22 May 2016

2nd day, 2nd walk

Woke up this morning and was eager to head out on my walk. After taking care of a few things, I showered, dressed and headed out. According to my Garmin, I walked a little be less (0.04 miles) but at a faster pace. The problem is, that is not completely true. I actually walked a little bit more, I took the long way around a store, but the point is I did it in less time today.

                          Yesterday:                     Today:
Time:                 1:00:23                          58:47
Avg Speed:           23:37                          23:21

Not too shabby for only 1 day. Now just imagine if I do this everyday. The improvements I will make :)

Time for food.

21 May 2016

So many options

Moving away from Hawaii is no small task. Especially if you are moving to an area where you have no family to lean on. There are so many details that need to be handled, it is daunting.

Having said that, I'm a huge believer in fate or faith or the universe or whatever you want to call it, pointing you in the right direction. I also believe that there is a path we are all supposed to take in life. When we take it things go rather smoothly and when we don't we run into problems. I could go into the whole free-will argument, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I do believe in free-will, we all have our own choices to make, but by following the path intended you actually have more free-will and choice available than by not following it.

In this move so far, things have worked out really, really well. I found a job rather easily. We sold the house rather quickly. Things are popping. This has convinced me that we are on the right path. Now, not everything has been smooth sailing, there have been bumps and detours along the way, but in generally things have worked out rather nicely.

Except for the housing situation. We have a number of options in this area and I'm not sure which way to go. We will have money from the sale of the house, so we could put a large down payment down and buy a house. I just found out yesterday that that would entail still renting something for a couple of weeks to a month. We could build new, which would require us to rent for 4-6 months. Both of these instances would be a short term vacation rental that would cost about $2000 a month. Not a huge deal, but not sure if that's the way I want to go. The final option is to just rent a house outright. That would require a 1 year lease which would mean no buying for one year. Now that has some appeal in a couple of ways. To buy a house, we have to rush and pay off some stuff and then wait for that to hit our credit report. It will all be very rushed and, I think, very unsettling for everyone involved. By renting for a year, we can not only take our time to find a house we really like, but also get the credit all straightened out so when we do buy it is ready to go. The problem with that is finding a house that will allow our 3 dogs for one year. We could also just rent the vacation rental for a couple of months and then buy something. It will give us time to really look around and find the house we like rather than rushing into something.

So as you can see, there are a number of different possible paths and I'm not sure which one is the right one. They all have their pluses and minuses. The real problem is that, I just keep rolling these around in my head. Not making any progress at all. So, in the time honored tradition of sorting things out, I need to start walking.

One thing that I have not been doing in any way, shape, or form is exercise. My back has been bothering me a lot (that is another post completely) and with all that is going on with selling the house and the move and everything, exercise just fell by the wayside. I had thought to go back to Crossfit, but honestly, I think I'm done with Crossfit for now. I've gained a ton of weight and at this point Crossfit is more painful than doing nothing. So it is time to go back to basics. I'm going to start with walking and gradually work up to running and then take it from there. Also, the walking and running provided a benefit that Crossfit never has. It allows me time to process my thoughts. In a situation like this, where I have multiple options and I'm not sure which way to go, a nice long walk will usually help me decide. Either the right way will present itself or a whole new solution - that I hadn't thought of before - will become clear. So it is time to start walking again. I only have a few more days of school and then I will be walking every morning and the dogs in the afternoon.

So, the point of this post? Well, I have a huge decision facing me and I need to figure it out. The best way for me to figure it out is to move. So it's time to start moving again. With that being said, I'm off to walk.

Two hours later: After I posted this, I showered, dressed, and headed out for a 1 hour amble. I walked slow, just enjoying the scenery and listening to a podcast. As I walked I felt better and better. Lighter and lighter. As if my mind was clearing. As I walked, I came to a realization. I need to be active. I love being active. The happiest times in my life had nothing to do with money, where I was, or what I was doing, it had to do with me being active. Training for my first marathon, I was really happy. When I started doing tris, I was incredibly happy. I remember looking forward to trainings and feeling so awesome after. Laughing and smiling a lot more than I do now. I remember taking myself from about the size I am now down into the 150's and feeling just amazing. I want that again. I once read that in order for working out/weight loss to be successful, you have to be working towards something and not just away from something. I really believe that is true. During the times above, instead of focusing on what I didn't want - this weight - I focused on what I did want; to run and bike and swim. I think I need to shift my thinking and start working towards something again. I also think that is where Crossfit failed me. I'm never going to be a games athlete and so working towards something like that is unrealistic and I know it. Also, I'm a loner. I know that and I embrace it. I'm more of a loner when I'm heavy, but even when I'm thin, I prefer to workout alone. Crossfit is too community focused. You workout on your own, but if you don't participate in the social side it feels weird. Believe me, I know. So I think it is time to start working towards something and not away from something.

