Step Away From the Cake

Playing games

2012-01-25T17:09:00.000-10:00

I love to play games. The simplier the better. I don't like games that make me think a lot or require a serious strategy to play. After teaching all day I like to do some fun, mindless stuff. Well I found a new place to do this, Winster. It's a slot machine type game where you win points and earn prizes. You also play with others and you can help them or let them help you. It's fun and definitely relaxing. So check it out. You can click the link below or the banner in my sidebar. It's fun and you know you want to have fun....

Self perpetuating

2012-01-22T07:06:00.000-10:00

There are many sayings out there the promote positivity.

Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you are right
Where the mind goes the body will follow.
Where the body goes the mind will follow.
Fake it until yo feel it....

And so on. These are all true. The hardest part is putting yourself into the positive mindset. Even if you are faking it. Some times you just have to drag your way through negativity, self doubt, and even self loathing to get to a point where you can create a spark of positiveness. The good news is sparks don't like to be alone. Create one and another will follow. And another. And another. And on and on and on.....

Yesterday I had some major triumphs early in the morning with my bike ride and my weight loss. Once I got home I decided to track my food, since I'm doing so well I should learn what I'm doing. So I did. I also made an effort to get enough water - something I struggle with on the weekends - but fell a little short in that area. I also wanted to do a boot camp workout last night, but after my bike ride in the morning and walking the dogs in the evening I was really tired. So I passed on the boot camp. I ended the night feeling good and tired. I slept really well last night and woke up early this morning. I've been up for a few hours now and feeling pretty darn good. I have nothing earth shattering on the agenda today, some housework and maybe some school work, so it will be a relaxing day. I am going to get my workout in and I am going to go shopping for food for next week.The only thing negative in my life right now is my neighbors. Maybe I should look for some southern shores real estate to get away from these jerks. Or I can just do like I've been doing and ignore them......

Bottom line here? Positivity breeds positivity......

Conquering fears and being a loser

2012-01-21T16:06:00.000-10:00

8 weeks ago today I crashed on my bike. It was pretty bad and I was in a lot of pain for awhile. Of course, all things considered it was not a bad crash at all which is what scares me. If I was in that much pain for that long and that wasn't a bad crash.....what would a bad crash be like? It took a long time for some of the injuries to heal. I have a scar on my arm that was probably the worst injury and I'm sure it will be there forever. For the last month or so I've been wanting to get back on my bike. But every week I find an excuse; it's too hot, it's too cold; it's rainy; it's windy,I overslept, etc. The truth of the matter was, I was scared. I was afraid to ride again because I was afraid to crash. My little crash caused a whole lot of pain, I didn't want to take the chance and have a worse crash. So I've been finding ~~reasons~~ excuses not to and that wasn't hard at all. Well, this morning I found myself wide awake at 5:30 am. It was not windy and there was only a little, morning rain. None of my excuses would fly this morning. So I got ready, got my bike out, and headed off to Weight Watchers. It was scary going I tell you. But I took my time, rode very conservatively, and it was great. I didn't take my mind off what I was doing for one second. I was so focused it was insane. But I did it. When I was getting near the intersection where I crashed I started getting a little anxious, but I went through it no problem. I do have to say that I did things I felt were safe but were not necessarily following the bike laws. I used some crosswalks to cross streets when I didn't feel comfortable going with traffic. I rode on the sidewalks a couple of times. But I was careful and safe and I'm glad I finally did it and my fear has been conquered.

Now, as for being a loser, I am :) I was down 1.2 lbs. Yeah!!! Considering the week I had, this really surprised me. I haven't worked out all week. Eating was not the best it could be, but I'm getting really intuitive about the eating. I did have dessert one night but basically I eat decent amounts during the day and stop eating dinner when I'm full. Some nights that's a lot of food and other nights it's just a little. The point is I'm paying attention and able to realize that I'm full and stop. When I do that I do not feel stuffed and bloated. And apparently it's paying off. Down 1.2 lbs Woo Hoo!!! Now this week I'm definitely going to track and work on getting my workouts in. I'm going to get up in the mornings and do my bootcamp even if I only get one round done. It's better than nothing. A girl at WW today said she gets and hour exercise every morning no matter how early she has to get up. Hmmmm....maybe I need to shift my thinking....

Time to take control

2012-01-21T06:32:00.000-10:00

After I wrote my post the other day it came to me that I'm not in as much control as I like to think I am. I was letting life and responsibilities get in the way of what I want to do. I was worrying about everything else and not about me. Wow! That's a huge change. When I first started WW and they would talk about how people with weight problems have a hard time saying NO. How they put everyone else's needs before their own and that ends up being part of the problem. Heck, they even talk about it on Biggest Loser. Anyway, I used to say that I don't do that. I take care of myself and do what I want to. It wasn't completely true then and now I've fallen further into the habit of taking care of everything else and ignoring me.

Some things I've noticed lately. I don't workout at night because we have to walk the dogs and I don't want to delay dinner too long. I don't workout in the morning because I don't have time because I've gotten into my head that I need to be at school by 6:30 - a full hour before I have to be there. I don't workout on weekends a lot because we have things to do and I don't want to delay hubby. I don't eat as well as I should all the time because Hubby makes dinner and I don't want to tell him what to do or make. Really???? Who is this person and where did they come from? I don't know but it's time to kick her butt to the curb.

It's 6:30 right now. I'm going to get my bike out and ready and I'm riding to WW. After that I'm going to carefully ride to the racquet club and check out the happenings over there - big national tournament starting tomorrow. Then I will ride home shower and clean up this room. Once that is all done I will get some work done on my thesis - that is starting to become critical. I will work out later and we will walk the dogs. I will consider it a good day if I fall into bed exhausted tonight. Tomorrow it will be more of the same only with football thrown in - the 9ers are playing :)

Moving at the speed of light....

2012-01-19T18:36:00.001-10:00

That's what I feel like anyway. I have been working hard and working to keep on top of everything and not let things slip. It's only the first cycle and I can already see where things can go wrong. I've been going in early and getting things ready. I have to admit that I haven't been doing anything at home at night. That is step one into changing my routine.

So I'm this huge advocate of choices. There is always a choice - Always!! You give me any situation and I will show you a choice. You may not like the options but they are always there. So why am I lamenting my own choices so much lately? Back to school and I'm tired and drained at the end of the day. I can't force myself to get up in the morning and by evening I'm wiped out. I want to workout, at least I think I do. I know that I don't want to feel the way I do and look the way I do. Wait! I think I just hit on something. My motivation is from the negative. That never works for me. My motivation has to come from a positive side or it just doesn't work for me. My motivation has to be things like, I want to feel better, I want to run faster, hell I just want to run, I want to not be so tired, I want to be fit and trim. I heard Oprah once say, what you resist persists, and it is so true. If I focus on the negative I will stay stuck where I am. I need to shift my view and focus on the positive. I know this in every other area of my life, why can I not get it together in terms of health and fitness? What is wrong? Okay, nothing, I just need to break old habits. Course it would be a whole lot easier if I was trying to do motor home repair, but I can do this.

Start small. One step at a time, just continue to make forward progress.

New Shoes

2012-01-15T10:33:00.001-10:00

Sometimes a new item will inspire me to get moving again. I don't do it often, but every once in a while I buy something new for my workout.

Yesterday I discovered I had a $25 coupon for Sports Authority and it expired yesterday. I had to go spend it, didn't I? Hate to see $25 go to waste. So I headed over to see what I could find. Being on the larger size I tend to go through shoes quickly. Also, with no cartilage in my right knee, as soon as the cushioning wears down a little I can feel it. So I figured I would take a look at the shoes on sale.

I ended up getting the ones in the picture. I have not owned Nikes in years and years. I wore them today and I like them. Doing a boot camp workout in my running shoes was okay but it's better in these....

Okay, I had a long, insightful post planned but I walked away in the middle to do laundry and now I've lost it. If it comes back to me I'll be back to finish this. If not, oh well.....

My New Addiction

2012-01-14T10:40:00.003-10:00

This guest post from Margaret Mills

I have recently become the biggest online shopping addict. Just in the last week I have ordered two pairs of shoes, a winter coat and a wine sampler from different websites. I started working from home about a month ago, so I have a lot more freedom to do what I want with my time. Of course this means I shop for shoes and clothes when I’m supposed to be doing work! I guess I could exercise or clean, but who wants to waste time with that? It’s so much more fun spending my time looking at and purchasing the latest trends. Sometimes I actually do look for things my family needs though, like wireless internet service deals. I figure that if I start searching for deals on things I really need I can offset the extra spending I’ve been doing. With the holidays coming up I know I need to get the best deals possible so I’ve really been doing my research this year on things I want to buy. It’s amazing how much cheaper shopping online can be than buying in stores. Getting great dealsmakes me feel so accomplished!

Up and Down

2012-01-14T10:37:00.000-10:00

Really tired of this cycle I seem to be stuck in. One week I'm up, the next week I'm down. I wouldn't mind so much if there was general progress in the down direction, but there's not. I'm very close to where I was when I first started WW again.

I was down 2 lbs this week. That is awesome. I'm feeling good and I knew it was going to show a loss. I need to keep this going though. I can't go ,'oh yeah, I lost. This week I can slack a little.' That's kind of what's been happening. I go down. I think I've got it wired. Then I lose focus. So I want to take a few minutes and look at what's working for me and how did I lose 2 lbs. this week?

First was the food. I did not track every day, but I was extremely mindful of what I was eating. Not only did I consider what I ate but how much I ate of it. I never walked away from a meal this week stuffed. Never. So mindful eating.

Second was the water. This week was back to school and back to the habit of drinking 64oz of water a day. I fill my 32oz cup up in the morning and at lunch. With all the talking I do as a teacher I need that to keep my mouth and throat lubricated. The fact that it also helps my body is an added side benefit. When I'm at home, no matter how much I try to make it a habit, I just don't drink that much water. So drinking my water.

Third has to be routine. Being back to school, I'm back on a regular routine. I eat breakfast at 7:15. I generally eat lunch at 11:30, I have a snack at 3:30-4:00, finally dinner is usually 7:30ish. I eat every 4 hours or so. It's not something I planned, it's just the way it works out. But it works for me. When I'm home I find it hard to stick to a schedule like that. I sleep later, workout and then don't eat breakfast until almost 10am. Then depending on what I'm doing, I can eat lunch at noon or not until 2pm. Or not at all. Then have dinner at 7 or 8. Now that I look at that, I can see that this is not good. So routine.

Finally the workouts. I have not worked out every day but I did workout 2 days and these are killer workouts. I'm doing the BCx Bootcamp and the workouts really kick your butt. I can feel my core muscles and I'm seeing muscles in my arms. The week before I did the entire week and I think I'm having residual effects from that, but these are great workouts. The success this week is that I did the 2 workouts at night. That is huge for me. I get these routines and schedules set in my mind and breaking out of them is difficult at best. For example, I have it in my head that I workout in the morning. That's it. I do. So working out at night just goes against everything that I believe and that makes doing it hard. Also, I have this routine in my brain: come home, walk the dogs, clean the bird room, relax, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed. Relaxing usually involves 30-45 minutes on the computer. Watching TV is usually done prostrate on the couch and generally lasts an hour or more. Now, why can't I replace one of those two things with working out? No reason except that it's not on the schedule!!!! Stupid, I know, but true. So I am going to work on switching that around this week. I have this weekend and Monday off. I'm going to work out at 6:30 each night - that's generally the time I'm done with everything else. So that will be 3 days of working out. Then I'm going to try and do 2 more nights during the week. That will give me 5 workouts for the week. Yeah!!!

Someone at the WW meeting last week said that weight loss is an inside job. That is so true. And being successful at weight loss requires recognizing those thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back and changing them. Maybe I used to be a morning workout person but maybe I'm not anymore. Things change, people change, this too can change.

Need to change

2012-01-10T17:12:00.000-10:00

School started yesterday. After 3 weeks off it's back to work. Ugh!!! I really want to work out. My alarm went off yesterday and I didn't get up. My alarm went off this morning and I didn't get up. My ~~reasons~~ excuses are of the flimsiest you can imagine. It was cold. I was tired. I didn't want to workout that hard when I'm not completely awake. I don't have enough time. Wow!!! Can you get more cheesy and weak??? I am reaching a point where I just can't listen to myself anymore. I just need to move. I read blogs of people who are active and I envy them. I envy them a whole lot. People making plans for races and events and what am I doing? Not much. Making excuses. I've gotten to the point where I will use any excuse not to workout. I have a Wii and bitch because I want an XBox. Well crap! Want an XBox look for some xbox deals and STFU!!!

What I need is a good butt kicking. I really, really need to get my act together. I need someone like Jillian to get in my face and yell. Loud!!! But, since I don't have a Jillian I will just have to do it myself.

One step I am making in the right direction is that I am going to workout now. I didn't get up this morning but Hubby is working and I have the time now. I don't have the energy but that is just too bad. I will workout now.

Time to get serious

2012-01-07T09:18:00.000-10:00

I need to lose weight. I don't like the way I look or the way I feel and I'm concerned about my health. I want to lose weight to fit into the clothes in my closet. So I have need and I have want. I have desire and motivation. I just need to do it.

Weight Watchers was this morning and I am up .6 lbs from where I started. Now, yes, in the overall scheme of things that is not much at all. But for someone who is trying to lose weight that is not the right direction. So I need to get serious.

School starts on Monday and that will be good in many ways. I'll be back on a schedule and back to a routine. It will also require more discipline since I will need to get up early to workout.

Too much running through my mind right now to write. I need to work some things out before I try putting them down.

I want to be a success

2012-01-05T08:21:00.000-10:00

Perhaps I should first define success. To me success is doing what I set out to do. It does not mean being the best or being first, it means doing it. So if I say I'm going to workout in the morning and I do - that's a success. It doesn't matter that it took me forever and I had to stop 3 times to rest. I did it and therefore it's a success. That means that the next time I want to do it better or faster or something in order to be a success. But it does not have to be earth shattering. If I do 5 push-ups one day that's a success. The next day I do 6 - huge success. The following day I do 6 with perfect form - another huge success. See where I'm going here? I'm not judging my success on anyone else's, I'm basing if firmly on my own self. I am the gauge and the meter stick by which I measure my success.

Now, having said all that, I don't feel like a success and I want to. I think the first thing I need to do is set some goals so that I can define my successes.

Two days ago I started this boot camp program that I really like. I found it at FitStudio and they given you 28 days of workouts and tell you what to do and how. I really like it and I am left in a giant puddle of sweat after every workout so that's good. So my first goal is to complete this workout. 28 days of boot camp. Every day I do a workout will be a success and completing all 28 days will be a big success.

Second goal, track my eating. I h ave not been eating right and I have not been tracking in any way, shape, or form. I need to track. In my head I am justifying what I eat. For example, yesterday I worked out then had an egg sandwich for breakfast. I went to school to work on my classroom and by 3pm realized I hadn't eaten any lunch. I stopped at Safeway and got a turkey meatloaf sandwich. I had no idea of calories or points but my justification in my mind? Well, I've been working and I'm sure it's not that bad. So I ate the whole thing. I need to stop this. I need to take control of my eating and be accountable to myself. So that's my second goal; Track!!!! Every day that I track all food will be a success.

I guess that's really it for now. I just want to develop these habits so that I can then move on to other goals and success. Workout and track. Doesn't sound very hard does it???

In a past life

2012-01-04T20:09:00.000-10:00

I worked in a medical office. I also worked in a vet's office but that's for another post. Anyway, I worked in a doctor's office and I was in charge of the records. Yes, this was my domain. This was a time when computers were just becoming ubiquitous, yes, I'm that old, and I really did envision a day when medical records would be keep on computers. I actually used to dream about that because do you know how hard it is to copy x-rays?? Anyway, I digress. I could see how this could work. Record info directly into the computer and all the data is kept there. Since this was the beginning of the Internet, I could also see how you and your doctors could all access the information without having to photocopy charts and mail things all over the place. I could see how much easier things could be.

Fast forward a few ~~years~~ decades and my vision is a reality. It was a year or so ago that I noticed my vet moving to Electronic Medical Records. Then I noticed Kaiser was installing computers in all the rooms. Now they are completely electronic. I recently signed up with their website and saw that I could see all my Electronic Health Records. It's kind of cool. I can see all my test results and keep track of everything they've done to me. I can also schedule appointments and such, it's awesome.

This really is cool and everything I thought it would be when I was searching for records through all those rolling shelves. The hours I spent copying and mailing charts and x-rays. It's a great idea. I can see the implications for other places too, like Long Term Care and nursing homes. It's so much easier to have all this information in one place to cut down on flipping through papers and taking the chance on missing something.

I really can see a time when there is little to no paperwork. When everything is done electronically and paper is basically used for record keeping. I myself am moving towards that. I do almost all my stuff online and keep almost everything on my computer. I think soon most everyone will be doing that... Of course, that is assuming the world doesn't end at the end of this year. But that's a post for another time.

Back to it

2012-01-04T08:26:00.000-10:00

After the flooring blitz of Monday I was sore. Very. Very. Sore. I ended up taking yesterday off and working on school stuff. About 2-3 hours after I got up I felt fine. I actually considered working out then but it was really hot and humid and there was not a breath of wind. Also, we have vog. Vog is volcanic fog and it is miserable. So I didn't workout yesterday but did get a bunch of stuff done.

