01 January 2016

Another year gone

Well, we survived another new year's eve. When we move, I want to make sure we move to a place that doesn't allow fireworks. I have never been a fan, but after living here I am over them completely. So the war zone that was Kaneohe last night, is now quiet as everyone sleeps in. The dogs were freaking out, at least Lola and Bella were. Axl could not have cared less. We watched a movie, The Revenant, and what a humongous waste of time. It was just weird. The main character kept getting in all these horrible situations that should have left him dead but didn't. He was mauled by a bear, shot, went over a waterfall, just horrible things. Unfortunately we didn't get to see the end, so I don't know what happened to him. Not sure I want to know either.

After that, it was around 10 pm, we went to bed. The dogs seemed to like that better. Everyone was in bed together and seemed to calm down. At midnight we headed out the back door to watch the show. It was crazy. So many illegal aerials, just unreal. Luckily by about 12:30 it was getting pretty quiet and I was able to fall asleep. Still was up by 7 because the birds needed to be fed. Today should be a pretty lazy day.

Yesterday ended up being horrible in that my back was giving me tremendous amounts of grief. I took a nap on the couch yesterday and when I got up vacuumed the house. By the end of vacuuming, my low back was absolutely killing me. I kept have to stop and bend over to relieve the pain. I ended up walking the dogs, but is was a slow, painful walk. I can feel it this morning twinging. I realized that it is because of my belly. That is a huge factor in this pain. My big ole belly is pulling so hard forward that it is screwing up my back. That was what made me realize, it is not a matter of wanting to lose weight, I have to if I want to live pain free. It is no longer a choice. I am basically at a crossroads. I can continue on the way I'm going and end up like those people on My 600 lb life, or I can make a change right here and now. Well, guess what one I'm choosing????

I am not going to do my usual routine, where I jump into everything full force and try to do it all at once. I can't, I will end up in great pain. I'm going to make small changes. For example, food. I'm going to follow the nutritional guidelines that Stephanie has laid out for me, to the T. I will figure out how to eat so that I meet them. I will workout everyday, but that may be only walking the dogs. I will do Crossfit twice a week and I will walk on the treadmill every morning. As I get stronger, I will start to add running into the mix, but I'm going to focus on just moving. I sit still far too much. I'm also going to take my organization goals slowly. I was going to completely clean the house yesterday and start from there. Well, once my back spoke up that did not happen. But I am going to focus on one area a day and get that cleaned up. Today it will be the kitchen. I figure I can work on that sporadically as I watch some TV and just take it easy today. I am also going to really jump into my lesson planning for the next semester. I want to have a map of what I'm doing and where I'm going.

So, basically, after 2 weeks of being a giant lazy ass, it is time to kick it into gear and get things done. I'm okay with baby steps. That is usually how I make lasting changes so I'm okay with that.

Here is to a fabulous new year.

31 December 2015

New Years Eve

I have said this year after year after year, but I love new beginnings. The new year provides a great start for a totally new beginning.

I love this sentiment. Many times it is the past that drags us down. Thinking about our past and constantly reminding ourselves of it is a great way to ruin the future. 2015 was not the best year ever. It was pretty good, but definitely could have been better. So I'm dumping 2015 into the past and looking at tomorrow as a blank book. A new start. A whole new story to write.

This year will actually be pretty exciting. We will be gearing up to make the big move and I'm really excited about that. I do have some decisions to make this year. What am I going to do about my Ph.D.??? I honestly don't know. Really don't know. I'm aware that there are a couple of options and I'm going to try and get the money through the Hawaii Foundation, but I honestly do not know how it will work out. I'm open though. In many ways, I'm thinking I'm done with that journey. It seems a waste to put in all that time and effort and then not finish, but I would not be the first to be ABD (all but the dissertation). Though I would love, love, love to finish it. I will try to work it out, but I'm open to whatever may happen.

This year, I'm giving up beating myself up. I'm done with it, I'm over it. I'm going to work towards weight loss and health and fitness, but the self abuse is over. Time to celebrate the successes and move on from the failures.

