04 July 2015
I've been doing Crossfit for almost 3 years now. That is longer than I have ever stuck with one particular program. But lately, I'm thinking that Crossfit and I have reached an end. There is a lot going on in my life, at the Crossfit gym I go to, and just in general. I think it might be time to step away from the box.
For much of the 3 years I have been at Crossfit, I have had some sort of injury. My shoulder, knee, back, foot, not to mention all the little pains and strains that I get. I don't blame Crossfit or our coaches. I blame myself. Crossfit is set up to make you want to try and push yourself. I am very competitive with myself and I fall into that trap all the time. I can snatch 45#, let's see if I can do 50# or 60#. I know it's stupid, I know better, but I can't help it. When I do the sensible thing, and hold back, I just feel like a slacker.
So for the past 7 weeks I've been dealing with this foot injury. I have seen the chiropractor and been pretty good about rolling and resting it. I've also been really, really careful about Crossfit. No jumping or pounding of any kind. No running, broadjumps, jump rope, box jumps, etc. Nothing. So last week it felt really good. REALLY GOOD. When I saw the chiropractor on Thursday, we agreed that I should wait 2 weeks before coming back since I was doing so good. In the last week I have probably spent more time out of pain than in pain. I was very pleased with my progress and looking forward to increasing my activity levels.
This morning I head out to Crossfit, since I haven't been there all week, and am feeling pretty darn good. The warm up included running, but I said no way and rowed. The warm up also included jump rope. I thought I would try it just to see how it felt. One jump. One freaking jump, and I was in screaming agony. My foot hurt like it did when it first happened. I wanted to cry. I stopped and immediately started rolling it out. I stretched and rolled and rolled and stretched. It hurt bad. I decided to give the WOD a go because it really didn't involve any jumping, only cleans and jerks. But just doing the cleans and jerks hurt my foot. I decided not to do the WOD and left. I am so pissed off at myself for even trying to jump rope, what the hell was I thinking????? And I'm pissed because I'm tired of this freaking injury. I'm really think I'm just getting tired of Crossfit.
For a couple of weeks now, the thought of quitting Crossfit has been rolling around in my head. I am completely tired of being in pain most of the time. I don't go as much as I should. I'm kind of bored with it. After 3 years the thrill is gone. Also, and no small matter at all, I'm at the heaviest I've been in about 20 years. This is freaking ridiculous. I cannot 'blame' Crossfit because I've gained weight, but it is a factor. I really want to lose weight and I know I need to add in more cardio. I don't know......... I'm really down right now and probably should not be making any major decisions.......
Later that same day: Well, I have indulged in one giant pity party all day long. I have been angry for being so stupid about my foot. I've been angry and frustrated because it hurts to walk and it is all my own stupidity. I have been eating out of control and napping on the couch. A giant ass pity party. I'm over it.I'm over the pity party, I'm over the foot, I'm over everything. I am so freaking frustrated and that could really derail me. I'm not going to let that happen. I am almost 100% sure I'm going to quit Crossfit, but as for everything else, it is up in the air. Okay, I'm feeling stronger and not so much a victim now. I'm going to take it easy the rest of the night, get a good nights sleep and reexamine things in the morning.
Yesterday was completely focused on food. I ate. And ate. And ate. But it was all good stuff. I had a cheese omelette for breakfast. Then I had chicken and pasta for lunch. Then I had made a chicken and lentil thing in the crockpot, so that was dinner. I did have a Magnum double peanut butter bar for dessert, but other than that, only good stuff. It was interesting, because I was full but not overly stuffed full. I did not feel sick like I do when I overeat other types of food. I did expect to wake this morning feeling hungry, that's usually what happens when I start eating again, but I didn't. I guess one day is just not going to cut it. My body is not falling for that crap anymore. So I will have to focus on eating well today again in order to get the metabolism working.
