17 December 2015
Finally!! It has been a long time coming...okay, not really....but it has felt like it has been a long time coming. I'm just glad that tomorrow is the last day. I am so ready for some down time. I am also ready to get my life back on track. I have so lost what I like and what I want, that I feel lost. Time for a shake up of things.
I am going to hit two a day workouts on break. Walking or walk/run in the morning; dog walking in the afternoons; and even Crossfit 2 times a week. I need to kick it in gear.
I wrote that first part while I was waiting for the second exam to end this morning, it is now 5 pm. As the day has progressed the way I feel about myself has gotten worse. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I know that I shouldn't beat myself up and I know that dwelling on what I don't like is not a good thing. I should be focusing on the positive. But, this feeling disgusted really does serve a purpose. I have to reach a real low in order to make real, lasting change. I am getting to that low point. I have not hit that point in the recent past because I kept stopping it before it got too bad. Not this time. This time I let it go so far I am absolutely disgusted with myself. I feel fat and nothing fits and I am not happy. On top of that add the coffee sensitivity - which I think I've kicked. I have not had coffee all this week and today I didn't even notice that I didn't have it. I have had hot chocolate and that has to go. Tomorrow is the last of the hot chocolate adventure. Starting on Saturday I go with nothing. Maybe I'll start drinking tea just to have something hot in the morning. Truth be told, I've wanted to kick coffee for years I just have not wanted to go through what I did. But, since the decision was taken out of my hands, I'm kind of glad it happened. I'm done with it. Of course I got a $20 Starbucks card for Christmas....but they have other things for me to eat and drink.
So what will this shape-up plan look like? Well, I want to burn 3000 calories a day according to my Garmin. That will be my daily goal. I'm going to walk in the mornings and do a WOD. I'm going to walk to Crossfit twice a week, do a WOD, and walk home. I'm going to walk the dogs every afternoon. My goal this break is really to form a workout habit. I've completely lost that habit and I need to get it back. That is my primary goal. I have a lot of planning and grading to do also, but I can get a lot of movement in between bouts of work.
And food.....I'm going to focus on AltShift/Paleo and since I'll be home that will not be that hard. I want to count calories only because I want to make sure I get enough. Eggs, bacon, hamburger, salami, cheese, etc. And lots and lots of water. I know I have been slacking on the water, time to kick it up 5 or 8 notches.
My goals are not numbers. I know in 2 weeks I won't make a huge difference in numbers, but I want to feel better about myself. I want to begin to feel strong and not so soft and mushy. I want to be sore, that way I know I've worked my body. I want to feel good about myself again and I want to get my energy back. That means eating enough and moving enough. It would be nice to lose a couple of pounds, but I'm not going to measure success by a number on a scale.
I would like to get things started tomorrow. I will get up and hop on the treadmill before school. I have to proctor the first test, but after that am free. I will work on my grading and pack up what I need to bring home. When I get home I will walk on the treadmill some more - maybe while I work on grading. Then, at 4 pm, it is off to Crossfit for the first time in 5 1/2 months. I will probably die, but I need to do it. Then Saturday will be walking on the treadmill before Weight Watchers. Then come home and do a little house cleaning. Some grading. Maybe a little WOD in the afternoon and then walk the dogs. I want to see how many calories I can get on Friday, but on Saturday I am going to work to get 3,000. I want to see exactly what that takes. I have burned almost 1500 calories today and I have done absolutely nothing. I think the Garmin takes my base metabolic rate into consideration. So I need to get 1500 calories of activity. That's a lot, but I'm not working so there is no reason why I can't do it.
Okay, I have a plan and, what I think, are reasonable goals. I'm not hanging my hat on a number on a scale, but more on habits and outcomes. I think I'm ready to face the break.
14 December 2015
Today was the first day without any coffee. It was horrible. I had a splitting headache. I was exhausted and nauseous at lunch. It was truly horrible. I ended up eating some chocolate covered popcorn, fudge, and cookies I really didn't want to. I finally took some Aleve around noon and things started to clear up. The headache subsided and I could focus again. But by the time I got home I was exhausted again. This sucks. But now I'm in the quandary of what to do. I could get up in the morning and have a cup of coffee. That will probably help ease the symtoms of the withdrawal, but now that I've gone through today do I want to go backwards? I'm thinking that I just need to keep going now and suffer through it. This completely sucks. I felt so bad today, that I have honestly begun to wonder if I have something wrong with me. I'm not joking. I'm really tired. Really. Tired. Is it my weight or is there something wrong? It really scares me. But then I think back on the last time I was this fat and I remember napping and sleeping a lot. Okay, I will kick the coffee. I will get through this and I will start my weight loss journey.
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