18 January 2017

Some quick thoughts

It is 4:30 am and I am supposed to be working on my dissertation, which I did just finish loading articles, but I have some thoughts that I just need to get out of my head and find a way around.

Last night I had planned on going to Crossfit for the mobility class and I was also thinking of going to school for an open house they were having. Now neither of those things happened and I'm kind of upset with myself about it. Why didn't they happen? Because I was tired! Tired!! What a stupid excuse. And I wasn't even that tired because I did not take a nap, or should I say fall asleep at my desk - which is what I usually do when I'm really tired. So yes, I was tired, but not that tired. Also, the mobility class is not like a workout, I totally could have done it. And the going to the open house would mean that I did not have to go to the next one. Ugh!!! I let a little thing like 'tired' control my life. I did go to bed early, but I would have been able to go to bed at that time anyway. Ugh!!!!

So I need a strategy to battle 'tired'. I can't give into it. I can't let it control my life because then nothing will get done. I need to find a way to combat it or to just not let it take over things. And truth be told, I really wasn't that tired. I've come home completely wiped out before, I was not like that last night. Ugh!!! Ugh!!! Ugh!!!.

No more. I cannot let tiredness rule my life. I have let that happen for far too long and it has made me miserable. It has also made me fat. I used to be able to use rest and napping as a reward. Now it has become a way of life. Done, over, no more. I will not allow tiredness to be an excuse anymore. Unless I'm just literally dead on my feet. Otherwise, I make a plan, I stick with it and not ifs, ands, or buts. I am tired of my lazyness and the stress and delays it causes me. It is partially responsible for my lack of progress on my dissertation as well as my weight gain. That is it, no more. I'm really so completely over this.

Okay, just needed to get that off my chest and sort it out in my head. I'm not going to allow anything but my plans and goals to run my life. I'm especially not going to allow tiredness to do that.

15 January 2017

Week in Review; 2017 Week 1

Well, the week did not go as planned. I spent the first part of the week very, very tired. That was expected, but I still let it get the better of me. My planner for the week is almost completely blank. I just filled in some stuff right now. I can usually tell how the week went based on the planner. A full planner with lots of notes everywhere, productive week. A blank planner means I mentally checked out. Which I kind of did this week. So now I'm paying the consequences. The thing is, I can't cry over what is done. I really need to move on. So, that is what I'm doing, moving on.

I have a goal. I have a number of goals. I just need to get a plan and follow through. So, let's start with goal #1: health and fitness. In my defense, my feet were killing me most of the week. I'm not exactly sure why, other than my weight, but it was painful to walk/stand most of the week. Because of that, I did not go to cross or do any walking on the treadmill as planned. My feet feel much better now, so we recycle that plan. Crossfit 3x per week and walking on the treadmill for 30 minutes other nights. Not a crazy, impossible goal, just something that needs to get done every single day.

Goal #2 is my dissertation. I have basically not touched it for 2 weeks. I have truly been avoiding it. The reasons are myriad and complex but it honestly boils down to money. I don't know how I'm going to pay them what I owe and how I'm going to keep on top of paying them. The truth is that we can afford it, but I like having money and not worrying about it. Of course, paying them won't cause us to worry about money, it will just allow us to spend less on nonsense. We will have to become more frugal, something we have not been good at recently. I don't want to worry about money. I want to create a budget and stick to it and stop spending like I'm Rockefeller. In honesty, it is me. I buy things at the drop of a hat. I need to break that. I became very frugal when we were getting ready to sell the house, so I know I can do it. I really just have to decide I want it bad enough. My motivation when I started this is not the same. I started this to help us get out of Hawaii. Well, we are out of Hawaii, so what is my motivation now? I don't know if I will get more if I have a Ph.D. probably.... I don't know. What I do know is that I have to decide and do it quickly. I have a lot of ground to make up and finances to work through if I decide to continue. I hate to be ABD. I always felt that was a cop out because the dissertation is the hardest part. Classes are easy. Writing on your own is brutal. Ugh..... I'm torn. I think I need to throw myself into my dissertation for a bit and see if I can get my mojo back. I had plans of working on my dissertation in the mornings, but then I didn't pack my lunch the night before and that took up all my time. So I need to take care of these things the night before. Then I can get up, make coffee, and start working until it is time to walk the dogs.

