Morning Page Day 5

I didn't do this yesterday and I'm not 100% sure why. I had the time, I just didn't do them. I was a little upset about Day 4, I felt like it was just a whining session and I hate whining. So that may have been part of it. I need to make this not about whining.

Yesterday we went to Ikea. 90ish minutes roaming around that store. It's crazy. We need some things for the house and thought that would be a good place to find them. We found a couple but not everything. So we keep looking.

We went to lunch at the Tilted Kilt and for the first time in a couple of weeks, I had a beer. It was good. I was worried about my stomach but it was all good. I then came home and didn't pig out on junk food. Yay me!!!!

I have to get this desk organized. I have a terrible habit of coming home and just dropping things on my desk. I need to break that. Because they will sit there all week. I need to get into the habit of going through it and filing things away. lots of time I leave things because I have to enter them in the budget or something. I need to get into the habit of doing that right away and then filing things away. Speaking of filing things away, I need to go through my files and clear things out. I have tons of stuff from our time here, 3.5 years, and a lot of it can go.

In other news, we are getting a screen door for the front of the house and I'm very excited. It's custom and will be installed by Home Depot so it should look really nice. There is something about a screen door I just love. I know it's curb appeal, but it really can make or break a house. Some houses around here have really nice screen doors, others not so much. Oh well, I want a nice one.

I really need to get some curtains for my room here also. I currently have a Hawaiian print square table cloth hanging up and it doesn't quite fit, plus it's kind of light and lots and lots of light comes through. Might be going to At Home today, maybe I'll look for one. I want to find time to do some crafting today also. I have work to grade and that comes first, but I really want to get some crafting done this weekend. So maybe grading today and crafting tomorrow. We'll see.

Tonight is the homecoming dance and I'm working it. I'll be enforcing the dress code at the door. I like that job for a number of reasons. First, I don't have to be in where the music is playing. Second, once everyone is at the dance I can leave. So yeah, that's tonight.

I really can't think of anything else to write about. I love this house. I love this area. I really believe this was the best move we could have made. I know that I said I loved the Lydia Lane house and I did. But it really wasn't us. I felt like it really couldn't be changed much because it all went together. This house is much older and much funkier and I have no qualms about painting one room or doing something to it. In fact, I definitely need to do something to this room. The one wall of wood paneling is so not working for me. I'm not going to take it down but I would like to paint the room so that the wood wall doesn't stand out so much.

Definitely, need to get some curtains so that I put my washi collection on the window seat. I had thought I'd use that as a window seat but that is not going to happen, so may as well use it to store my washi collection.

and now time is just about up so that will be it for today.

Morning Page Day 4

Well here we are on Thursday. Thank god. It's been a long, long week. I really like doing this in the morning though, it seems to clear my head for the day. Between meditation and this, I feel like I start the day fresh and ready to go. I like that.

I didn't go to agility last night. I was just too tired. I'm going to email the owner today and explain that 7:50 is just too late for me. I need an earlier class. I'll be sad to move because I've come to really like the people we train with, but I can't go that late. By 7:50 I'm getting ready for bed. It is not time to go out and do something active. So I'll email her today. Plus, now I live 35 minutes away. I don't mind driving but going that late and having that long a drive just makes it too, too late. So I'll email her today and get this taken care of.

Volleyball is almost over. Thank god. I tried so hard to get out of it and the 'head coach' just kept dragging me in. Next year I am out completely. No more. It takes too much time. Between that and science bowl, my afternoons are just not my own and I need that.

So my stomach feels huge this morning. Not exactly sure why, but it feels giant. I don't like this feeling. So that leaves me with what to do about it. My instinct is to do a small fast. But that scares me because of the stomach issues I've been having. A fast could set off a bout of that and I will be at school and that is completely unacceptable. So I don't know what to do. I do know that I am dumping those Trader Joe's snacks that I bought. I came home last night and ate almost an entire bag of trail mix. That wouldn't be so bad except it has chocolate chips in it. Actually, it has chocolate, white chocolate, butterscotch, and some other chip in it. Which makes it like candy and not trail mix at all. So that is done. I'll just see what happens with my stomach. I may have Hubby pick me up some lunch stuff. I don't know. I just don't know. This whole stomach thing has got me so completely paranoid. I'm afraid to let myself get really hungry because I'm afraid of triggering it. So I'm eating like a crazy person and that's not good. Ugh!!!!  Just need to relax and get back to normal eating. I'm sure the stress of worrying about it is not helping. Hate this. So wish I was in Hawaii and had Kaiser. I would have been there right away and had this figured out in no time. As it is all I can think about is the money it's going to cost me. Stop!!! Time to change the subject.