I'm also going to work on organization this year. Seriously work on it. Today I'm going to clean the house, thoroughly, so that I start the new year with a clean house. Then I'm going to incorporate some of the fly lady techniques into my maintenance of the house. I want a clean, organized house and I know that it is possible. I tried fly lady again, and in 2 days the emails just got out of control. I would spend so much time reading emails I never got anything done. So that's over. I am however, going to use her methods and set up my own schedule. I love the idea of clearing 'hot spots' (those areas that collect junk regularly) a couple of times a day. I also like the idea of cleaning the kitchen and bathroom sinks a couple of times a day. Finally, having a schedule for doing things every day, I'm open to that. I just need to work it all out. Also, a focus every week is good, that way the whole house gets a good cleaning every month.

I'm also going to improve my organization at school. I made great strides in that area last semester, I want to become even more organized. I'm excited about that, again, I just need a plan for doing it. I may even make checklists for the beginning and ending of the day to help keep me on track.

So let's recap my goals for this year:

Be nice to myself: work on health and fitness but no self-abuse anymore.

Clean house: keep the house clean and organized without killing myself.

School Organization: be organized and keep on top of things at school.

Focus and organization at home: I have ordered a new Passion Planner for the new year. I have been using my school one for home stuff. The new one will be my control journal. I will keep track of everything that needs to be done in the house as well as the financial information. This I am really excited about.

Okay, today we are heading out to Costco to stock up on crab for dinner (love that tradition). Then it is home to clean the house. I also want to walk the dogs early to avoid all the fireworks.

Here is to a fabulous 2016.

30 December 2015


Why do I do the things I do??? Maybe a better question would be, why don't I do the things I want to???? I want to lose weight, so I eat crap and am gaining weight. I want to be more organized, so I sit playing games and not coming up with a plan. Ugh!!!! Why do I do this???? I wish I could figure it out and change it.
Okay, that's all. Just some whining today :)

29 December 2015

Taking control

So, here's how it all went down. I was looking at homes in Mesquite, NV and they are lovely, absolutely lovely. As I was looking at them, I was looking around my house. How do I live in a house that nice when I can't keep this small place neat and clean. Trust me, my house is a mess and there are times when I feel that I don't know how to keep it clean. Then I think back on the times I did keep it clean, how nice it looked, and how much I enjoyed just being in the house. Then I think about the dogs and how with the dogs, I'll never truly have a super clean home. Then I think bullshit. Keeping a clean house is a skill like any other. A skill that I never really learned well. Hmmm.....Well, I can learn it. So I cruised on over to the Flylady, but she really is rather annoying; house blessing, swish n' swipe; whatever. But she did give me some ideas for keeping the place neat and tidy. I think in the new year, that will be my goal. A neat and tidy house. The flylady has some good ideas that I will gladly steal. For example; hot spots. These are areas of your home that tend to accumulate clutter the quickest. I have a couple of places in my house that are hot spots and I know exactly what they are. You start by spending 15 minutes at a time decluttering an area. I love this. I can do anything for 15 minutes. And I generally have 15 minute intervals throughout the day. Perfect. So I'm starting that today both at home and in my classroom. This I'm excited about. I've always wanted a neat house but exactly how to do it has been just beyond my grasp. This kind of fits in with my getting my sh*t together in other areas. Maybe 2016 will be the year of self-improvement. I'm going to make it that way.

28 December 2015

Start now

In spite of my cheery and upbeat post yesterday, I didn't do much. I spent about 4 hours grading finals and I still have 2 more to do. Ended up not eating lunch until 3 pm and that was cheese, salami, and crackers. It was good but not much and kind of late. Also, drank 2 Redd's Wicked Mango - yum!!!!! But then was a little tipsy for the afternoon. Didn't walk the dogs; my excuse was rain but I just didn't feel like it. Didn't run; my excuse was my foot, but really I just didn't feel like it. Took two naps; my excuses were 1) I needed a break from grading and 2) I needed to rest from the Redd's. Do you see a pattern here? Because I sure as hell do. That is why this motivational piece spoke to me so loudly. No more fucking excuses. I'm over it. I need to start being accountable and taking responsibility for the choices I make. The Choices!!! Not the Excuses!!!!

