21 August 2016

Really is time for something new


When I last posted I was angry. I was angry that I felt so huge. Angry that I wasn't working out. Just angry. I realized that I can't come at this from a place of anger. It just doesn't work, at least for me. The quote on my blog today is this:

Crave for a thing, you will get it. Renounce the craving, the object will follow you by itself.
Swami Sivananda

How very appropriate. So I've trying to focus on the positive. I'm healthy. I'm happy. I love where we live and I love where I work. Things are really, really looking up for the first time in years. I have lots to be positive about and that includes the fact that I am overweight. I should be thankful that I am lucky enough to have so much food I get fat. Not that I want to be fat, but there are lots of people in this country and the world over that are hungry. I am not. Never. So coming from a positive viewpoint, I want to lose weight and get healthy for positive reasons. I want to have more energy than I have and I want to feel good and not be so tired. I am working towards being healthy and energetic, not working to get away from something. It really is all in the attitude.

Yesterday I got to tell my old neighbor what I thought of her, it was great. There is a lot more I would like to say to her but I am so much happier and peaceful when she is nothing but a bad memory. There is still a $108.35 balance on the water bill and at this point, I don't even care about it. I will just pay the bill and be done with that whole state. It is sad that one person, or two people in this case, can ruin something so totally and completely. But I'm not going to dwell on that. I actually feel sorry for them. Our life here is so, so much better that I rather feel sorry for anyone still stuck in Hawaii struggling. We are going away next weekend and I'm so excited about it. People in Hawaii don't just go away for the weekends, at least not many. Food here is so much cheaper. Gas is so much cheaper. Everything is cheaper. I really love it. I fell right back into mainland life and realized that I never quite left it in my mind. So I am very happy and I think of that bitch working six or seven days a week while I work four and I just laugh. It is awesome. So I am officially completely and totally done with that bitch and her mouth-breathing boyfriend. I hope they live miserably ever after.

So today I will be shopping and prepping. Going to eat well this week and continue to move in the positive.

16 August 2016

Excuses, I'm loaded with them


So it's been almost 10 days since I posted. In that time, the container arrived and left, we unloaded and unpacked, and life has kept moving on. School is good. I'm finding that I like the block scheduling. There are some days when 90 minutes seems rather excessive, but overall I like it a lot. I freaking love have only 4 classes a day. Do you have any idea how awesome that is? Especially when 2 of the 3 are the same. Awesome!!!! In the middle of both days, A and B, I have these huge breaks that I actually get stuff accomplished in. It is just amazing. So school is going really well and I think I'll be quite happy there.

What have I not been doing? Working out. I went on Friday and joined Crossfit. I couldn't finish the workout on Friday due to some intestinal distress, but I haven't been back since. I keep saying I'm going to go but then I don't. I have tons of excuses as to why I don't do. Let's see. I'm tired - an oldie but a goody. My feet are tired - right, because that has never happened before. My feet hurt - could that be the 200+ lbs you are carrying around? My brain is fried - Crossfit doesn't require thinking, just doing. Anyway, the point is, I'm sick of listening to myself and letting myself down. I know that it will be tough for a while. I know that I will be tired and sore and it will not be easy. I also know that I will adjust. I'll end up being less tired if I go than if I stay home. My energy levels will increase and I will sleep better. I know all this. I know it. So what if my problem? Laziness, old age, whatever. I'm over it. Time to put on my big girl pants and deal with it. What do I want? Do I want to have energy to do things or do I want to lay around the house being lazy? What do I want?

Time for bed now. I need to get a lot of sleep because tomorrow I AM going to crossfit.