I do need to develop a workout routine. I'm getting very little activity and I'm sure that is not helping at all. So I need to figure out a workout plan and stick to it. Starting today. I'm walking Mavy when I get home. We did that on Tuesday night and it was so nice. I 30ish minute stroll along the canal was awesome. I'm hoping it will be nice like that again and we can go tonight. That helps me more than anything. It energizes me after a long day. It relaxes me and I feel more connected to Mavy. I'm also going to work out a training plan for him for Recallers. I want to do those things, I just need to fit them into my day. I'm sure that sitting on the computer for hours is part of the problem. I've been saying this for a long, long time. I need to really change things up. I need a sudden and drastic change to my routine. I thought that moving to Tempe and having a commute would do that and it has helped in a lot of ways, but I need to do something even bigger. I think I'm going to stop turning on this computer. During the week I will use only my laptop. I can do the things I want to do after work when I get home, then when I'm watching TV I can play my stupid games. I like that game and I like that I've gotten away from spending money on it, but I don't need to play it for hours at a time. Leave it and play a little at a time. It will last longer and I will always have energy/something to do.

Okay, almost done so I'm going to wrap this up. Off to work.

Morning Page Day 3

So I missed doing this yesterday due to some car problems. On monday afternoon I couldn't start my car after work. Ugh!!!!  Had to get a jump to get home then Hubby charged it at home and it seemed to start okay. Had an appointment to take it in yesterday to get fixed. when I went out to go to work yesterday the bugger was dead, dead, dead. Had to ride with Hubby, so we left earlier hence not having time to do this, and then Hubby had to come home, wait for a tow truck, get it started, drive it to the dealership, and wait for a ride home. He also had to come back to work and pick me up so that we could get the car. They replaced the battery and said it was bad. Since this is the 2nd time in 2 years this has happened, I'm a little skeptical about it being the battery's fault. But they said I was wrong. So I have to go with what they say, they are the experts right? 

In other news, I walked Mavy last night and it was awesome. There was a breeze blowing and it was around 84F and just gorgeous. We walked down to McClintock, then up to the canal path, then home. It took around 40 minutes and was absolutely perfect. I want to make that a habit for the winter. Even if it gets darkish, I can still do it, I have Mavy to protect me.

So I feel super bloated and fat this morning. Not exactly sure why, but I do. My stomach feels huge. I've decided that rather then try to do everything, which is clearly not working, let's focus on one thing at a time. So I'm going to work on getting my steps in for now. Yesterday I got over 10,000 and that was the first time in a while. So that is my goal. Not going to think about food or other workouts just get my steps. Once I can do that consistently, then I'll focus on adding something else to the mix.

I've been so scared about getting another attack that my eating has gone completely off the charts. Yesterday I had 2 cupcakes. 2!!!!!  Then I had some M&Ms at lunch. Then came home and ate some of the trail mix that has M&Ms in it. Luckily I felt pretty c.rappy and didn't eat much of that. Then, becuase I was feeling pretty crappy, I didn't eat anything else until dinner. I wasn't going to eat anything after dinner either, but Hubby made fresh fruit, ice cream, and whipped cream. It wasn't too much so I ate that. And guess what, I didn't have an episode last night. Hooorah!!!!!

what else can I ramble about. I do need to figure out this whole school thing. I used to go on Fridays and get work done, I think I have to get back to that again. I am getting so behind. The good news is only 4 more weeks of volleyball then I will have my 4Bs back. Yay!!!!

Morrning Pages Day 2

So here we are again. Last night I had the beginnings of an episode with my stomach. I awoke to a feeling of bile in my mouth. That has been the precursor to an attack in the past, so I freaked a little. Proped myself up on my pillows so I wasn't laying flat, went and drank some milk to have something in my stomach, and hoped for the best. It should be noted that I did not have dinner last night. I went to Trader Joe's and bought a bunch of garbage then pigged out on that. Hubby was at a friend's watching the game and didn't get home until after 6. I did not feel hungry from my junk food binge so no dinner. Before bed I felt a little hungry and had 1/2 a ham sandwich. That clearly did not do it. But all of this provides data which is really what I need to narrow this thing down. The more I think about it, the more I'm convinced it's IBS. That's a good and a bad thing. Good because it's not life threatening. Bad because who wants to live with this? So yeah, there's that.