I am trying to decide what to do today. I'm going to workout first but after that I'm not sure. I may take some stuff up to school and do some work up there for a little bit. Or I may stay home and do that tomorrow. Not sure. Right now though I am off to workout. Public schools are back today and we are back on Monday. Oh Joy!!!

I'm sore

2012-01-03T07:25:00.002-10:00

This is how I spent about 6 hours yesterday. I was either on my knees scraping old tile up or laying new tile down. Ouch!!! My back, legs, neck, arms, everything is sore. Last night I hurt so bad I could hardly lay down. Or sit. Or stand. It was pretty back. I took some ibuprofen and went to bed. Luckily I fell asleep pretty quickly and slept good. Woke up this morning feeling better but still sore in places.

During this whole event yesterday I hardly ate. I had 1/2 an egg salad sandwich about 1 pm and that was it. When we finished at 5pm I was a mess. I had a headache and felt like crap. I went to the store to grab something quick to eat and to get something for dinner. We ate 3 pieces of fried chicken between us and felt a whole lot better. Later on we had dinner and that helped even more. Bed helped the best by far though.

I'm sitting here now thinking about the workout I have planned and wondering if I can do it. I really am sore. Also, it's overcast and looks like rain. A good day to just hunker down and do some desk work. Maybe I'll work for a little bit and then see about working out. Sitting in this nice comfy chair feels good for now......

I have a plan

2012-01-01T22:28:00.000-10:00

So I've been a little bit lackluster about the whole New Year only because I could not seem to latch onto exactly what I wanted to do. Fitness wise anyway. I know that I want to work on organization and financial health and those are actually pretty easy. But for my health goals, I was dragging my feet and could not seem to focus on what I want to work on. I don't want to get caught up in numbers and goals that are really insane. I have to remain reasonable about this.

I have been doing Bob Harper's Ultimate Cardio Workout and Karen Voight Personal Best and I love both of these but I am already getting bored with them. Also, each one takes an hour and once school starts I may not have an hour every morning. I will be taking the bus and I need to be out there early, earlier then when I drive. So that's to be considered. I will need to be amazingly organized and do things at night so I don't have to mess with them in the morning. I want to wake up, feed the birds, workout, shower and leave. That's it.

As I was looking through the ads in the Sunday paper, I came across an ad that said I could win a NordicTrack Incline - I want one so bad.... Anyway, I went to the website to register and came across a very cool BootCamp Workout. Hmm...It's just a list of exercises that I do in a certain order and a certain number. For example, one curciut has 20 squats, 20 burpees, 20 squat kicks and you do it 3 times. This is awesome for a number of reasons. First, I don't have to follow along at a prescribed pace. Sometimes that is the hardest part. Second, if I'm running late I can do 2 sets instead of 3. Then on the weekends I can do longer, harder workouts.

So I'm excited once again. We have some serious upgrading planned for the next week and I'm back to school next Monday so I'm starting this program tomorrow. It's a 4 week program with a different workout every day. I'm looking forward to it.

My goals for January are to workout 5 of 7 days each week. Track my food 4 of 7 days. Remain consistent in whatever I do since I know that consistency pays off in the end.

New Year's Eve

2011-12-31T08:06:00.000-10:00

Here it is. The end of 2011. I have to say 2011 was not the greatest year ever. It was tough in many, many ways. I'm not unhappy to see it end. I have a feeling 2012 is going to be pretty awesome. I was looking back on last year's posts and I don't remember posting them at all. Interesting because I usually remember at least part of what I write. I think I was writing in automatic mode. I so look forward to new years that I was trying to force it. I didn't even come close to following through on my goals because I didn't remember making them. Interesting. By December of last year things were getting pretty tough for us. I was worried about money and wasn't quite sure how we were going to pull this off. Things have changed a lot this year.

For the coming year my really big goal is to get my thesis done. That will be the main focus of the first few months of the year. Towards that end, I have to say I haven't accomplished a lot on this break. But I still have another week so we will see.

Secondly I really want to get back into the workout habit. My underlying theme this year is to be happy. Working out makes me happy. It makes me feel good and so it is worth the time and effort. I have removed running from my life this year because I just don't see it happening. If it manages to work itself in later on that's awesome, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it like I have been doing.

I'd really like to lose some weight too. But again, I don't want to beat myself up over it anymore. I'm going to focus on eating right, smaller portions, and let it take care of itself. I will go to WW once a week to check in but no more insanity over it. I have tons of breakfasts and lunches that are healthy, delicious, low points and I love to eat. I will eat them and not sweat the small stuff.

Organization is another major factor in my life this year. I have been working on that for a couple of days now and I think I'm on the right track. My major hurdle in that department is to not let things slide. I need to do things immediately; mail, email, banking, etc. That ties in with my thesis though because in order to get that done in a timely manner I need to be highly organized. I need to be organized in all areas of my life to allow time to work on the thesis. So these things all go together.

On Facebook this morning someone was saying they were doing a Last Chance Workout - the last one of 2011. I think I'm going to do that.

Organizational Frenzy

2011-12-30T08:17:00.001-10:00

I'm in one. I have never been the most organized person. Left to my own devices my areas; desk, room, house, etc; would look like a cyclone came through. You've seen those comedies where someone comes into a home and says to the resident "OMG you've been robbed" because it looks like someone ransacked the place? Okay, that would be me if I didn't keep a tight rein on things. And I have kept it fairly under control. The problem is that I do let some things pile up, like the mail, until I need something. Then I spend 20 minutes searching for it and swear to get things organized. I will then make a good effort, usually spending a day or so getting things set up, only to not follow through and let it happen again. This year I am determined to change things. It's not so hard to keep things organized, I just need to find a system that works for me.

Yesterday I went to Office Max and got some new hanging folders and file folders all color coordinated. My initial idea was that every section of my life would be color coded. Finances, medical, house, etc. What I quickly discovered is that so many of those areas overlap. I had a section for insurance, a section for the house, and a section for the cars. Well, guess what? The house and the cars all have insurance! Do I file the car insurance with the insurance stuff or with the car stuff? So you can see my problem. I decided to scrap the color coded sections and just use the colors to make it look pretty. That worked better. I got one file draw all cleaned out and organized into the new files. Now I have to go through my file cabinet. That has stuff that goes back 25 years. What I want to do is make the new files for the current stuff and then have an archive where I can file things I need to keep forever, like taxes, but they won't be taking up space in the current stuff.

I also have to come up with a way to handle the mail. My current system is that I get it from the mailbox and throw it on the first flat surface I come to, where it stays until I need to find something. Yeah, not a great system. I am working on throwing away the junk before it even comes in the house. When I get the mail, I go through it in the driveway right near the trashcan. That way if there is junk I just dump it in the trash and not even bring it into the house. That is working, I just have to keep it up. But for the mail I need to deal with I need a good system. I need to get it onto my desk, which is in a bedroom so not near the door, and I need to deal with it and not let it pile up on my desk - which I have been known to do.

I just came up with an idea. I had wanted to get a small hanging file holder to put on top of my desk. That way, instead of just throwing things onto my desk, I could put them in folders like, mail, file, taxes, etc. That way, while I may not go through it right away, it would be organized if I needed to find something. Also, then when I had time I could deal with things and they would be all sorted out already - something else that claims an inordinate amount of my time. But I'm thinking of just getting a stand up accordion folder for my desk. On second thought, I don't like that. Too easy to fall over and just get in the way. I need something that will be staring me in the face constantly and will not be ignored.

Clearly I still need to work this all out. But that's where my head is right now. I'm determined to make this year the year I get organized and stay organized. Wish me luck.

New Year

2011-12-28T16:49:00.000-10:00

As I've said in a previous post, I love new beginnings. New Years the kind of the mother of all new starts. People make a lot of grand resolutions and promises for New Years. Lots of them fall by the wayside.

I think New Years is a good time for trying to improve your health and general well-being. Lots of people vow to lose weight, get more active, eat healthier, etc. I think a lot of people vow to quit smoking too, and I think it's a fabulous time to do that. As I've said, a new year is like a book that has nothing written in it. You can orchestrate the year anyway you want it to be. It's like a house that hasn't been decorated. Fix it up. Add things you like. Make it your own. That's what a new year is like.

So about 18 years ago I quit smoking, and though I've wanted a cigarette a time or two, it was the best move I ever made. Not only did I save a lot of money, but I know my health is so much better for it. About 15 years ago Hubby quit smoking too. But in the last year and a half he's picked it up again. It started with just having a cigar now and again - which I didn't mind too much. Then he started taking puffs off of friends cigarettes. Then he moved to buying his own. I have been giving him a bad time about it since I found out. He got sick about a month ago and said he was quitting because he couldn't smoke for a week. But then last night I caught him with a cigarette. I think I need to talk to him about quitting cigarettes. Again.

The way I look at things is that you may not die from smoking, but the older you get the more susceptible you are to all those nasty diseases associated with smoking. And we all know we are going to die anyway, but why rush things. So I think it's time for him to look at some serious smoking cessation programs. New years is a great time to quit....

Improving

2011-12-28T10:23:00.001-10:00

Today I did Bob's Ultimate Cardio Challenge and I rocked it. I can definitely feel myself getting stronger. Usually about 1/4 of the way through the workout I have a couple of moments where I am beat and not sure I can go the whole way. Today I didn't have that. Today I even wanted to use heavier weights but the ones I had were awkward and wouldn't work right for the pass-thrus, kind of like this:

Except for that arm in the air thing. Anyway, the heavier weights I kept smacking myself in the leg so I decided that wasn't the best idea and switched to the lighter weights. On Friday though, I will be ready with heavy weights that will work. So I am pleased and I am starting to feel different.

In any workout video or class I've ever done, the instructor or trainer always says tighten your abs. When I first start working out after some time off, I can never do this. I can try but it doesn't feel right. Today I could do it again. When I tightened my abs I could feel the muscles around my stomach and across my low back. Yeah!! Starting to get some muscle tone again.

Today I will be working more on my thesis and waiting for the Dish Network guy to get here. We are switching from cable to Dish because it will save us about $75 a month. That will add up over a year.

So workout is done, breakfast is eaten, no reason not to start work. {{sigh}}

What do I want.....

2011-12-27T07:50:00.000-10:00

There are lots of things I'm thinking about for the new year. I want to lose this weight. I want to get back into running and doing races. I want to finish my thesis and start on my PhD. And I want to be a better teacher. It's a matter now of prioritizing and deciding how much effort I need (or want) to put into each.

Finishing my thesis is going to take a lot of work and that is non-negotiable. I have to finish that by May. So there's that. Starting my PhD is something that can wait for awhile. If I do it this year it won't be until September so that's further down on the list. Losing weight is definitely high priority, but something else that will take time and committed focus. But that also has no deadline so that's good. Running and doing races...That one is a bigger problem then it appears. I have zero running base right now. I am basically starting from the beginning and that sucks. Also, since I'll be giving up my car next week, running races is out for awhile as I'll have no way to get there. Unless they are in Kailua. Finally, being a better teacher. That will take time and effort. That's about all. I just need to figure out exactly what I want to do and do it. Then spend the time planning so that I stick with it.

So the top three are (in no particular order):

Finish thesis
Lose weight
Be a better teacher

Now it all boils down to time management because these are not the only things occurring in my life. These are on top of my house, animals, husband, etc. So time management is the key. I really work better when I have a schedule. Sidenote: I always say that, I work better with a schedule. But I think the truth is I work better under pressure and a schedule provides some pressure.

Anyway, I need to figure out how to accomplish these things and remain sane and get enough sleep and all that good stuff. Right now though, I need to work out because that's on my list today :)

During my workout just now, I decided to completely put running on the back burner. I'm going to focus on losing weight before I even consider running. That takes a whole lot of pressure off me. Now I just need to work out and not try to factor running into the equation. It feels like a weight has been lifted and I feel good about this decision. I will focus on losing weight and once I lose a few pounds I will rethink the whole running thing. Yes, I like it.

New Year coming

2011-12-26T08:10:00.000-10:00

I've said this repeatedly but I'll say it again, I love new beginnings. New years. New months. New weeks. New days. Every new start is a chance for something. It could be anything but it's a new chance. I particularly like new years because I like lines of demarcation. This is where something ends and this is where something else starts.

Since I'm not perfect in anything I do, I like places where things end. If I've been eating out of control I will pick a day or an hour where it ends. That provides a clear and definite end to something I want to stop. On the other hand, if I have to do something I'm not looking forward to, having a set beginning helps me prepare. So yes, I'm all about beginnings and endings.

I should state too that for me beginnings and/or endings can happen anytime. It can be a minute where I just stop and say enough. It can be a day, this happens in school a lot. I will not like how something is going so I will change everything the next day. So for me a new beginning can occur at the spur of the moment. So while I love them I don't need to wait for them to come, I make them.

But there are some that just naturally scream for a new start. New Years is one. I love the start of a new year. It's like having a book that has nothing written in it. It's blank and anything at all can be written, done, created. I love it.

So in less than a week a new year will be here. Time to make some plans and figure out what I want next year to be.

It's that time again

2011-12-23T16:09:00.000-10:00

Election time. This is a presidential election year and it's already been wild, I expect it to get worse. I'm not sure how many Republican canditates we've been through already, but I know it's been a couple. I have already seen a sarah palin 2012 shirt while I've been out and about. And of course the Obama stickers and shirts are everywhere. I'm kind of torn this year.

I've always considered myself a Republican. In fact I consider myself extremely conservative. But lately the Republicans haven't been saying things that I agree with. For instance, when Sarah Palin first came on the scene I really liked her. And when the Republicans lost the election I actually considered getting a sarah palin 2012 shirt because I did like her. A. Lot. But now...eh....not so much. I still agree more with the Republicans then the Democrats but both parties seem to have gone extreme.

I know the Democrats are going to throw everything behind getting Obama reelected. In fact, Obama is here in Hawaii now. They come here for their vacations and he is due to arrive today. I think maybe I should get one of those sarah palin 2012 shirts and wear it around where the Obamas are staying. That could be fun. I'm going to a meeting not far from where they are staying and I plan on riding my bike so I could cruise by :) Terrible, I know....

Day 5 - a day of sloth

2011-12-23T07:56:00.000-10:00

After writing my post yesterday, I almost bailed on my workout. I seriously considered not doing it. I'm not exactly sure why now but I did have some reasons - whether they were good or not is another story. But I had them. I somehow talked myself into doing it and felt pretty darn good. In fact I even upped the weight I use for the upper body work. Cool. Now today I am facing the same dilemma. I have worked out 5 days in a row. I will be riding my bike to Kailua today and tomorrow. I'm thinking of skipping the workout this morning and working on my thesis. I need to make some progress on that and I will be riding my bike later.

Back to yesterday. After my workout nothing much happened. I'm really not sure where the day went exactly. I didn't do much of anything and still the day managed to fly by. A friend dropped a bird off that we are birdsitting for the holidays. I did take a nap for a while. Other than that - nothing. Nothing. At. All. Food was ~eh~ Nothing exciting or thrilling. Nothing really over the top either. Just eh. And that was about it.

Today doesn't promise to be too exciting either. I will be riding my bike to Kailua to finish our new checking account. That means that on Tuesday I have to go to school to start the process of switching my direct deposit. I think that things will be closed on Monday to celebrate the Christmas holiday so I'll wait until Tuesday to go.

Okay, I have nothing more. I think I'm going to shower, get some breakfast, then sit down and start writing. I know what direction I want my thesis to take I just need to get moving on it. Today will be the day.

Day 4 - Have to work out the food thing

2011-12-22T08:22:00.001-10:00

This is how I should have felt yesterday. But I didn't. I had an Outlaw burger with medium fries and a small egg nog shake from Jack in the Box and I did not feel stuffed. I felt comfortable. WTF???? How could that much food not make me feel like this doggy looks. And by the way, whose doggy is this? The owners need to be smacked for allowing their dog to get this big. But that's another story. So yeah, I ate all that food, 50 points for those who converse in Weight Watchers, and I did not feel full at all. I used up all my activity points for the week but only 2 of my weekly points. Hmmm...makes me think I've been working my tush off and not eating enough. I did feel a little lethargic after the meal but in an hour or two I felt very energetic and peppy. I think I need to work a little more on the food thing. I know from experience it's not enough to just cut my calories or points or whatever, I need to eat good. Really, really good. So that will be the focus for the rest of the week - work on the food.

In another turn of events, I got the worst heartburn yesterday morning. I never get heartburn. Never!! But yesterday morning it was bad. I thought at one point I was going to throw up from it. I didn't. I did notice that after I ate that huge meal the heartburn was gone. Now I'm pretty sure that's the opposite of what's supposed to happen but that's what happened. Another clue that I may not be eating enough. My stomach was producing acid with absolutely nothing to digest. It was looking for food and nothing was there. So this morning when I got up I had half a banana with some peanut butter with my coffee. That should hold me through the workout and hopefully stave off the heartburn until I can get some breakfast in me.

So Day 4 has shown me that I need to eat more and not be afraid to use my activity points or weekly points. I'm okay with that. Now, it's off to work out.

