16 March 2018

Am I a child?

I'm the first one to admit that I don't know how to be friends with someone. At least I'm not good at it. I haven't had a lot of friends as an adult, so I really haven't had the practice. That statement makes me sad but it is what it is. That being the case, I'm never sure if my reactions to something are appropriate or not. So I'll write about it here.

There is a group of 4 of us who had become pretty close, at least I thought so. We have this group chat that we all talk in and keep in touch when we can't see each other. It was all good for a long, long time but lately, things have changed and I'm not sure if I'm responding appropriately.

So here's the scoop. One of the group had to leave town suddenly on Tuesday. I haven't heard from her and so yesterday I messaged the group asking if all is okay. She responded that it was crazy and that one of the other group members had the details. So that means that she has been messaging her and talking privately. She even messaged the group chat later and then apologized stating that it was the wrong chat. This whole thing bugs me. I mean, if we are all friends why hasn't she been talking to all of us? Is she ignoring me? Am I being a child? I don't expect to be in on everything. I don't have to know everything that goes on. They have had private conversations before and it hasn't bothered me at all. I know they have lots of things in common. But this time it just really got to me. The one away posted a message a little while ago with a picture and I just ignored it. I figured she probably posted it in the wrong chat again, so I just ignored it. Childish???  Maybe, a bit. But it appears that I thought this friendship was more than it apparently is. As is typical, my knee-jerk reaction is to just pull back. I have a history of not fighting for friendships and just pulling back and pulling away. Childish??? Maybe.

Okay, my mindfulness just kicked in. Note to self, I need to start meditating again. But really, I don't know any of this for a fact. I'm making some of this up in my head. The two who are communicating are very soft, loving, nurturing people. I am not. I am practical (unless it comes to myself), logical, and don't put a lot of stock in nonsense thinking. So, what am I doing? Nonsense thinking. Okay, I think I've talked myself out of this. I'm only thinking thoughts. I'm applying meaning to something that probably has no meaning. Those two tend to stay up later and rise earlier than I do. They also know that I need sleep, lots of sleep, and could be doing it so my phone doesn't go crazy. There have been nights when I haven't responded to the group chat because I just didn't feel like it. They didn't kick me out. I'm definitely overreacting and probably being a bit childish. I think I will back off and just let things be until they return and things return to normal.

On another note, I see now exactly how that mindfulness is supposed to work. I was lost kind of deep in emotions and nonsense. By stepping back and saying, wait, what is really happening here, I talked myself out of the emotional side. Feelings are what they are and I am a little hurt by what happened, but I can't assign any meaning or intention to it because that is just nonsense. I can say that hurt my feelings, but I can't assume they did it for any reason under the sun. Wow, that was kind of an eye-opener. I think I'm going to stay away from the chat for the weekend just to keep those emotions from kicking in again. I actually feel better.

Edited:  So I meditated for the first time in 11 days. That is bad. But I realized one of the problems. I got stuck on 10 minutes. I do that. I get into that all or nothing thinking and that is ridiculous. But I was stuck on 10 minutes. So I decided to get back into meditation right now, tonight, and I did 5 minutes. It was perfect. Just like we did in Activate, I'll increase the time 1 minute every week. Until I get back up to 10. I will also work to get it in earlier in the day. Maybe get back to doing it when I get up. That was perfect. Anyway, I meditated and I'm back to doing it again. 

11 March 2018

The last few days

have been a bit of a food frenzy. Let me explain.

Thursday was the last day of school before spring break. That was fine, it was a normal day. Friday though, I was feeling a little celebratory. Had a couple of bites of pizza for lunch and jambalaya for dinner. Also, we had friends over for game night and there was alcohol. But it was super fun and I don't feel bad about it at all. Then yesterday was the Aloha Festival and I ended up eating some rice, malasadas, and beer. Again, not sorry at all it was super fun. Went with friends and had a great time. And I don't feel horrible like I thought I would. But, enough is enough. Time to get back on the horse and keep making progress.

