23 February 2020

Week 8 Reflection

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I wanted to do my weekly reflections here but I managed to do 1 week and then forget. Oh well, habits sometimes take time to form. 

We are 8 weeks into the spring semester. 2 weeks from spring break. 12 weeks from school being over for the year. Wow. That's fast. 

This week was pretty good. In SCI we were supposed to focus on rumination. That's a funny topic for me. I either do it  A LOT or I don't do it at all. It's weird. I have seemingly no middle ground when it comes to rumination. And I ruminate about the most ridiculous things. We've been gone from Hawaii for almost 4 years now and I still ruminate over conversations with the freaking idiots. Now that is a giant waste of time. I have been able to control my ruminating about the future. I'm fairly good at shutting that off because I can't predict the future so there is no reason to worry about it. In fact, I came up with a good saying, The past is done, I can't change it and I can't predict the future so ruminating over them is useless. I guess this will always be a work in progress because I'm a human and make stupid decisions/mistakes. Oh well, life goes on. There is a kid in school that is causing me to ruminate because he pisses me off. I need to get over that, he's just a stupid kid and I do mean stupid. Need to drop him off my list of caring at all. The truth of the matter is he scares me a tiny bit. He is just stupid enough to do something stupid and that worries me. That could be why I'm ruminating over him and my interactions with him. I need to just let him go and quit worrying about him. Again, I can't change the past and I can't predict the future, so move on. 

I've been doing Uber Eats and I really like it. Hubby comes with me frequently and he is a tad annoying. About the only place I don't like going is to the ASU campus. Everywhere else, I'll go. But he gets all futless when we end up in Mesa or Scottsdale or somewhere not close to home. I like having the company but I wish he would stop complaining. Seriously, he complains about everything. What restaurant they chose, how far away the delivery is, what area we are in, how stupid the streets are, and on and on. It's gets old after a while. But I do enjoy the company and I know he feels better if he's with me so I guess I'll just have to suck it up. I've been doing it a couple of weeks and have made $290ish so far. Not earth shattering but not too bad. My goal is to make $100 a weekend. That's $400 a month and that's pretty decent extra money. I do need to put a category in my budget for money made through this. I want to keep it a little separate so that I can easily see what I've made. I wonder how I can do that? Need to look at that. 

What else? Oh yes, we bought the solar heater for the pool on Friday. We ended up going with the same company we went with last time since we know that one and we know how it works and everything. It's $5500 for the whole thing and we got 1 year no-interest financing. I plan on working more delivering over the summer to get that paid off before the new school year starts. But I am looking forward to getting in my pool earlier. That pool is so deep it probably won't warm up on it's own until May. Yeah, I ain't waiting that long to swim in it. 

That's about it. I do have a procedure next week that has me a little concerned but I'm trying to think positive. I'll write more about it next week because hopefully I will have answers then. 

07 February 2020

Time for a little navel gazing.....


One of the things I miss about writing in this blog is the navel gazing aspect. I worked a whole lot of things out just by writing here and now I need to work out some more things.

I've been doing the Self-Care Initiative since it started. Literally, I was one of the first people to sign up. Some have been really good and some weeks have been absolute crap, but I have noticed that it's getting better and better. My mind is in a much, much better place as far as how I view myself and the world around me. I am honestly very happy and relaxed and really feeling great. So things are definitely worth doing the work. But I'm not happy with the way I feel physically. I'm not mad or angry or mean to myself about it. I just want to feel better. I feel like I am happy and content in my mind, I now want to feel that in my body. So I think it's time to start taking care of it like I've been taking care of my mind. I have made walking everyday a habit, time to kick it up a little bit. Looking over my stats for the last couple of weeks, I've been averaging between 7,000 - 8,000 steps a day. Let's kick it up. Let's shoot for 10,000 every day. That means more moving and walking during the day. I can totally do it, I just need to focus on it like I focus on my rumination, or self-depreciation, or social comparison. It just need some attention.

I also want to add weights in. Twice a week is good to start. So let's pick 2 days that work well. I usually feel pretty good on Mondays. So Monday night would be a good one for weights. I usually feel pretty good on Thursdays also, so let's do that. I would like to try some yoga too. So maybe on the weekends I will add a yoga workout in. As much as I'd like to hike, I think I'm going to put that on the back burner for a bit. I think I want to focus on these things before I start adding hiking to the mix. I know that adding weights will eventually give me more energy so I'm going to go with that for now. My walk as become such a staple no one in the house questions it anymore - including me. Let me make weights and yoga that way too.

Okay, I feel better. I can approach this just like I've approached my mental health by focusing on one thing at a time, not beating myself up if I slip, and making it a habit. I'm settled now.

02 February 2020

Week 5 - Reflection

Last time I wrote here it was November. That is 3 months ago. Hmmmmm, actually thought it was longer than that.