In other news, I went shopping yesterday. I'm feeling really down because of my weight and lack of activity. When I went to the docs I weighed in at 207. I haven't weighed myself in months and I knew I had gained but that was an eye-opener. That then leaves me with a dilemma. Do I go back on AltShift at this point and risk my stomach acting up? Or do I conintue the path I'm on but reign myself in from junk food binges and start working out again? The plus side to eating this way is that I'm feeling good. I have energy and I'm getting things done. The downside is that I'm gaining weight. I truly believe that I need to let go of the weight thing and just work on being happy and healthy. I'm closer to that then I've ever been but still not quite there yet. The self care initiative is helping but it's weird because he keeps repeating the same topics. Yes I understand that self deprication is a huge problem with most women, me included, but pointing it out for a week and moving on doesn't seem to be doing much good. I think it really needs to be dug into. Why do I do that? When do I do that? things like that. not just noticing it for a week and then moving on. of course, noticing it is the first step in changing something. so maybe it is a way to go. who knows?  I certainly don't.

So I did go shopping yesterday. I decided to face the fact that most things don't fit me. So I bought some new pants and some new workout clothes. I felt like I only had one sports bra that fit and I was wearing it for everything. So I bought some new ones in a larger size. I need to work out and I thought new clothes might help. The fact that pool season is almost over will definitely help. I would come home from school and it would be super hot and I'd jump in the pool for an hour or so and that would pretty much wreck the rest of the day. Now that the pool is too cold to get in, I can take Mavy on a walk or something for that hour or so. I want to start working seriously on the Recaller's games. I can take him to the park and work on those for a while before dinner. Then on the weekends we walk. There are so many walking places here in Tempe it's amazing. So we will do that. Then I want to start hiking again. We were supposed to go this weekend but I was feeling a little down. Hubby had a head cold all weekend and I was afraid of getting it. So I"m not sure if that is why I felt a little down or if everything is just getting to me. I don't know. I go through bouts of being down. I don't want to use the word depression because it's usually not that bad, thought it can get that bad.

Which leads me to my friends. I feel like we've really lost touch with some of our friends. I thought it was the Tempe move

The Artist's Way

So I read some of this book and one of the first things recommended is that you write every morning for 3 pages. I just tried to do that and my arm/hand went numb. So since writing longhand is out I'm going to use this blog as my dump and I'm going to write for 15 minutes.  No one reads it anyway and I haven't been using it much lately, so this is as good a place as any. We are supposed to just do a brain dump, so here goes.

I really love our new house. I love the house. I love the yard. I love the neighborhood and area. It is really awesome. The house is old and has some issues, but nothing we can't deal with. The neighborhood is quiet. Really. quiet. And the area is amazing. Everything is close by. Every. Thing. There are tons of parks and walking paths and canals and cool places to just cruise around. Mavy and I walked the canal yesterday and it was awesome. They have a concrete path for bikes and a dirt path for walkers/runners.  There were tons of people out using the path and it was amazing. I can't wait to do it again. Last weekend we also discovered a giant park not far from here. We have a small park close by which is nice, but lots of people walk their dogs there so it can get dicey. But the big park is huge. We went there and walked the dogs around and they loved it. Hubby even wants to get a bike so we can ride the canal paths when it gets a little cooler. I love that.

I also love the house. I realize now that I am not the HOA, fancy house kind of person. I never felt really comfortable in Lydia Ln. I loved the house, but honestly, I think I loved the idea of that house more than the actual house. I have thought I wanted a house like that for ever. Before we moved to Hawaii, tracts were coming up like this house and I thought I really wanted one. Well, I was wrong. In just 3 years they turned me off HOAs completely - what a shit show that was. I like a house I can do whatever I want to whenever the mood strikes. So this house has not HOA and that is awesome. But, the city of Tempe has some kind of appearance code because all the houses look nice, yards are maintained and it doesn't look horrible. So that's awesome. Yeah, I never felt like I could paint a room in Lydia Lane a different color than the rest of the house. This house I don't have that problem with and am already trying to decide what color my office/craft room should be.

I like the fact of an office/craft room too. I do want to be more creative and having them together will help that. Plus I have a TV so I can do either while watching TV. Love it.

And the yard, OMG!!! That yard is so awesome. Grass and trees and plants and it's amazing. Everytime I sit out there I think and/or remark how much I love the yard. The pool is pretty amazing too. 10 ft deep or so. Awesome. Yeah, this was the right move. I don't even mind the commute. I have time to either gear up for the day or wind down from the day on my drive. I love it.

I am a little concerned about the money. Our mortgage went up. We bought a truck so we have a payment and a higher insurance payment. Also, more gas because we both drive back and forth to work each day. So I'm a little concerned about the money, but I'm sure it will work out. We wasted a whole lot of money on stuff we didn't need. Things will be tight for a little while but it will all even out. I'm confident of that.

Well, what else. Not sure and I'm nearing the end of my 15 minutes. So if these stop abruptly it's because time ran out. I'm stopping at 15 minutes regardless of what I'm writing. This should be an interesting experiment. We'll see how it goes. Need to work it into my regular routine in the mornings. I have the time, just need to be focused and get it done.

