23 April 2016
Have been so busy, it is hard to keep track of the days. This happened this week. The POD arrived last Saturday and left on Thursday, half full of all our valuables. Ugh!!! The house is now seriously empty and we are going to start painting today. We need to get the house on the market. Soon. But there is still so much to do. I have been walking around like a zombie for the past couple of weeks. Not doing any work at school because I'm busy trying to organize things for the move. Talk about stress.
The good news is I have a job. Yeah. Don't know exactly what I'm teaching yet, but I have a job. It pays slightly more than I make here but the cost of living is so much lower there. We are also thinking of taking a long weekend there to just scope things out. I would like that and I know Hubby would like that. He is freaking out about where we will be living. I think that actually seeing it in person will help him a lot. Meanwhile, we are living with the bare minimum. It's fun.
Food has been okay. I haven't really been following anything because I'm just too busy. I find that I don't think about food much at all unless I get hungry. I guess that's good, but it's bad if I don't eat enough. Workouts have been compeltely nonexistent. I went to Crossfit for the first time all month last night. Ugh.
I have so much more to say, but I have to get moving. I'm going to Crossfit this morning and then taking the cable boxes back. We are down to one small TV in the living room. All the other TVs are packed in the POD. Shit, everything is packed in the POD. We are living on the bare minimums and much of this will be dumped when we leave. Life is just so fun.
One thing I've noticed is that I have a lot more energy and a whole better outlook on life recently. I don't know if it's because we are moving and leaving this place that I've been wanting to leave for a while now. Or if it is just having something to work towards. I read something, years ago, that said doing something just to do it is not motivation. You need to have something you are working towards. I think that is true now more than ever.
Okay, I'm off to Crossfit.
08 April 2016
Why do i keep repeating my bad habits? Why? Why? Why?????
This week I had a number of interviews. I was getting up at 4 am to be ready to interview at 5 am. I had 2 schools I was really, really interested in. The first, Pointe School, I had the strangest interview with. The woman talked really, really fast and did most of the talking. She didn't ask me any of the standard interview questions, we basically just talked story for awhile. Then she decided she loved me and was ready to offer me a position. Weird. The good thing is that they had a brand new building with a brand new lab. Wow, how cool is that? But it was attractive because of the new lab. Then I had another school that I was really interested in. Heritage Academy is based on the principles of the founding fathers. Patriotism is huge in this school. I kind of like that because it instills a sense of morality in the students and I think that is really important. What really attracted me was the fact that they have a 4 day school week and a block schedule. The thought of 4 day school week is amazing. Having an entire day to grade, plan, prep, is just amazing. Plus, teachers do not have to go in on Fridays unless there is a meeting. Awesome sauce.... So I ended up with an offer from both places and I was a little torn. The real deciding factor was the 4 day work week. So I told Heritage that I would take the job. Now I have to tell Pointe that I won't. Ugh!!! As soon as I made my decision I started to second guess myself. The staff handbook makes them sound kind of like nazis. The teachers have to clean their own rooms and an area around their room. They have to monitor lunch or something. I don't know why it's freaking me out, it is really not that different from Damien. But I am second guessing myself. Ugh!!!! Plus I feel guilty because I told Pointe I was interested and now I have to tell them I'm not. I keep second guessing myself about picking Heritage. I feel like picking a school based on the 4 day school week is not a good idea. But what else would you pick a school by? Pay? That's not a better reason. Just because a school pays more does not mean it's a better school. So choosing it because of the 4 day week is as good a reason as any. So why am I second guessing myself? Even if it's a horrible school, I can do it for one year. Jeez...... I hate when i do this......
So I start second guessing myself and what happens? I start to shut down. I sleep more than I should. I stop doing things that I should be doing. I just start shutting down. It is horrible. Why do I do this? Why? I know that serves absolutely no purpose at all. None!! Yet that is repeatedly what I do in the face of stress. Why???? I really need to break that habit. I know that the first step to be aware of what you do and then work to change it. So it is time to work to change it. I just need to suck things up and act like an adult. I need to stop that.
I am such a work in progress still. I'm going to be 57 years old next week and I still have so much growing and learning to do. Will it ever end?? Do I want it to end??? Oh well, one thing I know that always helps set me straight is writing here. I can really work through my feelings and learn about myself here.
03 April 2016
This weekend was the first step in the great move. We had a garage sale. We had a lot of household stuff to sell and I honestly thought they would sell fast. Wrong!!! All the stuff that I thought would sell, didn't, and all the stuff that I thought was junk and tempted to throw away is the stuff that sold. Still we made about $350 which is not too shabby. So far it has paid for the paint for the inside of the house and will pay almost half of the POD delivery cost. So it turned out okay. We will probably have another garage sale before we leave but that one will be much smaller and only 1 day not 2.