Day 3 - the food thing

2011-12-21T09:35:00.000-10:00

Day 3 went pretty well. I was sore. I mean really, really sore. But still I worked out in the morning with Karen Voight. I didn't do much of anything else the rest of the day and I even took a short nap in the afternoon, but I still consider it a success. Eating on the other hand was not the greatest. I had a chicken salad sandwich for lunch which wasn't too bad, but then Hubby brought pizza home and I ended up eating 2 slices for dinner. That plus some peanut butter Oreos. Yes, it could have been much worse but still, not the greatest choices ever. The thing is I'm working out hard, really hard for my current fitness level, and I think I'm craving protein. I'm really dying for a big fat burger. I think protein and carbs are the order for lunch today. The real question is where to go.

Anyway, yes soreness!!! My leg muscles feel awesome. I love the soreness I get from working out. I like it a lot!!! So my legs are sore and during my workout they were shaking like leaves. Love it!!! They actually feel better after working out, not quite so sore. Anyway, yesterday - Day 3 - was okay. Today I will be eating and tomorrow will be much better.

Now off to clean the bird room since tomorrow we have guests. I also need to run to the store to look for a dress. I agreed to chaperon the winter ball tonight and I really don't have anything to wear. I'm going to look and hopefully find something cheap. I passed a store the other day that actually had an ad up for romantic valentines gifts!! People!! Christmas is not even over yet and we are starting to talk about Valentine's Day?!?!?!?!? OMG!!! Okay, enough. I'm off.

Day 2 - Working it out

2011-12-20T08:20:00.000-10:00

Day 2 went well. I worked out. A. Lot. I did Bob Harper Ultimate Cardio Body in the morning. Around noon I went out for my first Couch to 5K run. I did the run to the store, picked up a couple of things and then walked home. Worked out perfect. Then we walked the dogs last night. I am sore. All. Over. And I love it. This is the kind of soreness I like. I can feel my muscles and know that I worked them hard. It's not a bad thing, it's most definitely good.

Yesterdays food was pretty good too. With all the activity I was pretty hungry but didn't go too crazy. I did have some cookies and a handful of M&M's but that wasn't too bad. The problem is the cookies are sitting around the house. At the Christmas party at school we got all kinds of goodies and I really do hate to just throw them away. If I can just eat one or two at a time and not go crazy I should be okay. In a day or so they will completely lose their appeal anyway.

So today, I am sore but I'm still going to work out. I'm going to do Karen Voight and I'm going to be in agony the whole time and I'm going to love it. So now I am off to workout so that I can eat!!!!

Day 1

2011-12-19T10:36:00.000-10:00

One of my goals during this 3 weeks is to post everyday. Initially I thought I'd post at the end of the day with a recap of the day, but quite frankly blogging at night is not my strong suit. I prefer to blog in the morning. So I think I will post in the morning about the following day. So in essence I'll always be talking about a day that is over. I guess that makes sense.

Yesterday was my official Day 1 and overall it went pretty well. I worked out in the morning to Karen Voight and it felt good. I love that workout. Then I was busy doing household stuff, laundry, organizing my room, etc. At 1 pm I had a ceremony to go to for a friend of mine - that was fun. There was food and I didn't go over board. I had a small lumpia, a quesadilla wedge and a cookie. Not bad. I estimated the points at 10 I think and was real pleased with that. When I got home I was a little tired and since I'm on vacation I decided to take a nap. I only napped for about 20 minutes and was back up and at it again. I continued working on my organizing insanity - I'm on a kick to get everything organized and orderly. I have also taken over the cooking while I'm home. I'm doing this for a couple of reasons, one - hubby likes to eat later than I do. If left to him we wouldn't eat until 8 pm. I don't like that. If I'm cooking I control when we eat. Also, I really want to watch what I eat and keep my points as low as possible. I can do that much better if I'm cooking. I am actually a pretty darn good cook, I just don't really like it. Because of rain we ended up not walking the dogs last night so the only activity I got was my morning workout. But I'm okay with that. I don't want to injure myself or burn out in the first few days.

So Day 1 is counted as a success.

So it begins

2011-12-18T07:35:00.000-10:00

I ended up taking yesterday as a sort of rest day. I had some things that I needed to do, get new shoes and a new bike helmet, in order to really begin my journey. Oh yeah, I needed to get some good food. So now I am ready and I am really looking forward to it. Most breaks I usually have a vague plan of things I want to do and I usually lose interest about mid-way through. Then I end up spending most days on the couch watching bad TV. This time I am determined to make it different. I have a whole list of things to do that should keep me busy most days. I want to work out a lot and I'll be doing most of the cooking while I'm home. All this should keep me on my toes and off the couch.

Today's agenda calls for some cardio this morning, followed by some laundry and housework. Then I will be working on my cabinet - god, I want to get that finished. This afternoon I want to start my weight program and walk the dogs. There is also grading to do and time for a little nap if I get tired. I'm excited. I'm looking forward to being busy and keeping active. Oh yeah, I have to go to Amber's pinning ceremony at 1pm. That will get me out of the house for a little bit. That will be nice.

Now it's time to begin.....

Done and done

2011-12-17T10:23:00.000-10:00

School is over. Yea!!! I am so happy, you have no idea. Yesterday was the last day and we had our Christmas party yesterday afternoon. I don't have to go back there for 3 weeks if I don't want to. I will be going back there but I don't have to. Yeah!!!

This week did not go as planned at all. I didn't get up to workout any morning. I didn't eat well most of the time. I was exhausted by the time I got home. Overall a pretty miserable week. Yet I still managed to go down .4 lbs. Wow!!! After yesterdays alcohol and food orgy that was a real shock. My initial game plan was to jump right in today and start on my program but I've changed my mind a little. First, I overslept and had to rush off to WW. I hate rushing in the mornings. Second, I had to stop on the way home and pick up some things for the week. Third, I'm going this afternoon to get new running shoes and a new bike helmet. Plus I want to plan. I do not want to go into this without a concrete plan in place. Also, I would like to relax for one day. So today is my planning/prepping/relaxing day. And I'm good with that.

I will be spending some time on the couch as well as here planning my attack. I have 22 days to lose 10 lbs. I can totally do it if I am focused and committed. And I am. Oh, I also need to charge up my Garmin and get a new battery for the heart rate monitor. I'm going to be using that for working out since my FitBit died. I also have to look for a good calendar for 2012. I like to have it on Excel so I can customize it and print it out so I can see it. I also need to get paper for my printer. Oh, busy, busy, busy. I was looking earlier for a calendar and came across a link for auto collision estimating software. Not sure how that came up, but it did. Google has a mind of it's own sometimes. But then again, Google can usually predict what I'm looking for and that's kind of scary weird.

Okay, enough. I need to go hit the showers.

Down!!!

2011-12-10T09:11:00.001-10:00

My earlier post was to prep me for what I expected at the weigh-in. Since I have dome mostly nothing for 2 weeks and the last few days the eating has not been the greatest, I expected the scale to go up. It didn't!!! It went down. 1 pound down. I will take that because I totally did not expect it.

This week starts the new PointsPlus 2012 at Weight Watchers. That means all new materials and new daily points. My daily points went down from 29 to 26, but I'm okay with that. On the days that I follow the program and track I find it hard to eat 29 points. Now I don't have to. But I will have to be more diligent about tracking because I no longer have that 3 point cushion to work with. That's okay, I need to be more focused on this whole thing anyway.

Along those lines, I found that losing weight for the sake of losing weight doesn't work for me. I need to have a goal that I'm working towards. So I have come up with, what I think, are pretty reasonable goals. The long term goal is to fit into my clothes when I travel to Indianapolis in March. That will require losing about 25 pounds. Considering there are 15 weeks until I go that's not an outrageous goal. I need to lose a little over 1.5 pounds per week. Totally doable. My other goals are shorter term. The first is to start running January 1. That's not so much a goal as a plan, but in order to do that I need to lose a few pounds so I don't hurt myself when I run. The other one is to reach my 10% by the time I return to school on January 10th. That's 31 days or about 4.5 weeks and I need to lose 9 pounds. That is just about 2 pounds per week. Again, totally doable and not out of the question. It's all a matter of focus and determination.

But I must have a plan. So for this week I will track everything. I will stay within my points. I will workout everyday. It's the last week of school so I should be able to drag my butt out of bed to workout. That is the plan.

Now for today, I need to work on this room, it is completely out of control. I also need to get this TV cabinet finished and arrange this room the way I want it. And ORGANIZE. I need organization......

Healed and ready to rumble

2011-12-10T06:50:00.001-10:00

I think I am finally healed from my bike crash 2 weeks ago today. That day I was really sore and hurt so I took it easy all day. The next day, Sunday, I started to get stiff so I took it easy that day too. For the next week I was sore and I had open wounds on my arm and legs, so I didn't work out and tried to take care of myself and heal. Last Saturday I worked out and it almost killed me. My low back hurt and my left butt check was extremely painful which is weird because I fell on my right side. Then last week if I walked too long my low back hurt really bad. On Tuesday I thought I was in big trouble. My back hurt, my butt - both sides - hurt, my knee was giving out, I had pain shooting down my left leg... Yeah, I thought I had done some real damage and needed to go see a doctor. I used the heating pad while I sat at my computer and took ibuprofen before I went to bed and felt pretty good the next morning. I felt pretty good all day but when we walked the dogs Wednesday night my back started to hurt pretty bad - and we had only taken a short walk. Again, I thought I might need to go to a doctor but again I used the heating pad and took some ibuprofen before bed. Thursday my back felt fine all day and when we walked the dogs that night it only hurt a tiny bit towards the end. One more night of heating pad and ibuprofen just to be safe. Yesterday I woke up feeling great and didn't even think of my back all day. We didn't walk the dogs but I felt really good all night and was kind of bouncing around here. I was looking forward to getting up and working out this morning. My plan was to get up to watch the lunar eclipse and then workout after that. But it was raining really hard and I knew I wouldn't see anything so I stayed in bed. As I lay in bed I was debating about going to WW. I know I'm the same or possibly up because of 2 weeks of inactivity so I was thinking I would stay home, workout and get back on track. But I logged into WW to log my food and saw that they started the new program. I forgot about that and want to see what it's all about, so I'm off to WW and then I will workout when I get back. I need to get back on track. This upcoming break is all about health and fitness and I want to get started now. This week is a super easy week and I want to start on the health track now. And the first step is going to WW today and facing the music.

The Missing Piece

2011-12-04T12:53:00.001-10:00

For a while now I've been somewhat unhappy. Not really unhappy just not completely satisfied with my life. I have tried different things to figure out what was missing but I never seemed to hit on the right combination. Now I think I figured it out. Creativity or being crafty. As far back as I can remember I had some craft thing going. Knitting, crocheting, latch hook rugs, sewing, etc. I have always done crafts. Always!!!! But in the last few years I have gotten out of the habit. I'm not sure how or why, whether it was money or boredom or just a change in lifestyle, I don't know why I only know that is has happened. A couple of weeks ago I finally got invited to join Pinterest and I have been hooked big time. As a result my creative side is starting to come back to life. I love it. I have started a project this weekend and I am very excited about it. Here it is in progress:

It's an ugly TV cabinet that we have had for years and I have hated. I finally got some ideas for it and got off my butt and am changing it. I have been wanting to redo this computer room and this is just the beginning. The best part of this is that it has kept me moving all weekend. I have not napped. I have not spent hours on the computer doing nothing. I have been active and moving all weekend long. Yesterday morning I even worked out but quite frankly that hurt my back so much I decided to not do it again today, but I will tomorrow. Anyway, it's been great. I've worked on that for awhile. Taken breaks and done some school work. Watched some TV while I work. Listened to music while I worked. I really feel like my old self.

I think I have finally figured out what was missing. Creativity is clearly important to me and I just have to remember to make time for it.

My week and welcome to it

2011-12-03T10:48:00.001-10:00

One week out and this is what my elbow looks like. The bruises are nasty and ugly and the butt hurts like you would not believe. But the good news is I'm on the mend. I am definitely feeling much better. I even worked out for an hour this morning. It was hard but I did it so yeah me!!! I think I may survive this.

So the week has been uneventful at best. I have been sore and tired and not motivated to do much of anything. I don't like that feeling but I know my body is healing so I went with it. I wanted to get up and workout a couple of mornings but it just didn't work out. I'm not going to beat myself up, I'm just going to move on.

School was rough. It was the next to last week and it was loooooooonnnnnnnngggggggg. I'm sure next week will be even worse. I have a bunch of stuff to do over this weekend but it's nothing difficult, just lots of little things so I'm saving those for tomorrow. Today I'm going to get crafty. I have an ugly, ugly, ugly TV stand in my computer room here that I absolutely hate. This weekend I'm going to redo it. I've been on Pinterest a lot and I have gotten some fabulous ideas. This weekend I'm going to try some on this ugly thing. I also want to rearrange this room so this seems like as good a time as any. And organization. I am so freaking tired of being unorganized that I am really going to work at getting a system in place for everything. Everything!!!!!

I also may brave the mall today. I need some new running shoes. I'll probably look online too. I want to start running on January 1st but the shoes I have will not work. I think I really need wide shoes too. I only wear shoes to workout now and I think my feet are spreading. So wide running shoes it will be. Okay, I'm done now. I'm going to go shower and start on my projects.

Revelation

2011-11-29T19:44:00.001-10:00

I was sitting here watching the Biggest Loser and planning the post I was going to write. It was going to be about how I am recovering and how everything freaking hurts and how I'm going to make damn sure I don't fall again. It is not fun. But I'm sitting here watching the Biggest Loser and it's make-over week. They are all getting new clothes and haircuts and spa treatments, etc. As the one lady, Bonnie, was meeting up with her husband she commented that they are going to be the most active retired couple in America. As she said that I thought to myself, I used to be active. I like doing things. When things come up my initial reaction is always, let's go. But a lot of times I back out at the last minute and it has to do with my weight. Wow!! You have no idea what a revelation that is to me. I have the desire to do things but I let my weight and how I feel hold me back. Seriously, I knew that but I didn't really know that... Now I know that, and the scientist in me realizes that once you know something you can act on it. Holy Crap!!! This is really so amazing.... I'm sitting here in absolute shock with my mouth hanging open. It is so strange to me how I can know something but then one day, some random comment will hit me and I realize that I didn't know it, I was just giving it lip service. Wow!! No more letting my weight tell me what to do. No more will my weight keep me in bed in the mornings. No more will I miss out on things because I feel fat or I don't think I have anything to wear. NO MORE!!!

In other news, I completely avoided Black Friday. We did go to K-Mart around 1 pm and there was no one there. It's been more crowded on the random Saturday than it was on Black Friday. But other than that I did not go near a store all day. I was slightly tempted to go at midnight when the mall here opened, but I resisted. I am however, looking forward to after Christmas sales or, as they say in England, boxing day sales. That's when I go shopping and usually save a bundle.

Okay, I have to go. This revelation has literally blown my mind. I have a headache and I need to really absorb this.

It's not if, it's when

2011-11-27T08:22:00.001-10:00

People who ride bikes have a saying, "it's not a matter of if you are going to crash, it's a matter of when." In other words, everyone crashes. Everyone. At some point or another you will crash. Honestly I have been riding bikes on and off for years. At one point, when I was trying to get into shape, I rode everyday in California. It was my exercise of choice. I was without a bike for a long time, but I have now had a bike for at least 12 years. And I ride on and off. I actually love riding my bike, it really is my favorite form of exercise. I have these massive thighs that can carry me long, long ways on the bike. Not so good for running, but awesome for biking. One of the things I've done when serious about losing weight is ride my bike to Weight Watchers. It does a number of things. First, I get my exercise in for the day and I get my weigh-in. Perfect. Second, lots of times I will end up just cruising around since I enjoy biking so much and therefore I get in more exercise than I planned. Also, Saturday mornings are kind of me time. I don't usually schedule anything except WW so I am free to workout, bike ride, run, walk, hike, whatever I want.

So yesterday morning started off like any other. I rode my bike to WW and was feeling pretty good. After the meeting I was debating with myself to head straight home or cruise the main drag looking for garage sales. We are looking for some chairs for the living room and Saturday is prime garage sale time. I was going back and forth all the way up to the point where I had to make a decision. I would either go straight and go home, or turn left and cruise. At the last minute I decide to go left. I get into the left turn lane. There are 3 cars in the lane already and the light is red. I stop behind the 3 cars because I don't want to be right next to them when they take off and also I have a little room to build up some speed to get through the intersection. The light turns green. I start pedaling. I stand up on the pedals to try and get a little ommph behind it. I start to make the left turn when something goes horribly wrong. I don't know exactly what happened but I could feel something go wrong and I start to head over the handle bars. Yikes. I knew I was going to fall and there was nothing I could do to stop it. I was going down. I fell on my right side and I actually felt my head bounce off the pavement. As soon as I was down I knew I had to get out of there since I was right in the middle of the road. The car that was behind me slowed down but then kept going around me. I knew I had to move. So I popped up like one of those punching bags that always rights itself, grabbed my bike and headed to the median to regroup. As I'm hobbling over I hear some guy ask "Are you okay?" Now, something I should explain here. When I hurt myself the one thing that pisses me off most is that question "Are you okay?" Really. Would I be hobbling like this if I was alright? Would the blood that's running down my arm be any indication that things might not be okay? Really!!! My initial reaction is usually "Leave me the f*ck alone!!!" I refrained from that though and told the man, "I think so." I then continued to hobble to the median, throw my bike on the grass and sit on the curb. Now, I have not looked at the guys who asked if I was okay. I had no idea who they were, but I could hear them backing up their truck and moving into the left turn lane. I was just blocks from where Hubby was working and I was just planning on calling him to come get me. With these guys getting out of the truck I thought "great, some stinking good Samaritans." As the truck door opened and I turned to tell them I'd be fine, I saw the fire dept logo on the door. Oh, these were firemen. Oh, that's okay.

