Stop the insanity

I am not a perfect person, not by a long shot. I have a lot of things that I really need to work on. In most cases, I am working on them. Slowly. But progress is being made. In terms of my weight and my health - not so much. Part of the reason, I just realized this morning, is that I keep trying to solve it the same way. I make these grandiose plans on the weekends and then fall into the same old routine during the week. The plans fall by the wayside and boom, I've made zero progress and I don't understand why. It is time to really switch things up, but I'm not sure exactly how to do that. I always go back to my mindset because I understand how important that is. I know that if I make things like eating right and exercising a non-negotiable thing, I will stick to it. But only for a while. So how can I change things to really shake up my routine? So what do I do? Maybe try some things that worked in the past but I haven't done recently. Like meal prep.

I think it starts with a heart to heart with the Hubby. He does the majority of the cooking in the house and I have just been eating it. In the past he has always been very supportive when I needed to lose weight. So I think a heart to heart and a plan will go a long way in making this work. I know he will get on board, I just need to fill him in and to let him know that I am serious this time. That and some meal prep should be a good start.

Been a good week

I had more energy this week and generally just felt better all around. I'm still not where I want to be, but at least this week I wasn't completely exhausted every day. So now I think it is time to step it up a bit. I make these plans and then do nothing. Like today. I had a faculty meeting this morning and planned on doing some stuff this afternoon. I did nothing. I took a nap and watched TV. It is now 5 pm and I have accomplished exactly nothing today. It is really depressing. I did order a new activity tracker because 3 that work fine is just not enough. Got to have a lot of activity trackers for the lack of exercise I do. So this week I'm going to focus on following my plans. I'm going to make a reasonable plan and then I'm going to follow through. All I need is to force myself to do things to make them a habit. I know this. And yet I still let my feelings take over and talk me out of doing things. Ugh!!! Hate that. So this week it is just to stick with my plan. That's all.

On the weight front, I've hit a holding pattern. At least I'm not gaining more weight. But I still need to start things moving in the other direction. I feel bloated most of the time and I need to lose that. I hate to pile too much on myself though, that is a recipe for failure. So I'm not going to stress over the food this week. One week won't make a huge amount of difference anyway. I will work on getting into the habit of working out. Also, once I start working out, the food tends to start to fall into line. Okay, so my focus this week will be activity.

Adulting

I have spent a lot of my adult life avoiding adulting. Seriously. I worked and paid bills, but I was always very spontaneous. I never considered the future let alone plan for it. I very much lived one day at a time. Was it a smart thing to do? NO. I spent a lot of time stressing over money and things. I'm sure I also paid way more than I needed to over the years because I let things slide. Late charges and past due fees were the norm for me.

10 years ago, when we moved to Waimanalo, I started to get my act together. I worked out a budget. Paid bills on time. Even managed to save a little money. Then we bought the house on Paleka road and thing went to shit again. I then spent the next 6 years trying hard to adult correctly and just not having the resources to do it. In my defense, I really, really tried, but it was a huge struggle every step of the way. Then we moved here. I have done more adulting since we moved then I ever have in my life. We have been able to do many, many adult things. Buy new furniture. Actually, decorate a room or two. Make serious decisions about what we want to do with our money. And the truth of the matter is that it feels really good. It feels good to have money in the bank. It feels awesome to have all the bills paid and money in the bank. It feels incredible to actually be able to think about things like vacations and saving accounts. Seriously. It really feels good. I made a plan last night to get $10,000 put away as an emergency fund. I should be able to get that put away within the year, maybe sooner. Then I'm starting a vacation fund. I want to travel to Europe and Australia. Now that Charlie can get a passport, we are going to do that. But we are going to do it the adult way; save the money before we go. You have no idea how exciting it is to feel like you finally have a handle on life. You have no idea. I have set up recurring payments for the mortgage and am paying $83.90 extra every month. I read somewhere that you can cut 7 years off your mortgage by making 1 extra payment a year. $83.90 a month is more than 1 payment a year. Yeah!!! A couple of weeks ago we bought a new car. The payments don't start until October, but I set up the payments to start next week. We will be paying 1/2 the payment every 2 weeks plus an additional $22 a payment. That equates to an extra payment every year plus an extra payment in additional money. That will have us paying off the car 10 months early and saving us over $1,000 in interest. Woo hoo. It really is so much easier to be an adult when there is money to work with.

I can honestly say that moving from Hawaii was one of the smartest things we ever did. I now feel like I am finally a true adult.

