02 December 2015

Mediation Day


Today is finally the 2nd mediation day. Our first one was in September and we've been trying to schedule a 2nd one since then. I've been ready to go twice, and I had even scheduled the days off, but others held it up. Well, this is my last time. If we can't work something out this time, I'm done. Seriously. I'm done. I am not doing this again. I'm not positive exactly why we are doing it this time, but then I wasn't sure why we did it last time. I'm willing to give it one more shot. My hopes are that we can come to an agreement to live peaceably for the next 18-24 months and then we will be gone. That's all I want.

So yesterday ended my teaching of a Phoenix class. Don't know how that is going to turn out. The mentor has to write an evaluation that will determine if I get officially hired or not. We'll see how that goes. I am now with nothing outside of work to do. No dissertation class. No teaching class. Nothing. It's kind of nice. I can now focus on my classes and get through the end of the year. It's also kind of weird. I have nothing outside of school to work on. That has not happened in almost 3 years. Yikes. Hopefully, I'm going to take some of this time and do some stuff around the house here. Most of the rooms need paint. Things need a really good cleaning. Maybe a little rearrangement, who knows. But it is time to change things up.

Okay, time to get moving and get ready for this farce.

29 November 2015

Time for some brutal honesty with myself


I can be very indecisive....I'm not even sure if that is the right word. Maybe it's more that I lack follow through?? But that's not quite it either. Here's the deal, I start something - all gung-ho and ready to conquer the world - then, if I don't see progress immediately I give up. Or, possibly even worse, is that I try something for a little bit, then try something else, then try something else. Never settling on one thing. Never giving one thing a really good try. Let's talk examples. I did WW for a couple of weeks and was actually doing pretty well. Then I stopped doing, or rather was doing it in a way I knew wasn't right. I started feeling like crap and I blamed WW and then stopped completely. Then I tried that AltShift. That is much more the way I like to eat, but I felt like a blimp while eating that way. Not a blimp in the way I feel when I eat a lot of carbs, but a blimp nonetheless. Plus Thanksgiving came around and I didn't stick to AltShift so I kind of blew it off completely. Ugh!!! So here's what I've decided. The month of December is going to be the month that I really give it a go. I'm going to run every day - I joined this running group on Facebook - and I'm going to eat healthy and log my food. I think I'm going to log on My Fitness Pal because it shows much more information. I'm going to work on keeping my protein up and I'll use WW as a support group. Kind of. I am going to pay close attention to not only what I eat but how much. I will probably track WW too just to keep on top of things. Also, exercise is going to be the word of the month. I will workout in the mornings. I will walk the dogs in the afternoons and I will do these things every day. There are no more excuses. No more nonsense. No more fooling myself. Because that's what I've been doing, fooling myself. Saying I will only eat this once or today or this week or whatever. Saying I will skip exercise today, or this week, or until the sun explodes or whatever. Because no one cares about this stuff but me, and by telling myself these lies, I'm trying to fool myself. That is done. Time for some brutal honesty.

Another thing that has to stop is the procrastination. I have work that needs to be graded and I have had 4 days off. Have I done it? NOOOOOO...I also have a house that needs cleaning desperately. Have I cleaned it? NOOOOOOO...So the procrastination has got to end now. Today is going to be super busy because I put off things for 3 days. So I have to do everything I didn't do and the regular things I need to do like laundry and prep for the week. Ugh!!! I freaking hate this. So it needs to end. I have gotten a whole lot better at it, but not good enough. That is something to work on this month.

So, let's recap:


  • Track everything. Hit my macros and points 
  • Exercise all the time
  • Stop procrastinating
  • No lying to myself about anything

And most importantly:


Whatever I plan to do that day will get done before I rest. That's it end of story.

Okay, time to get this growth process started.

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