In the new year, I started bullet journaling again. One of the tenants of bullet journaling is to do a weekly reflection. I thought I would do that reflection here since I hardly use this anymore. Also, I think really well as I type and I type faster than I can write.

So the week started off rough when I realized we were broke and it was 5 days until payday. Looking at the finances, it appeared that we were falling around $500 short every single month. Now, I'm not quite sure I believe that but it was a blow. So I clamped down. No more using the debit card for anything. No more extraneous spending. No more....just no more. I also started looking into side hussles. I ended up signing up with Postmates and DoorDash. These allow me to work whenever I want and stop whenever I want. I've done it a couple of times now and I honestly rather enjoy it. I am driving around seeing places that I have not seen before and probably wouldn't have without this. I'm learning the area and it's fun. Just picking things up and dropping them off. I like it. It doesn't pay a lot but it serves a number of purposes. It makes me a little more money - Yay!!!  It prevents me from getting bored. And it keeps me busy. I'm done if I have nothing to do and get bored. So it's fun. I've made a little over $100 so I'm not going to set the world on fire, but it is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick. So there's that.

Today is Superbowl Sunday with the 49ers vs the Chiefs. It should be a good day. We are having some friends over to watch the game. The stupid game doesn't start until 4:30 so I'm not even sure I'll see the whole thing. But it should be a fun day.

That's about it for this week. Been meditating every morning and walking Mavy every evening - except Friday because that was RunBuddy day. Working and really enjoying myself. I'm happy. I like what I'm doing. I like where we are living. I like the way my week goes. I just like everything about my life at this point and I'm happy.

So here's to another good week coming up. See you next Sunday.

17 November 2019

Catch up time


It's been a while since I've been here. The last real update was Sept. 2nd, which was 11 weeks ago. Lets see what has happened since then.

House: We are settling in. Still settling in I guess. I don't like to rush into things. I like to get the feel of things before I start making changes. I need to know the flow of the place before I can figure out what will work best. So we are getting there. Yesterday we went to an exotic plant sale and bought some cool plants for the yard. We got lilikoi, a mango tree, dragon fruit, and some edible ginger. We did some research on what is best for them, I hope Hubby listens to it, and we worked out where to plant them. Yesterday we got the lilikoi and the edible ginger in the ground. Today we will get the dragon fruit and the mango tree planted. We just have to be careful with them and get them through the winter. Once they take hold and start to grow they should be able to survive the summer. We also finally got the whole ac thing figured out and it's all good now. Still working on unpacking and getting things organized. We have everything for day to day life set up, but the extra things are taking time. It will get there.

Work: Work is actually really good. I'm the department chair and I feel like I have a bit more say in things. They are also asking me to do more things, take more responsibility and that feels good too. I don't want to be admin or anything remotely like that, but it feels nice to have a little more responsibility. Also, the modeling classes I took over the summer are really paying off. I love teaching this way, it's so different and very cool. I did not finish my license as I planned this summer - ya think???  So that is on my list. I would like to get that done by the end of the year. Then I have to consider the whole dual enrollment thing. Do I really want to do it? Ugh..... just want to teach and be happy.

Physical Health: this could get ugly. So in late September I had one of my attacks again. It was really bad. It started on the way home from work and lasted until almost midnight. Since then I've been leary about letting myself get hungry - that's how it started - and as a result I tend to overeat. I did go to the doc and she gave me some medicine to stop the spasming, thankfully I haven't had to try it so that's good. She did want blood work, an ultrasound, and a colonoscopy. I got the bloodwork and it was all good. I got the ultrasound and they found that the lining of my uterus is thick and they found a polyp that might be a problem. So I have to go see a gyno surgeon. Unfortunately I can't get in to see him until December. Figures. I have gained a whole lot of weight and I'm really not sure if it's from my fear of this think happening again or if it's just that I've kind of given up.

Mental Health: towards that end I've really been working the Self-Care Initiative. I've really been working on my thoughts and how they affect me. I've made some huge strides and things are definitely getting better. It's a slow process and something I will be working on for the rest of my life.

Family: heard this week that my sister Ellen has less than 4 weeks to live. Turns out she has cancer just about everywhere and is in hospice. That makes me so sad. When we all lived in the bay area we used to see each other all the time. We were a fairly close family and I loved that. In some ways I feel like my moving to Hawaii split the family up. That's ridiculous I know, but I can't help but wonder what would have happened had I stayed. The thing is, what would have happened to us? I've had a pretty great life and it all came about because of the choices I made so what would have happened if I made different choices? I'll never know but I wonder if the family would be different. Of course, it's rather arrogant of me to think I was the only thing holding the family together. Mom did that. When she passed is really when everything changed and that would have happened no matter where I lived. Anyway, I passed the news on to Barbara. I'm sure I wrote about her. I got her into drug rehab in Hawaii, even paid for her plane ticket, and she left the rehab, wouldn't talk to me, and set out on her own. She's doing well, for the first time in her life. She has a job, an apartment, and seems to have a fairly decent life, so I'm happy for her. But I don't know that I can ever really trust her again. I told her about Ellen and I was rather hard on her. I know I was. But she basically kicked me in the teeth by leaving and not even wanting to talk to me. Anyway, I'm sad that Ellen is dying and that Barbara basically pushed me away.

