08 September 2017
So last week I was all angry and pissed off and things were going to change and they were going to change NOW!!! I made a plan and wrote it down in my planner and everything. So what happened this week??? Nothing! Absolutely!!! Nothing!!!! It was amazing.
Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I did nothing as far as working out goes. Oh, I lie, I did yoga on Sunday (btw, it almost killed me). Monday morning I did go to the gym and that actually felt pretty darn good. But then Monday afternoon we had a Labor Day pool party and there was alcohol. More alcohol than I should have drunk on a school night. Plus we had Iggy who got up 2 or 3 times a night. So I went to bed early Sunday, but I had alcohol in me and Iggy getting me up 3 times. Luckily I took some ibuprofen and had water next to my bed through the night. I woke up feeling pretty good but I woke up late. So no gym and by the time I got home I was pretty tired. So no yoga. Tuesday night I slept really, really well and only heard Iggy once, but Hubby got up with her. But I was in makeup sleep mode and ended up sleeping late. Iggy went home on Wednesday and we finally got to relax, but it was Wednesday and they are brutal. Too tired that night to really do anything at all. Thursday morning I have no excuse for. I just didn't get up. Then last night I just never thought about yoga or anything.
This whole week though, I have felt fat and not very hungry and like there needs to be a shakeup in my life. A big shake up. Maybe I need to approach this differently. Maybe the way I'm looking at it, adding the gym into my day, is the wrong way to do it. What if I worked to restructure my entire day so that the gym is an integral part of it? What if I thought differently about things? What if I treated my entire day like I do a class period at school? In the mornings I have to get X, Y, and Z done. After school, I have to get R, S, and T done. It all comes down to planning, organization, and just doing it. Let's dissect this a little bit.
I want to get up about 3:45 so that I can get to the gym by 4:15ish. Work out for an hour, then home by 5:25ish. Walk the dogs for 20 minutes. Shower, eat breakfast, get dressed. Leave for school by 6:30. In order for that to happen, I need to have things ready to go at school. I need to be able to come to school and there are not 1000 things I need to do before class starts. So in order for that to happen, I have to make sure that I do all my planning and copying on the weekend. I need to have my lessons all planned out and ready to go when I walk through the doors on Monday. Also, I need to get to bed by 8 pm. I generally do, but sometimes I push it until 9 pm.So no more.
Okay, the morning is getting ready to start and I will have to come back to this later. But I will come back to it and I will figure this out. I am smart and the fact that this is beating me down is absolutely ridiculous. I will get this worked out if it kills me.
It's now 10 am and I just got back from all my morning stuff. I was supposed to go to brunch this morning with some of the teachers from work, but I bailed on that, I'm just not feeling it. Anyway, back to what I was doing.
So it really all hinges on school. If I have things planned out and ready in advance, then things will go smoothly and I will have time to get things done that I want to. As for the yoga in the evenings, that really is easy. I always have the time to do it, it is just a matter of getting it done. I have a routine of coming home, going for a swim, watching Dr. Phil, many times snoozing in my chair, then eating dinner and winding down for the night. I have to shift my thinking around. Instead of relaxing and watching Dr. Phil, I could do yoga. It's only 30 minutes, so I still have time to watch Dr. Phil. I just need to do it. I don't really have to change anything, except maybe give up my nap, I just need to do it.
Okay, so I have to shift my thinking as prepping on the weekend. I need to look at it as something I have to do. Like walking the dogs or giving them their pills. If it was for them, I would do it in a heartbeat. I would get up early, give up naps, I would do just about anything for them. But since it's for me I won't??? That's just crazy and I need to change my way of thinking.
Another thing I have to stop is getting distracted. I just went off to check something and the next thing you know, I'm on Facebook and my bank, looking at my investment account, checking on bills. Ugh. I need to set time aside to do that stuff and then I won't get distracted doing it at other times. I think I just need to be more deliberate with my use of my time. I need to be more deliberate with my use of time and to do things even if I don't feel like it.
Okay, so it really boils down to what it always boils down to, just freaking do it. I'm going to work on a schedule that is reasonable and allows for down time, and I'm going to stick to it. I feel like crap and I don't want to feel this way anymore.
03 September 2017
So Thursday I was angry. And I mean ANGRY. With a white hot anger that would burn anyone who got near me. It is now Sunday. Has anything changed? No. In many ways, I feel like I have far, far too much information and I don't know which way to turn. Primal, Paleo, Whole 30, Weight Watchers, Zone??? Way, way too many choices and I don't know which one is best. I've tried just about all of them and they all work to some extent if you work them. Things I do know for sure:
- I can't restrict calories too far or that will blow up in my face
- I need to find some serious motivation because of the fact that I am fat and feel like crap is not doing it.
As I was typing this something just hit me (again). In the past, when I've become seriously invested in exercise it is because I had something I was working towards. Someone years ago wrote that if you have to be working towards something and not against something else. Truer words were never spoken for me. I need some extrinsic motivation to get me going. Once I'm moving along, I can generally come up with intrinsic motivation. But that comes later. Initially I need something outside of me to focus on because I feel that nothing inside me is good enough. I love when I have these revelations. I did find an 8k trail run on President's weekend in Apache Junction. This is tempting for a number of reasons. A) President's weekend is when they have the Great Aloha Run and that is kind of where I 'started' my fitness journey. B) it's the Lost Dutchman run and that just makes me happy. C) it's 6 months away which gives me plenty of time to train for it. and finally, D) it's 8k which is almost exactly what the GAR was.
So I'm thinking of that. Today is when my week starts in my planner so I can count this as my first day of my new life. But I haven't nailed down what my new life will look like. But, maybe that's for the best. Maybe trying to plan too much is not good. Maybe I should let it develop a little more organically.
It is now 5 pm. I started this post at 5 am and then walked away and lived my day. I still haven't quite figured out what kind of goal I need to focus on. I feel like I've done it all. I've run marathons. I've done triathlons. I've done Crossfit. What more is there to do? So that's kind of where my head is right now. I say to myself I would love to run again, but would I? Would I really? I think I need to give it a little more thought and contemplation before I make a final decision. Now, I'm off to do the yoga I promised myself this morning.
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