Just for the record, my walk was: 1 hour exactly, 2.56 miles, and 474 calories. Slow and steady and a great place to start.

16 May 2016

A very enlightening weekend

We just got back from 3 days in Phoenix. It was a real eye opener in many different ways.

We learned that Phoenix heat, even 102F, is not the same as Hawaii heat. Phoenix heat doesn't make you sweat, Hawaii does. We stepped off the plane and felt like a wet blanket was thrown on us. Ugh.

We learned that I will be working with some really cool people at my new school. I'm very excited about that.

We learned that we already have some pretty good friends in Phoenix. That is awesome.

Now, on to what I learned about myself. I am fat. I am that woman. I kept seeing myself in the mirror at the hotel and my stomach is huge. Huge. My clothes don't fit right. My back hurts because of my stomach, I'm sure of it. We had to walk through the airport in LA and I was that woman. I was walking slow and having trouble because I am fat and my back was hurting. The thing is, I didn't resort to the 'I hate my body' mantra. I resorted to the, 'this has to end and end now' mantra. This is not the person I want to be. I want to be the person that I used to be when I did races and tris and was always active. I want to be that person, not this one. Well, I'm the only one that can change that. So I'm going to.

I need to stop screwing around with this eating plan and that eating plan and not really sticking to anything. I need to stick to a way of eating and give it a go. I also need to stop eating sweets. Those are my real downfall. So I need to just eliminate them, or have them once a week. Once. a. week. Not 2 nights a week, or 3 nights a week, or every night in a week. Once. A. Week.

I also need to up my activity. I think it is time to just admit that Crossfit no longer works for me. For a variety of reasons, many of which may go away once I lose some weight. But for now, I just need to suck it up and admit that Crossfit may be a thing of the past for me. So I need to get my butt back to doing other things. I can walk. I need to walk. A. Lot. So I can start with that. I can also do free aerobics on the computer. I need to do that. But I need to start just walking. I am far, far to sedentary and I need to get moving more. So I'm going to start walking in the mornings - I used to do that regularly and loved it. I will also be walking the dogs every single day possible. Walking is going to be the key to my beginning.

Okay, I'm feeling a little bit down on myself and I need to go pick myself up. More later.

07 May 2016

New day, new attitude

So once again, blogging has saved me. After writing everything down last night, I realized that things are not as dire as they seem and that I found the root of the problem. So today I have a new attitude and it is a new beginning. I am inspired and motivated. And this is the reason, after 12 years, I still come here on a regular basis. I'm off to take on the day. More later.

06 May 2016

Time to refocus

When I sat down to blog yesterday, I was going to complain about how I feel. Then I thought I'd do a short recap of the past 3 months, and then I got tired. So here is the post I was thinking of last night.

I feel like crap. I'm the highest weight I've been in a long, long time and I feel every ounce of it. I'm not doing much of anything and I'm feeling every step I miss. I feel like a huge, huge hippo. Okay, having got that out of my system, let's examine what is going on and how to recover from it.

First, eating hasn't been great because I've been so busy. Seriously. I work so hard on the weekends that I'm exhausted all week long. When I'm really busy, I'll just grab whatever there is to eat. When I'm exhausted I don't really want to eat and only crave carbs. So clearly, getting enough rest has got to become a priority or things will continue to spiral out of control. I believe that the worst is over and I should be able to relax on the weekends now. (After I wrote this, I headed into the kitchen and ate a twinkie...perfect).

Second, for similar reasons, workouts have not been happening. Too busy on the weekends; too tired during the week. So I think once I get some rest, I'll be able to pick up the exercise a bit.