I was going to go hiking today, but it is pouring rain out there so that's out. Even a walk around the neighborhood won't be a whole lot of fun. So it may be the treadmill today for me.

I went to the gym on Friday for the first time in 6 months. I did upper body and boy am I sore today. It feels good though. And it's not so sore I can hardly move, which I've done before, it's a sore that lets me know I actually worked out. I like this sore.

I guess the rain will force me to take a down day.  That's okay. I have lots of paperwork type stuff I can work on. I have tests to grade and lesson plans to create. So I'll be busy. Also, it would be nice to just take a day and not do much. Watch some Netflix, relax, that sounds good too.

Anyway, I'm done here. Time to plan my day.

09 March 2018

Spring Break has arrived

Finally. Truthfully, it came up kind of quick. Which scares me for remaining 9 weeks. I'm afraid those may be slow. Long. Painful. I'm hoping not. I'm hoping that I can plan some things I will look forward to and therefore make it not so painful. I'll try.

But this is not my teacher blog. This is my health and fitness blog. On that note, I plan to do a bit of hiking this break. I want to go to the gym 2 times and hike the rest. So that should be good. We got tickets for a baseball game. That should be fun. And I want to go to the library and get free passes to some places like the zoo and botanical gardens. I want to go check them out. So I think it will be a good break. I need to remain active and not let lazy take over.

I'm starting AltShiftLift today and I'm freaking out slightly. Not completely sure why, but I am. I guess it's just that I haven't really been to the gym in 6 months. I'm starting a new gym and I don't really know the place. That being said, I'm still doing it today. Only the first time will be scary. So that is the plan today. The rest of the day I plan to chill. Yeah!!!

I guess that's it for now. I'm going to figure out what I'm doing and head off to the gym to get it done. Wish me luck.

03 March 2018


Sleep is something I do really, really well. I have always taken pride in the fact that I can sleep anywhere at anytime. Not only that, I have tapped into my circadian rhythms and can usually set a mental 'alarm' that wakes me up when I want to get up. Sleep has never really been an issue for me. 

But, this week it has. Now I know some of it is the money issue. We have been going along with tons of money and suddenly this month, we have some huge bills due. Now many of these are one and done type of bills; car registration, renew subscriptions, etc. Another one is a short-term bill that will only last a few months. So it's really not a huge problem, but they are all due or starting this month and that is stressful. So I know that is part of the problem. The other part is that I have a bug up my ass to get another dog. There are a number of reasons for that and some of them I think I'm not quite openly admitting. 

Reason one is that I started hiking. I really like hiking. I don't really like hiking alone. I get nervous when I'm alone. I've taken Lola with me a few times, but quite honestly, she's 9 and can't go the way she used to when she was younger. After an hour or so she's done. And Bella can't go more than 30 minutes or so, so she's not going to be a hiker. So there's that. 

Reason two, which is something I haven't admitted out loud or to anyone else, is I think Lola may not be around for much longer. She has slowed down considerably in the last few months. She gets lumps like crazy. She snores like a freight train. She seems to be losing her hearing. And her brother has been gone for 2 years. I just don't think she will be with us much longer at all. Now granted that still may be a couple of years, but I'm beginning to see the end. At least I think so. 

Reason three kind of goes along with reason two, maybe a new dog will bring new life into these two. We got Lola and Axl because Rocco was alone and going downhill. We thought they would help him live a little longer. It didn't work out, but we got these two out of it. So maybe a new dog with mix things up a little and give these old girls a little spark. 