The aftermath

The move is over, though the work will continue for quite some time. It was an interesting week or so. Let me recap:

On Thursday, Aug 22 the buyers did a walkthru of the house on Lydia. On Friday, Aug 23 we drove up to Biltmore to sign the papers for the sale of Lydia Ln. There was a hang-up with some paperwork from our seller, so our docs weren't ready. We found out late Friday night that the docs had come in at 6:45pm. We would be signing on Monday, Aug 26th. Lydia Ln closed on the 26th and we signed on Poplar St. on the 26th. Prior to this, I had set up everything to happen on Wed, Aug 28th. We finally closed on Poplar on Tues, Aug 27th. Hubby started moving on Tuesday and did about 3 trips to Poplar. On Tues he picked me up from school and we headed over to Poplar. We swam in our pool for the first time and just hung out for a little bit.

Wednesday morning we were up at 4 am and started in. Hubby worked for a couple of hours and I started on the house. Packing all the last minute things and making sure everything was ready to go for the movers. They showed up at 8:15 am and were absolutely amazing. By noon they were all packed up and ready to head to Tempe. By this time the cleaning lady had arrived. I hired someone to clean the bathrooms and kitchen so I didn't have to. Best $80 ever!!!  She took over 3 hours to do 2 baths and the kitchen - crazy. Around 1:30 the carpet cleaner came. I had to sit outside with the dogs while he did the carpets. That was brutal as it was hot as hell. All this time, Hubby is at the Poplar St. house with the movers. Thankfully they unpacked a whole lot faster than they packed and by 2:30 Hubby was heading back to Lydia. We had a lot of stuff to still get to Poplar and we were determined to get it done in one trip. Thankfully Hubby had already taken Clusey and his cage to Poplar. But we still had the 3 big dogs. And a ton of stuff. But where there is a will there is a way, and Hubby got all the stuff in the car and there was a little bit of room for the dogs. We packed everyone in and left Lydia for the last time.

By 5 pm we arrived at Poplar. Wow, what a freaking day. We then set our priorities for the night, what absolutely, positively had to be done tonight? We did those, ordered dinner, and pretty much collapsed. As we were going to bed we noticed a problem. The master bedroom was warm. Really. warm. The other bedrooms were like iceboxes. Ugh.... Hubby slept in one of the spare rooms and I slept in the master - heat doesn't really bother me.  We put in a call to an AC company to have them come and look at it and they never got back to me. So Thursday the Hubby slept in the spare room again. Friday we had another company come out and were basically told there was nothing we could do about it. So Hubby slept in the spare room yet another night. Finally, on Saturday he came up with an idea to fix the problem. He covered some of the vents in the cold rooms to force air to be redirected to the warmer rooms. Success. He finally got to sleep in the master bedroom.

Poplar St. is much further from school and having only 1 car was going to be an issue. So Sunday we went and bought Hubby a truck. It's nice and we got a decent deal so I'm happy. Now I have my own car again. Granted it's a mini-van, but at least I have my own wheels now.

Which brings us to today, Labor Day. I made an appointment at Orange Theory to try out their workout. There is one 4 minutes from my house. So I went this morning and it was awesome. I worked my ass off, but it was nothing harmful like Crossfit. So I signed up for 8 a month to give it a shot. I'm excited to do it regularly.

Well, that catches us up on the big move. We still have lots to do, we'll be unpacking for a while, but we are here and in. We went from 2100 to 1300 sf so we may be getting rid of some things as we go. That's okay, we don't need stuff.

Living Intentionally

3 years ago we had an auto accident that I'm still not sure how we walked away from. After that, the way I viewed life was very different. I had a bit of a passion for living. I also learned to live more in the now. Over the last 3 years that has slipped away a little. I've fallen into old habits and I don't like it and want to change it. 

I have goals and dreams for my life. There are things I still want to do. But I find myself saying, eh, too tired. Or I'll do it tomorrow. Or I'll do it next week. Or some such nonsense. Part of that is because I've fallen back into old habits. I spend literally hours on this computer doing nothing. I scroll Facebook until I have seen everything on there. I play a stupid computer game, which is fun but does not need to be played for hours on end. Shit, the first thing I do in the morning or when I get home from work is turn on this computer. That just sets me up to spend far too much time on it. So things need to change. 

My goals really are rather simple: 

• Craft and get creative more
• train Maverick
• spend time with the Hubby
• relax and enjoy life
• travel some

that's it. But none of those things are compatible with hours on the computer. 

In the new house, things will be set up differently and sitting on this for hours will be less appealing. But I would like to start weaning myself away now. I still have some packing to do for the move, I think I will move that up on my priority list. I want to start working with Maverick on some basic stuff and I want to make that a habit every day, so I'll start doing that. I think it's time to wean myself from this electronic monster.