Now we begin the work on the house. The spare room is going to be the first room we tackle. We are going to paint it and try to do something to the floors and then it will be used as the staging room. All the packed boxes will go in there and things from the other rooms as we work on them. This all starts this week. Next weekend we are rehoming the last 2 ringnecks so that means that the birdhouse will have to come down. Today the pool came down :( Last week the pump died. We have a new one but we also have someone who wants to buy the pool. So we figured that was our cue to take the pool down and sell it. Sad to see it go, but it will have to go at some point. Next weekend we also begin construction on the carport. The guys are coming over on Saturday and it's coming down. Hopefully it gets up completely on Sunday. Finally, the POD is being delivered on Friday so we can begin filling it up to make this place look empty. Next week is a huge weekend with so much happening. Ugh!!! I think I am taking Friday off, maybe Monday too. I have 64 hours of sick leave, I'd like to use some of it before I leave. So things really kick into high gear this week. The good thing is that after the house is listed there will really be nothing left to do but keep it clean and pray it sells.
On the job front, things seem to be going really well. I will be getting a letter of intent from one school for sure and I think from a second. The one for sure is not the school I want, but the second one I think is coming is the one I really want to work at. It's a small, charter school that sounds a lot like where I'm at. Plus they have a brand new chemistry lab, woo hoo. Oh, and I will get to teach AP Biology. How freaking cool is that??? So things are going well there. Of course, today I find a job in the city I really want to live in. I would love that one, but I still think the charter school would be better. Ugh!!!! Decisions, decisions.......
Now, on to what this blog is really about. Diet and exercise. For the past 13 weeks, actually a little longer, I have been working with one of my coaches from Crossfit on weight loss. She has had me eating ~1800 - 2000 cals a day with a focus on my macros. Right now I'm at 165g protein, 160g carbs, and 60g fat. I have struggled every day to meet those macros. I struggle to get that much protein in without much fat. It is hard. I can do a meal or two but then it falls apart. In 13+ weeks it never got easier. I would have a good week and then 3 horrible weeks. I fought it and fought it and felt bad about myself when things didn't work out. And, in all that time, I lost 5 pounds. I mean 5 pounds is 5 pounds, but in 13+ weeks I had hoped to lose some more. Plus now with the stress of moving and working on the house, the thought of making food and counting macros every single day just doesn't work for me. I am tired of struggling and fighting with my food and myself. So, starting tomorrow, I'm back to AltShift. That is basically 5 days low carb and 3 days low fat. I felt my best when I ate paleo but paleo didn't completely work for me. I liked AltShift but I gave it up pretty quick. So tomorrow I'm going to give it a real go. I know that I can follow a plan if it works for me. I also know that I can stick with it when things aren't working well. I'm jumping in with little prep and I might have a slow start. Maybe I'll take a week off from all diets and just eat. Wow, what a concept. No, left to my own devices I will not eat well at all. So tomorrow is AltShift. I will need to do some kind of cooking tonight to have food for tomorrow, but I can throw something in the crockpot.
Okay, time to go grab dinner and get ready for tomorrow.
28 March 2016
Today is my last day of break. That means that I will need to be doing all this stuff to get the house ready while I'm working. Ugh!!! This is not going to be fun. Not. At. All. The first thing on the horizon is the garage sale. That will be this Saturday. I hope to have most everything we want to sell ready to go. If there are some things we miss, that should be okay. But definitely need to get rid of the majority of stuff this weekend. Once that is all gone, I think it will be easier to get the rest done. Right now there is just too much stuff in this house. Need to get some of the big stuff out so we can move.
Got up this morning super early and I'm sitting here yawning my face off. I'm not sure if I should start my plans for the day or take a nap. I think I'll start my day and it will begin with feeding the birds.
25 March 2016
Well, let's see if I can catch things up. We met with the Realtor on Tuesday, 22nd, and worked out a timeline. The house needs to get on the market in April. Yikes!!! It's the end of March. She wants the house cleared out, painted, and looking all bright and shiny. Oh my god!!! Do you know how much work we have in front of us? So it has begun. We've started clearing out under the house, packing up things we are going to take with us, get things set aside for a garage sale on the 2nd. OMG!!!! There is so much to do and when I have a lot to do I get paralyzed. I've been able to avoid that so far by just doing something. I'm not tackling any one thing in order but I'm doing things. I packed up some of my computer room, I've set aside some stuff for the garage sale, today I started packing up our knick-knacks from the living room. So no one room is finished, but progress is being made in every room. I figure if I just manage to get something done everyday, eventually it will not be overwhelming and I will get it all done.
On the job front, I never heard from the school who I interviewed with last week. He said he would get back to me by Monday and I've heard nothing. I tried to call and there was no answer. It really bothered me and I was kind of freaking out on Wednesday, totally freaking out. I could not settle on anything and all I could think about was this job, and getting a job, and what if I didn't get a job, and on and on and on....... Then Thursday morning, I had a great interview with the Tolleson high school principal and vice principal. It was really, really good. In fact, they wanted to know if I was in a position to make a commitment now; I thought that was a good sign. They will be checking references on Monday and then will get back to me. I have a good feeling about this one. I can also lay out a 1,000 reasons why this one would be better than the other one but that is just my mind justifying things. So I think that I need to be open to any place and every place will have its positives and negatives, so I'm not going to go into that. I'm just going to look up an area and see if it looks like a place I'd like to live. I can't be terribly choosy because I don't really know about all the different places. After I get there and we learn the areas, I may have different opinions but for now, I will just accept what comes along.
