13 November 2015

Time to make some hard decisions

I've been going to school on financial aid. I've now run out of financial aid and still have about a year of school left. It's going to cost me about $20,000. There is another type of financial aid, but for various reasons I don't qualify. There is one other possibility, but I won't know if that works out for a couple of days, maybe a week. If that doesn't work out, I honestly do not know what I will do. I've had some lenders approach about refinancing the house and pulling out some money. I don't want to do that because I want to save as much for when we move as possible, but that may be an option. Another thought is to just move everything up a year. Forget the Ph.D. and move this summer. Not my favorite choice because we were doing things when we were for reasons. Very good reasons. Sooooooo......I'm kind of stuck and I'm not sure what to do. I hate this......I've spent the morning researching and looking around and trying to get information to make a good decision.....oh well, we'll see what happens.

In other news, I did a WOD yesterday. Wednesday night, I was really feeling like doing a WOD. I've been walking every morning and feeling really good. So I wanted to kick it up a notch. So yesterday morning when I got up, I walked for 15 minutes and then did a little 10 minute AMRAP; 5 push-ups, 10 squat press, 15 sit-ups. I got in 4 full rounds and 28 reps. I was sweating and breathing hard and it felt amazing. Later in the day I could already feel my leg muscles. Oh, oh...... Woke up this morning sore. I mean really, really sore. Yikes. I ended up taking the day off because I could hardly walk. So freaking sore. It feels so good.

That's all I have. I'm kind of down and just want to wallow in my depression. Sometimes I need to do that to see the right path. So I'm off to wallow....

11 November 2015

Watching the numbers

A strange thing happens in my brain when I start counting calories or points or macronutrients or whatever. I go a little insane. I become so obsessed with the numbers that I lose track of the fact that I'm eating food and need to survive. Last time I did WW, it became almost a game to see how many points I could have left over at the end of the day. That is not good. That means, I'm not eating. Than means, bad things will go on in my body. I did the same thing when I tried counting calories. I tried to get by on the least amount possible. This has never worked out well for me, for a number of reasons. The main one being that I can't sustain it and end up eating everything in sight. Then I beat myself up because I have no willpower. Ugh!!! For someone so smart, I can be such an idiot.

So this time I'm trying to make it different. I'm not focusing on the numbers. I'm tracking, but that is not where my main focus lies. I'm focusing on the food. I'm trying to eat things I know are healthy regardless of the point value. I'm trying to view it as eating enough, rather than eating less. When I was working with the coaches at Crossfit, I learned that I really don't eat enough. So I'm trying to focus my energy there. If I don't eat enough my body doesn't work right, simple as that. So my focus is on eating good, whole food and getting my body functioning properly. I think if I focus on that, I will lose weight. Rather then starving and bingeing, just eating steady will definitely help. I have also loosened up on my eating. Right now I'm eating a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch. I love this stuff but have stayed away from it for years because of the carbs. Life is too short to not eat what one enjoys.

Okay, that is all I have to say. Today is Veterans Day and I'm off. I am going to finish my cereal and do something.....don't know what, but something.....

08 November 2015


2.2 lbs this week. Woot!!!! I was a little afraid because I really hadn't tracked this week and there was leftover candy, oh plus the malasadas....yeah, I was not expecting a good week at all. But I think, and this is the key, that I have been limiting my portion sizes. I did have candy, but I had 4 tiny snack ones instead of a bunch. I did have malasadas, I had 2 of them, but I was hungry and even after 2 I was not stuffed or uncomfortable. So I think that even though I strayed off the healthy path, I am exercising portion control so it is helping. Yeah. I would however, like to really be strict this week. I'm down a total of 3.4# since I started and if I could lose 1.2# this week I would hit 5#. That would be a huge mental boost. And I could use it.

Towards that end, I went to Costco yesterday without Hubby and had a chance to look around a little. Hubby always gets so antsy and is constantly hounding me to go. So it was nice. He will be working nights all week, so that means no dinners. I know myself well enough to know that I may cook, I mean really cook, dinner a night or two, but that will not last all week. So while I Costco, I looked around for things that were healthy and easy. I got some turkey burgers that are 4 points (I believe) and 35g of protein - yikes. I also got some almond/cranberry/chicken salad in little cups that are like 4 points or so. These will be great for the days I don't have lunch. Just get my salad stuff and grab one of those and I'm ready to go. I can put them in salad or on bread. Quick, easy, boom. I got my regular salad stuff, of course. I also got some oatmeal packets. I had oatmeal a couple of times from Starbucks and I had forgotten how good it is. So I examined all the oatmeal they had and found one that is pretty good. Plus I have eggs, which I love. So I'm set. I will survive this week and stick to the plan.

One of the things that happened when I was on paleo, was that I completely lost the idea of portion control. Seriously. Because you don't count calories or consider portion size, I completely lost that ability. On paleo you basically just eat until you are full. That may be a boatload of meat, but that's what you do. I've completely had to relearn portion sizes and reasonable amounts of food. Now, when I think about this it makes sense. Eating an excessive amount of food, even if it's good food, is going to create fat. I know there are thousands of people who don't count calories and who manage to lose weight, but I think they are not broken. They don't have the twisted relationship with food that I have. They don't use food to feed every emotion in their life. Besides, I don't want to have to eat a certain way the rest of my life. I would much rather be able to eat regular food, just control how much I eat. I'm thinking of when we move and are traveling in the RV. I don't want food to be a big issue. I just want to travel, have fun, eat what I want just less of it. Alright, I know I can justify anything if I want to, but I know how I want to live my life and I want it to be simple.

Time to get moving. All this talk of food has made me hungry. I'm trying to decide if I should eat first or walk first. Think I'll eat, shower, start laundry, then walk and get some stuff written. Okay, I'm off....

Completely out of control

What is it with me and free time? I had last week off and things literally spiralled completely out of control. I've lost track of the...