20 February 2017

Happy President's Day

Love having Mondays off. Of course, that means that the week will be brutal. Who knew that 3 days could be so long.....oh, well, it's only 3 days. We go back tomorrow and the week is already half over.

I got up yesterday morning and did yoga. It was brutal. I got up this morning and did yoga. It was slightly less brutal. I think about how flexible and bendy I used to be and I realize that I have a long way to go. That's okay as long as I am moving forward. I hit my step goal yesterday!! Yay me!!! I think that was the first time I hit my goal on purpose. I jumped on the treadmill around 3 pm and just walked until I made it. So now Garmin has upped my goal by 300 steps. Game on. I really want to go hiking today. Nothing too strenuous, just get out in nature and move. There are some easy hikes close to us, and I really want to go.

I went to the library yesterday for 2 1/2 hours and worked on my dissertation. Yay me!!!! Love being productive and successful. I even got a nap in yesterday. Yay me!!!

Well, I ended up having such a busy day I never finished this. So we went to the dog park and then came home and had breakfast. Around 10 am we headed out to go for a short hike. We ended up hiking for an hour or so and had a really good time. We just went up South Mountain which is close. It was a beautiful day and it was fun. It hurt. No lie. My feet hurt, my ankle hurt, it hurt. But I did it and I didn't die. We came home and relaxed for a couple of hours. I did fall asleep on the couch for a short time. Then we took the dogs to Cesar Chavez park and walked around the lake. The kids loved it and they are passed out now. Everyone needs to lose a couple of pounds so everyone has to move more. They loved it. Bella struggled a bit, but with some consistency and weight loss, she will get into shape.

Okay, I'm tired and I need to start making my way to bed. Good night.

18 February 2017


This week started off rough and I could not figure out why. I was tired and dragging. I had a headache for 2 days. One day it was so bad I even took ibuprofen for it - I never do that. Then Wednesday night things really started going downhill. I was stuffy and couldn't breathe and just felt like crap. I took some Nyquil before bed and hoped I'd feel better in the morning. Nope. Woke up feeling worse. Managed to get up and get ready for school, but knew there was no way I was going to make it through the day. So I got things ready for everyone and called a sub. After that, I came home and crashed. I got home around 9 am and slept until 2ish. I just felt crappy. Luckily it was just a head cold, sinuses, etc. So I just rested all day. Funny how when I am sick I crave carbs. Simple carbs. I had Hubby stop at the store and buy me cookies on the way home and I ate the whole pack. I guess that is just what the body needs to fight off a cold because after that I was good and haven't wanted anymore. Weird. Yesterday I was better. We went to the dog park and Costco, then I came home and took a little nap. But I was up for most of the day and felt okay. I slept last night without any NyQuil so that is a good sign. Woke this morning feeling a little stuffy and headachey, but nothing major. I should be fine by the end of the day.

So, because I felt so crappy all week, not a whole lot got done. I walked on the treadmill on Monday morning, but that was it. No yoga happened this week either. And no dissertation work. But I'm okay with that. I was coming down with something, I just did not know it. So next week is a new week and I have a holiday on Monday. Yay!!!!

Today will be kind of back to normal. I will plan next week. I have a study session at the library for my dissertation. And it's raining so no use going anywhere.

It is now 3:30 pm. I did not go to the library for my study session, I was totally not feeling it and decided to cancel it. I have one tomorrow, so I'll go then.

I have been doing some learning on making lesson plans. It's pretty cool. I fill out a form in Google docs and a lesson plan is automatically generated. Really cool. This way I can just write a few things and boom!! Google generates a form. I love it. So yeah, I did that.

I also did some grocery shopping, went to the dairy, and a few other errands. So we are ready for next week.