They insisted on calling for help and we ended up with firemen, police, and ambulance there. It was all very exciting. They cleaned my scraps and took my blood pressure and pulse. They kept asking me things like if I knew my name and what day it was. They were all extremely nice. I felt rather embarrassed by the whole thing, but everyone who showed up was awesome. At one point the cop asked if there was a car involved and the first fireman said no, she fell by herself. At that point I started laughing and everyone else did too. It was a tension relieving moment and one of the firemen said, "at least you can still laugh at yourself." They wanted to take me to the hospital in the ambulance and I really did not think that was necessary. I ended up going home with Hubby and telling them I would go to the doctor. I even made an appointment when I got home. But I ended up canceling it because once I laid down and relaxed I started to feel better.

So the injury report? Well, I banged my head pretty good and destroyed my helmet. My right forearm is scraped all to hell. My right knee is scraped and my left shin banged my pedal and has a nice knot. Apparently I took the majority of the fall on my right hip/butt cheek. It was the most sore thing yesterday. Today it's better but there is a mark where I scraped I think, and I'm sure there will be a nice bruise there. It's not coming up yet but I'm sure it will. I slept pretty good considering, but today I feel like I've been beat up. My back is sore, my neck is sore, my upper arms are sore, my shoulders hurt. I feel like I worked out for hours and hours. So it looks like I'll be taking it easy today. My agenda includes grading papers, walking the dogs and doing laundry and that's about all. Now, off to shower and take some ibuprofen.

A great Thanksgiving

2011-11-25T07:42:00.001-10:00

Yesterday ended up being a pretty awesome day. I had a to-do list that wasn't too long and I was generally successful. It looked like this:

Do 5k in Lanikai
Clean bird room
Work on grading for 2 hours
Do another 60 minute workout
Work on thesis for 1 hour
Walk dogs

When the day was over it looked like this:

~~Do 5k in Lanikai~~
Clean bird room
~~Work on grading for 2 hours~~
~~Do another 60 minute workout~~
Work on thesis for 1 hour
Walk dogs - Hubby ended up not feeling good, that's why this didn't happen.

I consider it a success. Today I have a lot of the same thing planned. I need to get the grading done and I need to make some progress on my thesis. There will be some working out in there since I can not sit still all day. Maybe walking, maybe bike riding - who knows......

Live the lifestyle

2011-11-24T05:54:00.001-10:00

It's funny how sometimes a random comment will set things off in my head. Last week at WW someone said, "You can't be a 150lb person and live the lifestyle of a 300lb person." That really started a train of thought in my head that has been going all week.

When I was at my fittest (not necessarily my thinnest) I lived the life of a fit person. I was always doing something, I would get up in the morning and run or bike. I would work until 5pm, get home around 6pm then go for a swim or do some weights. I had the energy to do all these things and I did them. On the weekends I would bike 20 miles to WW meeting and then bike home. I would hike and walk and run. I lived the life of an active person and it showed on my body.

Now, not so much.

I spend far too much time doing this. So I'm going to work on changing my lifestyle. I'm going to not lay on the couch. I'm going to move more. Keep busy. Workout when I have time. Eventually it will become second nature like it did before, but until then I'll work at it.

That starts right now, today. I'm off to walk 5k with a group from WW. It's not a huge thing but it's a start on the lifestyle I want.

Sugar is a drug

2011-11-22T19:02:00.001-10:00

To me it is. Last week when Hubby wasn't home I ate well. I did not have dessert any day that week. I stuck to fruits and veggies. I did eat small snacks during the day but nothing big. Hubby was home for dinner on Sunday and we had steak, baked potato, steamed veggies, etc. That was all good. Later though we had a big cookie and an ice cream cone. I went to bed and thought I slept good but when I woke up I felt drugged, like I had taken a sleeping pill. Last night I didn't have anything and felt fine this morning. Today at school though I overdid the Twizzlers. I even had some more on the way home. By the time it came to dinner I had no control. I was hungry and really did not care what I ate. I didn't do too bad some chicken and rice and a little bit of macaroni salad. And two more cookies. It's like I had no control. It dawned on me it's just like when I drink.

When I drink I don't get drunk anymore but I do have lower resistance. I tend to make poor choices and eat more than I should. That's exactly how I feel when I consume sugar. Weird huh? So, to me at least, sugar is a drug. And I gave up drugs years ago.

Wasting Time

2011-11-20T08:56:00.001-10:00

That seems to be a theme this weekend. Yesterday I biked to WW and back. Went to lunch with Hubby. Then basically was a bum the rest of the day. Today I got up at 6:30, it's now almost 9 and I've done pretty much nothing. I have things to do, papers to grade, laundry, etc...I just have no motivation. Not sure why. Maybe it's the final vestiges of the cold leaving. Also it's a cloudy, rainy day so that doesn't help anything at all. I may just leave the grading until Thanksgiving weekend. Then I can do it all and be done with it. Also, grades will be due shortly after Thanksgiving so getting everything done over the long weekend kind of makes sense. We will see..... Right now I think I'll shower just to get moving....

Finally, the scale is my friend

2011-11-19T10:08:00.001-10:00

For the first time in 4 weeks the scale moved in the direction I wanted it to. Down. The first week I was up .2 lbs. The second week I was up .8 lbs for a total of 1 lb higher than I started. Ugh!! Frustrating... Today however it went down 1.6 lbs. Not that I'm focused on that at all. I have been focusing on how good I feel eating right and that makes what I'm doing totally worth it regardless of the scale. So with my activity level and eating this week I lost 1.6lbs. I like that. What I did this week is something I can totally live with but I would like to get more exercise. So I'm happy, happy, happy.....

We ride at dawn

2011-11-18T18:25:00.001-10:00

Got the bike out of storage and made sure it was ready to ride. Tomorrow morning I ride to Weight Watchers. I used to ride to meetings all the time and I'm really looking forward to doing it again. Overall the week has been pretty good. I didn't workout as much as I had planned to but I was tired and still kind of recovering from my cold. Eating was okay. I didn't track as much as I planned to and Wednesday had a little party with leftovers on Thursday so there was a little tiny bit of overeating but not much at all.

Next week is Thanksgiving and I'm so looking forward to a 4 day weekend. After that we only have 3 weeks of school left - yeah!!! They will be busy weeks though. We have lots of ceremonies and events happening during those weeks. The one I'm involved in is the junior ring ceremony. They will get their high school class rings in a special ceremony after they have been blessed by the bishop. It's all very exciting. It's also historic because for the first time in 85 years we have boys in the junior class. Exciting.

I have lots and lots to do this weekend but tonight I watch TV and rest.

The Biggest Loser

2011-11-16T20:13:00.001-10:00

I love this show. It is seriously one of my guilty pleasures. I love watching. When it first came on I thought it was the most ridiculous idea for a show ever. Take a bunch of really overweight people, work their asses off (literally) and then send them home if they don't lose enough weight. Brilliant. But, as it turns out, it works. In some cases it worked really well, in others not so much. But overall I think they have highlighted the fact that you don't need anything fancy or special or surgery. Losing weight takes hard work and diligence. A good message.

Through the Biggest Loser I discovered Jillian Michaels. She rocks. Bob Harper is good too, but Jillian rocks. When Jill decided to leave I was bummed. I loved watching her workout with these people. So last season she decided to leave and Anna Kournikovs was replacing her. At the time I thought that wasn't an awesome idea. Yes, Anna is incredibly athletic. She's got an awesome body and could rock those sexy bodystockings. I'm also sure she knows what's she's doing but working on the Biggest Loser??? I don't think so. How many other trainers have they been through?? 3 that I can think of off the top of my head. When this season started and I saw her in action I thought I might be right. She is from Russia and people from other countries just are not like we are here in the US. I work with people from Spain, Brazil, and Argentina and they border on rude when they talk. It's not that they mean to be, it's just that they say exactly what they think and don't hold the punches. I also think the language is part of the problem. The little subtleties that we use everyday and are quite familiar with escape them. Many times it's the inflection of the voice. We American put a lot of inflection in our voices and there is a lot of meaning in those inflections. Foreigners speaking English haven't mastered those inflections so the words may be right but the way they are delivered is all wrong. I'm sure it's similar when Americans learn a foreign language.

So Anna is not returning because of issues with the crew and the contestants. Hmmm... really?? I knew this would happen.

Bedroom Window

2011-11-16T18:35:00.001-10:00

Guest post from: Steve Delaney

Ever since I was a little girl, I have had an irrational fear of someone breaking into my bedroom window. I should go ahead and tell you that in every home I have ever lived in, short of a couple of college apartments, my bedroom has been on the second floor. The trouble that a would be thief would have to go through to get to the actual window, much less break it and climb through, is a pretty good deterrent. I know this intellectually, but it doesn’t prevent me from lying awake listening for imaginary noises outside my bedroom window. Now that I’m married, the fear has been lessened a bit by the fact that my husband sleeps closest to the window, but it still pops up from time to time. This is where my homesecuritysystems.com comes in. While I know that all of the doors are monitored, it’s especially reassuring to me knowing that the alarm will also sound if one of my windows is broken or open. While it might not be a rational fear, it’s one I’ve lived with my entire life. I’m so happy to have the peace of mind I need to finally get a good night’s sleep.

A few words from the chef

2011-11-15T20:25:00.001-10:00

Ask anyone who knows me and they will tell you I don't cook. I don't. I haven't cooked much in the 22 years I've been married. I'd say in the last 10 years I have cooked maybe 5 times. I do cook special things; lilikoi pie, a special chicken dish that I make; but that's about it. The fact of the matter is that I can be quite a good cook when I want to. I know how, I'm just not that fond of doing it. Well, this week I was faced with a choice. My husband, the cook, has to work nights all week. Since I am just getting over being sick, and eating like crap, and I really want to commit to WW and make it work, I was faced a serious choice. I could do like I normally do when he works nights; eat junk and live on take out. Or I could break down and cook. Gasp!!! What did she say?????? Yes, cook. I decided to bite the bullet and cook. Saturday I went to the open market and the stores and stocked up. I bought tons and tons of veggies. I got olive oil, salmon,cereal, yogurt, and seasonings. I came home and cooked. On Saturday night I made baked salmon with roasted veggies. Yum!!! Sunday I made stir-fry chicken with veggies. Yum!!! Monday I was lazy and had some more salmon. Tonight I felt like some chicken but really did not feel like cooking. Luckily cooking is like riding a bike and I remembered old stand-bys. I took the chicken thighs, put them in a casserole dish, covered them in garlic and Italian seasonings and Classico marinara sauce. I put it in the oven at 350 for about 40 minutes. Towards the end I threw some veggies in the oven to roast them. Dinner was a chicken thigh and roasted veggies. Dear Lord that was good. I am so full right now. And it was awesome.

It was interesting tonight. I didn't feel like cooking but I sure as heck did not want take out. So as tired as I was I knew I had to cook. Also, the truth of the matter is that I am feeling awesome. I have energy, except for tonight, I'm just feeling good. I did not want to eat junk and ruin that good feeling. So the hassle of cooking was worth not feeling like crap. It's amazing how quickly your attitude can change and it really is all in your head.

So the chef is now off to watch the Biggest Loser and consider doing some work. Or not :)

Productivity

2011-11-13T07:16:00.001-10:00

Today must be a productive day. I have spent the last 2 days basically doing nothing. I have a whole list of things that need to be done today so I have to be on task today. No more lollygagging....

Yesterday was very good though. I made some wonderful food - roasted veggies and baked salmon - OMG!! I stayed within my points for the day. Awesome!!! I slept pretty good last night and woke feeling good. I'm not hungry yet so all I've had is coffee. And I'm going to try working out today. So here's what my day looks like:

~~Workout~~
~~Shower~~
~~Laundry~~
~~Grade Tests~~
~~Grade Quizzes~~
Update Planbook
Upload instructions for Symphony math
Work on Inquiry Lab
Iron pants for the week

For some reason I thought I had much, much more to do. That's definitely one of the benefits of having a to-do list. Trying to keep track of it in my head is next to impossible, plus all these things running around in there makes it seem like much more than it is. I should be able to do all this and still have some time lazing around. Cool.

Okay, I'm off. I want to work out and hopefully annoy my neighbors.....

Shopping Done

2011-11-12T10:59:00.001-10:00

And this was pretty much what my counter looked like when I got home. I bought: carrots, brussel sprouts, peppers, jalapenos, lettuce, tomatoes, persimmons, bananas, salmon, olive oil,greek yogurt, Uncle Sam cereal, and other things I can't think of right now. I spent over $100 but it is so going to be worth it. Next week, actually starting today, is going to be such an awesome week. I'm doing some prep work later today. I'll be roasting veggies and prepping lettuce for salads. I want to have things at the ready so I don't have the opportunity to consider junk food. I'm very pleased with myself and excited to be eating all this good, healthy stuff. I have spent the past 3 1/2 hours running around doing all this shopping and since I'm not 100% over my cold, I am now tired. Very, very tired. I'm going to go rest for a while and then make myself some lunch.

Oh right, Weight Watchers, so what happened? Well, I was up again. .8 lbs. I'm not worrying about it at all. For the past week and a half my activity has been zero - some days getting off the couch to pee took more energy than I had. My eating has also been hit or miss, some days I ate next to nothing and other days I pigged on cookies. Plus my water intake has been non-existent. So what the scale showed is not true for all of the above reasons. So, starting today it's back on track. I even plan on getting some activity in later doing the Wii. But seriously, right now I need a little rest.

Starting Over

2011-11-12T06:57:00.001-10:00

If you've started out in pursuit of your goal
And you've really tried with your heart and your soul,
but somehow things got out of control---
START OVER.

When you've tried your best to do what you should
And you thought this time that you surely would,
But once again, you didn't do good---
START OVER.

When you've tried so hard to yourself to be true
And do the things that you know you should do,
But once again you failed to come through---
START OVER.

When the road to success seemed much too long
And each temptation was oh, so strong
And once again you gave in to wrong---
START OVER.

When you've told your friends what you planned to do
And trusted them to help you through
But soon discovered it's up to you---
START OVER.

When you know you must be physically fit,
But your hope seems gone and you're stuck in a pit
That's not the time for you to quit---
START OVER.

To start again means a victory's been won
And starting over again means a race well run
And starting over again proves it can be done
So don't just sit there---
START OVER
~ Author Unknown

Yet Again. One of the most amazing thing about the human spirit is the willingness to try again. Some people, not all, will never give up trying if they know that something can be done. There are times when I look at my weight loss efforts as a failure of sorts. I've tried so many times and keep failing. But I've decided to turn things around a little. I know this can be done, and I know it's not easy. I need to find a way that works for me. And that's what I'm doing this week.

Hubby is working all week on a big event. He'll be doing his regular job during the day then at 4 or 5 go to work at the event until 10 or so. It's going to be brutal on him but it's only for a week and we can sure use the money. So he won't be around much, which means I'll be on my own for food - that would be me in charge of making my own food - Hello!!! Anyway, normally I look upon these events as a reason to not eat well. I don't like cooking and I will have a bowl of cereal for dinner rather than eat something healthy. Not this time. This time I'm using this week as a way to take care of my weight loss.

I'm going to weight watchers this morning for a weigh-in and meeting. After that I'm stopping at the natural foods store and getting some peanut butter that's just ground peanuts. Then I'm going to hit up the farmer's market down the street and stock up on veggies. Later I'm going to go to the grocery store and stock up on everything else I need for the week. I will be eating good and tracking my food all week. I'm hoping this will 1) get me back on track with the food. I've been eating way too much junk for far too long. And 2) jump start my weight loss. One week where I'm in control of every single thing that goes in my mouth should really help get things started.

I was watching Dr. Oz yesterday, quite by accident, and the show was about weight loss. One of the things he covered was what to eat at meals, and I really like the idea. For breakfast you eat protein, carbs, calcium, fruits and veggies. For lunch you eat protein, carbs, fruits and veggies. Then for dinner you eat protein, fruits and veggies. This way you are eating most of your calories in the morning which does a couple of things. It gives you all day burn them off and it fuels you for your day. Everything is portion controlled except for the fruits and veggies. Those you can eat a lot of. I like it. I like it a lot. I can use this general rule while following Weight Watchers and tracking my points. I think it will help me keep my points under control also, because dinner is where I usually go over.

So yes, here we go again. But I'm excited and looking forward to it.

Feeling Better

2011-11-11T16:44:00.001-10:00

It's been a slow recovery, but I am feeling better. This cold came on like gang busters. Thursday I felt like I had s slight headcold, by Friday I was stuffed up, coughing, and sick as a dog. I felt like absolute crap for 5 days and spent most of those days in bed. By Tuesday I was done with being sick and went back to school. Tuesday and Wednesday were brutal. By afternoon my voice was shot and the almost constant coughing was annoying. Yesterday was much better and today is even better. I just want to be done with this and feel like myself again. I want to start exercising again. I want to have my appetite back and start eating normal again.