A powerful lesson

I wasn't in such a great mood all week. I knew it. I felt it. I didn't like it. But I couldn't seem to shake it completely and I didn't quite know why. Then I realized it today. I had a seminar I had to attend today and I was dreading it all week. I was bent out of shape because I had to give up my Saturday to attend this seminar. All week I was resentful and didn't want to do it. So it ruined my entire week and it wasn't that bad. I actually enjoyed it. The point is, I spent all week dreading it and it ruined my whole week. Why did I let that have that much control over me? I have been learning slowly that my attitude is the most important thing I have. My attitude can make the worst things not only acceptable but fun. I have got to watch that. I don't want to fall back into old habits. I want to be happy with everything; my job, my house, my life. I just needed to note this to remember later that attitude is everything. Fake it until you make it :)

Seriously lazy weekend

Sometimes you just need those. I did go to Crossfit Friday and Saturday, but not much else happened. And I'm okay with that. I feel rested and relaxed and that was what I wanted for this weekend. I realized that I do push myself kind of hard most of the time. When we first got to Arizona and there was just nothing to do, I relaxed. Really relaxed. I had nothing to really do and it was nice. I felt true relaxation for the first time in a long, long time. I napped. I swam. I read. I watched Netflix. It was amazing. I was thinking back on that and I realized that I don't relax very often. I'm always working on something or thinking about something or planning something. So I decided that taking time to really and truly relax was okay. So I did that. I didn't plan on doing it the entire weekend, but hey, stuff happens. We did take the car to the dealer on Friday for license plates, and we drove up to South Moutain yesterday, so we did get out a little bit. But today? Nothing. I loved it. So I'm feeling pretty relaxed and ready to tackle the week. I'm also feeling very sore from 2 days of Crossfit. But tomorrow it is right back at it.

Okay, I'm dying my hair and it's time to rinse.

So thankful for my life now

It is amazing how your thoughts can affect your life. For the past month, I have really been working on my thoughts. No negative self-talk. Being positive. Thinking good things. I've also worked on my gratitude. I started writing down something good that happened every day. They are simple things; had ahi for lunch, got an Instant pot, got my office organized. Nothing earth shattering, just simple everyday things that are good news. It is so easy to focus on the negative. By doing this I am forced to find something good every day, even if I think nothing much happened. It is all in how you view things. And it's paying off. When I came home from work tonight, I just got really happy. I am so incredibly lucky. We have this fabulous house that is just amazing. It is far more than I ever thought I would own. It even has a pool. Hello!!!! A pool???? It is just so awesome. I have this great job, easily the best teaching job ever. School is only 4 days a week and every day I have at least 2 hours to prep. What?? I've never had that much time before. I did have time at St. Francis, but face it, that place was a freaking joke. Hubby has been able to semi-retire and work part time with me. He likes his job and he gets to take it easy. After working 6 days a week for years and years, it's nice that he can take it easy. We have every Friday off. Hello!!! Who has that??? It is just so awesome to have a 3 day weekend every week. We just bought a new car, a Dodge Caravan. We got the best deal on it. It was slightly used, 5,000 miles, and is a 2016. We got it for a steal. Who does that??? I just am so filled with gratitude for everything we have and the life we get to live. I guess it took a while to sink in that this is our life now. I just can't believe it sometimes. I guess all the hell we went through in Hawaii was worth it if it led to this.

So how is this affecting my weight loss goals? Well, it is a whole lot easier to eat right when you treat yourself well and think kind thoughts. I haven't done well on the workouts this week, but that all changes tomorrow. I just feel now like I'm worth it. Also, I've been eating more and that is helping my energy levels and my thoughts. It is much easier to be positive when you are full.

I am so thankful for everything we have now and for the life we get to live. It is not perfect, but it is so much better than Hawaii was. And positivity generates positivity. I am just feeling positive and upbeat all over the place.

Self Acceptance

So the last couple of days I've just been real with myself, but I've been avoiding all negative self-talk. I do say that I am fat, but I don't say it in a degrading, disgusted way like I used to. The fact of the matter is that I am fat. It's not good or bad; it's just what is. It's like saying someone is tall or short, it just is. I have actually been taking a page from my dogs. They don't care if they are fat or skinny, they are just happy. So I've been working on that this week. While I do need to lose some weight, I have realized that I can't come from a negative place. Negativity never gets good results. Every time I've lost significant weight in the past, I have been in a positive mindset. So working on the positivity.

The other thing I am working on is developing habits. I want the workout habit. I want the habit of working on my dissertation. I want the habit of keeping the house in order. I know that to-do lists work for me, so I am trying to cultivate daily to-do lists that will help me achieve my goals. The thing is, creating a working to-do list seems incredibly daunting. Maybe if I listed the things I wanted to get done during the week I could get a better overview of what needs to be done.

I just took a few moments to read some of FlyLady. She is a little crazy but has some really good ideas. I think I'm going to take her advice and start small. Taking on too much at once is a recipe for failure. So I'm going to start small. Instead of trying to lay out a week's worth of to-dos, I'm going to focus on developing one routine at a time. I am going to start with the evening routine because if I do things at night it sets up success for the next day. So, let's start there.

Evening routine:
Dinner
Clean up kitchen
Prepare lunch for next day
Gather all materials needed for next day
Review calendar and prep as necessary
Check bank accounts
Meditate for 10 minutes
Brush teeth
Go to bed

I like this. It is not overpowering and it is many of the things I already do at night. It just adds a couple of details and is something I will do every night. Okay, I'm going to start here. I like this, a whole lot less pressure than I was putting on myself. I will do this for one week and check in next Sunday.