19 June 2015

Perfection is overrated


I wrote this post last night but it was not making sense. I have decided to just start over with it. Not even sure why I mentioned last night since I just deleted everything I wrote. Oh well, moving on......

I am a procrastinator and I have to change it. I have been working for 2 weeks and have not made any progress on my proposal. NONE!!!! I have to make some. I put off grading. I haven't made my chemical list. I have a whole list of things to do that I have not even started. I don't want to be like this. Putting things off creates stress because it is constantly on my mind. I have been thinking about my grading all week; haven't done it, but thought about it. What a waste of time and energy. I spend far, far too much time either cruising around Facebook, or playing games, or laying on the couch watching TV. I always seem to put having fun first over doing what needs to be done. That has to stop. I know how to do it, I just don't know how to do it - if that makes any sense at all. I get so overwhelmed and paralyzed when the to do list gets too big, I just shut down. Okay, I think I just hit on a way around it. Don't look at the whole list. Decide what I'm going to work on and just focus on that. But I need to be proactive and stay on top of things. Okay, it's starting to come to me. I used to create not only a to do list, but an order in which to do them. I would sit down in the morning with my coffee and write out my list in the order I would do them. And I would work through the list in order and get things done. Maybe I should do that. Instead of just having a general to do list, have a very specific to do list. Hmmm....I need to consider that. I saw a video on a guy who uses a legal pad to create his to do list every day. Maybe I will dig out a big piece of paper and create my list for today. I will do it just like I like it, in order, with details. Yeah, let's give it a try. I know it worked for me before. I just need to create one every day and then stick to it. Okay, I'll check back later with my results.

Later that same day: So I sat down and made a very specific to do list. It looked like this:

  • Wash sheets
  • Dress for Crossfit
  • Eat
  • Clean kitchen counters and kitchen table
  • Crossfit
  • Breakfast 
  • Shower
  • Vacuum house
  • Create key for test
  • Clean bathroom 
  • Work 1 hour on proposal 
Right now, it looks like this: 

  • Wash sheets
  • Dress for Crossfit
  • Eat
  • Clean kitchen counters and kitchen table
  • Crossfit
  • Breakfast 
  • Shower
  • Vacuum house
  • Create key for test
  • Clean bathroom 
  • Work 1 hour on proposal 
Plus, I've had lunch with Hubby, been in and out of the pool as the heat dictates and took a nap. I may not get to the bathroom today, but that is okay there is always tomorrow. I will work on my proposal but that will probably not happen until after dinner as I'm getting ready to walk the dogs. Oh yeah, I will shower before bed too. 

This type of list making works for me. It just does. Specific, in order, small pieces, it works. Not only does it keep me motivated and making progress, I also think about what I have to do less. I know it is on my list, so it's not on my mind. I took a restful nap and did not feel guilty when I woke up because I knew I was getting my stuff done. I like this. I'm going to do it again tomorrow. 



14 June 2015

Starting over


Yesterday's post was written as I was proctoring. I've been feeling pretty fat and lazy for the last couple of weeks and yesterday it all just kind of exploded out of me. Sometimes that is good though and I think in this case, it might have been very good. Starting today, I am starting over. I am determined to lose this weight and I am determined to be active like I want to. I spend far, far too much time hanging around the house and end up sleeping on the couch. No more.

Looking back on when I was my thinnest, I was always active. I would get up and workout in the morning, come home and workout at night. On weekends I did long things; bike rides, runs, etc. I did sit around but not as a major part of my day. I need to get back to that place. I need to make movement a priority. So I'm going to do that. I'm going to get up in the morning and do 20 minutes on the treadmill. At night I'm going to walk the dogs and do Crossfit. I have the time, it's summer.

And food, do not even get me started about food. I am going to eat and eat and eat. Again, looking back on when I was my thinnest, these times I was actually eating the most. I would wake up hungry and get hungry at regular intervals. And I craved good food, not junk. I would eat junk but not as much as I do now.

So this is it. Starting over, right now. Going to get some food and get ready for Crossfit. Then I'm going to keep moving the rest of the day and NOT take a nap or even lie on the couch. Going to prep for next week and get my act together. Fuck baby steps, I'm jumping in with both feet.

Seriously. ........

Yesterday I passed out on theebook couch and flet like I was drugged. I slept fast about 2 hours and just could not seem to shake that drugged dopey feeling. When I finally managed to get my ass up, I tried to figure out what was wrong. I had slept really good the night before, so that wasn't it. What could it be? Then I decided to look at my food. It was 3 pm and i had eaten a whopping 500 calories. Seriously? !?!?! Knowing theft was no way I could eat 1300 poon calories by the end of the night, I tried to get the most bang for my buck. Ate 6 ozs of chicken and a big salad them had ice cream for dessert. Not the beat way to get calories but I ended with almost 1400 and that was a lot better then I thought I would.

I am up to 208.208!!!!!! That had to change. I have got to get this eating under control. I was beginning to feel so amazing and now I'm worse off than I started. Something has to change. ..



Part of the problem is my foot. It had been so painful that exercising 1 had been out of the question. I have walked the dogs a few days and paid for it the next day. Today was the first day in almost a month that I haven't woken up in agony. And of course, my first thought is yes, I can exercise again.

Today I am proctoring the ACT and then goingto visit a friend i haven'thaven't seen in 20 years. Initially I thought that would mean a screwed up day of food. Then I decided to take control. I went to Starbucks and got breakfast because they usually have junk food at the proctoring. I will be having lunch with my friend but that will be good, poke and such. But it is time to get back in control. Time to workout and easy right and not spend the afternoon sleeping on the couch.

The key to change is awareness

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