Now that I look at things logically, I realize that it all hinges on rest. I get enough sleep, I don't crave the carbs and I have the energy to workout. Simple. So I think my recovery has to start with sleep and rest. Rest does not necessarily mean sleep. Sometimes it means just being quiet and relaxing. Sometimes it means mindless TV watching. This weekend I just need to clean the house and have it ready for open house on Sunday. That should be pretty easy to do and should allow for lots of rest. I will go to Crossfit tomorrow and Sunday. I will also prep some food.

Let's talk about food. I can't decide which program to follow. If I do the flexible dieting, I have to eat way too many carbs and I feel fat and bloated. If I follow altshift, I feel pretty good. I hate when my stomach feels big, like I'm pregnant. So I think I'm going to go with altshift and really follow the program. I like the way I feel when I don't eat a lot of carbs, I just need to get back with the program. So food prep this weekend is a must.

So it really all comes down to sleep. I will focus on sleep this weekend too. Okay, I got this.

This is why I really love to blog. I felt lost and hopeless when I sat down,but after laying things out I can see that I need to focus on sleep and rest and that will help my recovery in other areas. Okay, I totally got this.

05 May 2016

The past 3 months have been a blur

It all started on January 23rd when we decided to commit to the move this year. We were going to move over the summer and it seemed so long away. 5-6 months. Now, here we are on the precipice of the move. Ugh!!! So much has happened I don't even know where to start, so I'm just going to jump in.

We had a garage sale the weekend of April 2nd. Then we rebuilt the carport the weekend of April 9th. On April 16th the POD came and on the 21st it left. We have painted the entire house inside and out. We have been working on the house every weekend until we literally collapse into bed. I look forward to going to work on Monday because I can get some rest. Tuesday, May 3rd, I took off work and the realtor came and staged the house and took pictures. Tomorrow the listing goes live. Sunday is our first open house. Oh my. Things have just moved at such a rapid pace and everything has happened in such a blur it's hard to keep track of things.

Next weekend, the 13th - 16th, we fly to Phoenix for a look around. It is exciting and scary. Oh, I got a job. I did mention it briefly before. It is at a charter school outside Phoenix. They only work 4 days a week - woo hoo!!!! Every week is a three-day weekend, how awesome is that. I get to meet them next Friday. Woot...

What else??? I think we are finally done with the house. It is on the market and what is, is.

I had plans of writing this long post about how the stress has affected me, but quite frankly I'm just too tired. Maybe this weekend....

23 April 2016

This last two weeks

Have been so busy, it is hard to keep track of the days. This happened this week. The POD arrived last Saturday and left on Thursday, half full of all our valuables. Ugh!!! The house is now seriously empty and we are going to start painting today. We need to get the house on the market. Soon. But there is still so much to do. I have been walking around like a zombie for the past couple of weeks. Not doing any work at school because I'm busy trying to organize things for the move. Talk about stress.

The good news is I have a job. Yeah. Don't know exactly what I'm teaching yet, but I have a job. It pays slightly more than I make here but the cost of living is so much lower there. We are also thinking of taking a long weekend there to just scope things out. I would like that and I know Hubby would like that. He is freaking out about where we will be living. I think that actually seeing it in person will help him a lot. Meanwhile, we are living with the bare minimum. It's fun.

Food has been okay. I haven't really been following anything because I'm just too busy. I find that I don't think about food much at all unless I get hungry. I guess that's good, but it's bad if I don't eat enough. Workouts have been compeltely nonexistent. I went to Crossfit for the first time all month last night. Ugh.

I have so much more to say, but I have to get moving. I'm going to Crossfit this morning and then taking the cable boxes back. We are down to one small TV in the living room. All the other TVs are packed in the POD. Shit, everything is packed in the POD. We are living on the bare minimums and much of this will be dumped when we leave. Life is just so fun.

One thing I've noticed is that I have a lot more energy and a whole better outlook on life recently. I don't know if it's because we are moving and leaving this place that I've been wanting to leave for a while now. Or if it is just having something to work towards. I read something, years ago, that said doing something just to do it is not motivation. You need to have something you are working towards. I think that is true now more than ever.
Okay, I'm off to Crossfit.