So, enough of that. I'm still sore from Saturday's WOD, the abs are screaming and you use your abs for almost every movement you make. Awesome sauce!!!! I had been debating about heading to Crossfit this morning, but I think I'm going to pass on that. I'm going to roll out my left leg/foot and put on my new shoes and jump on the treadmill for a bit. I want to run, but we will see how that goes. I will also be walking the dogs today, whether it rains or not. They are going crazy and I'm tired of my crappy excuses. Unless hubby goes to watch the game. Hope not, but if he does, I'll deal with it.

Also, going to start working on my room today. I'm going to go to Target to see if they have storage stuff on sale, which I'm pretty sure they do. Then I'm going to head over and start working on my room. I want to organize the storeroom, hang new things, straighten it up and organize it more. I cannot stand it the way it is and I have to do something.

Also, I joined a private group with a coach from Crossfit to help me get back on track and lose some weight. I did this when she was here and I was starting to feel amazing and see results, but for some reason or another I stopped. So now she's doing it from across the country. I'm excited about that because I need a little guidance and motivation. You would think I would be an expert after all this time, but I am not. So I am excited about that. Had to weigh myself this morning and it was the highest weight I've seen in easily 20 years. 214.4!!! Yikes!!!!! Definitely time to reign this in and get it under control. I have 15 months to lose 65# now. Yikes. I can do this.

Okay, I'm a little hungry, so going to grab a banana or something and jump on the treadmill. Then it's off to run my errands and head to school. Ciao baby.....

27 December 2015

At the starting line

That is how I feel. After yesterday's post and revelation to myself, I feel like a weight has been lifted and I'm at the start of something fabulous. What has also helped with this is knowing is Hubby 100% on board with it. Up until very recently, I wasn't sure if he was humoring me or not about this move. But in the last few days, he has made some comments that make me realize he is as serious about this move as I am. Yeah!!! So between that and the desire to be absolutely ready for this move, I feel like I'm on the starting line of something really big. If all goes according to plan, in 17 - 18 short months we will be out of here. Wow, it is so trippy to think about that. It has been a fabulous time, but it is definitely time to go. I have a feeling this is going to go faster than even I think it will. We have lots and lots to do in the meantime.

Moving on to yesterday. I went to Crossfit and the WOD was:

10 front squats
double unders
sit ups
10 front squats

This morning, I am so incredibly sore through my core area, it hurts to move. Yikes. Today should be fun.

One of the things that Crossfit has taught me is not to quit. Yesterday I was the last one finished and I knew I was moving slower than everyone else. During the 50 sit ups and the 40 sit ups, I thought of actually cutting the workout short. But then I thought, why? So I'm slow, I'm still doing it. So I'm last, I'm also the oldest person in the room and I've just returned from 6 months off. This is a lesson I learned the last time I joined Crossfit and clearly it was something that I needed to relearn. I'm sure I'll relearn it again and again. It is a good lesson to have in my pocket for life though. Things are not going to go smoothly for the next 18 months. There will be bumps in the road and situations that arise, but if I can just remember that slow progress is still progress, I'll be okay.

Speaking of that. As I was showering yesterday, I thought that I should look at this health and fitness journey as a marathon. I was saying to myself, I have 15 months to lose 50 pounds. If I could lose 50 pounds, I would be over the moon ecstatic. And since I have 15 months to do it, there is no reason to try and rush everything in the next week or so. Another thing I learned from reading Extreme Transformation, is to make promises to myself that I can keep and then keep them. So every week I'm going set a goal for that week. It will not be outrageous, but it will be something that will move me towards my ultimate goal of 50 pounds down in 15 months. Starting today, the promise is to drink lots of water. I will drink enough water where I have to refill my water bottle twice each day. That's it. Nothing earth shattering, but definitely something I need to work on. I will also walk the dogs and go to Crossfit and all that other stuff, but this week water will be my main focus.

I'm feeling good about my realizations. I feel like a weight has been lifted and things are clearer now. I know that I have had a somewhat negative attitude recently and I'm not like that. Getting my positive attitude back feels really, really good.

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