26 December 2015


Last night I broke down and bought this:

Now mind you, I bought this literally as I was going to bed, downloaded it on my Kindle and laid for almost 2 hours reading it. Their philosophy is not that different from AltShift in that you alternate high carb and low carb days. The issue I have with them is the carbs you eat and the calorie restriction. I know, from my own experience, that eating more actually helps me lose weight. I know that I feel better when I eat more and, if I am consistent, I do start to lean out. My body responds to more food. Maybe because of the years of restriction, I don't know, but more food is definitely the way to go for me.

What I do like, is that they start you out delving into why you want to lose weight. What will be the end result of this process? How will you feel? How will you act? What difference will this make in your life? This really got me to thinking. Why am I doing this? I don't have any real, rock solid, motivation for doing this. I used to. And then I think it just became a habit to be in this mode and that is why I have such a hard time sticking to it. I need to find my motivation, internal or external, and really define it in order to be successful at this. So I think I need to do just that.

Why do I want to do this?
  • to feel comfortable with my body
  • to not feel like I'm pregnant
  • to have the energy for the things I want to do
  • to look good in my clothes
  • to fit in my clothes
  • to be able to go shopping and be afraid to try things on
  • to do the things I enjoy; Crossfit, running, biking, etc. 
  • to continue to move easily as I get older
What will change if I do this and succeed?

  • I will feel better about myself
  • I will move easier
  • I will be able to do more things
  • I will have the energy to do the things I enjoy 
It just hit me. In approximately 18 months, we will be leaving here and embarking on a whole new life. We will be moving to the mainland, buying a house, and an RV. The plan is to travel around the country on my breaks. In order to do that, I will need to be fit and able to move well. That life is the one I am really looking forward to. That life is the driving force behind everything I do now. I think that is my motivation for doing this. I do not want to go to the mainland weighing 200# and having trouble walking distances. I want to be a runner. I want to run in the places we go to. I want to hike in the parts of the country we will be visiting. I want to walk with my dogs through Bryce and Zion Canyons. I want to hike the Grand Canyon. I want to ski in the resorts. I want to drink beer in the pubs along the way. I want to meet people and learn about their lives. I want to be an outgoing, friendly person. I am that when I am feeling fit and healthy. I'm always an introvert, but I'm a loner when I'm heavy. When I'm thinner I am a bit more outgoing and willing to do things. That is it!!!!  All my adult life I have missed out on stuff because of my weight and my introversion. For this next chapter I don't want that to happen. I want to do things, see things, experience things. I want to be friendly and meet all kinds of people. I want to really life the rest of my life. Really live!!!! 

So, I think I found it. If I really want to enjoy the new life that is coming, I need to get ready now. Just like anything, this will take planning and work. I can't just expect to do nothing to prepare and then have the life I want, that will not happen. Oh, wow. Do I feel motivated and inspired. 

I'm going to make a vision board to help me keep these things in mind. I'm going to gather some pictures of hikers and runners in the areas I want to do these things and keep them handy to keep myself going. Oh, you have no idea how inspired I am right now. I think I finally hit on the deep motivation. I'm not completely happy in this life right now, but in order to have the life I want, I will have to work on it. 

Game on!!!!!

25 December 2015

Merry Christmas

And so another Christmas rolls around. Last night we went over to a friends house and had a nice little get together with folks we haven't seen since last Christmas. It was fun. We always have a good time with those folks, they are just fun and we laugh a lot. So that was good. Hubby bought me Hokas or Christmas:

These exact ones. I'm very excited about them and I am very excited to start running again. But I'm also a little scared. I'm not positive exactly why I'm scared, but I am. I want to start running again. I really like running. I want to enter races and do things like that again. I like that. I had fun with that. But something inside me is scared. Am I afraid of getting injured? Am I afraid of failure? I don't know, but I do know I need to get over it.

I bought Hubby tickets to Santana. He freaking loves Santana. Loves. Them. So they are going to be here in March and I know he would love to go, so I bought him a pair of tickets. He is going to love that.

It looks to be a fairly quiet day. We may go see the new Star Wars movie, or not, who knows.