Other schools are also contacting my references, which I find very strange because they haven't actually spoken to me. Wouldn't you want to talk to me first? And wouldn't my references say really good things about me otherwise I would not use them as references??? This whole thing is bizarre. I'm not going to use someone who would say bad things about me as a reference..... I don't know, but they are contacting my references first and not talking to me. Interesting approach. But, whatever. I know something will come along.
Today was another story completely. I did a couple of boxes packed but I spent the majority of the day laying on the couch. Napping. Ugh. I feel bad because I didn't do much, but I really shouldn't. I've been busting my butt all week in spite of being on break. So taking one day to laze around and do nothing is not so bad. Jeez, it is spring break. So I'm not going to feel bad or beat myself up about it. I took a rest day and that is okay. I will kick it back up this weekend and get more done. Nuff said.
22 March 2016
Well, now that we are completely committed to this move, we are slowly starting to let people know. Hubby told one of his jobs yesterday and plans to tell the other today. We let the neighbors we like know. My boss knows. So word is getting out. When we told the neighbors that we like, we ended up with 2 people interested in buying the house. Now whether either one will work out, who knows, but it is a good start. If one of those works out, this could be the best possible situation for us. We could sell the house, get the money, and then rent it back until we leave. Boom. Perfect solution. Sure beats the hell out of trying to time the closing. So I'm optimistic. Trying not to get my hopes up too high, but definitely feeling positive about this whole thing.
As far as a job, I haven't heard from the one I really want and I'm kind of assuming that is not a good sign. So moving on, I have 2 job interviews this week. Not too shabby. One is for a school that runs year round - not interested. But, I would take it if nothing else came along. I wouldn't stay there long, but it would get me over there. Hopefully I'll find time today to send out a couple of apps. I'm shooting for 3-4 a week until something happens. There are a lot of jobs in Arizona, I just have to find one for me.
On the workout front, I'm off to Crossfit this morning. I was so sore yesterday I could hardly move, but today is better. I am still debating about walking over and back. Bleh....don't really feel like it. But I'll go and workout. When I come home I'm going to clean the kitchen/living room area. I want it to look presentable for the Realtor.
Okay, that's all I got. I'm going to get moving.
21 March 2016
I've been working with my nutrition coach for 11 weeks and really haven't lost that much weight. But, I'm not upset because I have learned a lot about myself in the process. I am basically breaking 56 years of habit so I expect it to go slowly. The thing is, I think I've got it mostly figured out so this week, while I'm home, I'm going to give it a real shot. So what does that mean exactly?
Well, hitting my macros. My macros are currently set at 165g protein, 160g carbs, and 60g fat. I rarely hit them exactly. Rarely. But this week I'm going to make an all out effort to do just that. I went to Costco yesterday and got chicken breast, lean ground beef, and shrimp. All lean sources of protein to eat. I am home so I'm going to take time to make my food everyday. If I find things I really like, I can do some food prep for the week.
Next is workouts. I did not do much of anything last week in terms of working out. Part of it was the start of spring break, being busy with all kinds of nonsense, and the emotional roller coaster that was last week. It was a tough week in many ways. I know I didn't get my exercise in, but I also did not just sleep on the couch like I really wanted to. So in terms of workouts I plan to go to Crossfit like 3 times this week. I was planning to go today but woke up to really sore legs from 16.4. They were really sore yesterday and I had hoped they'd be better today. Not so much. So I think 1 more rest day will suffice. Although today will not really be a rest day. I have some major housecleaning to do. The realtor is coming over tomorrow to look over the house and discuss the selling of this beast. I want the place to look presentable and right now it is not. So I will be working my butt off all day today and tomorrow to make sure it looks good. I'm going to use this cleanup to start purging things also. We have lots and lots of crap that we don't use and I think we can safely get rid of some of this stuff. So purging and cleaning will be the mantra for the next 2 days. It will be good. I was watching Hoarders and the psychologist said, that physical things - possessions -block emotional things. So it is time to divest ourselves of all the physical blocks we have.
This move is so exciting and so scary. I know myself and I know as we get closer I'm going to start second guessing this whole thing. I just have to remember that we did not jump into this without a lot of thought. When we moved here there was no thought and no real planning. We decided to go and 3 weeks later we were here. At least this move involves more careful consideration, planning, preparation, and forethought. It is so exciting and so freaking scary. Ugh!!! It will be good though. I know it. It is time to move on.
And for the last few years we have not been moving in a positive motion. We have been kind of stuck. Part of it is our as*hole neighbors. Part of it is ourselves. We let ourselves fall into this rut and we can't seem to get out of it. Well, this will get us out of it, that's for sure. So I am more than ready to move on.
Okay, enough navel gazing. I need to get the bird food ready, make my own breakfast and get this party started. I'm anxious to get the purging started.