27 January 2005

What the hell is going on???

I really don't know what's happening. I didn't exercise last night and I blew it off again this morning. I usually look forward to exercise but this week I've just had zero motivation. Maybe instead of fighting it I should just give in to it and go with the flow. My gut has really been bothering me for a couple of days too and this may or may not be related. I think I will give myself the rest of the week off. No exercise tonight, tomorrow, or this weekend. There, I've taken the pressure off myself thereby eliminating the guilt associated with not exercising. I'm on break. I will eat properly (I need to do this to get my gut back in shape) and when I feel like it or Monday, whichever comes first, I will resume my exercise program.

I have come to the decision that I do have IBS. Apparently it's not really severe but it is incredibly annoying. It comes and goes and I really have no idea why. Maybe I should keep track of it in my food journal and see if I can spot any patterns. There's nothing that can be done about it but it can be controlled through diet. Maybe I need to figure out what sets it off and try to control it that way.

Sometimes I get really tired of being a grownup. I'm tired of being responsible. I'm tired of worrying about things. The thought of chucking it all and running away is really, really attractive right now. Buying a bike and just biking around the country. I am planning to do something like that for my 50th but I would like to go right now......

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