So, here are my intentions for the coming week. Create a plan for a) working out and b) dissertation writing and stick to it. At the end of the week, I will evaluate how things went, particularly with the dissertation, and determine my step forward from there. I honestly think that I may remove myself from the house to work on it this weekend. I'm thinking of going to the library this afternoon for a couple of hours while he watches football. Sometimes, putting myself in a different environment sparks the creativity and lessens the distractions. That was the whole idea behind the 4 am work time. Reduce distractions from life around me. Okay, then I will do Crossfit 3x a week and I may sneak in a Core/Stretch on Tuesday. Okay, I feel good about this. I need to take control and I haven't felt like I had it regarding my dissertation. So, starting today, I will take control and not just roll with the flow. I need to decide what I'm going to do with this. I have one week to figure it out.

08 January 2017

I am addicted to Facebook

It unfortunately, is very true. I spend more time on Facebook than I do on anything else in my life. I bemoan the fact that I get nothing done at times because I've spent an hour or three on Facebook. And it is not like it's that interesting. I just scroll and scroll and scroll and then get frustrated when I see the same stories over and over again. UGH!!!! I can't work when I see that little number show up on my Facebook tab (because I always have the page open) or when the notification comes across while I'm working on something else. I need to do something and I need to do it now. Before break I would go for hours without looking at Facebook in classes. I would check for 15 minutes of so while I ate lunch, and then put it away while I worked. So I can go without it and the world does not fall apart. So it is time to start withdrawing from this nasty addiction. Here is my routine now:
Wake up: check emails and Facebook
On toilet: check Facebook, play games
Working: check Facebook and email
Bored: Check email and Facebook
Happy: Check email and Facebook
Work on dissertation: check Facebook repeatedly

So I think it's time to change things up. First, I'm going to turn off my notifications from Facebook so they don't pop up while I'm working on something else. Done. Now the notifications will not pop up in the corner of the screen when I'm working. Boom.....

Next, I need to close the Facebook tab and not leave it open all the time. Done. I will NOT keep a Facebook tab open all the time. If I want to check it, I can open it easy enough.

Wow, I feel a little freer right now. Facebook is kind of like a weight around my neck. I constantly feel the need to see what is going on in the world. Well, guess what. Screw the world. I'm going to worry about my little slice of it.

Now I just need to do that on all my devices and things will be good.

Today is the last day of winter break and I'm kind of sad. I did wake up at 4 am this morning but did not get out of bed. Couldn't do it. I did get up at 5:15 though. Today will be full of work. House cleaning, dissertation, general preparedness for tomorrow. And very little social media.

Okay, time to start my day. No social media so no reason to sit here :)

07 January 2017


It was a good break and I really enjoyed myself. But do I have to go back?????? No, I'm ready. I can only sit around for so long before I start to lose my mind. So it is time to get back to work and back to schedule. I've done far too much sitting on my butt. But I have a couple of things to work through here.

Dissertation work, when to do it. I need to devote more time to this. I. Must. The thing is, if I plan to do it at night, I'm no good then. I am tired and just do not have the mental energy to do it. So I'm thinking about doing it in the morning. I always do good work in the morning when my mind is fresh. What if I got up at 4 am and dove right into working on it? I could get a solid 30-45 minutes on it every day. It's kind of like the theory of exercise, do it early and get it out of the way. I'm always fresh in the morning and do some of my best work when I first work up, so why not take advantage of that? I had this idea that I wanted to do yoga at that time, but in many ways, I think this is more important. If I spend tomorrow working on it and developing a to do list for the week, I can then work on something every morning when I get up. I can also do things that do not require lots of brain power in the evenings, like search for articles. I'm going to give it a try this week and see how it works. I like this idea and think it will work.