Dogs: Lola has tested borderline for Cushing's disease but I haven't started her on the medicine yet because the dosage is way too high. I haven't wanted to talk to the vet and so I've been avoiding it and probably making things worse. Ugh. Bella is doing great and bouncing around here like a little puppy sometimes. It's awesome to see. Mavy is doing good. We stopped agility because it is just too far to travel and I don't know that he really wants to do it. Where we live has some great walking paths and we've been walking a lot. Not as much as I want, but a lot. So the pups are happy.

Guess that about brings everything up to speed. I really love living here and I'm really loving the way my life is turning out. I can honestly say that I'm happy. Really, really happy.

28 September 2019

Morning Page Day 5

I didn't do this yesterday and I'm not 100% sure why. I had the time, I just didn't do them. I was a little upset about Day 4, I felt like it was just a whining session and I hate whining. So that may have been part of it. I need to make this not about whining.

Yesterday we went to Ikea. 90ish minutes roaming around that store. It's crazy. We need some things for the house and thought that would be a good place to find them. We found a couple but not everything. So we keep looking.

We went to lunch at the Tilted Kilt and for the first time in a couple of weeks, I had a beer. It was good. I was worried about my stomach but it was all good. I then came home and didn't pig out on junk food. Yay me!!!!

I have to get this desk organized. I have a terrible habit of coming home and just dropping things on my desk. I need to break that. Because they will sit there all week. I need to get into the habit of going through it and filing things away. lots of time I leave things because I have to enter them in the budget or something. I need to get into the habit of doing that right away and then filing things away. Speaking of filing things away, I need to go through my files and clear things out. I have tons of stuff from our time here, 3.5 years, and a lot of it can go.

In other news, we are getting a screen door for the front of the house and I'm very excited. It's custom and will be installed by Home Depot so it should look really nice. There is something about a screen door I just love. I know it's curb appeal, but it really can make or break a house. Some houses around here have really nice screen doors, others not so much. Oh well, I want a nice one.

I really need to get some curtains for my room here also. I currently have a Hawaiian print square table cloth hanging up and it doesn't quite fit, plus it's kind of light and lots and lots of light comes through. Might be going to At Home today, maybe I'll look for one. I want to find time to do some crafting today also. I have work to grade and that comes first, but I really want to get some crafting done this weekend. So maybe grading today and crafting tomorrow. We'll see.

Tonight is the homecoming dance and I'm working it. I'll be enforcing the dress code at the door. I like that job for a number of reasons. First, I don't have to be in where the music is playing. Second, once everyone is at the dance I can leave. So yeah, that's tonight.

I really can't think of anything else to write about. I love this house. I love this area. I really believe this was the best move we could have made. I know that I said I loved the Lydia Lane house and I did. But it really wasn't us. I felt like it really couldn't be changed much because it all went together. This house is much older and much funkier and I have no qualms about painting one room or doing something to it. In fact, I definitely need to do something to this room. The one wall of wood paneling is so not working for me. I'm not going to take it down but I would like to paint the room so that the wood wall doesn't stand out so much.

Definitely, need to get some curtains so that I put my washi collection on the window seat. I had thought I'd use that as a window seat but that is not going to happen, so may as well use it to store my washi collection.

and now time is just about up so that will be it for today.

26 September 2019

Morning Page Day 4

Well here we are on Thursday. Thank god. It's been a long, long week. I really like doing this in the morning though, it seems to clear my head for the day. Between meditation and this, I feel like I start the day fresh and ready to go. I like that.

I didn't go to agility last night. I was just too tired. I'm going to email the owner today and explain that 7:50 is just too late for me. I need an earlier class. I'll be sad to move because I've come to really like the people we train with, but I can't go that late. By 7:50 I'm getting ready for bed. It is not time to go out and do something active. So I'll email her today. Plus, now I live 35 minutes away. I don't mind driving but going that late and having that long a drive just makes it too, too late. So I'll email her today and get this taken care of.

Volleyball is almost over. Thank god. I tried so hard to get out of it and the 'head coach' just kept dragging me in. Next year I am out completely. No more. It takes too much time. Between that and science bowl, my afternoons are just not my own and I need that.