The other day when I posted, I said I was going to start running and that I needed to so something, I couldn't sit on my butt all day. Well, neither of those things happened. I did sit on my butt all day, and the next day, and I did not start running. I do need to start doing something though. I have things I want to accomplish this break and I'm rapidly running out of time. Of course, we stayed at our friend's house until 10:30 last night. I didn't get to bed until 11 pm - super late for me. So today I am tired. Maybe I will put off my new start until tomorrow. Or later today. I will just have to see how I feel.

Okay, I'm pretty well starving. I need to rustle up some food.

Update, later that day: Well, today was the laziest day of break yet. I was going to go to Crossfit, but ended up not doing that. So I showered and Hubby made breakfast. Eggs benedict. Ugh. I ate it all. I was so full. Ugh. After that I fell asleep on the couch. Between the huge breakfast and lack of sleep, that was not a surprise. After I woke up, I ate some lunch. Ugh....too full.....ended up laying around the afternoon and watching crappy TV. And playing games. I played lots of games. Then we had dinner and I cleaned up the kitchen. Now it is almost 8:30 pm and I'm getting ready to go to bed. I need to not be like this. I need to do things. I actually get a head ache when I lay around too much. I'm going to go to Crossfit tomorrow morning, 8 am. Then I'm going to start working on my school stuff. I need to run to school to check on the fish. And I need to run. Hubby bought me new shoes, I need to use them. Okay, getting ready to sign off for now.

23 December 2015

9 days

without coffee. I went through the withdrawals, which thankfully did not last long, and I have been drinking hot cocoa in the mornings. Absolutely no coffee has crossed my lips. Until today. I was cleaning out my fridge and saw I still had this:

I decided to take a sip to see what would happen. My thoughts were that tea and hot chocolate have caffeine and they don't bother me, maybe I'm over it. I'm not. I just took one sip and I could feel that feeling starting to come on. That sucks. I think I was hoping that this would pass, but it looks like that is not going to happen. I'm not 100% positive it is caffeine, but coffee has 95 mg, green tea (which I drink fine) has 25 mg, and hot cocoa has 5 mg. So I think it is the amount. Also, I drink the tea towards the end of the day, not in the morning on an empty stomach. That may make a difference. Of course, I just drank the peppermint after breakfast and it happened. Ahhhh, screw it..... I just need to stay away from coffee. Fine. Okay. I accept it. I don't like it, but I accept it. Ugh...... I really, really hate the f*cking being an adult thing...... it freaking sucks so much......

In other news, my return to Crossfit has been successful and relatively pain free. I went on Saturday and did the WOD. Sunday I went to the mobility clinic. Monday I did nothing. Yesterday, Tuesday, I went to the 8 am and did the WOD. So proud of myself for not going crazy, taking it easy on the weights, and not pushing myself too hard. I'm sore today and feeling good.

I am going to start running. I know I've said that before and I haven't followed through, but this time I mean it. I'm going to start running tomorrow morning. I'm going to do couch to 5k. I want to start tomorrow so that my feel get used to the running before school starts. I'm also going to visit Sports Authority today and see what shoes I can buy just for running. Want to see what they have on last minute sale.

Okay, I'm done for now. I think I'm recovered from the coffee incident so I'm going to lay down for a few minutes and regroup. I need to do something today, I can't just sit on my butt all day.

22 December 2015

Winter break laziness

Well, my first two days of break ended up being a little busier than I planned. Saturday I recapped yesterday. Yesterday ended up being busy. I went to the mobility clinic at Crossfit and I'm glad I did. I then went to Long's and Times and grabbed some lunch and by the time I got home it was 1 pm already. I relaxed for a bit and then it was time to walk the dogs. Then dinner and cleaning up the kitchen. Whew. My break was off to a running start.

Today was very, very different. I got up and lazed around. Showered, started laundry, started grading, and started Netflix. I ended up doing some grading; not as much as I'd hoped; and watching a whole lot of Netflix. I finished Orange is the new black season 3 and watched the movie Home. Home was cute but not great. OITNB was a real cliff hanger...Wonder when season 4 is????