07 August 2016

Starting to settle in


Human beings are funny creatures. No matter what is going on, no matter what is happening in their lives, they need to have a routine. I know that all animals love routine, but humans are the only creatures that create chaos for themselves and then find a way to make routines out of the chaos.
Well, that's what we've been doing. For the last couple of weeks, things have been in such an unsettled state and yet we are trying to develop a routine and bring some normalcy to everything. That's what we've been trying to do in spite of the fact that we don't have our stuff. So it's been a strange time. The good news is, we are starting to settle in. The container with our stuff arrives tomorrow and then our lives will be thrown into turmoil once again as we unpack and get our old stuff organized into our new house and new life. This should be interesting.

I've been focusing on positivity and not stressing over what I eat and how much exercise I get. I find that it's really helping. I think I may have lost a couple of pounds, though I couldn't tell you because I have not had access to a scale in 3 months. Wow, that has to be the longest time I've gone without a scale. Nice to not obsess over this stuff. But I do have to keep reality in mind. I'm anxious to get back to eating right. We went to Costco on Friday and stocked up on all the stuff I love; kale salad, guacamole, beets, etc. I will have fabulous lunches and I can't wait to get back to that.

I've also taken to doing affirmations and it really helps. I know the power of positive thinking but I did not realize that I had fallen into a very negative trap. I'm working on getting back to my positive self and I'm getting there. I know that I can slide slowly into depression if I'm not careful. And I honestly think that I have been in a bit of a depression for a few years. I'm sure the Aholes who lived next door didn't help, but also the situation we were in. We are in a so much better situation here, I can't help but be positive and happy.

Okay, I've got things to do and I need to get them done. Off to have a positive day.

29 July 2016

What a week it has been


We moved into the house on Sunday and proceeded to work all day getting things ready to live in. We had an old bed on the floor, 2 broken down loveseats and that was all. Living here was interesting. On Tuesday the cable got installed so we had internet again but no TVs to watch anything on. Monday night we also had an alarm guy come by and he completely sold us an alarm system :) It was supposed to be installed on Tuesday the same time as the cable. Oh yeah, Tuesday we also had a garage door opener installed and had someone over to look at the refrigerator since there are issues with it. On Wednesday our furniture was delivered so we now have a couch and loveseat, a dining room table and the most awesome bed anywhere. We also ordered some bar stools for the kitchen counter and they came on Wednesday also. The alarm guy did not come on Tuesday, so he ended up coming on Wednesday but couldn't complete the job. After he left we had no internet. WTF????? Called the cable company and scheduled a technician for the next day. Thursday the cable guy comes and finds that the alarm guy had unplugged something. Ugh!!! The alarm guy came and finished the installation of the alarm system. We have a coded door lock and a doorbell with camera, among other things. Totally cool. Last night we had meet the teachers at school so I was there until 7:15 pm. The good news is I have today off. No Fridays. Woot woot!!!!

This morning I return to Crossfit. I'm very nervous about this. I love Crossfit and I need to work out, I've gotten so fat and lazy, but I'm scared. It's been about a year and half since I've done Crossfit seriously. I'm scared. But the lady who runs it is really, really nice. Her daughter will be my student this year, so I think it will be good.

Okay, lots to do today and I really want to get it all done so that I can play the rest of the weekend. Time to eat breakfast.

23 July 2016

Finally


We closed on the house yesterday. Woot Woot. We did run into a few minor problems with the seller. When we went for the final walk thru the pool was like a duck pond. That was disheartening. And the seller's agent said the seller stopped taking her calls. Sounds like a class act. Anyway, we got a pool guy in and he cost $495 to get the pool back into shape. Turned out the filters were torn, so all the diatomaeous earth in the filter system was just leaking into the pool making it cloudy and gross. The pool guy got new filters and replaced them and all should be good now.

We are spending the last night in the vacation rental. Tomorrow we move into the new house. There will be no Internet until Tuesday, but oh well, we'll live. Also our furniture doesn't get delivered until Wednesday, but we have some chairs and a bed, it will be fine. There are lots of minor things that need to be done around there. The ac filters need to be changed. Some light bulbs are burnt out and some general cleaning needs to be done. We went today and bought some pots and pans, dishes, and general stuff to get us through until the POD gets here. I keep meaning to call to find out when it will be here but I keep forgetting. I'll try and call on Monday.

