18 February 2019

Now that I've had a chance to regroup

it's time to move forward.

I had reached a point last week where I was stressed. Seriously. Stressed. All completely self-imposed, but still stressed none the less. So yesterday I decided to start to tackle it and it has helped. I had 5 classes of tests to grade. I went to school and got them, then sat on the couch and graded 4 or the 5 classes. Nice. The 5th one I don't need until Wednesday, so I have time to get that done. I can feel the stress lifting already.

Now for other things. I have not walked any appreciable amount in 4 days. I need to get moving. I bought weights weeks ago and haven't started using them yet. Time to get off my ass and start getting things done. That starts today.

I'm going to get laundry done today. Vacuum the house. Go to school for a couple of hours and grade and prep for tomorrow - prepping is the most important and I'm going to work on that as soon as I'm done here. And basically, get ready to face the week.

Procrastination is over and time to move forward.

17 February 2019

Fallen into another hole

Just because I understand something and know why things are happening, doesn't mean I can stop them from happening. Evidence this past week.

I have written extensively recently about my meditation practice. It is making a huge difference in my life, it really and truly is. But that doesn't mean I have it all worked out. Last week at school, I felt like I was under an enormous amount of stress. Enormous!!!! The difference between this time and all previous times is that I knew the stress was completely self-created. Which means that since I created it, I could fix it. I didn't have time to do that, but I knew a long weekend was coming and I could get everything done then. Still, I had some stress. Also, the money situation has not been easy and that has been stressing me out. Again, completely self-created. So with my new found inner peace, I still managed to create high levels of stress for myself and make myself crazy.

As always happens with high levels of stress, I succumbed to complete and total inaction. Friday I had lunch with the girls and then proceeded to lay on the couch nap and watch TV all afternoon. Yesterday we ran some small errands and I had plans of working on my lesson plans but ended up on the couch napping and watching TV.  Do you see a pattern here, because I sure do.  So I need to do something different today. Today I need to be productive and if I sit on my ass for 10+ hours, I need to have something to show for it. I plan on going to school tomorrow and getting caught up, but if I save everything for tomorrow, I'll never get it all done and I will start the new week with a high level of stress. No!!! Not happening.  So today much be productive. I plan on doing laundry, going to school and getting the tests I need to grade and getting those graded. Maybe vacuuming the house, that may wait until tomorrow. And getting my lesson plans ready so that I can make my copies tomorrow.

Okay, I can feel the stress lifting. Having a plan definitely helps.

09 February 2019

Nothing really to say

I was going to write about my financial situation when I realized that I had been doing that somewhere else. So I deleted it. Then  I thought I'd write about my workouts, but there have been none. Then I thought I could write about all the exciting stuff I've been doing. Nada.....So what to say. I feel like writing, maybe I'll just do a little stream of consciousness.

Overall, things are good with me. I am meditating and I cannot believe the difference that simple act is making in my life. I don't get angry, I'm happy more than not, it's crazy. I love the feeling of calmness that I seem to carry all the time now and I love that things don't throw me. Just had a pretty big upset with the finances and I didn't get crazy. I didn't come up with any wild plans to fix it. I just realized what the problems where and how I have to deal with it. Easy, simple, no stress. So that is great.

Haven't been working out though I want to. No real reason except laziness so I really need to get over that. That stupid game is still an issue. I sat for about 2 hours last night playing it. It is also one of the reasons for money issues. I spent $40 on it in 2 days. Wrongo.... that needs to end immediately. So I need to get moving on the working out and also on the training Mavy. He loves the training and running in the park, I need to work on doing that more.

School has been okay. I have more commitments than I like and I may be taking on even more, but it's going well. I think after 10 years, I'm finally getting a handle on this thing called teaching 😊

I was just looking at Facebook and something popped into my head. Other people and their lack of work. How do they survive? Do they sponge off other people (I think a lot of them do)? Do they very low expectations and therefore require little? Seriously, how do they do it? I honestly don't understand. We make really good money and yet I struggle with having enough. Am I too materialistic? Am I crazy for wanting a house and food? What is the freaking story? My idiot sister posted yesterday that she got a job. So how has she been living all this time? I know she's been homeless before, so maybe she was homeless again. Clearly, she knows how to do it. I couldn't do that. I am spoiled. I need my comforts and my computers and my stuff. Probably materialistic, but I like it so whateva. I have other friends who I know led productive lives at one point in time but are now just laying around doing nothing and letting family and parents support them. How do I sign up for that? In truth, I couldn't do that anyway. I need to be independent and self-sufficient. I need to not be beholden to anyone. Ever. Plus, let's be honest, I like working. I really like teaching and I'll probably do it for a long, long time to come.