Must learn to be flexible

I just realized part of my problem. If things don't go the way I planned, I don't know what to do. I like to plan. I like to have things laid out and I like to know what I'm doing, when. When things don't work out as I planned, there are times when I just don't know what to do. For example; I have been planning to go to Crossfit tonight all week. I've been saying it all week because I know myself and would wuss out if I wasn't careful. So all week, all day, I've been saying Crossfit tonight. I even told Hubby. Then I decide to see if I can figure out what the WOD is, so I start stalking Facebook. And I stumble across a post that it is a Benchmark Bash tonight...Whhhhhaaaaaattttt? I don't want to go back with to a benchmark bash..... So I message Bucky and discover it's true. And he's not coaching tonight. Ugh!!! So the plan was to go to Crossfit tonight; go to the mall to cruise and grab dinner; Weight Watchers in the morning. Walking, walking, walking.... Once Crossfit tonight was out, I literally did not know what to do. Initially I just sat on the couch and was like, what am I going to do??? Luckily, I came to my senses and I jumped up and hopped on the treadmill. That is where i am right now as I type this. I am walking, typing, and watching Dr. Phil. I think after this I will head over to the mall for a bit. I like to cruise around during the holidays. There are cool things that they don't normally have. Also there are great sales. Though I am at a point where I don't want to buy anything until I'm closer to returning. I'm hoping to make some progress in the leaning down department before then. Anyway, I'm going to go to the mall, cruise for a bit, pick up some steak for dinner, and then come home.

So my lesson today is that I need to be more flexible. I need to not only have a plan B but to follow through with it when Plan A doesn't work out. I think I've seen this a couple of times before, but this is the first time I it has really hit me.

20 December 2015


The other day I posted that I wanted to burn 3000 calories a day according to my Garmin. On Friday, I was just going to just see how much I burned and then on Saturday I was going to really try for 3000. Okay, not as easy as it sounds. Here are some screenshots.

This first one is the total calories burned. Notice that I have never even come close to 3000. I have never even hit 2500 calories. Yikes.

This one is the number of steps. Notice that Saturday had the most number of steps for the week, and yet Friday had the highest total calories. Huh????  Saturday I went to Crossfit in the morning. I know that the Garmin doesn't register Crossfit correctly, but this is crazy. So, I still want to try to reach a certain number of calories burned per day, but I think I need to work up to 3000. Also, clearly I need to walk more.

Yesterday, Saturday, was a most exhausting day. I returned to Crossfit and while it was awesome, it near about killed me. The WOD was:

Push Press 30#
3x double unders (since I couldn't do double unders I just did singles)

Also, the strength was floor press. I was really afraid that returning, I would be really weak. But I got 90# on the floor press, so it's not as bad as I thought it would be.

As soon as I got home, Hubby was ready to go to Costco. So it was in the shower, and off to Costco. We had a hot dog before going in, thankfully because I was hungry. Then walked around Costco for an hour. On the way home we stopped at the grocery store for the weeks supplies. After that I laid on the couch and passed out for an hour. I was tired. I woke up and was hungry. We had some poke and I had some salami and cheese, then it was time to walk the dogs. 3 dogs, 3 walks. I had developed a pain in my left heel. I was afraid it was plantar flaring up in that foot now, but I don't think so. It was like my achilles tendon was pulled. I stretched and used my Cryoderm on it a couple of times. It feels pretty okay this morning, I'm just glad I'm not doing Crossfit today. Then it was time for dinner, clean up, and off to bed. I was exhausted.

I didn't sleep very well last night. Between the really strong gusts of wind waking me up and the dogs stealing my blankets, I did not sleep very well last night at all. Plus, I am sore. I knew that was going to happen and it has. I'm not as sore as I thought I would be, but it is early. There is a mobility clinic today and I'm on the fence about going. Maybe I will, I don't know.

Okay, that pretty well wraps up the last couple of days. I'm going to try and hit 2200 calorie burn today. It's going to be a stretch, but I'm going to try. I think I'll jump on the treadmill for a while. Clean the house. Do some chores. Jump on the treadmill again. Walk the dogs. Things like that. Maybe even hit the mall a little, not sure why but maybe. Okay I'm off.

Completely out of control

What is it with me and free time? I had last week off and things literally spiralled completely out of control. I've lost track of the...