I also had some time to do some thinking. I got up on Monday morning and walked on the treadmill for 15ish minutes. Tuesday morning I did not walk on the treadmill for some reason I cannot recall now. I spent the whole day in absolute agony. My right ankle and my left heel hurt so bad all day. I was in absolute agony. I am not sure what the exact cause was. I wore my Skechers on Monday and Tuesday and by Tuesday afternoon I could hardly walk. I actually took ibuprofen before bed to try and help the pain go away. The rest of the week I was fine, but the rest of the week I did not really do anything. I'm not sure why my feet hurt so bad. Is it the Skechers? Is it the treadmill? I don't know. But there are a couple of things I do know. I know I need to get moving. I know that the only sure way of making this pain go away is to lose some weight. To lose some weight I need to get moving. I know that exercise won't necessarily make me lose weight, but I know that I am in a much better space mentally when I get some exercise. The more I exercise, the better I eat. So I think I'm going to go back to yoga in the morning and walking on the treadmill at night. I need to get moving and I just need to do it. Now that this cold has passed, I should get my energy back in the next day or so and I will start. In fact, I will start tomorrow. I always get up early and I will do yoga when I get up. Start the week off good. I need to get my planner set up for next week since tomorrow is Sunday and my planner starts on Sunday. Alright, another week, another new start.

I was thinking the other day about why I can't seem to get motivated to lose weight and work out and I realized something. I'm happy. I really am happy with the way things are right now. I'm happy in my own skin. I'm happy with the life we have. I'm just happy. I have practically everything I have ever wanted. A stucco house with spanish tile roof. A living room, family room, gourmet kitchen, a Swissy, a job that I really do like and gives me summers off, and on and on..... I think that is part of the problem. I am happy, I am comfortable, and I have nothing pushing me to change. So I need to find some reason to change. I need to find a motivation that will get me moving. I like the way I feel with I workout and eat right, so maybe I need to focus on that. It's hard to do that though. Maybe I just need to fake it until it becomes a habit. Whatever, life is good right now and I am very comfortable.

It is now 7pm and I just finished setting up my planner for next week. Taking into account all the above information, I decided to scale things back a little. Every week I make these plans and then fall short on some. So this week I decided to take it back a notch and just shoot for a couple of things. First, I'm going to focus on taking my supplements every day. I tend to forget them and I really do feel a whole lot better when I take them. Second, I'm going to do yoga every day. I have not specified if it will be in the mornings or afternoons, so I can do it whenever I want, but I will do it. Third, I want to hit my step goals every day. I was going to say 10,000 steps a day, but the truth of the matter is that I'm not there yet. I average around 6,500 steps a day and my Garmin adjusts my steps based on my activity levels. So for now, I'm just going to let Garmin set my goals and I'm just going to try and hit them every single day. Finally, I will check the bank account every day. I do this mostly anyway, so it should be an easy success. That's it. I will work hard to do these every day and if all goes well, I will build from there. I feel good about this and feel like it will be a successful week.

12 February 2017

What have you done today?

Because I've done nothing :) Well, that is not completely true, but mostly. I have spent most of the day either laying on the couch or sitting in the recliner. I did do a little work on my dissertation, but not much. I've been really tired today. Like 2 naps tired. Some days are just like that. I think that I should feel bad because I did nothing, but I don't. I've learned over the years that sometimes you just need a down day and I'm okay with that. If it sounds like I'm trying to convince myself, you are right. But I am generally okay with it. Things are just really good and some things got settled this week that have been weighing on me. Sometimes when a pressure is removed, I will spend the day being lazy. It is almost like the stress and pressure was keeping me moving. Once you remove that I need a day to decompress sort of. So today was my decompression day and tomorrow things kick back into gear. I'm a control freak and when things are not in my control it creates unnecessary stress on me. That stress is now gone, or at least reduced.

Okay, this week will be a good week.

Think I finally got it

Quitting Crossfit took a huge weight off my shoulders. I felt guilty for not going when I pay or it every month. I also felt guilty for not going because then I did nothing else. I would just say, oh I'll go to Crossfit tomorrow. And then never go... So that is great. A huge burden has been lifted. I'm going to start walking on the treadmill today. I figure I'm pretty heavy, the heaviest I've been in 20 years, and possibly the heaviest I've been ever. And as such, I can't look at what I used to do but at what I'm able to do now. I have feet issues, so I need to start slow. And walking is slow. I plan on accumulating at least 30 minutes of walking a day. I may not do it all at once in the beginning, but that's okay. Once I can do 30 minutes consistently, I'll jump to an hour. Once walking is fairly easy, I'll start running. Forward progress, no matter how slow, is still forward progress. I'm also going to add yoga into the mix. Since I no longer have to race to Crossfit after school, I'm going to come home and do yoga. I really want to become good at yoga. Not sure why, but I do. So it feels amazing to have that monkey off my back.

