28 September 2014

I feel renewed

This weekend has renewed my spirit, my faith, my determination, and my mind. I feel so much better right now, at the end of the weekend, then I did at the beginning a mere 48 hours ago. Amazing how quickly things can change. I woke up this morning and did my school work, that felt good. I then packed up and headed off to Crossfit. I was a little sore from yesterdays throwdown but I needed to move some more. The WOD was brutal: 5 rounds of 3 minute AMRAP - 3 deadlifts, 6 box jumps, 1 wall walk - 1 minute rest between rounds. It was tough. But it felt awesome to be pushing my body and making it do work. After that we had the Weekend Warrior challenge: 4 minutes on the clock, row 500m, then as many double unders as possible. Took me 2:38 to row 500m then in ~90 seconds I got 16 doubleunders. Not bad considering I had just done a brutal WOD and I suck at double unders. I was pleased. Came home tired, sweaty, sore, and feeling amazing. Have felt amazing all day. Sore though. Starting to get really sore. But tomorrow morning it's back to Crossfit again.

Not enough time

In the classes I'm taking for my Ph.D. we are creating a personal learning network. It is basically a list of all the people, websites, sources,etc, for information in our chosen field. Mine happens to be educational technology. There are a plethora of resources in that field. A. Plethora. Some of them are really, really good. I would love to spend time sitting and reading through them. But I just don't have the time. Between the classes I'm taking, the classes I'm teaching, and trying to keep some semblance of sanity, I just do not have the time. I workout in the mornings, I work hard at school all day (much harder than I ever worked at my other school), I come home exhausted and usually go in the pool for 15-20 minutes to try and revive myself. I'm trying to get back into walking the dogs after that (still a work in progress). Then I will sit at the computer and do a little bit for the classes I'm taking, nothing serious as I'm usually pretty brain dead. Then it's time for dinner. After that I clean up and watch TV for a little bit. Then it is off to bed. Yes, there are days when I waste time by taking a little nap or playing on the computer, but that really doesn't amount to much - though some days it's more than others. So how do I find the time to keep up on all this stuff? I really don't know.

27 September 2014

I choose happiness

What a difference a few hours and a change of attitude can make. I was so mad and grumpy and whiny last night, but I made the decision that when I went to bed it would end. I would wake up and I would be happy. So I woke up this morning and felt pretty good. I went to Crossfit for the couples throwdown even though I didn't have a partner. I figured I would do the workout alone if I had to. I quickly found a partner though and all was good. The first WOD was: 200m run/row, push press then 200m run/row, double unders then 200m run/row, back squats. One partner would run while the other did the movement. When the partner got back from the run they would switch. The second WOD was a weight ladder. We could snatch, clean & jerk, or just clean it. Snatch was 4 points, C&J 2 points, and clean 1 pt. We had one minute at each bar and there were 7 bars. I think it started at 45, 55, 65,75, 85, 95, 115 but I'm not 100% positive. The final event was a chipper. 40 kb swings, 40 wall balls, 40 weighted sit-ups, and 40 partner burpees. This you could break up however you wanted, we chose to do 10 at a time to not burn ourselves out. For the first WOD our team came in 2nd. The second WOD we came in 9th, and the third WOD was 6th. Overall we finished tied for 5th place. It was super fun. It was an awesome workout and it helped to cement my positive attitude. I did well, much better than I thought I would, and I had a great time doing it.

This is going to sound really strange, but I have been wondering if the antibiotics I've been taking are behind this. I went to the doc a week ago Wednesday for an ear infection. She gave me drops and antibiotics. By Sunday my mood had turned to shit. I was angry. Really. Angry. For no apparent reason. This hung around through Monday and Tuesday. It finally subsided but then I had a low grade headache for the rest of the week. After about a week, I started to forget to take my antibiotics and I haven't had any now for 3 days and I'm starting to feel better. Coincidence??? I don't know. I have not taken antibiotics in a long, long time. It just struck me as weird that I haven't taken them in forever and I haven't been in that bad a mood in forever. Also, once I stop taking them the bad mood seems to lift. I don't know, but it sure is weird.

Anyway, I am ready to get back on track and back into a good attitude. A good attitude feels so much better than a bad one.