Okay, I'm tired and ready for bed. Tomorrow will be a busy day.

16 July 2016

Some soul searching

I joined this group on Facebook, the Hugs and Bacon Tribe. It is run by this guy who is kind of a big deal in paleo - The Civilized Caveman. The group though is about more than eating or diet. It is about finding your best self. About discovering what is holding you back and moving through it. About being positive and making progress no matter how small. I had just decided, earlier this week, that I needed to take a couple of steps back. The things I was trying to do was too much, too soon. I needed to go back to the beginning and take baby steps. That was when I found the group. Timing really is everything. The first thing he had us do is make a calendar and pick one new habit for the month. We also had to come up with a positive affirmation statement to say to ourselves all the time. So I picked the habit of walking in the morning and yoga in the afternoon. My affirmation statement is; I am a strong, motivated, and confident woman. I did well with both of these things for 2 days and then yesterday it all fell apart. I didn't workout at all. I never even looked at my affirmation statement, in fact when asked for it last night I actually had to look at my calendar because I couldn't remember it. Needless to say, I felt like a failure. Then the guy who runs it did a live cast and covered just these type of things. How we need to be authentic and real. How breaking old mindsets and patterns is not going to be easy and will bring up all kinds of stuff. Once again, it was just what I needed to hear, when I needed to hear it. So I fessed up about yesterday and forgave myself for it. Then on my walk this morning, I tried to figure out why I do the things I do. Why do I self-sabotage myself all the time? I should explain that when I wrote my affirmation, I thought I was taking the easy way out by saying the things I said. I am strong, I know that and freely admit it. Motivation I struggle with, but I figure if I said it everyday it would become self-fulfilling. The confident??? When I wrote the statement, I thought that I was confident. Sure. Well, on my walk today I realized that I'm not confident at all. I second guess every decision I make. I feel like I'm an imposer in most areas of my life. I don't feel like I'm qualified to teach chemistry, let alone AP. I don't believe that I have the skills and knowledge to write a dissertation. Who am I fooling?? That's when it hit me. That affirmation was a sneaky mind trick I played on myself. I am not confident. At least not all the time. And so much of my confidence and self esteem is tied into my weight. I am fat and so feel like a failure and therefore not confident. I AM NOT A FAILURE!! Just because I let life get to me and I lost my focus on my health, does not make me a failure. It makes me human. But the good thing is, as long as I'm still breathing I have the ability to change things up. And change things up I will. Starting today. I have always said that knowing the problem is half the battle, and now I know the problem. So the first thing that is happening is the dialogue in my head needs to change. I am going to run the 'I am confident' tape constantly. When I run into something I don't understand or am having trouble with, I will say ' I don't understand this, YET!' I will not fall into negative thoughts and patterns. I'm smart. I know what I'm doing and I just need to learn to have faith in that.

I am a strong, motivated, and CONFIDENT woman.

15 July 2016

This is killing me.......


We were supposed to close on the house on Wednesday, but that didn't happen. Due to having to pay some things off and frankly me dragging my feet, we are now waiting. Waiting. Waiting....it is killing me. I woke this morning with such a positive attitude, I was sure that something good was going to happen today. The pins and needles waiting to find out if it will go through.....ugh....it is killing me...... Then this morning the taxes came up....I was hoping that would just slide under the radar but it didn't. They only know about 2015, now I have to pray they don't find out about the other years......ugh......please, please, please make this happen. I will be the best person ever!!! I will pay all my taxes and never go into debt again and be the best person I can possibly be. Oh please, please, please...... I can't stand this waiting. I'm on pins and needles and it is going to be a long, long weekend. Trying to keep a positive attitude and keep my thoughts positive. I do believe in positivity, but it is getting harder and harder to keep it up.