Now, my dissertation. That is something I've been struggling with for a long, long time. So Friday night I decided that was enough. I need to make progress on it and I need to do whatever it takes to make that progress. So I reserved the study room at the library for 2 hours yesterday. I went there at 3 pm and stayed until almost 5 pm and I got stuff done!!! Yay me!!!! I was approaching it all wrong. As usual, I was looking at the forest and could not see the trees. I realized that overall I have a good start, I just need to refine it. So I went through with an open mind and made some notes as I went. Now I'm going to approach it basically one paragraph at a time. I will work to make each individual paragraph as good as possible and then work to join them all together. With what I did yesterday and my new approach I feel very confident that I will get this done. I also have some things I can do at home during the week to move forward. I just need a good way to make notes on the various articles I have. I'm not positive how to do that yet, but I will figure it out. So I'm super optimistic about that.

And that's about it for this morning. I am up early and felt like getting this all down. I found the quote at the top yesterday on Facebook and I felt it was perfect for me. I spent the first few months here still stewing over the as*holes in Hawaii. I realized the other day that I haven't thought about them in quite a while. Also, when I do think about them I don't get angry like I did before. I think about them and laugh. Also, I am looking firmly forward. I have plans for the future and am really looking forward to what life has to offer now that I've left the negative of the past behind me. I'm happy and optomistic and things could not be better.

So I'm off to have a great Sunday.

10 February 2017

Not sure which way to go

Let's review the past couple of months. Every Monday I start the week with a determination to get back on track and go to Crossfit that week. Every Monday after work I go to Crossfit. Every Tuesday I wake up with pain in my feet. This keeps me away from Crossfit and really off my feet because it hurts so much. Then by the weekend the pain is receding and then on Sunday I make my resolutions to go next week. Every time I go to Crossfit I keep things easy. I gave up jumping and basically taking both feet off the ground at the same time. I did box step ups the other day because I didn't want to risk any kind of jumping. So do you see a pattern here? I sure do, but it took me months to see it and I feel like an idiot.

So, what to do? Now that I realize that Crossfit is a problem, do I quit? I'm really leaning that way. Between my weight and the issues with my feet/knees/ankles....I'm thinking I need to scale it back, way back and start over. I honestly don't think doing Crossfit at this point is the right way to go. I need to break this pattern and I need to do something that will benefit my health and not make things worse. Okay, that is done. Moving on........

Now with the pressure of going to that gone and not having the pain every Monday, I might be able to start walking and actually be able to lose some weight. I might join a regular gym too.

It is now Friday night. I started this on Thursday night, but walked away and never came back. Today was a good day. It started with the dog park this morning and then my AP class. that was followed by a staff meeting that wasn't horrible - that's about the best you can ask for :) then a guy came over to talk to use about an energy inspection we had before Christmas. he gave us a lot of good tips for things we can do ourselves to make the house more energy efficient. he also had some suggestions for work they could do, but that would be $5,000. Yikes!!! all he suggested is changing some vent covers, sealing up some holes in the attic, and adding more insulation. $5,000 seems a little excessive for that, so we are going to look for alternative options.

Tonight i finally got ahold of Walden to arrange payments. That was crazy. I was told that the guy I was talking to earlier in the week was out of the office today and then I called his direct line and he answered the phone. Anyway, i got it worked out and i will be able to register for next quarter.

Okay, that is it for tonight. I'm going to post this and then sit back and watch MacGyver and Hawaii 5-0. Time to rest and prepare for tomorrow, I need to get things accomplished tomorrow.

03 February 2017

Well that didn't work out as planned

I had such grand plans for this week. I was going to push myself. I was going to workout. I was going to get things done. None of that happened. Sunday was great. Made some food. Got some things done. Was really in the groove on Sunday. Then Monday came along. I did not get up as early as planned, but I did do some sun salutations in my classroom before the day started. Then the morning progressed and I started to feel worse and worse. My sinuses were acting up and my face felt like it was going to explode. After my first class, I even ran to the store to get some sinus medicine. When I came back, I ran into the prinicpal. She said I looked like hell...awesome....which the secretary overheard and came and handed me a bottle of doTerra Breathe

I put some on, it's a roll-on, and literally within a minute or two I started to feel better. She showed me where to put it for maximum effect, and within 20 minutes I felt fine. I could not believe it. I did not take any of the drugs I bought and just used this. Amazing!!!! One minute I was planning on going home and the next minute I'm ready to take on the day. Un-freaking-believable. By the end of the day I was tired though, so my aspirations of Crossfit went right out the window. I came home and took a 15 minute nap and felt much better. I used this when I went to bed and slept like a baby. Woke up the next morning feeling awesome!!!