Being at home and watching so much TV, I have seen some really weird stuff. Lots and lots of lawyers advertise on TV. I don't think that's good but I can't say exactly why outside of the obvious. I see a lot of commercials for products we don't need at all and that bothers me. A. Lot. I've also seen some useful stuff, some of the as seen on TV stuff looks really interesting. Things like costume kingdom coupons can come in handy for families with kids. It's just amazing what you see when you watch a lot. Hopefully I won't be watching as much anymore....

And she's down....

2011-11-05T08:30:00.001-10:00

Although I started the week with the best of intentions, I struggled every day. Monday was pretty good but Tuesday I could not get out of bed. Wednesday started off okay but I was fighting cravings all day. Thursday was a bust completely. Not only did I not get up but I craved simple carbs. Fried rice for breakfast. Candy and cake with lunch. Cake after school. It was terrible. Also on Thursday I felt a slight head cold. Nothing serious, just enough to make me drowsy and dopey. Went to bed early on Thursday and woke up yesterday sick. Really sick. Like I could not get out of bed sick. It was terrible. Spent most of the day sleeping and watching TV. Had a major headache by the afternoon and wasn't sure if it was from not eating, because I'm not hungry at all, or no coffee. Went to bed early again with a healthy dose of NyQuil on board. Woke up this morning feeling sore all over from lying around too much and still a headache. Got up and moving, had a little something to eat, took some ibuprofen and had some coffee. Feeling a little better. Feeling more awake and with it at least. Yesterday I felt so foggy and tired I could not keep my eyes open for more than 45 minutes at a time. I've been up now for almost 2 hours - yeah me!!!!

Interesting things I've noticed. All this week I have just craved simple carbs: candy, cake, bread, etc. Weird because while I will want those things I rarely crave them. But clearly I started feeling poorly earlier in the week and that's when the cravings started. Very interesting. Also, I haven't really taken any cold medicine and things are progressing. I'm generally of the view that if you are healthy, your body can fight these things off, after all that what it was built to do. I try to only take medicine for very specific things. Like taking NyQuil at night, that is strictly to make me sleep and nothing else. Of the aspirin I took this morning, that was only because this headache was killing me. But basically I'm happy to just let my body do it's thing and battle this bug on it's own. Things that help the body do what it's supposed to like vitamins, or stuff for eye lash growth, it cool. You are just giving nature a boost. But things that try to get rid of something, I'm not so hot on because the body really can take care of itself. This is of course assuming you are a reasonably healthy person, which I am.

Anyway, taking it easy today and tomorrow because it's back to school on Monday. And I'm starting the week over on Monday. This week was lost due to the oncoming and onset cold, but Monday is a brand new week.

A new month is around the corner

2011-10-30T14:07:00.000-10:00

There was a time when I loved new beginnings. LOVED them. New weeks got me all excited for what was to come. A new month was most definitely something to celebrate. A new year?!?!??! Forget about it.... I love new starts. I would set goals and make plans for the new beginning. At the beginning of a new week I would lay out my workout schedule for that week. At the beginning of a month I would figure out my goals for the month. At the beginning of a new year I would try to schedule races and such so that I could plan my months and weeks. I loved it. In the last few years I've lost my love of them. One day became similar to another. Days turned into weeks which turned into months and eventually years. They all ran together and had little to distinguish them from each other.

I'm going to try it again. Tomorrow is Monday and Tuesday is November....time to make some goals.

For the month of November:

-Workout 6 days a week
-Follow the Turbo Jam Schedule for the entire month
-Eat well 80% of the time
-Make significant progress on my thesis (ie get 2 sections done)

For this week:

- Track every day
- Workout 6 days
- Eat within my points range 4 days
- Feel really good about myself

There you go, nothing earth shattering or back breaking, just some common sense kind of stuff.

My plan for the rest of the year is to work out and regain some of the fitness I've lost and lose a couple of pounds. Once I get in a little better shape I want to order either P90X or Insanity and do that. I also want to start running again. Slowly. Very Slowly. I am shooting for the Honolulu Marathon next year and all the local races in 2013. I also want to get back into doing triathlons but I'll save that for another beginning.

Up, up, and away

2011-10-29T09:54:00.000-10:00

Today was weigh-in day and I was up. Granted it was only .2 lbs but I was up. I was bummed. Still am a little. But not in a bad way. During the meeting I thought about why this could be. I'm feeling really good so why would the scale be showing a gain. Looking back at my tracker I see that I only fully tracked 4 days. Of those 4 days, I went over my points every single day. My points were 33,35,38,33 when my points target is 29. At that rate I would have used 245 for the week. I get 29 a day plus 49 weekly for a total of 252 points a week. Now, taking into account that serving sizes are not set in stone and calories, therefore points, can vary form one serving to the next, also, the fact that on the days I did not track I tended to eat more - sometime way more, I should be incredibly thankful that the scale only went up .2 lbs. In spite of my working out I overdid it this week. Okay, lesson learned. Tracking. Tracking. Tracking.

So, while I'm bummed about that .2 lbs, I am also much more motivated to get my butt in gear and lose some weight. On the plus side, I am feeling good. I can feel my energy increasing and I like that. So in spite of myself, good things are happening.

I want to do this week really well. I want to track every day, stay within my points, workout and see what happens. Wish me luck.

Keeping the momentum going

2011-10-27T18:26:00.000-10:00

I am so proud of myself. I did not work out on Wednesday but I have more than made up for that yesterday and today. The workouts I had scheduled yesterday were going to take 50 minutes. I usually get up at 4:30 and am working out by 5:00. But I need to be done by 5:40 at the latest in order to get the birds fed, showered, and dressed. 50 minutes in a 40 minute time slot just did not cut it. So I thought about what I could do to make it work and I figured it out. My alarm clock is a few minutes fast and I made sure I got up as soon as it went off. That gave me about 5 more minutes. Then I had set the coffee pot the night before so the coffee was ready when I got up. I also put my workout clothes on as soon as I got up. Definitely a time saver. So I got up, got my coffee and was ready to workout within 15 minutes. Perfect. That gave me 55 minutes to work out. So I did my workout, felt awesome and went on to have a great day. Then I did the same thing this morning. Yeah Me!!!!

In other news, I figured out what is going on with my neck. The other day one side got real sore and I could not figure out why. It cleared up and was fine for a couple of days. Then this morning I was working out and it was ab day. As soon as I started the abs my neck started hurting. Oh, great, I get it. My abs are such a weak mess that doing ab work hurts my neck. Okay. I modified all the exercises so that my neck had no strain and I focused very hard on using only my ab muscles. Knowledge is power and now that I know I can adjust and work on making my abs stronger. Very good.

Okay, that's it. I'm really feeling great. It is amazing how working out and eating well makes such a difference in me. I feel my energy increasing. I'm happier and much more positive. I am functioning at a much higher level. I was sitting in class today and looked out to see everyone working hard on mastering a skill. It was inspiring to see and I know a large part of it was my attitude. So yeah, things are going really well and I'm feeling awesome. Love it!!!!

MIssed step this week

2011-10-25T20:30:00.000-10:00

This morning I ended up taking the day off work. I didn't really want to but I would have needed to take some time off and the whole day seemed the easiest option really. I was scheduled for a workout but I woke up and sat around for awhile. Then I got hungry. I ate and had every intention of working out later in the day. Then I got to working on other things. And it got late. And hot. And there went my workout right out the window. Now worries though, I was supposed to have a day off on Thursday so I'll just swap today with Thursday and workout the rest of the week. Easy peasy lemon squeezee. So just a misstep not a fall at all.

In my defense, I got a lot of school work done. I had given a test yesterday and it took me about 4 hours to get them all graded so that was a good thing. I also got tomorrow figured out what I'm doing to try and teach them what they should have known for the test. So it was a productive day.

Okay, tomorrow it's back on the horse tomorrow and back to the business of working out.

Pain in the neck

2011-10-23T10:43:00.000-10:00

I slept really good last night and woke up early this morning, wide awake and ready to go. So even though I didn't need to, I got up early. Going around doing the morning things, making coffee, feeding the birds, etc. I felt fine. Then we decided to walk the dogs and my neck started to hurt. I don't think I did anything to twist it while I was getting ready but something happened and it bothered me. It didn't bother me enough to stop me from working out though :) I'm on a feel good roll and I plan on staying there for a long, long time.

So I worked out for 45 minutes this morning after a 45 minute dog walk Yea me!!! I did Turbo Jam Cardio Party and it was tough. Really. Tough. But I got through it and ended up a giant pool of sweat - it was awesome!!!

I want to talk about Weight Watchers for a few minutes. I know myself, and I know that I can get sucked into the numbers game once I start losing weight. I can become completely obsessive about the numbers be they points, calories, pounds, whatever. So I want to keep things in perspective. I started WW on Wednesday and have tracked every day. I really haven't changed my eating all that much, maybe thought twice about desserts, but that's about it. What has changed drastically is the amount of food I eat. I started measuring and weighing my food again. Wow!! I am eating considerably less food while still feeling satisfied. And I have lost that huge stomach feeling that I used to always have. It used to be that every time I ate I would feel huge and bloated. My stomach would stick out and it felt like something that was separate from my body but attached to it. It was a horrible feeling. I couldn't sit in a chair because this huge thing would be on my lap. I was always semi-reclining. Well, in just 4 short days of measuring food I no longer feel 8 months pregnant. I still have a stomach - that's going to take work - but I can actually suck it in. Right now I am sitting at my desk with my feet on my desk and my keyboard on my knees. And my stomach is not in the way like it would have been on Tuesday. Awesome. My points target is 29 and I've been over every day:

Wednesday 33
Thursday 36
Friday 45
Saturday 31

And I'm still feeling awesome. So when things get crazy and I start to obsess about numbers of any kind, I have to remember how I felt before and I started and how I feel now. That's way more important than any number.

Day 1 - Again

2011-10-22T09:43:00.001-10:00

Even though I signed up for Weight Watchers on Wednesday, and I've been tracking my points since then - today is really Day 1. On Wednesday I did not know how much I weighed because my scale is insane, so I just entered 200lbs. Thankfully I'm not quite that yet. I'm starting at 196.6. Still extremely high but I least I haven't crossed that 200 mark. Yeah!!!!

My goal for this week is to track every single bite I eat and to follow my workout schedule and workout 6 days this week. I'm trying very hard to stay away from number goals since that generally leads to feelings of failure. What usually happens, with me and others, is that I will lose weight the first week. The second week I may stay the same or possibly even gain a little. The third and fourth week can go either way - up or down. It's usually at this point that I give up, but if I stick with it the weight will slowly start to come off. A little at first and then week by week it will go steadily downward. So I am committing to this until the end of the year. I hope to lose 5 lbs by the end of the year. More importantly, I will get back into the healthy eating and working out habit. That's my focus here. After the first of the year I will focus in on the weight loss.

I want to address why I returned to Weight Watchers. In my last post I said that I had left WW because I thought they had nothing to offer me. The fact of the matter is they do. They provide me with some level of accountability. When I'm on my own I can put off weighing in or delay tracking my food or convince myself that I'm doing what I should when I'm not. Going to meetings adds an accountability factor that I don't have on my own. It's hard to convince myself that WW scales are off - something I do with my home scale all the time, well, my scale is insane. It's hard to lie about the number on the scale when someone else is reading it and writing it down. It's hard to tell someone else that you did everything right when the scale goes up and up and up. So that and the meetings. I like the meetings because for 30 minutes every week I can talk about me. My food choices. My successes. My challenges. My anything. And no one judges me. No one criticizes me because I ate 6 cookies, or poo-poos the fact that I even care about that. I can talk about things I can't talk about anywhere else at these meetings. And I'm surrounded by people in the same boat as me. I love reading and hearing about successes, but I really love reading and hearing about struggles and that they got through them. I reminds me that I'm not in this alone and if someone else did it so can I.

So there we have, Day 1. I'm off and running.

W-Day

2011-10-22T07:13:00.002-10:00

Today is the official weigh in day. Yikes!!!! I've gotten weighed at the doctors office so I have an idea of what I weigh, but my appointments have always been in the afternoon. I always weigh more in the afternoon. When I was a freak and weighed myself 3 and 4 times a day I learned that. Good to know for when I see big number on the docs scale, but also a good way to create the illusion in my mind that I'm not that heavy. So it's a double-edged sword.

Anyway, I've done pretty well since Wednesday. I've tracked my food religiously even when it was over my points. I haven't worked out since Wednesday because these were my scheduled days off. But I'm supposed to workout today and I'm going to. I'm going the meeting. Then I'm working out. Then I have some things to do before an appointment at 3:15. Busy, busy, busy.

So, I'm off. Will check back in later with all the news.....

I did it again

2011-10-19T07:25:00.001-10:00

Last time I swore there was nothing they had to offer me. I said I could not follow their program because it focused too heavily on processed foods. Well, guess what? Not following their program, or any program, has resulted in a steady climb up. I have got to stop the scale creeping up. I have to!!!! So I joined again. I'm going to track my food, go to meetings on Saturday mornings, eat right, and work out. I need to do this. I can not stand the way my body feels. I have a huge stomach and I everything is getting tight. I need to do this. More importantly, I want to do this. So, like I did with the working out, I'm going to commit to one month. One month of tracking. One month of attending meetings. One month of working it. At the end of the month I will reevaluate and see where I am. One month. I saw a cool bracelet for WW that uses Swarovski Crystal beads to help track your daily points. It's pretty too, maybe I'll get that just to remind me what I'm doing.

I did have a huge success with the working out today. Yesterday I was supposed to work out for 45 minutes. But Monday night I went to bed late and didn't get up yesterday morning. So this morning I was only supposed to do 20 minutes but I did the 45 from yesterday. Tomorrow is supposed to be a rest day but I'm going to do the 20 minutes from today and Friday, which is a scheduled rest day, will be a rest day. Saturday morning I'm riding my bike to WW meeting and I'm going to workout for an hour I think. Then I will probably take a nap, but that's okay.

I read a couple of people who have had such success with WW and I have had great success in the past. I need and want to do this. I'm tired of looking at a closet full of clothes that I can't fit into!!!!

Weekend Update

2011-10-16T20:39:00.000-10:00

From my earlier post:

On the agenda today: Clean the bird room, do laundry, iron clothes, grade pre-alg papers, pack things up for morning. I can totally do this.

Let's see how I did. Clean the bird room - check, and I worked up a sweat doing it.
Do Laundry - check
Iron clothes - check
Grade pre-algebra papers - nope
Pack things up for morning - doing that as soon as I'm done here.

Overall a successful day. I also worked out for 45 minutes, tried to help a lost dog, wrote my financial appeal letter to HPU, looked into finishing my masters other places because I don't have a good feeling about HPU, ate dinner, and am now almost ready for bed. Oh yeah, I watched some of Kim Kardashins wedding and fell asleep. I wonder if they are really that boring and annoying or if the editing makes them that way.

Anyway, I've had a good day and I feel like it's going to be a good week.

Progress

2011-10-16T09:30:00.000-10:00

is made in small steps. I have been making those small steps for the past week and I'm feeling good. I'm feeling in control. I'm feeling creative again. I've been working out following the schedule and feeling very empowered and strengthened by it. Strengthened not so much in that I'm getting stronger, but in that I'm sticking to the program. When I get one area of my life under control the rest just seems to fall into place. I need that to happen. And I'm making progress. On Friday I came up with a brilliant idea for handling my paperwork from school. You have no idea how much paperwork a school teacher has to deal with. I thought there was a lot of paperwork in Laboratory Animal Caretaker Jobs, which I have done and is regulated by everyone under the sun, but I was wrong. In 3 years I had not been able to come up with a system that worked for me. Well, I think I finally have and I'm feeling very satisfied and accomplished. That has led me to want to tackle the bird room. Today we will power wash cages, I will scrub floors and walls, and clean out that closet in there - move stuff or store it, whatever. I'm really feeling powerful.

Today was the longest workout so far, 45 minutes. It was 20 minutes of cardio and 20 minutes of ab work, then 5 minutes of stretching. It was awesome. At first I didn't think I was doing the abs right because I couldn't feel anything, but towards the end I was dying. Awesome. Tomorrow is a full 45 minutes of cardio. That should be killer. I have to get up a few minutes early so I have time for the full 45 minutes. Luckily tomorrow is Day 1 which means I don't have a class at 8 am. That way if I'm a little late it really doesn't matter.

On the agenda today: Clean the bird room, do laundry, iron clothes, grade pre-alg papers, pack things up for morning. I can totally do this.

The Danger Zone

2011-10-15T09:04:00.000-10:00

is behind me for today. At least the workout danger zone. I am committed to following the beginner workout schedule for Turbo Jam. I have not been working out enough to consider myself in any kind of shape at all, so I am starting at the beginning. Far too often I start something, go too hard, too fast and end up injured or exhausted or just plain burned out. When I was so successful in the past it was always because I started slowly and built up sanely. So since I am determined to be successful I am starting at the beginning and building slowly. It's clearly working because I faced a major hurdle today and got over it.

Working out after a couple of days off.

This has always been a problem for me. And that is just what it feels like, some cheesy title in red that I have to face. It's terrible. Part of the reason I tend to go too hard and too fast is because if I take a day or two off from working out I have the hardest time going back to it. So generally I start with I'm going to workout everyday this week... or some such similar nonsense. Then I try and get tired or sore and fail and feel like a flop. But taking days off are an issue for me.

