. So I'm completely over my desire to eat junk food, so I'm positive today will be good. Let freedom ring, freedom from binge eating, freedom from regret, freedom from living in the past.....

03 July 2014

Today is a rest day

I've actually been wanting to take a rest day all week. I've been kind of dragging all week and felt like a rest day would really help. But, for one reason or another, I haven't. But today it is. The knee is a little tweaky, it bothered me all night, and I'm just not feeling it. So here I sit. I do have some school work I need to deal with, so I'll work on that today.

I'm really feeling tired. I may just take a complete and total day off. Maybe I'll read, or watch mindless TV, or sleep. Hmmm...I am going to treat myself to a meal out, I just can't decide which one. Never mind, I just decided on breakfast. I have a craving for something. Tomorrow night for dinner I'll have kim chee steak.

Okay, I have nothing to say and no desire to say it. I'm off.

02 July 2014

Working on balance

I have followed all kinds of "diets" over the years, most recently paleo. And quite frankly I'm tired of them. I'm tired of thinking that hard about my food. I'm tired of planning and cooking and planning some more. I just want balance. I just want to eat healthy and not be so burdened by food. This morning I wanted something different for breakfast and ended up making myself a breakfast burrito. I stressed and fretted over the freaking tortilla. I finally decided to just let it be. I ate it, it was good, and that's enough. I'm tired of putting so much thought and effort into food.

01 July 2014

One more time

Yesterday went pretty well. I went to Crossfit, came home and washed my car. Then I set up the dog barrier in the car and the seat belt. The dogs are now completely restrained when riding in the car. It is so much nicer. I don't have a dog leaning over my shoulder blocking my view and drooling on me. They don't jump in the front seat and try to squeeze out before me. It is much nicer and calmer ride. Yeah. Then I showered and headed over to Damien to drop some stuff off. Came home had lunch and by then it was hot. Really, really hot. I stretched out on the couch and napped for about 20 minutes then started working on school work. I did not walk on the treadmill because it was hot. Really, really hot. But today I am going to. I have nothing really planned today except schoolwork, so the treadmill it is. I also walked the dogs last night. Because it was so hot, I waited until 4:30 to start and it was nice. Up at the college it was cool, there was a nice breeze blowing and the sun was behind the mountains. It was great. By the time I walked Bella it was 6pm and downright nippy out. She was much better in the cool weather. So for the foreseeable future, our walks will commence later.

Food yesterday was pretty good too. Drank my two bottles of water - yeah!! Breakfast was two eggs, three strips of bacon, and half an avocado. Lunch was a large salad with salami and cheese chopped in it. Dinner was steak, bacon wrapped scallops, avocado, and asparagus. An awesome day of eating. The problem came after dinner. Hubby wanted some frozen fruit sorbet, but he put it on ice cream. I could have said no, but I didn't. I had some ice cream too. The good news is, I didn't have that much and I wasn't stuffed. So I'm calling it a success.

Today I'm striving for again. I want to keep busy, eat well, and move, move, move. If I can build on this success and just keep going I'll start to rebuild my healthy habit. That is all I want. Now, as tired as I am, it is time for Crossfit.

30 June 2014

One more time - the rewind

So here we go again. Everytime I get a start something happens to derail me. Last week a whole bunch of stuff came up and I completely lost it. So it is Monday, a new day, a new week, let's give it another go.

Food: That has not been that out of control, but I have not been eating enough. So we are back to 3 meals, 2 snacks, and food every 3-4 hours. The 2 days I did that it was awesome, I felt amazing. So back at it. Water - my water is really hit or miss. Some days I drink gallons, other days not so much. So my goal is to drink 2 bottles of water - my hydroflask bottle. I fill that up before I go to Crossfit and at least one more time during the day. Must focus on water.

Exercise: Crossfit 5 days, that's the easy part. But I need to add more movement, specifically walking. I'm going to become a walking fool. I read a weight loss tip from a Paleo coach and he said walk. Maximum you should walk as much as you can, minimum you should walk as much as you can. So walking it is. I've got my treadmill set up so that I can work at it, but I haven't really been doing that. So today I walk. I'm thinking about wearing my Fitbit Flex again, I haven't worn it for a few weeks now. Hmmmm....maybe. So when I'm not doing something specific, I will be walking and working on schoolwork.

So, Day 1 all over again. Let's do this.

29 June 2014


This has never been my strong suit. I try, lord knows I try, but I am just not a highly organized person. A while back, spring break I think, I worked hard to get things organized. I put things away, developed lists, worked on habits, and things were going great. As soon as school started back up it all went to hell. This summer I have not been able to get it back. Seriously, I try so hard and it just doesn't happen. Because of this lack of organization, I have fallen behind and am struggling to catch up. I had costumes to make last week and ended up spending all day Friday making them. All day. 11 hours!!! I had all week, but I didn't plan well enough and I had other commitments and boom. 11 hours Friday making costumes. Then, because I didn't plan well enough last week and spent 11 hours making costumes on Friday, I am now chained to the computer to try and get 2 papers done that are due today. UGH!!! I hate this. HATE IT!!! What this has done is renewed my desire to be more organized. I will conquer this beast if it's the last thing I do.

First, I'm going to clean off this desk. It has become a dumping ground for all sorts of nonsense. Second, I'm going to clean up the spare room, that is a disaster from the costume making. Third, I'm moving into the house. The kitchen has spiraled out of control as has the living room and bathroom. I'm going to get those in order. Finally, I'm going to work on my routines. Devote certain times during the day for certain things. Mornings are workouts and cleaning. Afternoons are schoolwork. Evenings are straightening up. Things like that. I have to get my routines back. I love, love, love routines.

Okay, I'm smart and capable, I can and will conquer this thing called organization.

Social media holiday

I've decided to take a break from social media. I spend far, far too much time just scrolling through Facebook. Yes, I get a lot of in...