First, I'm wondering if my issues with caffeine could be blood sugar related. This came up years ago when I consulted a dietician for some blood sugar issues I was having. She recommended I wean myself off coffee. I, of course, didn't listen to her and continued to drink the black gold. Now though, I'm wondering if this might be an issue.
Second, I am sick and tired of feeling so fat and tired. I am also in complete control of what I put in my mouth. Tomorrow things change. Tomorrow I will take control of my life again. Tomorrow I take action instead of just reacting. Tomorrow is cooking, shopping, and planning for the week.
12 December 2015
What if I stopped all this nonsense about eating and weight loss and size and everything........
What if, instead of beating myself up I showed myself the love and understanding that I show others.......
What if, instead of focusing on what I do wrong, I focus on what I do right......
What if, I just accepted myself, like I do my students, and just tried to do my best each day.......
What if, I showed myself the love I show others......
Time to start living the what if..........
I should end the post here, but I'm not. I need to write. Whenever I am making transitions, I tend to write more.
So the last couple of days, I've been getting these weird sensations in my body after I drink my coffee. Today I think I only drank about 1/2 a cup before I just put it down. My insides were like electrified and humming....I have no idea how to explain it. I may have to give up coffee.... Kind of a bummer, but not the worst thing in the world I could give up.
Choices...it all comes down to choices... what do I want and how am I willing to get there. So I need to start making better choices...these good choices have to start first thing in the a.m. No more laying in bed and making deals with myself; I'll get up in 10 minutes and only do 15 minutes on the treadmill; bull crap!! I will program into my head that I will do it and I will do it. No excuses, no exceptions.....
Choices for food need to change...I love the paleo meals I make...I love eating meat....so why do I struggle with making them?? Who knows....but it boils down to choices....I will chose to eat food that nourishes my body and does not pollute it. I have looked at food purely as nourishment in the past and it really served me well. I have a strange mind and finding out how to view things really helps me to handle situations.
I read a great article last night by a guy who struggles with life, like everyone does, and he had some really good points. He said everyday we should practice improving our physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual health and well-being. Physical: move some everyday. Doesn't have to be hours or an excruciating workout, just move. Emotional; don't let others bring you down. Be honest. Mental; make lists. Lists of all kinds of things. Things you want to do. Things you've done. Things you'll never do. Businesses to start. Blogs to write. People to meet. Etc...just make lists. Finally, spiritual; mediate, pray, be grateful, whatever form spirituality takes for you; do it. Every. Day. If we do these things every day, just imagine how much greater life would be. How much positivity and joy would you have in your life? Definitely something to work on and strive towards.
So this whole thing is going to take a mental shift. Stop beating myself up. Stop berating myself for things I've done. Stop making poor choices. That's it. Time to start doing that.
11 December 2015
to Crossfit that is. Today is the day I don't have an 8th period, and how convenient that it falls on a Friday. The last Friday before Christmas break. I haven't been feeling 100% lately. In the mornings I get this weird electric, itchy thing that happens. In the afternoons I am completely and totally exhausted. I know part of the problem is not working out. At all. So I was thinking I'd go to Crossfit tonight. Fridays are usually pretty quiet and I could leave school early since I have no 8th period. I did leave during 8th period, but I came home and collapsed on the couch. I slept for over an hour. I hate this. I really, really do. I don't know what to do except for workout more. My food hasn't been perfect, but it hasn't been that bad. I don't know. I just don't know.... I do know that I am going to the mall right now to grab some dinner....or maybe I'll grab some pizza....hmmmmm.......... actually, I think I'll go jack in the box and get a peppermint oreo shake......or maybe I'll just run to the store and grab a frozen dinner...oh, a pot pie sounds good.....I'll do that...
10 December 2015
My plan was to write here more regularly and it's been 4 days since I've been here. That doesn't work very well. I feel like I'm stuck. Stuck and I'm not sure how to get out. Here's the deal:
First, I've put the Ph.D. on hold because of money. I'm hoping to come up with a way to finish it, but I'm not seeing anything yet. Of course, it's been about 2 weeks, so I may be jumping the gun. I need to find a way and I need to be open when it presents itself.
Second, I just learned that Phoenix is not going to hire me. I'm not sure this is a bad thing. I'm still not sure it was worth it. I spent 5 weeks facilitating that course and make $1100. Wow. That is a lot of work for not a whole lot of money. I wasn't sure I wanted to do it to begin with, so I'm okay with that. I just feel bad because they didn't want me :( They were supposed to want me and I was supposed to turn them down. Ha, childish, I know.
Third, the complete lack of activity. I think I've decided to return to Crossfit. I'm going to just go 8 times a month to begin and see how it works out. I'm looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I really want a kick ass workout, but I'm so afraid of getting hurt again. Plus the money. Crossfit is expensive and I've just gotten the money under control. Oh well, I'll try it over Christmas break and see what happens.
I think for the one of the few times in my life, I have problems and I'm not sure how to get out of it. I just don't know what I should do or which way I should turn. It is tough. I'm not used to being in this position. I usually always know what should be done, or at least I make a decision. This limbo I find myself in is annoying and taxing to my system. Maybe during my Christmas break I can figure something out.
Anyway, that's it. I'm in limbo and feel a bit stuck. Maybe if I just get moving, physically, things will help. I don't know.......
06 December 2015
I started this blog 11 years ago with this post. In that time, much has changed, but many things have remained the same. I am still struggling with my weight. As far as my weight goes, not a lot has changed in 14 years. Still struggling with consistency in workouts and eating. Ugh!! Will I never learn!!!
But other things have changed significantly. I was able to see patterns within myself. I have been able to make some great changes in other areas of my life. So I guess it hasn't been a totally lose. Also, I think people make the changes they need to at the times they need to. I've never been one to learn something the first time. I've had to relearn things over and over. I'm okay with that, I just wish the weight loss part would stick.
But over the years I have learned a lot about myself and as a result have been able to change some bad habits. Heck, I was horribly with money and yet I managed to get us a house. So things are improving.
One of my problems seems to be that I can only focus on one thing at a time. If I'm focusing on getting the money in order, the diet falls by the wayside. If I focus on the diet, other things get shunted aside. So it is time for some integration. I have gotten into the habit of checking the bank account every night, so I'm keeping a close eye on the money. Going to continue that. It was a bit of a process getting into the habit, but the habit is there now and I just need to keep it up.
The next thing to add is working out. I need to do it every single morning. Every. Single. Morning. I want to walk on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes. Every. Single. Morning. I also want to walk the dogs at night. Reading my old posts, I see that I did video workouts in the morning and another one at night. I worked from 8 - 5 every day, so how exactly did I do that? I would go to WW on Saturday morning and then walk 6 miles - there is a loop through Kailua I would take. I was far more active than I am now. I need to get back to that. So, walking in the mornings and walking the dogs will be the start of that. I only have 2 more weeks of school and then it is Christmas break. I plan to use that time to be active.
One of the ways I'm going to achieve all this is through writing. I need to write to explore my feelings and how things are going with me. I will be writing here more. Hopefully every day or every other day. I'm also going to give AltShift a real go and I want to document here how that works. I think a daily accounting of my AltShift journey will help. So there it is. Moving, eating, writing. I think it will help me get to where I want to be.