The schedule I'm following now called for me to work out for 4 days, take 3 days off, workout out 5 days and take 2 days off. They are trying to slowly work up to 6 workouts a week. That's a great way to do it gradually but I'm a crazy person and 3 days off were scaring the hell out of me. So I did my 4 workouts and took my 3 days off. Then I awoke this morning staring the danger zone straight in the eye. Workout after 3 days off or have I lost all momentum and I'm just going to eat breakfast??? While I did feel lazy the thought of skipping the workout never crossed my mind. Woo Hoo!!! I had in fact, been looking forward to working out today all week. Yes!!! So after my coffee I got dressed and did it. And it was awesome. I was a little winded since I guess I haven't built my aerobic capacity back up yet, but it felt good. I am so proud of myself. It's a small thing to some but a huge thing to me. Days off are generally a no-man's land and getting back to working out is usually hard for me. Not this time. Finding my motivation was really easy this morning and I didn't even need a garmin trucker gps!! Cool....

I am going to finish out the month following their schedule, there are only 13 more workouts left. Once that is done I will do another month of their schedule - it will be a harder schedule though not the beginner again - and then I will order another workout. I'm thinking of getting Turbo Fire next and then P90X. If I want to keep going after that I'll get Insanity. I know the kind of shape I want to be in and I just need to take my time and focus and I'll get there. Turbo Jam will take me through to the end of the year. At that point I will see if I'm ready to start running again. If I am I will add running in 3 days a week while I continue working out with DVDs. Do you seen how insane I am?? I can not help but continue to think more, harder, faster........ Ugh, I am totally insane!!!!

Progress

2011-10-13T07:48:00.000-10:00

For a change I actually feel like I'm making some. I have stuck to the workout schedule all this week. Here is the workout calendar:

Well, it's a little hard to see but the green boxes are workouts I've completed, white boxes are days off, and blue boxes are scheduled workouts. I told them I was just starting out so I got a very beginner schedule. They had me workout 4 days in a row then 3 days off. Next it will be 5 days in a row with 2 days off. Then 6 days with one day off and it will be like that from here on out. I like it because I'm easing back into working out without killing myself. As is typical I want to just keep going with no rest, but this time I'm forcing myself to take it slow. I will do this.

Eating has been okay. I haven't been tracking my calories or anything but I discover that if I'm working out my eating falls in line. I don't crave sweets, I actually crave good healthy food. I guess my body knows what it needs I just need to listen to it. The best part is I'm feeling really good. I feel my energy level increasing, not drastically but it's definitely getting better. I'm more focused and I just feel more in control of all of my life.

I took today off work because I have a friend in from the mainland. Yeah!!! We are planning to go snorkeling out on the westside. That should be fun. She is staying at a timeshare condo out there and I have to go find her. I just hope the condos have big house number plaques because there are a thousand of them and I know I will get lost.

I also have to bite the bullet today and quit Walgreen's. I have not told them that I won't be back, I've just been using my ankle as an excuse. I feel like such a chicken but I have to do it and get this monkey off my back.

Okay, I have to go get ready for my fun day :)

The things you see

2011-10-09T07:45:00.000-10:00

As I may have mentioned a time or two, I have been working at Walgreen's for a few months now. One of the things Walgreen's sells is scrubs. You know, what doctors and nurses wear....The scrubs that we sell are extremely inexpensive and I've wondered about them. I know for me, one of the criteria for what I wear to work is that it be comfortable. If I'm going to be in it for 8 hours doing a job I better be comfortable. One night a lady came in wearing the nicest scrubs I had ever seen. They looked neat and fresh even though she said she had just gotten off work. When I asked her where she had gotten them she said http://www.blueskyscrubs.com/categories/Scrubs/. Okay, now I had never heard of that before but since my niece in currently in nursing school and wears scrubs a lot, I decided to check it out. Looking around their website I realized that they had some really nice looking scrubs. They are a little pricey but honestly, if it's comfortable isn't it worth spending the extra money to feel good and look nice? Seriously... So I told her about them and I think she is ordering some. She starts her extern next week and needs some nursing uniform scrubs. Her school provides scrubs for them but it is like the ones we sell at Walgreen's. Also, the ones they give them don't last very long. She has been in school for a little over a year and she has gone through 4 or 5 sets of scrubs. So you could buy the cheap ones and replace them all the time, or you could spend some money and have a pair that lasts for a while. Hmm....seems like a no brainer to me.

Let's Review

2011-10-09T07:19:00.000-10:00

Okay, I know that one day does not a habit make and that I'm not going to cure everything in just one day. But I must say that after yesterday I feel like I'm back in the saddle again.

So I started out by going to the Turbo Jam website and setting up a workout schedule. I decided to follow it for one month and see how I feel. The first day was strictly learning the moves and it was only 35 minutes. At the end of those 35 minutes I was sweating and breathing a little hard and feeling absolutely awesome. I felt energized and not completely exhausted. I felt like energy to get through the day but I also felt like I had worked out. Awesome!!! At this point, when I do Bob or JIllian I am wiped out after and need to take a nap. I think that pretty much defeats the whole purpose of working out. So I felt really good all day, a little lazy, I did spend some time watching TV, but I did not nap all day. Woo Hoo!!! I don't remember the last Saturday I didn't spend 2 hours napping on the couch. So that was a huge success.

Eating was good most of the day too. I had a kind of big lunch but it was all good, wholesome, homemade food - specifically salad, pasta and Italian sausage in marinara sauce. Very good. For dinner we ended up at Chili's, but even that wasn't so bad. We had the triple dipper appetizer with boneless hot wings, southwestern eggrolls, and loaded potato skins plus I had a beer. I figure what I ate probably worked out to around 750 calories. Not great but not that bad either. That would have put my total calories for the day at ~2000. Not too terribly shabby. Not as bad as it could have been.

Today though I do feel a whole lot better. I feel more in control. I feel like I have some energy. And I feel like it's going to be an awesome day. So yes, I know, 1 day does not a week make, but 1 day is a fabulous start....

Day 2: Turbo Jam Learn & Burn again. First, I was kind of not looking forward to working out again but knowing that I wasn't going to end up in a puddle, whimpering on the floor made it easier to get moving. Once I started I decided to push it just a tiny bit. Yesterday I kept the movements small and took the easier version on some. Not today. I made the movements bigger and did more than required. What I noticed: I could feel the muscles in my abdomen and back. They weren't sore exactly, but I could definitely feel that I used them yesterday. Awesome. I made it through the whole workout and was strong to the end. I love it. I think I am on the right track here. Doing something that I find fun and that doesn't drain every ounce of energy I have is a good thing. FYI, there will be a time when I will want to pushed to the absolute edge. When I want to be left a quivering blob of jello in a puddle of sweat. Just not yet.

Growing old gracefully

2011-10-09T06:00:00.000-10:00

It really isn't. Growing old involves lots of aches and pains and things you never thought about before. Like your skin. For all of my life I had oily skin. Extremely oily skin. I could never use anything like moisturizer on it because my face would become a greasy, slippery mess that even I hated to touch. At the same time I had acne. Lots and lots of acne. Yikes!!! Any of the things that were available when I was younger to treat acne either dried your skin out completely or added to the oily mess that was my face. It was a nightmare. Then I got into my 30's and 40's. Finally my skin started to act normal. It was no longer very oily and I could put on moisturizer now and then without creating a goopy mess. But I didn't need to use it regularly, only once in a while. Then I hit my 50's. Hello. My skin became dry and papery. WTH??? I did not sign up for this. Not at all. Now i have to use moisturizer almost every day and be extremely careful what I wash with of my skin becomes extremely dry. But then menopause rears it's ugly head and I get these hot flashes where it feels like someone turned up the thermostat by 1000 degrees and anything I put on my body, moisturizer, sun screen, deodorant, starts running in rivers down my body. Oh, this is fun.

So one night I was working at Walgreen's and looking over the products they have available for the old and feeble - namely me :) I got to talking with the cosmetics girl about skin care. She is young, mid-20's, and has acne really bad. Lately though it seems to be clearing up, so I asked her about it. She started to tell me about a company called Tanda skin care. They have an acne removal system that uses light therapy. Now, as a chemist I know the power of light. It can do amazing things, just look at your skin when you spend too much time in the sun. So I know these things are possible I had just never heard of it being used for acne before. It is working on her. Her skin is starting to look really nice. They also have one for anti-aging. Maybe I'll have to check into that.

Can't see the forest for the trees

2011-10-08T07:25:00.002-10:00

I have spent most of my life struggling with my weight. Through all of my life I remember my weight playing a part in everything I did. Going skiing I would worry about how the ski suits would look. Going camping I worried about being in a bathing suit. I should say that worrying about these things did not stop me from doing them. I did all these things it's just that my weight was in the back of my mind the entire time. I've gotten tired of it. Real tired. Imagine thinking about the same thing for 50 years!!! That's insane.

Last week I was ready to quit. I had had enough of all the bullshit involving my weight and I was ready to just throw in the towel. And it was kind of nice. For the entire week the only time I thought of my weight was when my pants were a little tight. And therein lies the rub.... some of my pants are a little tight. Some of these I just purchased and they are already a little tight. Plus, I think I may have traveled over the dreaded 200 lb mark - I'm not sure about that because my scale sucks, but I think I did. Also I noticed something dreadful. My energy levels are seriously lagging. Seriously. I have a really hard time getting up in the morning. When I come home from work I generally doze off in my chair for a little bit. By 9 pm I am out on the couch. Last night I was falling asleep on the couch at 8!!! The only thing that woke me up was the dogs dragging out some wires from under the TV. They were playing around and caught some wires and I was afraid they were going to chew through them. I really need to figure out some wire management for all the electronics we have around here. Anyway, falling asleep by 8!!! That's crazy early even for me!!!!

The moral of this story is that I can't ignore my weight. I just can't. I am one of those people who have to pay attention all the time or I start to blow up. I need to work out not only for my weight but for my energy levels. So I did some thinking yesterday and I think I came up with a plan. In the recent past, every time I start working out again I use Bob or Jillian. They are a mix of cardio and weights and really kick my ass. The thought of doing them, even when I'm in good shape, are fairly dreadful. I do not look forward to them and I will skip more than I will do. So thinking back on the times when I was really fit I realized that I did a lot of cardio. I love cardio. I love running (which is on hold for a while until I figure out what is wrong with these ankles), I love dancing, I love step aerobics, I just love cardio. Weights - bleh!!! So forcing myself to do something that I'm really not into and that I don't like that much is just stupid. I like cardio so I'm going to do cardio. I know I should use weights and I'll work on incorporating them in later. Right now I just need to get moving on a regular basis and cardio is king.... At least with me. So for the next little bit I'm going to be doing workouts that are fun for me and not worry about what I should or shouldn't be doing. I needed to do the same thing with food. I was reading all this stuff; eat every 3 hours, combine protein with carbs, don't eat after 7, eat before you workout, don't eat before you workout, blah, blah, blah. I stopped reading all that stuff because I was getting confused. I needed to find what worked for me. What I found is that I'm fine if I don't eat before I work out - I have plenty of fat stores to carry me through. I don't need to eat every 3 hours, sometimes going 5 is okay. I do try to eat protein every time I eat, that really works. When I get home at 8:30, no eating after 7 just doesn't work. So instead of listening to all the "experts" I'm going to listen to me. I'm going to do cardio, watch what I eat and try to get my energy levels back up.

So, no more worrying about my weight. I am really done with that. Workouts from now on will be things I want to do not things I think I should do. I will listen to my body and feed it when it is hungry and not by the clock. I will continue to eat nutritious whole foods that provide the best nourishment for my body. And with any luck at all I will start running again soon.

Now for something completely different

2011-10-04T18:23:00.000-10:00

I am a serious tech geek. Okay, I'm not insane and sit in my room and don't see people and do nothing but work on my computer, but I'm pretty up on most things. I have a smart phone and a tablet. I use the cloud for storing my files and keeping my to do list - and I absolutely love it. I come across all the latest stuff and usually give it a try. One thing that I don't use is video chat. I have no good reason for why I don't use it except that I don't. I never have. Weird huh??? One of the problems is that I heard some sketchy things about Skype and that freaks me out a little bit.

Anyway, the point of this post is that I just discovered this new video chat called Linqto and it calls itself a video conferencing application. This looks cool. You can have your conference in a "room" with a capacity up to 300 people. People can take turns talking and appear on the feed. And if you don't have a webcam, no problem...just participate using the chat feature. Nice. The best part, at least in my opinion, is you don't have to download anything. You can use it through a Facebook application. Sweet. It's completely flash based and since almost everyone has that, except the iPad :), there is no need to download anything. This is great.

I belong to group that will be having some conferences and this sounds like something we may have to look into. I love that it's not a download so I can do it on any computer I happen to be on. It's a very reasonable $8 a month and was developed by folks at Stanford University. You can read all about it here. So if you have any use whatsoever for a video conferencing application that you don't have to download, check out Linqto.

FailedI

2011-10-01T07:37:00.000-10:00

I can't seem to get this whole healthy lifestyle going. I get motivated for a day or two then lose it. Something happens or something comes up and it all falls apart. I'm done. Really and truly done. I'm thinking about shutting this blog down completely. I've been doing this for 7 years, in fact my 7th blogiversary was on the 26th!!!, and I'm not any further along my journey than I was when I started. In fact, I've moved backward not forward. What I am doing is taking a break. I'm going on hiatus to decide what I want to do. I feel like my life is completely out of my control and I need to focus on regaining control. So I'm off. Maybe it time to consider moving to North Carolina and doing some carpet cleaning durham nc. That might be the way. Seriously though, I have friends in NC and it is really nice there..... Okay, that's it....I'm off.....have fun.....

One step forward, two steps back

2011-09-30T07:16:00.002-10:00

That's what I feel like lately. Every time I get something going, bam!! Something happens to shut me down. I was just getting into an exercise routine and ready to start running again when Bam!!! I sprain my ankle. The actual ankle problem is something that not only goes back 6 years, but is something I believe is not going to be easily fixed. So I could do like I normally do, just ignore it and go on with working out, maybe start running, whatever. But that really hasn't worked well for me. So I think it's time to try something different.

I have really been lying to myself about my food intake. I have been eating an exorbitant amount of food lately and telling myself it's not much. I have been eating sweets like they are going out of style. Yesterday I had 4 macaroon cookies (fat ones), a small piece of cake with the thickest, sweetest icing ever, and more cake and ice cream later that night. Yeah, that was probably about 1,000 calories in sweets alone. Then I ate food. So my thinking is, right at this point I can't do a whole lot of exercise but I can watch what I eat. I can also make sure I don't spend too much time not moving.

The plan: track what I eat so I can quit fooling myself. Eat reasonably and limit sweets to once a day. Avoid junk food - which should not be a problem since I have a fridge full of fruits and veggies. And don't sit at my computer for more than an hour at a time. I have a whole list of things I want to do around the house so I can work on school work for an hour then go do something around the house. School work for another hour then go do something. Rather then just sitting on my butt for 4 hours in a row. I can go take a walk in my neighborhood. I have 3 dogs ready to walk at the drop of a hat. We can cruise and see if there are any houses for rent by owner cause our friend is looking for a place. There are so many things I can do yet I find myself sitting in front of this computer staring at the screen. This has to stop.

I just need to get a little bit of a handle on things. I just need to feel a little bit in control and in charge of my eating and my weight. Baby steps, baby steps. Right now I'm going to have a bowl of cereal then take Bella to the beach. The beach always puts me in a good frame of mind.

I do not believe this

2011-09-28T06:52:00.000-10:00

I have sprained my ankle again!!! Again!!! I just don't freaking believe this.... I sprain this sucker every couple of months. I think it's time to do something about it. Clearly something is wrong if I keep spraining it, so maybe it's time to have it looked at. UGH!!!!!

Life is full of Do Overs

2011-09-27T07:28:00.000-10:00

And here is another one for me. I tend to get down on myself for not being perfect. For not doing things exactly the way I think they should be done. For not reaching goals I set for myself. So I'm trying to develop a more philosophical attitude. Failure is not failure but a learning step on my path. Sort of like practice makes perfect. Well, here I am for another round of practice. I laid out a plan yesterday and I'm really very excited about it. It's a lot like plans I've laid out before so it's a little difficult not to get down on myself. But I'm not going to. I should view it like I did when I finally quit smoking. I must of have a hundred times at least before I finally quit for good. I always said the previous trys were practice for when I did it. Well, all those other attempts were practice. So today starts yet another do over. The 10,000 hour principle at work. You have to do something for 10,000 hours before you become good at it. I have to be approaching that number by now :) So today's plan:

Workout with Bob for an hour
Did into the pile of stuff on my desk
Get a haircut
Clean the birdroom
Dye my hair
Dig into the pile of schoolwork on my other desk
Day 1 of 30/30
Walk dogs

Somewhere in there I'm allowing myself time for a nap if I want and I will eat right all day. It's not hard. I'm not expecting to climb a mountain or do anything earth shattering, just get stuff done. So I'm on it. Today will be a good day.

The best laid plans......