Tuesday didn't go as planned either. No yoga when I got up, think I stayed in bed just a few minutes too long. Then we had a paint guy coming over after work so no Crossfit. Did feel pretty good all day though. Wednesday was another day. No yoga, no Crossfit - though I'm not sure exactly why I didn't go. Then yesterday the same. I was going to go to Crossfit Core & Stretch last night but it was cancelled at the last minute. Story of my life. I did not do any work on my dissertation either. So it really looks like the week was a complete loss. But it wasn't. I have gotten so caught up at work that I not only didn't bring any work home, but I seriously have nothing to even think about over the weekend. Nothing. Except possibly planning the video for my NSTA entry. If I make it to the next level, I want to have a video ready to go. It is a huge relief to honestly not have to think about work this weekend. There are many weekends when I don't think about work and then panic on Sunday night.

Okay, I walked away up there and went off and lived my day. We went to the dog park, then off to Costco. There was breakfast at a little whole in the wall place near here and a stop at Skechers outlet for some new kicks. Oh yeah, a stop at the dairy too. Then it was home and we hung some pictures. I got some prints in Africa years ago that I have always wanted to frame and hang. I finally got frames for them and we hung them way up high. Then it was off to the couch for some TV watching.

I'm at my desk now and it is time to fill out the reflection pages of my passion planner. As I'm going through the questions, I realized that I'm not thrilled with how last month turned out. I had such big plans when the month started and I achieved absolutely none of them. I am really bummed about that and a little disappointed in myself. The good news is, I had a lot of fun this month. We went to a friend's house for a birthday. We saw movies. We went to shows. So we did things. That puts things into a little different perspective. I may not have gotten everything I wanted accomplished, but I lived my life. It's not like I sat in the house and did absolutely nothing. That definitely makes me feel better about this month. That also makes me appreciate the time and effort I put into keeping my planner up to date.

It's funny how we only really remember the negative things. I remember the bad things that happened this month. I remember when I hurt my foot and could hardly walk and had to go back to work. I remember feeling fat and lazy and not happy with myself. I did not remember the night at my friend's house drinking and talking and just having a great time. I did not remember the free screening of Hidden Figures and how much I love that movie. But I remember feeling fat in my clothes one day at the beginning of the month. Ugh!!! Time to stop focusing on the negative and focusing on the positive.

Well, now it is bed time. Just came in to shut my computer down and realized I never 'finished' this. So time to call it a night.

29 January 2017

It is a start

Yes, I know it is Day 1 of a very long journey, but I did take the first step already. I did 10-minute trainer, full body yoga. It was only 10 minutes, but it was yoga and it was a start. That small thing has made me feel so proud of myself because I did it. I set a goal last night and I followed through. One step in a very, very long journey.

Just got back from the dog park and getting ready to eat breakfast and head out to go grocery shopping. I'm going to make some meatballs and lasagna chili for my lunches. Also, will include rice and some veggies. I think for the veggies I'll make a stir fry for the meatballs and the chili will have the veggies in it. I love eating bowls of stuff. Bowls of leftovers. Bowls of stew. Bowls of anything. I love putting it all together in a bowl over rice and just going to town. So why not do that for lunches? So that will be my food prep for the week.

Okay, it is now the end of the day and things went well. I got almost everything on my list done, except for getting paycheck stubs. For some reason I can't download them. I also didn't get the bills transferred to February, but I have a couple of days to do that.

Now, I'm off to bed.

28 January 2017

Trying to be consistent

So last week was really good. Long around Wednesday, I got things in gear. Went to Crossfit 3 times. Worked on my dissertation in the mornings. And really felt great about the things I did. Then this week....nothing. I have a habit of doing things really well for a short period of time and then slacking off.

Self-attribution: the process through which people determine the antecedents and consequences of their behaviors. Heard this term on Dr. Phil and wanted to note it down. Need to work on my self-attribution.

