21 May 2016

So many options

Moving away from Hawaii is no small task. Especially if you are moving to an area where you have no family to lean on. There are so many details that need to be handled, it is daunting.

Having said that, I'm a huge believer in fate or faith or the universe or whatever you want to call it, pointing you in the right direction. I also believe that there is a path we are all supposed to take in life. When we take it things go rather smoothly and when we don't we run into problems. I could go into the whole free-will argument, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I do believe in free-will, we all have our own choices to make, but by following the path intended you actually have more free-will and choice available than by not following it.

In this move so far, things have worked out really, really well. I found a job rather easily. We sold the house rather quickly. Things are popping. This has convinced me that we are on the right path. Now, not everything has been smooth sailing, there have been bumps and detours along the way, but in generally things have worked out rather nicely.

Except for the housing situation. We have a number of options in this area and I'm not sure which way to go. We will have money from the sale of the house, so we could put a large down payment down and buy a house. I just found out yesterday that that would entail still renting something for a couple of weeks to a month. We could build new, which would require us to rent for 4-6 months. Both of these instances would be a short term vacation rental that would cost about $2000 a month. Not a huge deal, but not sure if that's the way I want to go. The final option is to just rent a house outright. That would require a 1 year lease which would mean no buying for one year. Now that has some appeal in a couple of ways. To buy a house, we have to rush and pay off some stuff and then wait for that to hit our credit report. It will all be very rushed and, I think, very unsettling for everyone involved. By renting for a year, we can not only take our time to find a house we really like, but also get the credit all straightened out so when we do buy it is ready to go. The problem with that is finding a house that will allow our 3 dogs for one year. We could also just rent the vacation rental for a couple of months and then buy something. It will give us time to really look around and find the house we like rather than rushing into something.

So as you can see, there are a number of different possible paths and I'm not sure which one is the right one. They all have their pluses and minuses. The real problem is that, I just keep rolling these around in my head. Not making any progress at all. So, in the time honored tradition of sorting things out, I need to start walking.

One thing that I have not been doing in any way, shape, or form is exercise. My back has been bothering me a lot (that is another post completely) and with all that is going on with selling the house and the move and everything, exercise just fell by the wayside. I had thought to go back to Crossfit, but honestly, I think I'm done with Crossfit for now. I've gained a ton of weight and at this point Crossfit is more painful than doing nothing. So it is time to go back to basics. I'm going to start with walking and gradually work up to running and then take it from there. Also, the walking and running provided a benefit that Crossfit never has. It allows me time to process my thoughts. In a situation like this, where I have multiple options and I'm not sure which way to go, a nice long walk will usually help me decide. Either the right way will present itself or a whole new solution - that I hadn't thought of before - will become clear. So it is time to start walking again. I only have a few more days of school and then I will be walking every morning and the dogs in the afternoon.

So, the point of this post? Well, I have a huge decision facing me and I need to figure it out. The best way for me to figure it out is to move. So it's time to start moving again. With that being said, I'm off to walk.

Two hours later: After I posted this, I showered, dressed, and headed out for a 1 hour amble. I walked slow, just enjoying the scenery and listening to a podcast. As I walked I felt better and better. Lighter and lighter. As if my mind was clearing. As I walked, I came to a realization. I need to be active. I love being active. The happiest times in my life had nothing to do with money, where I was, or what I was doing, it had to do with me being active. Training for my first marathon, I was really happy. When I started doing tris, I was incredibly happy. I remember looking forward to trainings and feeling so awesome after. Laughing and smiling a lot more than I do now. I remember taking myself from about the size I am now down into the 150's and feeling just amazing. I want that again. I once read that in order for working out/weight loss to be successful, you have to be working towards something and not just away from something. I really believe that is true. During the times above, instead of focusing on what I didn't want - this weight - I focused on what I did want; to run and bike and swim. I think I need to shift my thinking and start working towards something again. I also think that is where Crossfit failed me. I'm never going to be a games athlete and so working towards something like that is unrealistic and I know it. Also, I'm a loner. I know that and I embrace it. I'm more of a loner when I'm heavy, but even when I'm thin, I prefer to workout alone. Crossfit is too community focused. You workout on your own, but if you don't participate in the social side it feels weird. Believe me, I know. So I think it is time to start working towards something and not away from something.

Just for the record, my walk was: 1 hour exactly, 2.56 miles, and 474 calories. Slow and steady and a great place to start.

16 May 2016

A very enlightening weekend

We just got back from 3 days in Phoenix. It was a real eye opener in many different ways.

We learned that Phoenix heat, even 102F, is not the same as Hawaii heat. Phoenix heat doesn't make you sweat, Hawaii does. We stepped off the plane and felt like a wet blanket was thrown on us. Ugh.

We learned that I will be working with some really cool people at my new school. I'm very excited about that.

We learned that we already have some pretty good friends in Phoenix. That is awesome.

Now, on to what I learned about myself. I am fat. I am that woman. I kept seeing myself in the mirror at the hotel and my stomach is huge. Huge. My clothes don't fit right. My back hurts because of my stomach, I'm sure of it. We had to walk through the airport in LA and I was that woman. I was walking slow and having trouble because I am fat and my back was hurting. The thing is, I didn't resort to the 'I hate my body' mantra. I resorted to the, 'this has to end and end now' mantra. This is not the person I want to be. I want to be the person that I used to be when I did races and tris and was always active. I want to be that person, not this one. Well, I'm the only one that can change that. So I'm going to.

I need to stop screwing around with this eating plan and that eating plan and not really sticking to anything. I need to stick to a way of eating and give it a go. I also need to stop eating sweets. Those are my real downfall. So I need to just eliminate them, or have them once a week. Once. a. week. Not 2 nights a week, or 3 nights a week, or every night in a week. Once. A. Week.

I also need to up my activity. I think it is time to just admit that Crossfit no longer works for me. For a variety of reasons, many of which may go away once I lose some weight. But for now, I just need to suck it up and admit that Crossfit may be a thing of the past for me. So I need to get my butt back to doing other things. I can walk. I need to walk. A. Lot. So I can start with that. I can also do free aerobics on the computer. I need to do that. But I need to start just walking. I am far, far to sedentary and I need to get moving more. So I'm going to start walking in the mornings - I used to do that regularly and loved it. I will also be walking the dogs every single day possible. Walking is going to be the key to my beginning.

Okay, I'm feeling a little bit down on myself and I need to go pick myself up. More later.

Monsoon season has arrived

and we got our first rain yesterday. Actually, it's still raining a little this morning. It wasn't a lot of rain, but it was rain....