Now, having said all that, there is one thing weighing on my mind about this whole thing. The HOA. The CCR's clearly state you can only have 2 dogs, 2 cats, or 2 birds. So I am a little worried about that. Now how anyone would know we have this extra dog is unclear. We walk them at 5:30 in the morning and see very few people. Or we take them to the dog park in the car and no one can see them. Our fence is a 6' solid concrete block structure that no one can really see through or over. Also, our dogs don't live outside, they live inside so no one really sees them. The only way people will see them is when Hubby walks them to meet me in the afternoons. Even then, we hardly see anyone at all on those walks. Plus, we can always say we are watching it for a friend. I hate that that clause exists and I hate that I read it. But, I think we can work around that. And honestly, I'm not sure we will have 3 for much longer. It is horrible to think that, but it's kind of true. Also, we've had 3 dogs forever. We had Mana, Nala, and Rocco. We had Axl, Lola, and Bella. 3 dogs seem to be our thing. But for all my bravado and bolstering, I'm really not a rule breaker. I like to follow the rules and wish everyone else would too. Now that I write it all out, that is what is weighing on my mind. What happens if we get caught? Do we have to get rid of the dog? Do we have to move? Do we get fined? What????

So this has led to 2 nights this week where I did not sleep well. I tossed and turned. I was awake on and off thinking about this. I'm not sure what to do or how to settle it in my mind. I just read the CCR's again and it says a reasonable number of animals, 2 dogs, 2 cats, 2 birds, and no more than 6 animals total. So I'm really thinking this will be okay. I'm not asking anyone and I'm not bringing it up to anyone. 

So that's where I'm at. Don't know what I'm going to do. Give up my dream of a hiking buddy? Or break the rules? Either way I have to get over this sleeplessness. 

25 February 2018

Evil Wheat

First off, this is in no way a vilification of wheat in general. I am talking about me specifically and the way my body handles things.

Yesterday I made a huge mistake. Huge. We went out to lunch and I not only had a hard cider to drink, but I ate a soft pretzel and some pizza. Worst mistake ever. So let's backtrack a little.

I started AltShift in September, 5 months ago, and in that time I can count how many times I've had wheat. Whenever I have had it though, I've had a little. A small piece of bread. A couple of bites of cake. Some small pretzels. Etc. Never have I sat down and ate a large amount of wheat on purpose. Also, within the last 2 months or so, I have had no wheat at all. None. So what made me think that I could eat a ton of wheat yesterday and not suffer the consequences?  I have no idea. But suffer I did.

First, I couldn't even finish my pear cider because it got way, way too sweet. I was wondering if it was because of the wheat that the sweetness increased???  I don't know but I couldn't drink it.

Second, I ate some of the pretzels with no problems. At. first. After a few minutes, I felt full. Really. Really. Full. One of the things I like about AltShift so much is that I never get that full, ready to explode feeling. Well, I got it again yesterday. Then I had agreed on pizza. I ate one slice and felt so damn sick. I stopped eating. I tried to eat a wing or two, but just couldn't. Ugh!! I felt bad. Then I got a headache. Either from the wheat or the alcohol, I'm not sure but it sucked.

I came home, laid down, and took a nap for about 45 minutes. After that, I felt much better but I did not want to eat. So I never had dinner last night.

The moral of this story? For me, wheat does not work at all. I just need to avoid it or, at worst, have it in very small amounts. I'm also thinking that alcohol is pretty much out of the equation now. I feel really good without it. I have fun without it and I never feel crappy the next day. So, stick to the shifts. Stick to what works for me and screw all that other stuff.

Which makes me think, do other people feel crappy all the time and just not know it? I know that I did and the only reason I can tell is because I stopped eating all that stuff. So I wonder if people would just give AltShift a try, they really might feel better.

23 February 2018

Energy Levels

Prior to AltShift, I had fallen into a trap of not doing things. I always wanted to be at home and when I was at home I wanted to be 'resting'.  I spent the vast majority of my life 'resting'. I don't know exactly what I was 'resting' up for, but lord knows I was a champ at 'resting'.