Alright, enough of this nonsense. I need more coffee and to take some aspirin for a raging headache I seem to have.

06 February 2019

Drawn into a hole

I love to play games. Especially simulation games on the computer. I was a huge Farmville fan back in the day. Then I primarily stuck to card games and mahjong and things like that. Well, a couple of months (weeks???) ago, I discovered a game called Klondike. It is super fun. You have to clear your land and build things. Raise animals and crops. Explore other lands and perform tasks. I really, really like it. But I have a tendency to get sucked into it to the exclusion of all other things. It happened yesterday. Every week they release a new 'expedition' or adventure that you have to complete in a limited amount of time. Sometimes the open up a temporary land and you have to complete certain things in a time frame. The temporary lands are usually impossible for me. I'm not at a very high level yet and so things take me lots of time and I don't have a lot of energy. The tasks on these temporary islands usually require lots and lots of energy. It's easy to ignore those temporary lands, I will usually check them out, maybe do a couple of tasks and then lose interest. These things were definitely made for the higher level players and it's great because after a certain point you get bored doing the same thing over and over. So throwing in stuff for the high-level players is really great. One of the reasons I left Farmville was the boredom factor. But last weeks was a set of 3 tasks you had to do every day for 7 days. You got a polar bear cub and by doing these tasks you got the food to feed it and help it grow. Well, I got so caught up in this stupid adventure, that I was on the game constantly. You had to make things in factories and before you could make some things you had to make other things, so I was busy figuring out what I needed and trying to plan ahead so I had the stuff I need when the time came. Ugh!!!!  I sat for about 3 hours last night doing nothing but playing this stupid game. UGH!!!  I'm mad at myself for wasting so much time on it But it is also not surprising. When I find something that interests me I do it to excess. So, I guess that is what has happened. But, it's time for a change. I have to limit my playing time. I can't be wasting that much time on something so meaningless. So it's back to my normal play mode where I play for a little bit then go and do other things. No more being so focused on something like that. I'm done.

02 February 2019

Let's talk about teeth

I have horrible teeth. I have always had horrible. I've had peridontal disease for probably 40 years.  I also have an overbite, a huge one. And my teeth don't sit right so my bite in the back is all off. Most of my teeth have fillings in them. And I grind my teeth and a bunch of them are cracked. About 10 years ago I had laser surgery on my upper teeth. My left front tooth and the one next to it have a huge hole in between them. That hole has been there for years, probably 20. I have pictures of me in my 20s and that area of my gum is purple, indicating that gum disease is already active. So yeah, the hole between those 2 teeth have gone into the bone. Yes, sounds awesome I know. In the last 5 or 6 years, another problem has developed between my front lower teeth.

About 3 months ago, my front teeth were really bothering me. They felt like they were coming loose and they were bleeding constantly, plus there was pain - all the time. I finally reached a point where I was done. I made an appointment with a dentist and went with the sole purpose of getting rid of these 2 teeth. I wanted them out. I was bound and determined that no dentist was going to talk me out of having these teeth removed. So I went to the dentist and he was good with removing them. But he wanted me to go see a periodontist because he thought I should have implants and not dentures. Okay, fair enough. Went to the periodontist. She was great an after looking over my teeth, thought that maybe braces might help. The problem areas were in areas where my teeth don't meet up top and bottom. So they are not getting the pressure that they need to build bone and such. So she wanted me to go see an orthodontist see about braces.  But first I had to have a root planning which was being done by my dentist. So I had the root planing of my entire mouth in 2 sessions - that was fun. Then I went back to see both the dentist and the periodontist. Both were pretty happy with the result but the periodontist wanted to do laser surgery on the top teeth and see wanted me to see an orthodontist. So off I went to the orthodontist.... That was an interesting visit. Not only did I never actually see the orthodontist, they had an entire wall covered in candy dispensers and they were giving ice cream to kids who had gotten braces put on. Anyway, I digress. The lady I spoke to talked about what kind of braces I wanted and how they would have to remove some back teeth but not the front teeth. It was rather annoying. I went there with a specific issue that needed the attention of an orthodontist and I never got to speak to one. So they said the doctor would call the periodontist and figure out what needed to be done. That was the beginning of January. Fast forward to yesterday when I had my appointment for the laser surgery. It was miserable. They lasered the gums. Scraped the crap out of my teeth. I was numb but there was a lot of pressure and pushing and ugh!!!! When the lidocaine started wearing off, I could feel the gums/teeth throbbing. It was bad. Also, my gums look all burnt and pulled back. It's kind of gross. I have to eat soft food for 2 weeks and I can't brush my teeth during that time. It is ugly.