2011-09-26T17:16:00.002-10:00

I had such high hopes for this break. I really did have big plans, but those got blown out of the water. Let's review:

Last week: Saturday & Sunday I worked Walgreens and had no intention of doing anything but that.
Monday I had nothing to do and ended up sleeping and reading all day. Nice :)
Tuesday - all day conference in Waikiki with some girls from school
Wednesday - morning training session at school, Walgreens until 10. - Hour long workout in a.m. Unbelievably sore in p.m.
Thursday - Walgreens until 8:30 - hour long workout in a.m. Insanely sore feet and legs in p.m.
Friday - Walgreens until 8:30 - hour long workout in a.m. Legs a little better but still sore in p.m.
Saturday - Walgreens until 3:30 - no workout - legs felt fine
Sunday - prepping for my colonoscopy - yoga - spent the rest of the day being hungry and pooping
Monday - colonoscopy at 8 a.m. Spent a lot of the rest of the day sleeping due to anesthesia.

So there you have it. My plans just did not go as well as I hoped. So I have a new plan. Tonight I am going to straighten up my desk/office and get things organized. I will work out everyday for the rest of the break and I will eat well for the rest of the break. I can't do anything about what's done and gone, but I can change the future. I also have to complete my long list of things to do. Figure out how to finish my master's and pay for it. Find some term insurance that's reasonable. Get my car fixed. Figure out a schedule that lets me train Bella every night..... Among other things.

Now, another problem has presented itself. The races for next year are starting to open up. I really want to run. Really, really. Today I got emails for both the Diva Half Marathon in April and the new Honolulu Half Marathon in March. I want to do them both. The reality is can I? Can I be ready for a half marathon in March and can I do two back to back??? Can I? Well, a little research has revealed that there is 24 weeks until the Honolulu Half Marathon. That's 6 months until the 1st race. I can approach this as I've started to approach my other workouts - push myself. I can start really slow and take it easy with couch to 5k or I can do it my way. I can start with Hal Higdon's 30/30 plan. Basically you go out for 30 minutes for 30 days. Walk the first 10 minutes, run the middle 15 minutes, walk the last 5. That's it. At the end of 30 days I'll probably be able to run 2-3 miles pretty easily. That will take me to the beginning of November. From there I will start working towards my 10k on New Years Day. If I can do a 10k on January 1st I can totally do a half marathon 3 months later.

Okay, that's it. I'm convinced. That's my plan. 30 minutes for 30 days. At the same time I'll be eating better and working towards losing the weight. Yes, I have a plan!!!!

Did you get the number of that bus?

2011-09-23T08:12:00.000-10:00

In spite of not pushing myself really hard and stretching after - I am sore. My legs are really sore, making walking and sitting such a challenge. Yesterday was really bad. Today is better but I'm still really stiff. Last night at work was brutal. My legs were sore, my feet hurt, my back was bothering me....Yeah, I was a wreck. Because of this today I am doing yoga. I decided that an hour of stretching would be way better than working out again. Tomorrow though I have to get up early enough to workout. No stopping now.

I have read repeatedly that exercise alone will not help you lose weight, that food is the most important component of weight loss. I believe that because unless you are on the Biggest Loser and workout 6-8 hours a day, you just can not workout enough for it to really make a huge difference. However, for me working out helps in a variety of other ways. If I workout first thing in the morning it sets me up for a day of eating well. After working out I really don't want to eat junk food. I want something healthy, nutritious and filling. Also, knowing how hard I worked out I don't want to blow it by eating junk. So while exercise alone may not cause you to lose weight, it influences the rest of my life and sets me up to eat right.

The point of this is that I haven't been tracking my food. I'm doing pretty well just winging it and feeling really good about things. I do have this cool app for my phone to track my calories though. It even has a barcode scanner that you can scan the item and it will enter the nutrition information. Very cool. I'll probably start using it again once I get the workout in hand.

So, speaking of workouts....time to do yoga.....

Caution: You have entered the Danger Zone

2011-09-22T07:20:00.000-10:00

This is where it gets dicey. Yesterday was a good day. I worked out for an hour. Went to a training class. Went to work. Ate well - though not perfect. Came home, went to bed and slept like a rock. This morning I got up and I'm tired. The body is sore. I could easily lay down and nap for the next 2 hours. And that is what would normally happen here. I would tell myself that I'm sore and tired and I have to work tonight so I deserve to take it easy this morning. I would then proceed to lay around and eat until it was time to go to work at noon. I'm not going to do that today. I'm not going to give in to my sloth nature. There are people all over the world who go all day long without taking a nap. There are people who work when they are tired, sore, hungry, sick. I'm a baby. Anything worth having is worth fighting for! So I need to fight my inner sloth and keep moving. Seriously, what is the worst that can happen?? I spend the day tired. Oh Wow!!! That would be horrible. I am going to workout right now. I am then going to shower and do some things in this room that I need to get done. If I am still tired, at 10:30 I will allow myself an hour on the couch before work starts. That's it. I'm not going to fall victim of this danger zone anymore.

Update: I fought off the sloth and successfully navigated the Danger Zone. I did my workout. It was hard but I actually feel a lot better than I did when I started. Hmm...maybe there is something to this exercise thing...

Metamorphosis has begun

2011-09-21T08:30:00.001-10:00

I'm very inspired and excited about this whole reinventing myself. It is very freeing and empowering to know the source of what's holding me back. Now that I am aware of the problems I am moving on them and I am excited. I woke up a couple of times during the night and the first word in my head was reinventing and I wondered if it was time to get up yet. That tells me I'm pretty excited about this whole thing. I need to be careful though and not go crazy. I have been known to do that and just burn myself out in the first days. So I need to pace myself and keep this momentum going.

So I started today with an hour long workout. I have been babying myself with these 30 minute workouts and telling myself that I need to get into shape to do the others. Bullshit. I need to push myself to the limit and work as hard as I can. That't the only way I make progress, so that's what I'm doing. Pushing myself. Right now I'm on break so it's a great time to push the envelope because if I crash no one will care. So that's what I'm doing - pushing myself. And it felt pretty good. Okay, I thought I was going to die but I made it through. And now I am very proud of myself for a good start.

Now I'm hungry so it's time to shower, get some food and then head to school for a training session before Walgreens. Busy, busy day.

Re-Invent Yourself

2011-09-20T20:04:00.001-10:00

I spent the day at the 8th Annual International Women's Conference in Waikiki. It was amazing. There were speakers from all over the world. All women. All leaders in their fields. Truly amazing and inspiring. I am still processing everything I heard but feel the need to discuss some things immediately.

One thing that everyone talked about and espoused as the one way to guarantee success was hard work. All of them said that anything worth having is worth working for. One talked about the 10,000 hour principle from the Outliers, which basically says that if you want to master something you need to do it for 10,000 hours. Someone figured it out and the Beatles played for 10,000 hours before they became famous. Bill Gates programmed for 10,000 hours before he started Microsoft. 10,000 hours seems to be the magic number. I've heard this before, hell I've told my class it, but for some reason it resonated with me today. I don't give things enough time. I don't give near 10,000 hours.

The other thing that really struck me was the last speaker. She said you should reinvent yourself to keep your passion. You may reinvent yourself for a variety of reasons; divorce, fired, empty nest, etc. Or for no other reason then it's time. This struck me. She also had stories of women who had reinvented themselves and most of them were not for any great reason. One woman decided she was tired of being overweight and entered a beauty contest to keep her on track. She won. Another took a vacation at Best Friends Animal Sanctuary and ended up selling her house and moving to Utah to work there full time. This really hit me hard. This was very close to home. I have reinvented myself a couple of times over my life. The latest one was when I quit the lab and starting teaching. When I did that I felt good about. Really good. I was never so positive of a decision in my life. I had secretly wanted to be a teacher for a long time and really felt that the time was right. I was confident deep down in my soul that I was doing the right thing. Part of the reason I felt that way was because of where I was. I had been working out for a couple of years, I was in the best shape of my life, and I felt awesome. All those things played into me feeling so completely confident in my decision to become a teacher. Once I actually started teaching the wheels started coming off the bus. Teaching is hard, hard work. Harder than I thought it would be. And I had stopped working out so much due to injuries and school consuming a whole lot of my time. I started to lose confidence in myself. I started to doubt that I could do this. And I started to think I had gotten in over my head. I lost my faith. The more I doubted myself the more things went wrong. I felt like a horrible teacher and I became a horrible teacher.

So, what is the take home message from all this? Well, it's time to finish my reinvention. I wanted to be a teacher, and I still do, but I want to be an awesome teacher. I want to be an excellent teacher. I want to be a nationally certified teacher. I want to be the absolute best I can be. Time to get my dreams back on track. Time to take control of my life again. I can't change everything immediately but I can start making little changes right now. Starting with working out. It is not an option. Working out helps keep me focused and confident so it is non-negotiable. That is step #1. Step #2 is to get myself organized. That starts on Thursday morning and it begins with this room.

I feel good about this. There are a whole lot of things I need to do but one step at a time. I need to get things in order before I can continue on my journey. So it begins again but I have a greater understanding of things this time. I know not only what I need to do but why and it makes a whole lot more sense to me now.

Paleo breakfast #1

2011-09-19T09:47:00.001-10:00

2 eggs, onion, sweet peppets, pico de gallo

Paleo Diet

2011-09-19T09:27:00.001-10:00

I have done a lot of reading and studying about biology, nutrition, and human history. I have often thought about how our ancestors lived and ate. Biology tells us that our bodies were designed thousands of years ago, yet most of the food we eat was "designed" in the last 30-50 years. I remember as a kid the grocery store being vastly different than it is now. First, it was much smaller. Second, there was not much processed food at all. Most of the store was the fresh produce and meat departments. There was bread, some snacks, chips, and baked goods. That's about it. There was not entire aisles of chips or phony food. You couldn't buy anything resembling a lunchable (okay, I have no idea how that is spelled and neither does spell check). I have often thought that the "food" we eat is not how we were meant to eat.

I've also watched a number of documentaries on food and food production in this country - and it is scary. In the past I have toyed with this so-called paleo eating. Basically what I've done is cut out grains and sweets. I've eaten only whole foods - meats, fruits, veggies, eggs, etc. After I've eaten this way for a few days I notice that I feel pretty darn good. I have more energy and generally a feeling of well being that I don't normally have. The problem is, I've never done it for very long. A week or so at the most. So, I'm going to give it a serious chance. I'm going to stick to eating this way for 30 full days and see what happens. I'm going to be fairly strict with myself but not crazy anal. My plan is basically whole foods only. Meat, eggs, veggies, fruits, some nuts, beans, and that's about it. No processed foods, dairy, or grains. Also, good fats. I'm going to try and switch to organic foods - getting hubby to switch thought is going to be difficult - but I'll try. If I can convince him that we only need a little bit of the organic stuff it might work. I'll let him discover how much better it tastes. Also, if I eat organic food for breakfast and lunch (which I generally eat away from home), if I eat mostly veggies for dinner with very little non-organic meat I should be just fine. Whole Foods will be opening nearby soon and I will start shopping there for my stuff. I can totally do this and I'm excited. I know how good I feel when I eat this way and I want to feel that way again.

That is it, I am done!!!

2011-09-19T07:29:00.000-10:00

I have just filed for a divorce! I am divorcing my past, divorcing my pain, divorcing my doubts, divorcing my setbacks & divorcing lack. The Judge awarded me full custody of my destiny, full custody of my calling and full custody of my life. I am divorcing myself from my past in order to release my future.**So what does that all mean? Well, I'm done looking backward. I can not keep looking back if I'm trying to go forward. I have to focus on the future, where I'm going instead of where I've been. So as of this moment I'm divorcing my past. I will no longer dwell on the fitness I used to have or the shape I used to be in. I instead will focus on the here and now and work towards making that better. No more whining about what was, time to look forward to what will be.

**This was taken from Facebook and altered to fit me :)

The time is right

2011-09-17T06:58:00.000-10:00

Yesterday everything ended. I am no longer waiting. I am no longer stressing over things. I am no longer..... So here begins a new mindset. Now is the time to start. I have to make a change and I have to do it immediately. First, a couple of things. My back has been bothering me and I think it's because of the size of my stomach. It is huge. Also, my foot is bothering me some and I am so sure that is due to weight I can't even consider any other option. And tired. So, so, so tired. And really tired of being tired. So here's the plan starting today. I'm working out every day and staying active on top of that. Today I start with Jillian and a trip to the beach with Bella. Then it's off to work. No time to rest there. Tomorrow it's up early, workout with Jillian and off to work at 7:30. Home by 4:30 and it's walking the dogs and resting. Monday it's an hour workout, probably Bob, cleaning house, running up to school, maybe taking Bella and hiking a little. The point is to keep busy and not spend hours at the computer or sleeping on the couch. I'm done with that. Then there is food. For today and tomorrow I'm just tracking calories and keeping it under 1500. Monday I need to go shopping and Wednesday I need to hit the open market. Fruits and veggies is the mantra. And tracking every bite that goes in my mouth before it gets there. My goal over this 2 weeks is not so much to lose weight, but to get back into the healthy lifestyle habit. Cut out the junk, stop the sleeping on the couch so much, and move my fat ass. Starting Oct 1 I start Couch to 5k again. I want to run a 10k on New Years Day and that will give me 3 months to get there. I am tired of putting things off and waiting to start and blah, blah, blah. I only have the here and now so I need to make the best of it......

It's finally here

2011-09-16T05:46:00.001-10:00

I hate not knowing what I'm doing. I hate not having a clue about what's going on. Control freak much? Yeah, a bit. Ican definitely roll with the punches, but a need a clue. Just a small clue as to what is going on. Being involved in this Aloha show has created a ton of stress because I had no clue what the h*ll I was doing. The other lady used to dance hula and has seen countless shows. Me? Not so much. So this year has been a giant ball of stress for me. Today tjough it ends. The show is at 10 am and by noon it will all be history. Hopefully I'll sleep good tonight and all this stress will melt away. Wish me luck!

Always waiting on something

2011-09-14T20:58:00.000-10:00

I always feel like I waiting on something. A date. An event. Something to happen. Always. Waiting , waiting, waiting..... This week I'm waiting for Friday to get here. Friday is the Aloha Show at school that I have been working on. Friday is the day it is all over. The last 2 weeks have been very stressful and crazy with all kinds of weird stuff. Oh, also the administration at school lost their freaking minds and started doing some bizarre things. That helps a lot, thanks. So stress has been my constant companion for a couple of weeks now. But it all ends Friday. Actually, it's pretty much over. Everything is done it's just a matter of bringing it all together. That happens tomorrow at 1:30. In other news, I got a fellowship in the New Science Teachers Academy of the National Science Teachers Assoc. It's a very cool thing and I'm really excited to have gotten it. I get a mentor, some publications, and a trip to the national convention. Cool. So that is exciting. The convention is in March and I'd really like to fit into the long pants that I own. So that's kind of my goal. I'm going to get back to working out now and try to lose some weight. I have 6 months and I'm tired of waiting. The time is now and it's time to start.

T minus 3 days and counting

2011-09-13T21:30:00.001-10:00

Looking toward tomorrow

2011-09-11T19:50:00.001-10:00

Okay. So I've come to terms that I am fat and out of shape. And I have what I think is a broken finger and it makes typing tough. Back to my weight. So I'm fat, out of shape and over 50. Yeah!! I can't do anything about the over 50 part so I just have to learn to live with that. But I can do something about being fat and out of shape. No more screwing around. I have got to get serious. II'm kind of down tonight. Thinking about all this just brings me down. I have done some prep to try and make the upcoming week easier and to make myself feel better, I went shopping and got stuff I like for breakfast and lunch so I won't be tempted to buy. I also ironed the clothes I'll wear this week and hung them in sets so they are ready for me to just jump into. I have also painted my toenails with black nail polish and silver crackle. It looks so cute. I'll try and post a picture of them. I wish I could get a manicure but I have toenail fungus so I can't do that. I could get medicine for it but you have to take it for 8 months and have your liver checked every 6 weeks. Not worth it for a manicure. {{sigh}} I'm down. I'm going to finish what I need to do then head to bed early. Tomorrow it starts with a 5 am workout.

Drive-Thru

2011-09-11T18:48:00.000-10:00

Thanks for the guest post by Donn SchroederI called my mom today to tell her about one of the more embarrassing things that I had done in the last week. I went to the pharmacy to pick up my prescriptions. I had some work to do at home before the Security Choice installer stopped by the house. I decided to get my favorite coffee drink from McDonald’s. I ordered by usual iced skinny mocha lattewith no whip cream. They gave me the total and I preceded to the check out. I paid and drove off. Right before I made a right out of the parking lot it occurred to me that I had driven off after paying and not gotten my latte! So I wheeled back through the drive-thru. The manager at the window started to giggle, he said it was a “drive-thru” but not “drive all the way thru!” I was embarrassed. I tried to explain my crazy day, but the truth is my day really wasn’t that crazy, I was just being a dingbat! He laughed and said that I was not the first and wouldn’t be the last.

Looking forward

2011-09-11T16:25:00.000-10:00

I can't help but look at myself the way I was a couple of years ago and the way I am now. I can't help but look at the shirts and awards from the races I've done and feel sad. I can't help but look at the clothes in my closet that don't fit and be depressed. But I have to stop that. I have to quit looking backwards and just look forward. I'm going to start working on that this week. I'm going to work on feeling good about myself and not dwelling on the weight I've gained or the fitness I've lost. I'm Starting at the bottom and working my way back up. I'm ready to do it. I feel like I've hit rock bottom and am ready to start working my way out. I have to. I can not go on like this.