In the last few months, I have noticed a marked increase in my energy levels. I don't need to 'rest' as much. Yes, I do take down time and I have been known to lay on the couch on watch an hour or two of TV, but that is the exception and not the norm anymore. I come home from school and I don't need a nap anymore. Okay, so the other day I nodded off in my chair, but I wasn't that tired and when I woke just bounced right back up. But I still have some of my old habits. This is what a typical day looks like for me:

Walk home from school
Sit down to watch Dr. Phil (this is when I used to nap for 30 - 60 minutes)
Spend the next 2ish hours sitting in my chair watching mindless TV
Eat dinner
Clean the kitchen
Sit in my chair and watch more mindless TV (and possibly nap some more)

I need to switch up these habits. I've said this before, but now it's more important because I have tons of energy. I sit here doing all kinds of crazy things on the computer because I have a ton of energy. So I need to change things up and not sit in front of my computer anymore.

I used to have hobbies, actually I still do I just don't do them much. I bought the material to make a quilt, I could work on that while I watch mindless TV.

I get home at 4pm ish. I could go to the gym a couple of days a week.

I could go for a short evening hike a couple of days a week.

I could just walk the neighborhood.

I could do some cleaning things.

I could do some organization things.

Clearly, there are many things I could be doing instead of sitting on my butt. So my idea is to create a list of things to do. Actually, 2 lists, one for inside and one for outside. Then cut them up and put them into jars. Then, when I get home from school, depending on whether I feel like staying in or going out, I will pull a slip and do that. I think that will help break the habit or the attitude that when I'm home I have to 'rest'. I've rested enough.

19 February 2018

Thoughts shape actions

This is something I've been working on through AltShift since September. When I joined AltShift Activate, this was the biggest change I had to make. I had to learn how to examine my thoughts and reframe the way I think about things. It was hard. It is hard. And it's a work in progress. I thought I had a handle on this pretty well since I can examine thoughts on food and walking and meditation, but then I got blindsided by something.

I want to start lifting weights. I've wanted to start for awhile but have held off because I wanted to have the foundation in place. I have to make sure the walking, meditation, food, and sleep is solid before adding anything else to the mix. They are. I am not perfect, but I do each of these to the best of my ability every single day. So it is finally time to add weights in. I like lifting weights. I like strength work, I always have. However, I was afraid of getting caught up in the whole numbers game of it. I tend to be very, very competitive with myself and I don't want to get caught in that when I start lifting. So I had avoided started and realized that I needed a reality check.

I got that reality check this morning when I actually got to talk to Jason Seib. I love him because he is so logical and straightforward. He tells it like it is and doesn't sugar coat anything. Well, he did that this morning. He had me laughing at myself and realizing how silly it was to be afraid of this. I need to just think things through. If I get caught up in the higher weights/more reps mindset, I need to ask why. What will happen if I don't lift more weight than last time? What will change? What will fall apart if I don't lift more weights? This is what I need to keep in mind. What I do in each workout has no bearing on what happened before or will happen after. It is a one-off event. Some days will be great and I'll be strong, other days I won't be as strong. I just need to keep that in mind and remember that. I've mastered that with my food. I eat something that is not on shift and I no longer throw the whole day away. I will taste something and that's it, I'm done. So I need to keep that in mind when weight lifting. What I do today has no bearing on any other day. Okay.

After speaking with him, I realized that I have not been using my mindfulness the way I should. I need to examine my thoughts whenever they seem crazy like these thoughts were. Part of the problem is that I haven't been listening to Jason. When I started ASA I had Jason every single day for 3.5 months plus I was listening to his podcasts on my walks to and from school. After ASA I stopped listening to the podcast. Well, today I got back into it. I listened to 3 podcasts and got myself back into the AltShift mindset. I think I'm back on track and I think this was a good learning experience for me. I thought I had things pretty well wired but this shows me that I don't. I am still a work in progress and need to keep on top of my thoughts and not let them get crazy.

Am I a child?

I'm the first one to admit that I don't know how to be friends with someone. At least I'm not good at it. I haven't had a lo...