26 September 2014

Time to change things up

This week has been crazy. I started the week in a really bad mood. For two days, I was just in a foul, foul mood. I finally shook that, but things didn't get a whole lot better. I have a senior homeroom and they are a bunch of jerks. I mean serious, jerks. I only have them for ten minutes a day, but it is ten minutes of hell. Yesterday I had an incident with one of them during one of my classes and that was the final straw. I just lost it on them this morning. I am not letting them in the room until seconds before the bell rings. The door remains locked and if they aren't there when I take roll they cannot enter the room without a pass. I am ignoring them outside of class like they don't exist at all. I am done with them. That colored my whole day today and I was a bit of an as*hole to the rest of my classes. But apparently they got over it, because a couple of them came to my room this afternoon to do homework, so I guess I wasn't that bad.

We found out last week that the good neighbors are moving. That really sucks because they were a buffer between us and the idiots. But then we found out that someone we know may be interested in the house. Fingers crossed that that works out.

On the way to work this morning, I hit my mirror on a garbage can :( I couldn't believe it. The mirror folds, so nothing broke, but the glass was jarred loose. I have to figure out some way to glue that back in place. Ugh!

I did not get up and go to Crossfit this morning. Too Lazy. Tomorrow they are having this couple throwdown thing. Good god, I just want to work out. I don't want to have to go there and cheer other teams on and make nice, I just want a freaking sweatfest workout. There is a potluck after and I am definitely in no mood for that at all. I don't know what I'm going to do about that.....

So, I can't change anything that is happening. I have no control over people or events. I can however, change my attitude. And that is what I need to do. I can't change the fact that my homeroom is full of jerks, but I can change how I react to them. It will be like today. Not allowed in until seconds before the bell. Door locked and no one comes in without a note and no one leaves. Treat them like crap. I can't change the fact that my neighbors are moving, I can only hope that things work out well. I'm trying to look at this as a blessing in disguise. These neighbors, though good, were never home. Maybe someone will move in who are home more often and whom we can make friends with. Poker on Tuesday, football on Sunday. That would be great and it would drive the idiots crazy. So that is nothing I can control, but I can hope and pray. My mirror can be easily fixed and that is not a problem at all. And Crossfit....I can go and do the workout and then leave...or I can not go....I can go to Kailua.....I can do something here at home.....I have numerous options, so that is just being petty.

I need to shake this negativity and start focusing on the positive. I know that negative attitudes attract negative things. I also know that a negative attitude makes me tired and less energetic. So I have to shake it. And I have to shake it now. I am watching TV and will be going to bed soon. I am going to wake up in the morning with a much better attitude. I am going to work on that attitude tomorrow. All. Day. I need to lose this and I need to lose it quick.

This is why I keep this blog. Just writing this out and analyzing it, I feel much better. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my brain. Time to look on the bright side.

20 September 2014

Taking Control

Many times when I write a post, I'm not exactly sure where it is going. Last night is a perfect example. I sat down to write a completely different post, but after staring at the screen for 20 minutes realized I needed to write something else. Writing is very cathartic for me and it really helps me to process things or dig up underlying issues that I may not even be aware of. It is one of the reasons I've kept this blog going even though I have no readers. It's for me. Anyway, last night, after I wrote that post, what I wrote was roaming around in my head. I think I hit on something super important and didn't even realize it. I have been running without lesson plans for a little bit now. That's not completely true as I know what I want to do, but the details are a bit fuzzy and I didn't have anything written down - it was all in my head. I finally realized what was happening. I always feel pressure to get to school early when I don't have a solid plan. Then, when I get to school, I invest all the time racing around figuring what I'm going to do for the day. Since I have 4 different classes, every spare moment is spent on one class or another. If I have chemistry first thing, my before school time is spent putting chemistry together. AP is always 5th period, so I would spend any free time in the morning prepping for AP. Astronomy usually gets pushed to the back burner and if nothing else comes up, we watch a video. So I would spend most of my day stressing about what I'm going to be doing in all these various classes. That is incredibly draining. No wonder I was completely exhausted by noon. I was mentally exhausted. So I spend this morning planning out the next 2 weeks for all my classes. In 2 weeks we have fall break, so I only need to get to then. I already feel lighter. I printed out all the worksheets we will be using. I put together a binder with all the agendas and worksheets. I am ready to go. I feel so much better already. Tonight or tomorrow I want to throw together a couple of power points and have those ready, and boom, I'm set for the next two weeks. This is why I keep this blog and this is why I continue to write.