Health and fitness. I joined a nutrition challenge today. These have always worked well for me in the past just because I have some guidelines and someone to be accountable to. I also ordered some supplements. Not sure about that yet, but I decided to jump in with both feet. I've let doubt and indecision waste too much of my time. I trust the Crossfit people and decided to take their word for it and try the supplements. I'm not happy I spent $200 but I guess my health is worth it. So now I just need to get the working out routine down. I was going to start with Crossfit on Monday afternoon, but we have someone coming to give us a quote on a security screen door. So that might not work so well. Damn. Oh well, I can do my yoga or walk on the treadmill after. The point is I have to do something.

Okay, it is getting late and I need to get into bed. More tomorrow.

06 January 2017

1st week of the new year

It kind of didn't. I didn't have any super specific goals for this week - which was the problem - and so I guess you could say I met them. My foot was really bothering me, so I didn't go to Crossfit until Wednesday. We did take 2 road trips which were fun. I joined a teacher club, which has some great information about making teaching more manageable, I'm looking forward to getting into that more. I got some work done on my lesson plans - still a lot more to do though. I did not walk much. I did not get any dissertation work done. And I watched far, far too much TV. But I'm not upset about those things. They were conscious choices I made at the time and I really am okay with most of it. Sometimes I fell asleep and didn't plan to, but that's okay. Today will be busy though. I have Crossfit in the morning. Then I have to weigh and measure for the nutritional challenge that starts tomorrow. Then I have to go get my hair done - I'm very excited about that. I have a color that I am really hoping they can do. Then I'm going to school for a while to make copies and get things ready for Monday. Before I do that though, I need to lay out what I'm doing next week. I have the units laid out already, it is just a matter of putting the information into the days so I know what I'm doing when. That shouldn't take too long. I just have to decide what order to go in and what to do when.

So, today needs to be productive. I probably should make a to-do list so that I don't forget anything. I would really like to get everything done today, that way I have the weekend free to work on my dissertation. I also need to come up with a schedule/plan for my dissertation that I can stick to. And I have to figure out how to pay Walden some money. This is all fun stuff. A little stressful, but nothing serious. So I'm going to start by making a to-do list so that I am productive today.

01 January 2017

And so it begins

2017 has arrived. I went to bed last night around 10 pm and while I could hear some fireworks in the distance, it was quiet enough for everyone to sleep. That was a nice change. In Hawaii, every year I would not be able to sleep until 1 am or so. Did not miss that at all. As you can imagine, there are a number of motivation quotes appearing on Facebook this morning and I'm already snagging some of them. This one caught my eye first thing:

I think this is rather appropriate for me as this year is going to be amazing.

Then I saw this one:

I need to remember this and not let things get me down. I am Fierce!!!!

Finally, I saw this one and it really, really hit home for me:

This is the truest one of all and the one I need to remember most. I can make anything a routine, anything. And if I make it a routine, I will generally be successful at it. So boom. There is some inspiration to start the new year with. More later.......

31 December 2016

Time for a new start

I was just looking over my new year's eve post for the last few years, and it was interesting. I was a fan of new years for a long time and would make these elaborate posts about what I planned to do that year, etc. or the last few years the goals have been pretty generic; lose weight, start running, get organized, blah, blah, blah...... This year I am trying to be more specific and have definite goals and plans to get there.

In the midst of writing this, I got sidetracked by my dissertation forum. We had a discussion going and I went to check it and it started things going in my head. I realize I have a bit of a negative attitude, which is very unlike me. I am feeling down about myself because I think I can't finish my dissertation. Every time I get motivated to workout something happens, this time it's my left foot/calf. I hurt it jumping rope on Wednesday and it is still bothering me. Luckily I have a massage therapist friend and she will be working on it tomorrow. But it is very disheartening, one step forward and two steps back. Same with the dissertation. Same with the organization thing. Same with many things I want to accomplish in my life. And it all comes back to my not believing that I can really and truly do it. So, my main goal for this new year is to be positive and believe in myself. If I can do that, I can do any other thing I have on my goal list.

Okay, this was going to be a long post, but no more. I'm going to shower and get cracking on some things here today. I want to develop a solid plan for my dissertation progress starting today. I'm off.