I never made it to Crossfit yesterday. I was getting ready to leave and some guy pitching solar energy came to the house and I lost track of time. So Crossfit never happened. I did walk on the treadmill in the morning though. That was not much but it was something. I spent a lot of time in the pool too. It was hot yesterday and it looks like it's going to be hot again today. Another day in the pool, I'm good with that :)
So I have to move more and eat more. In spite of all the food I seemingly ate yesterday, I was still under my calories. That's just crazy. I think I'm going to go with 1800. I ate at that level for almost a month and felt really, really awesome. I think that 2000 just becomes too hard and that's when I start to fall apart. So I'm going to shoot for 1800 and stick to high protein. The moving more shouldn't be too terribly difficult. I will do some treadmill in the morning, Crossfit and walking the dogs at night. After a couple of weeks of that, I'll start throwing in some running. I want to run. I see people running and that is what I want to do. So I'm going to work up to it, slowly. Start with walking for 2 weeks, then start couch to 5k.
And there you have it. My big plan. Move more, eat well, and be consistent.
03 July 2015
I have a habit of waiting for things. If I lose this weight...... If finish this dissertation.......If I.......... It is one thing that rather annoys me and that I haven't been able to break. I need to break it though and now seems like a good time to start. While some things have to focus on the end result; finishing my dissertation is not going to happen by itself; other things can be worked on in small increments and not wait for some big thing to happen.
I have spent the last 7 weeks in pain with my foot. Now 7 weeks is not a terribly long time, it is a good chunk of time. I have spent those 7 weeks waiting for my foot to get better. Waiting to be able to do the things I want to do. As a result, my workouts have dropped off and I'm starting to feel it. I have been sleeping like I'm drugged. That is generally a sign, a sign that I have missed these last few weeks. When things are going well, I generally wake up ready to take on the day and can keep moving through my afternoons pretty well. I usually want to take a nap, but can survive without one. Yesterday I was drugged. I felt like I could not keep my eyes open and once I did take a nap, felt like I could not get up and get moving. Then last night I slept the sleep of the drugged. I just did not want to get out of bed this morning. I even made Hubby a deal so he would feed the birds and I could sleep in. This might be the 2nd time in 9 years that he has fed the birds in the morning. So, if I've been waiting for a sign, I think I have it.
My foot is about 95% healed. Not perfect, but honestly I don't think it will ever be perfect. I will continue to take care of it but I think the time has come to pick up the pace a bit. Also, I have finally accepted the fact that Crossfit is not enough for me. I need more activity. When I was at my thinnest I would run, bike, hike, swim, weight train, I did it all. I went from working out twice a day most days, to working out 3-4 times a week if I'm lucky. Time to change things up.
I have been mulling this over in my head for a few days now and I've come to some conclusions. First, I have to have something to work towards. I cannot just workout for the sake of working out, that loses my interest really quick. So I need something to work towards. Second, I need a schedule of workouts that I can stick to and that work for me. Third, I need to get my diet under control. I'm struggling with this part the most as I'm not quite sure how to go about getting in more protein, but I'm working on it.
So, the plan today is to start to amp up my activity, I will be hopping on the treadmill in a little bit here and heading to Crossfit this afternoon. To get things moving, I want to shoot for 15 minutes walking in the morning and Crossfit in the afternoons. Except for weekends when it will be the opposite. Also, factor in walking the dogs every single night - no excuses. I am going to work on my food and see about coming up with some high protein things to add to my diet. Then, I'm going to look around for some activity to make a goal. Maybe a race, maybe the Crossfit weekend warrior, I'm not sure, but we will see. I just know that I need something to work towards.
01 July 2015
This is my mind right now. There are so many thoughts floating around. So many things I want to do. So many changes I want to make. Too much thinking. This is what happens once I get myself unstuck. I was stuck for a long, long time but once I started taking control back last week, things started falling into place. I've got the money under control and a plan to continue moving forward that way. I cleaned my desk and work area, I don't think it has ever been this clean or organized. I'm not completely done, but every time I walk in here to use the computer I smile. I have started working on my proposal again. I didn't know exactly where to start with that, so I just sat down and started reading and writing. I now have a plan to move forward and to keep making progress on it. Also, once I started reading and annotating, things started to fall into place and I'm getting an idea about what I want to write. So now that things are falling into place and I have plans to keep things moving, I want to get working on other areas too. Now that I'm unstuck, I want to continue moving forward in more areas of my life.