Light at the end of the tunnel

2011-09-10T08:27:00.000-10:00

So after my complete and total melt down on Tuesday, the week got progressively better. I went in on Wednesday and apologized to my co-counsel on the Aloha Show because I had been a total bitch to her. I then told her what was really, deep down, bothering me. When I went for my annual mammogram last month, they found a lump. I have not felt anything during my self-exams, but something showed up on the x-ray. On Thursday I went in for another mammogram and an ultrasound so they could get a better look at it. I thought that I was handling it and in fact ignoring it until I knew more, but clearly I was wrong. I was really scared. My sister had breast cancer and I did not want to deal with that. Well, the semi-good news is that they are pretty sure its just a cyst. Yeah!! I have to go back in 6 months for another ultrasound to check it. So that is much better. Also, once I really admitted to myself what was bothering me it was a whole lot easier to deal with. Plus I took back the control I had relinquished. And I got some very cool technology in my classroom and I'm looking forward to working with it. And just to make things really, really good - I'm calling in sick to Walgreen's today. I don't feel like working and I have decided that I'm not going to.... So there...Now I'm off to waltz, but that's for another post :)

My big shirt is getting tight

2011-09-07T19:36:00.000-10:00

I have a couple of shirts, tank tops, that I like to wear around the house. They ~~are~~ were large and roomy. Well, not so much anymore. I put one on tonight right out of the laundry and it was tight around the tummy. Ummm, yeah,,, Wow!!! Part of the problem is the large amount of stress I'm subjecting myself to. I know the stress hormone causes you to store stomach fat and that's pretty much where everything is showing up. So now I'm stressed and depressed. {{{sigh}}} I guess it's time to get really serious. Either that or it's time to give up completely.

Taking Control

2011-09-06T21:28:00.000-10:00

For the last few weeks I've been feeling very angry. Last Friday it reached a peak and today it was back. I knew there was something wrong but I just couldn't put my finger on what it was. I thought it was stress and that I just had so much going on. Then tonight when I was walking Bella it hit me, I have lost control. I have lost control of my classroom. I have lost control of the Aloha Show. I have lost control of my life and I do not like it. At. All. What do they say? Admitting you have a problem is half the battle?? Well, I have eyeballed the problem and I plan on changing things. Tomorrow. And I'm not putting things off, that's the soonest I can change anything. Well, that's not totally true. I have already got things ready tonight so that I am in a position to take control tomorrow. I have come up with some ideas for regaining the control I feel I have lost in the classroom and I will address the whole Aloha Show head on tomorrow. I feel a whole lot better already. Knowing what's wrong and coming up with ways to fix it is a huge, huge step in the right direction. Part of this is admitting what I can control and what I can't and rethinking those that I can't. The new semester at HPU started today. I clearly have done nothing to get my butt into a class so I have to let that go. I will however get everything ready so that I can take these classes in the spring semester. There you go, a solution. Not the one I had hoped for but a solution that is workable and within my ability to control. I can't always control the situation, but I can control how I react to it. And I choose to take control back thank you.

Definitely going to do it this time

2011-09-03T06:57:00.001-10:00

I am off!!! I am going to workout and track my food. I am absolutely going to do this. This is freaking ridiculous. I've been doing this same dance for a couple of years now and it's getting absolutely insane. I watch the Biggest Loser when it's on and one of the things they keep telling the contestants is that they have to believe they are worth it. Worth the time, energy, etc. I think that's wrong. I don't think you have to believe you are worth it, but you have to believe you're capable. Almost everyone is capable of almost anything, yet not believing you can do something holds you back and complicates life. That's what I've been doing. Holding myself back and making things more complicated. So things are changing. Starting right here and now. I am not going to doubt myself. I am going to believe in myself. I am not going to use excuses. I am going to accomplish. No more!!! It ends now...... Okay, I'm off to workout.,

I can be an idiot

2011-09-02T20:02:00.000-10:00

Seriously!! I can be such a moron sometimes it absolutely amazes me. I have been struggling to get back into the workout routine. I have had trouble waking up in the morning and coming home at night and being just exhausted. I have been beat. I keep thinking that if I just get some more sleep I would feel better and have the energy to workout. So I've been trying to get more sleep. That amounts to naps when I get home from work and going to bed earlier and earlier. Not that I'm getting up any earlier...in truth I'm getting up later and later. I've also been avoiding getting back into the dog walking habit because I've been tired. I have been so tired at times I couldn't tell the difference between silver dollars and quarters, I swear....Well tonight I decided things would be different. I stopped and got an ice coffee on the way home (I also got some snacks but we won't go there) so I wouldn't fall asleep when I got home. After 15 minutes we walked the big dogs on their long walk. When I got back I cleaned the bird room and then walked Bella. All told I worked for 2 1/2 hours on the animals. And I felt awesome. Totally awesome. I was most definitely ready to relax and take it easy but I was not ready to fall dead asleep. It was then I remembered that energy creates energy. By being active and energetic I was creating more energy and therefore not feeling so tired. What does this all mean? I need to force myself. I need to drag myself out of bed in the morning and workout. I need to walk the dogs and clean the bird room and not lay around on my fat ass. In all honesty I've been trying to figure out why I've gained so much weight and I think I finally get it. I just need to move more.... A whole lot more.

Test

2011-09-01T20:07:00.001-10:00

This is a test grom my taet.

Where dors the time go

2011-09-01T19:08:00.000-10:00

Well, I let the whole week slip away. I was telling myself all day that I would workout tonight but when I got home it just didn't happen. I have a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning. Once I'm up I'm fine, but getting up is the problem. So I have to come up with a tactic that will get me up in the morning. I'm not sure what it is but I have to come up with something. So tomorrow I try again. It's Friday, and easy day to get excited about because, well...it's Friday. So give it another go tomorrow. If I could get up tomorrow and work out, then I know I could do it Saturday and Sunday because I don't have to be to work until 9. Monday I know I could do it because I have off. I'd have 4 days of working out under my belt and the beginning of a routine forming. So that's my goal for tomorrow - get up and work out.

How'd it get to be Wednesday already?

2011-08-31T11:10:00.000-10:00

Last week I had all these plans to "start over" to get everything organized and hit the ground running on Monday. Yeah, that didn't happen. I'm not sure what exactly went wrong but something did. I haven't been doing very well this week at all. In fact yesterday I was in such a bad mood it actually shocked me. There's a whole lot of stupid sh*t going on at work and yesterday it was just making me crazy. Anyway, the stupid sh*t at work has led me to realize I need to get my act together if I don't want to put up with it anymore.

I was so out of it earlier that I stopped this post and moved on with my life. Well, now I'm back. As I posted over on Flo's Place, I had to admit to some disturbing truths. I generally feel like I'm inadequate. Lots of times I feel like I'm an impostor in my own life. I'm a teacher yet I do not feel like I am qualified to teach. I do a lot of things that I usually feel like I'm just not qualified to do. I feel like I just don't do things well enough. I don't know if it's self-confidence or what but seriously, these are the thoughts I have. So, what do I do about it? I tackle something. I throw myself into something and get something accomplished. That's just what I did. I cleaned off my desk. I got my plan book done for school. I started to work on what I'm doing next in my classes. I'm definitely making progress and I'm feeling better. I still feel like an impostor but at least I'm an impostor that's doing something :)

Sleep

2011-08-28T07:13:00.000-10:00

I love sleep. I love sleeping. I am generally very, very good at sleeping. I can sleep anytime, anywhere for any amount of time. I have the ability to tell myself I will sleep for X minutes and fall asleep and wake up in X minutes. It is awesome. It is a talent I love having and I utilize frequently. There is nothing like taking a 10 minute siesta in the middle of the day at my desk. Seriously, I can do that and wake up feeling awesome. One of my favorite things in the world to do is nap on the weekends. There is something about taking a nap in the middle of the day that is so decadent...I love it. So sleep is something I am really, really good at.

Except for last night. I could not sleep at all. I worked until 10, then came home and went to bed around 10:45. And I was up and down all night. First, I couldn't get comfortable because of the dogs. Then my feet were bothering me, then the rain woke me up. You have to understand, I have slept through all kinds of things that didn't wake me up. Rain should not have been able to do that. Anyway, I'm not feeling it today. It's still rainy so I think it will be a quiet, relaxing day. Probably have a nap or two and head out to work at 2.

Getting mind and body together

2011-08-27T07:35:00.000-10:00

Okay, I'm back for my regular ranting. I decided that I really needed to post about my original topic because it pertains so much to my well-being.

I am preparing to get serious about weight loss starting on Monday. Yes, I know all about don't wait, do it now, blah, blah, blah. The fact of the matter is that I have to plan what I'm going to do for workouts, when I'm going to do them, what I'm going to eat, go shopping, etc. Just starting doesn't work for me unless all the pieces are in place.

Which has got me thinking about how to succeed. Should I just start working out on my own - which has always worked for me in the past? Or should I consider alternatives since I'm not in the best shape and I have some issues going on? Decisions, decisions. My sister has had success with physical therapy nj and that has really got me to thinking about these things. She is a hair dresser and has some major back issues but has definitely gotten better my working with professionals. Maybe I should consider that also.

We are moving into Fall, or what passes for that here in Hawaii, and there are a lot of programs starting up. There are marathon training, boot camps, triathlon training, etc. A couple of them are run by physical therapists and are really good. We used to have a physical therapist as a teacher and it was awesome having him around. Anyway, those are some of the decisions I'm making this weekend. The fact is I need to hit the ground running on Monday which means having a solid plan in place and knowing exactly what I'm doing.

BTW: I love that pose in the picture. Spending so much time sitting at a desk or in front of the computer, doing that feels so good on my back....

What Makes You Eat More Food

2011-08-27T07:07:00.000-10:00

What Makes You Eat More Food

I've taken to putting pictures with all my posts lately and while looking around for this picture stumbled across the above linked article on Time magazine. So I'm scrapping the post I was planning and doing a post on this instead.

They list 7 things that make you eat more and I found them fascinating and thought I would talk about them a little.

Time of day - Every morning before school a bunch of us teachers gather in the faculty room. We eat breakfast and socialize. It's a nice relaxing way to start the day. Yesterday I go down there and didn't have anything to eat. Everyone wanted to know where my breakfast was and when I responded that I wasn't hungry they all started in; you have to eat, you'll be sorry later, you can't eat during class. I found this quite interesting. So not only does the clock tell us when we should eat, but apparently our co-workers do too. Then, the worst part of this, after everyone else left I succumbed to the pressure and had an omelet and tater tots that I really didn't want. When the only time I had to eat lunch rolled around I was not hungry at all but ate anyway. I'm not sure how to combat this, especially since I am on such a rigid schedule and I have to eat when I have time.

Sight - Just seeing something you like can start the juices flowing and make you hungry. This happens to me with sweets. Regular food - sometimes, but sweets all the time. I hate this. I try to convince myself that I don't like things but it rarely works.

Variety - This one talks about how even after a huge meal we will manage to eat dessert because our sweet tooth hasn't been satisfied. That is so true. But I find when I eat lots of whole food and avoid sweets I stop craving them, so apparently there is a way around this one.

Smell - This only works on me if I'm already hungry. If I'm not hungry and smell something good, I will think ummm, smells good, but rarely will smell alone make me eat if I'm not hungry.

Alcohol - this is the truth and a large part of the reason I stopped drinking so much. When I drink, I eat, and I crave sweets. Nuff said.

Temperature - This one was new to me. Apparently when we are cold we eat more. That is why restaurants keep the temps down. I bet that's the same reason grocery stores are freezing cold.

Refined Carbs - Yeah, this one I knew from sad experience. The more refined carbs I eat the more I want. It's not pretty and I try, try, try to stay away from them as much as possible.

This was very interesting and basically no matter how many fat burners or diet pills or whatever you take, you really have to be aware of these things and not fall into their traps.

Boy, was I mad today

2011-08-26T21:44:00.000-10:00

Around noon today I got an email from our vice principle asking some completely inane questions that just ticked me off. I ended up getting pretty angry about the whole thing and being pissed off most of the day. The questions he was asking were just bizarre. Why did someone's grade go up? Well, they turned in work..... Duh!!! We keep electronic gradebooks and one of the categories, that administration came up with, is CW or classwork. The way the gradebook is set up you enter the name of the activity and then the category. So it will say something like, Element crossword puzzle, CW. Pretty self explanatory. At least I thought it was. One of the questions in his email was what these CW activities were. Ummm....pretty much what the name of the activity says...in this case it was Chapter 3 essay and Chemical scavenger hunt...It was such a ridiculous question because the information was there and all filled out. Ugh!!! I replied with a pretty blunt email and for all my responses I've been thinking Duh!!! Apparently he didn't see it that way though because I saw him at the end of the day and all was good. {{sigh}}

The reason I'm going into so much detail about this is because I think part of the problem is the lack of working out. I can generally handle my emotions pretty well but I think working out is the key. Well, it starts tomorrow...Now I have to get some sleep...

Must Plan Ahead

2011-08-25T13:55:00.000-10:00

Okay, here's a couple of things that, in my mind at least, are contradictions. First, I've heard over and over and over again, don't wait until tomorrow (or Monday, or Saturday or your day of choice here) start today. Start small. Start making good choices. Start now. That's a great idea. I think it's awesome to avoid procrastination and just do it.

On the other hand is one of my favorite quotes, a failure to plan is a plan to fail. And I think that's a little bit of what's happening with me. I know what I want to do, but there is so much going on in my life that I'm not planning and as a result - failing. So while I want to start now, this second, I need to take a few moments and sit down and plan.

Which leads me to my starting over, again. I'm okay with starting over a 1,000 times because at least I'm working at it. I wanted to quit smoking for years and I must have quit 100 times. Finally, it took. I don't know exactly what made it happen but it did. So, I'm going to keep trying. I'm going to keep starting over until I don't have to start over because I'm well on my journey. I'm going to keep at it until I get it right.

What that means now is that I'm going to spend some time planning. The first thing I need to do is catch up on some sleep. I have been running seriously sleep deprived for the past couple of weeks when there is really no good reason for it. So starting tonight I'm going to bed at a decent hour and getting some good sleep. Next, I really need to examine my food. I have to keep my intake down but still get enough, it's a delicate balance. I find that if I go eating too little for too long I get super tired, headaches, and generally feel crappy. So I need to come up with lots of healthy, whole foods, that will give me the energy to get through my day.

Finally, I need a workout routine. I have reached the point where I have the desire, a strong desire, to workout but am still not doing it. So that needs to change. I'm going to start out by doing cardio and weights until I lose some of the weight. Once I drop a few pounds I want to start running again. Right now my knee is giving me serious problems and I know it's because of my weight.

So the plan for this weekend:

Get enough sleep
Work out some good food to eat that keeps me full and provides good calories
Develop a workout routine that fits with my life and fitness level right now.
Go shopping and stock up

I commit.......

2011-08-20T07:00:00.000-10:00

...to working out. Every day I will do something even if it's only walking the dogs. I will move my body. The lazier I am the less energy I have. Therefore, if I make the time to do some activity every single day I will have more energy for the rest of my life.

...to eating right. I will not eat sweets and snacks. I will focus on good, whole food that provides energy and nourishment. Treats will be once a week at most.

...to doing something I enjoy everyday. Taking some pictures, sitting with my dogs, whatever, as long as it's something I enjoy doing and it refreshes my soul.

...to not letting the bastards get me down. In my life there are a few people who are complete and total energy sucks. They are negative or idiots or whatever. I'm not going to let those folks get to me. I am better than they are.

...to being grateful. I have a fabulous life and I need to remember that more. There are a whole lot of people who don't have it near as good as I do. I am extremely lucky and have been my entire life. I need to remember that more.

...to cleaning off this desk...do you know how hard it is to use my computer when the pile of stuff is so big ;)

And done.....

2011-08-19T19:10:00.001-10:00

Seriously!!! I am so done with this.... I have gone for the longest time without working out and I do not like it at all. I feel like a slug, the pillsbury doughboy. I have no energy. I'm constantly tired. My body hurts. My bowels aren't regular. My stomach is screwed up. I'm done!!!

Starting tomorrow I am working out. Every. Single. Day. Even if it's only walking the dogs, I'm doing it.

Later: I wrote that first thing this morning, right after I had gotten to school. I have reached a point where all my tops are getting tight and I generally feel uncomfortable in most of my clothes. I do not like this feeling. So it's time for a change. I have gone for over a month without working out and I really, really don't like it. I need to get moving and I need to do it now....

Even later: I just had dinner and I'm trying to formulate a plan for this. I need to have an idea of what I'm doing, otherwise I'll wake up in the morning and just end up farting around until I run out of time. So I need a plan or at least an idea of a plan. So I want to run 3 days a week and strength train 3 days a week. I think for right now I will start with Jillian. I have her DVDs and they are just 30 minutes, so I think I'll start with that. Tomorrow I'm gonna do the front disk and take Bella out, then I have to work tomorrow night. Sunday I'm gong to do the back DVD and take Bella out, then work in the afternoon. For the week the plan will look like this:

Monday: run in the morning
Tuesday: Jillian front
Wednesday: run in the morning
Thursday: Jillian Back
Friday: run in the morning
Saturday: Jillian front
Sunday: Jillian back

Hey, it's a start...