19 September 2014

Staring at the screen

I've been sitting here staring at the screen for about 20 minutes and just can't seem to get started writing. Very unusual for me. I have a lot of things I want to write about, I just can't seem to get started. So let's take it one by one.

First, I'm completely exhausted. I have been most of the week. I'm not exactly sure why and it's bugging me. There is a number of possibilities and I think it's a combination of them all. First, a new school. Whenever you go to a new school it is similar to the first year. Not exactly, but similar. So there is that. Then there is having 45 minute classes, when I used to have 90 minute classes, and to seeing the kids every single day. I used to go days without seeing some of my students. I'm not complaining, I like this better, it is just exhausting. I used to create a lesson plan and it would take at least 2 days because the classes were spread over 2 days. Sometimes I didn't have to write a new lesson plan for 3 days because I wouldn't be seeing the kids. Now I need 4 lesson plans every single day of the week. That is a lot of work. So I think adjusting to the new school is taking it's toll on me.

Second, I'm on a no sugar/no wheat challenge for 31 days - I'm on day 5. It is always a struggle at the beginning as your body adjusts. So that could definitely be part of it.

Third, I'm trying to get into the habit of going to Crossfit at 5 am. This week I made it 2 out of 3 days. That makes me tired.

Fourth, I'm trying to switch my sleep schedule to work for Crossfit. I've started going to bed 30-40 minutes earlier than I normally do. I think, in a way, that is making me more tired as my body adjusts to a different schedule.

So there it is. Lots going on. Lots changing and I'm freaking tired. Really, really tired.

How am I planning on dealing with all this? Well, keep my schedule to adjust to it. Keep doing 5 am Crossfit to adjust to it. Keep doing the challenge to adjust to it. Spend an hour on the weekends planning the week to take that pressure off me during the week. The thing I am worried about is fall break. In 2 weeks - 2 weeks I can not believe it - we have a one week break. I'm afraid I'm going to lose any adjustments I've made over that week. I will have to work hard not to. Right now I need to eat dinner and get ready for bed :)

14 September 2014

Time for a reset

One of the things I realized over the past 4 days is that I have been letting life toss me around. I have not been taking control. I have been reacting instead of being proactive. As a result, things are a bit of a mess. If you could see the desk I'm working on right now, you would see the outward manifestation of that mess. The desk is 6' long and I barely have room for my keyboard. The other manifestations of that mess is my weight, my lack of workouts, my last minute assignments, etc. No More!!!! I'm hitting the reset button and I'm starting over.

One of the really important thing I learned at the residency is that the writing of the dissertation is a long, arduous process. It can take a year or two if you are diligent and focused. I know that organization is not my strong suit and I know that I want to finish this dissertation quicker than anyone ever. But in order to do that I need to be uber organizer and not doing things at the last minute. So, today is resent day. We will be going to Costco for some food, I will stock up on salad makings there. I'm going to get the assignments that are due today, done, and start organizing for next weeks assignments. I need to look at my school agenda to see what is coming up there. And I need to clean and organize this desk. I also need to set aside time, everyday, to work on things. As much as I like saving it all for the weekend, that is just not a good model to follow. So I need to work on things every night for a bit. At least an hour. I need to develop that habit sooner rather than later.

Okay, lots to think about, lots to consider, lots to do. I'm going to get moving on the assignments due today and begin to get my life back in order.

12 September 2014

Sometimes you just need a break to see things clearly

The last 6-8 weeks have been a real whirlwind. It has been one thing after another and I have been feeling like I just can't keep up with myself. This weekend (since Wednesday) I have been on the Big Island for my Ph.D. program. I have tried to be good, but it just hasn't worked out as planned. I have been sitting in classes for the vast majority of the day every day. Eating hasn't been horrible but it hasn't been great either. It's just all been too much. The good part is that by getting away I have become a little clearer about what I want. I have gotten reenergized about my dissertation and am feeling good about this process again. I have also come to the conclusion that I need to Crossfit and get my eating under control. I get back home on Saturday night and Crossfit starts on Sunday. Time to get this health thing back on track. But I'm feeling good about it. Feeling good about a lot of things. Sometimes you really need to get away to see everything more clearly.