I started this post at 8 a.m. this morning. It is now 7 pm. In between I have eaten breakfast, showered, went to the Doggie Street Festival, and had lunch with the pups in downtown Phoenix. So it is not like I just wasted the day, I kept getting distracted but planned on finishing it. I also started setting up my planner for next week, realizing that this week was basically a complete waste. As I was getting it ready and starting to think about next week, I came to a couple of conclusions and decisions. I have always been a procrastinator, but in the recent past, it has gotten out of control. I honestly think that part of it stems from living next to the as*holes. Follow this....living next to them I we were constantly on edge. Never knowing what those as*holes were going to do next and really just hating the sight of them. Seriously. Every time they came home, I could feel my anxiety ratchet up to higher and higher levels. Yes, we've been gone from them for 6 months, but I think we have a little PTSD from them. I know it sounds insane, but I really think it's true. And I'm in no way saying that what we went through is in any way comparable to soldiers in war time. However, it was traumatic for us. I remember when I left Saint Francis school. It took me a good 6 to 9 months to get over that place. It was definitely a form of PTSD from working under that horrible person. So I'm familiar with this happening. Again, not comparing my situation to a war situation, I can't even begin to imagine what that would be like. So, now that I have some distance from it, I think that is what was happening. I had so much stress from dealing with those people on a day to day basis, that I was stressed beyond belief. And so I would make progress, only to have the stress beat me down and I would lose all motivation. In many ways, I'm afraid of failure because there was absolutely no winning with those people. I also believe that knowing the causes is a huge part of the healing process. I let what people think creep into my thoughts far too often. I say that I don't care what people think of me, and generally, I don't, but sometimes......sometimes.....hey, I guess I'm human.

Having said all that, I need to change my attitude. No more whining. No more not feeling like it. No more screwing around. Those idiots are no longer here. I am in a fabulous position. I have a great job. I have a great life. I have everything I have ever wanted. I have more than most people and a life that most people would envy. And I spend far, far too much of my time doing the woe is me bit. I'm done with that. Done. The week before when I was doing so well, I felt amazing. Time to get back there. No more excuses, only action. I have things that need to get done during the day and I will do them. I have been working to streamline my grading so that I don't have tons of school work to do. That leaves me lots of time for my life. So yes, I go to bed early at night because I get up early. It all works out in the end. I will set a schedule and I will stick to it. No excuses!!! Things scare me. Lots of things scare me. But I just have to face them. I was scared to death about trying to get money out of the house. But yesterday I sucked it up and started the process. I'm not sure exactly what I'm scared of. The worst that can happen is they say no. No one is going to take my house away. No one is going to say, wait, we made a mistake, you shouldn't have a loan at all. You know, that just hit home with me. I feel like an imposter in my own life. Why is that? I feel like someone is going to come along and say, whoa, what are you doing here? You don't belong as a teacher/home owner/adult.... Crazy, I know. Does everyone feel this way? I wonder. Okay, I think that is the real bottom line here. I feel like I don't deserve these things and that someone is going to realize that and take them away. Now logically I know that is absolutely ridiculous, but it is what it is. It's kind of freeing to finally give a voice to that thought. Admitting it is half the battle right? Well, I finally have admitted it. I feel like an imposter in my own life. Not sure what can be done about that except possibly just keep going until I no longer feel that way. Wow, this blog can be extremely cathartic at times. I think that is why I have kept it so long. Even though no one reads it anymore, I don't care. I write for me, not for anyone else. I remember couching my words when I had people that actually read this. Anyway, I feel good about that. I am not an imposter. I have worked hard my whole life to get the things I have and no one is going to take them away from me. No one has done any of this for me. I have done it myself. I think this all cycles back to my habit of procrastination. When I don't procrastinate, I feel accomplished and on top of things. When I procrastinate, I feel unworthy. So don't procrastinate. Easy fix to this. And I know I can do it, I've done it before. I did it for years in Waimanalo. Wow, this post did not go where I was expecting it to go.

Alright, it is almost my bedtime. I really do feel inspired and in control. That is the ultimate bottom line. I'm a control freak and when I don't feel in control, I just don't do anything. Okay, tomorrow starts a new week. Let's use these insights to make it an amazing week.