I woke this morning with a horrible feeling in my belly. It felt huge, just huge. I did not like the way I felt and I did not eat anything until noon. I didn't even get hungry until 11. I don't like that feeling and I'm completely over it. This feeling got me to thinking about my health and fitness. I want to run. I am dying to run. I can't run yet because my foot is not 100%, but it's about 95% so it's getting close. Also, I don't want to just jump into running, that is recipe for disaster. This led to thinking about food and working out and wanting to feel better. Last time I was thin and healthy, and felt really good about myself and my body, I was working out a whole lot more than I do now. I would get up in the morning and run or bike. I would swim at night. I would ride my bike or run/walk on the weekends. I know that exercise is not THE way to lose weight, but for me it is a vital component. For me, exercising puts my mind in a healthy place; gets my metabolism pumping; and just improves my mood. The more I work out, the more these good feelings snowball and I get stronger and stronger.
I have also been noticing that I'm waking up at 4:30 the last few weeks. I wake up and then lay there until the alarm goes off at 5:00. So here's what I'm thinking. I'll start getting up at 4:30 and jumping on the treadmill and walking. If I could get 20-30 minutes in every morning, that would be awesome. Then Crossfit 5 times a week and walking the dogs a whole more than I do now. Also, I want to add in yoga or something on the days I don't do Crossfit. Hmmm....Seems a little ambitious, but totally doable. If I work out the schedule, I know I could do it. I have to put a little more thought into this, but I think I might be one to something here. Time to step things up a notch or two.
28 June 2015
I like to say that I detest drama. The world is full of drama and I hate making more. But now I am wondering if that is just talk. I did have some money issues that were weighing me down, but now those have been straightened out. Which led me to thinking about other things on my 'hit list' and that is where the drama queen thought popped up. I want to lose weight, desperately want to lose some weight. I've given up the thought of being skinny, I just don't want this big belly that I have. Well, that belly is caused by sugar. I can feel it happen when I consume sugar. So I need to stop eating sugar. It's hard, but it's not that hard. But recently, including last night, instead of avoiding it, I eat some and then feel bad, so I eat some more, and then feel worse. Creating my own drama. Then there is the whole writing the dissertation thing. I have to do it, I have to work on it regularly to get it done, our entire future is balanced on this thing. But have I worked on it at all?? NO. Have I made up lies and excuses for it not being done? YES. Creating my own drama. Lastly, grading summer school work. I am getting work in on a daily basis, more than once a day. Yet I put off the grading and put it off and put it off, until I have a stack like I brought home this weekend. Creating my own drama. Time to get off the drama bandwagon. I wouldn't feel so bad if I did something constructive while avoiding this other stuff, but I don't. Yesterday I spent a large part of the day laying on the couch or laying in the pool. That in and of itself would not be bad, if I had nothing to do. But I have lots to do. I could have spent some time in the pool, then did some work, then some time in the pool, then some work, etc. Instead, I spend lots of time in the pool. Got little to no work done, and now I feel guilty and stressed by that.
It is time to stop this nonsense. I am an adult. I have control of my feelings, my actions, and my life. It is time to start acting like that. No more stress and guilt over stupid stuff. Time to step up and act like I know I should. No more putting off things that need to be done. No more instant gratification. NO MORE. It starts today, it starts now. I read an article about how organized people think a little bit differently than unorganized people. Instead of putting things off - HELLO!!!! - they respond with HOW ABOUT NOW? That is going to be my mantra from now on. How about now? I'm going to print it out and post it on my wall above my computer so I see it every time I sit here wasting time. I'm going to put it in my planner and I'm going to say it to myself all the time. How about now?
I need to begin by getting dressed for Crossfit and cleaning this room. I have over an hour before Crossfit, so how about now?
This was at the top of my blog today:
Quote of the Day
Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.
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