So my stomach feels huge this morning. Not exactly sure why, but it feels giant. I don't like this feeling. So that leaves me with what to do about it. My instinct is to do a small fast. But that scares me because of the stomach issues I've been having. A fast could set off a bout of that and I will be at school and that is completely unacceptable. So I don't know what to do. I do know that I am dumping those Trader Joe's snacks that I bought. I came home last night and ate almost an entire bag of trail mix. That wouldn't be so bad except it has chocolate chips in it. Actually, it has chocolate, white chocolate, butterscotch, and some other chip in it. Which makes it like candy and not trail mix at all. So that is done. I'll just see what happens with my stomach. I may have Hubby pick me up some lunch stuff. I don't know. I just don't know. This whole stomach thing has got me so completely paranoid. I'm afraid to let myself get really hungry because I'm afraid of triggering it. So I'm eating like a crazy person and that's not good. Ugh!!!!  Just need to relax and get back to normal eating. I'm sure the stress of worrying about it is not helping. Hate this. So wish I was in Hawaii and had Kaiser. I would have been there right away and had this figured out in no time. As it is all I can think about is the money it's going to cost me. Stop!!! Time to change the subject.

I do need to develop a workout routine. I'm getting very little activity and I'm sure that is not helping at all. So I need to figure out a workout plan and stick to it. Starting today. I'm walking Mavy when I get home. We did that on Tuesday night and it was so nice. I 30ish minute stroll along the canal was awesome. I'm hoping it will be nice like that again and we can go tonight. That helps me more than anything. It energizes me after a long day. It relaxes me and I feel more connected to Mavy. I'm also going to work out a training plan for him for Recallers. I want to do those things, I just need to fit them into my day. I'm sure that sitting on the computer for hours is part of the problem. I've been saying this for a long, long time. I need to really change things up. I need a sudden and drastic change to my routine. I thought that moving to Tempe and having a commute would do that and it has helped in a lot of ways, but I need to do something even bigger. I think I'm going to stop turning on this computer. During the week I will use only my laptop. I can do the things I want to do after work when I get home, then when I'm watching TV I can play my stupid games. I like that game and I like that I've gotten away from spending money on it, but I don't need to play it for hours at a time. Leave it and play a little at a time. It will last longer and I will always have energy/something to do.

Okay, almost done so I'm going to wrap this up. Off to work.

25 September 2019

Morning Page Day 3

So I missed doing this yesterday due to some car problems. On monday afternoon I couldn't start my car after work. Ugh!!!!  Had to get a jump to get home then Hubby charged it at home and it seemed to start okay. Had an appointment to take it in yesterday to get fixed. when I went out to go to work yesterday the bugger was dead, dead, dead. Had to ride with Hubby, so we left earlier hence not having time to do this, and then Hubby had to come home, wait for a tow truck, get it started, drive it to the dealership, and wait for a ride home. He also had to come back to work and pick me up so that we could get the car. They replaced the battery and said it was bad. Since this is the 2nd time in 2 years this has happened, I'm a little skeptical about it being the battery's fault. But they said I was wrong. So I have to go with what they say, they are the experts right? 

In other news, I walked Mavy last night and it was awesome. There was a breeze blowing and it was around 84F and just gorgeous. We walked down to McClintock, then up to the canal path, then home. It took around 40 minutes and was absolutely perfect. I want to make that a habit for the winter. Even if it gets darkish, I can still do it, I have Mavy to protect me.

So I feel super bloated and fat this morning. Not exactly sure why, but I do. My stomach feels huge. I've decided that rather then try to do everything, which is clearly not working, let's focus on one thing at a time. So I'm going to work on getting my steps in for now. Yesterday I got over 10,000 and that was the first time in a while. So that is my goal. Not going to think about food or other workouts just get my steps. Once I can do that consistently, then I'll focus on adding something else to the mix.

I've been so scared about getting another attack that my eating has gone completely off the charts. Yesterday I had 2 cupcakes. 2!!!!!  Then I had some M&Ms at lunch. Then came home and ate some of the trail mix that has M&Ms in it. Luckily I felt pretty c.rappy and didn't eat much of that. Then, becuase I was feeling pretty crappy, I didn't eat anything else until dinner. I wasn't going to eat anything after dinner either, but Hubby made fresh fruit, ice cream, and whipped cream. It wasn't too much so I ate that. And guess what, I didn't have an episode last night. Hooorah!!!!!

what else can I ramble about. I do need to figure out this whole school thing. I used to go on Fridays and get work done, I think I have to get back to that again. I am getting so behind. The good news is only 4 more weeks of volleyball then I will have my 4Bs back. Yay!!!!

Week 8 Reflection

I wanted to do my weekly reflections here but I managed to do 1 week and then forget. Oh well, habits sometimes take time to form. ...