So not only did I not get my teeth pulled. I let yet another dentist talk me into work on my teeth that I don't necessarily want. Why do I do that? I guess it's because I like to think that they are the professionals and know what they are doing. And I guess, even if they want the teeth pulled, having the area up in there clean is better than leaving bacteria up there. So in 2 weeks, I have to go see the orthodontist and the periodontist to figure out the next step.

So that brings us up to date in the saga of my teeth. I am torn between wanting them gong, just gone, and wanting to be able to fix them. It's a hard place to be. And I can't help but wonder if I'm too old to be doing this. Seriously. I'm 60 years old in April and I'm just getting braces???  Of course, this is the first time any dentist has brought this up. I've been to at least 2 orthodontists in my life and never have they told me that braces would fix my problem areas. Never!!! So it's kind of exciting to think they could finally be fixed.

27 January 2019

Yesterday I unplugged

Not completely, but enough to make a huge difference. So after Hubby got up yesterday, I put this computer to sleep and headed out to the kitchen. I showered, got dressed, put my laundry away, and chatted with him for a while. Then I went to work on a project I had been putting off all week and got that done. After RunBuddy came we headed out to the Doggie Street Festival with Mavy and cruised around that. Then we went to lunch at a pet-friendly restaurant. Came home and fell asleep on the couch, then it was off to the murder mystery party. I spent very little time on technology yesterday and it really felt good. I got things done. My mind was engaged in my life. My eyes didn't hurt like crazy. It was great. I need to make that a priority. I obviously can't do it all the time, like today, I have to work on lesson plans and that means working on the computer. But I can stay away from Facebook and the stupid games I play. So I made my to-do list for the day and am going to stick to it. 3 of the things on the list involve technology so I'm going to try and get those done as quickly as possible. There will be no sitting in front of this beast all day. I should set a timer when I sit down and track how long I"m on. I may just do that. Okay, time to go now. Got a few things to do and then I'm off for a while.

26 January 2019

Time for something new and different

My life is pretty damn good right now. I have a job I am particularly fond of - and that job gives me 3 day weekends every weekend - I have a house I really love. I have 3 dogs that I adore, 1 of which I am finally getting to do all the stuff I wanted to do with. Things are good for me. And yet, I spend most of my time at home sitting in front of the computer. I got into that habit when I was working on my Ph.D. and it has just seemed to stick. I'm tired of it. I think I need to limit my time at the computer when I am home. Also,  I have a kickass laptop/tablet that I can use to do what I need to do. It rather sucks for playing games and that's a good thing. I play this stupid game far, far too much. So I think it's time for a change. I have things I need to do and they don't get done because I sit at the computer and get lost in stupidity. Time to move on.

I bought weights the other day so I could work out at home. Have I done that?  No.    So maybe that would be a good thing to do today. I have some shirts I have to make for a party tonight. Have I done that? No. Maybe that's a good thing to do today. I really want to work with Mavy on his agility and his behavior around other dogs. Have I done that? No. As you can see, I have tons of things that need doing and sitting on the computer for most of the day is keeping me from doing it. The weekdays are not a problem until I get home from work. The weekends are problems all day. So, starting right now, when hubby gets up on the weekends I am putting the computer to sleep. If I need to do something or look something up, I have the laptop that I will use. I will spend my days doing things not looking at things. And it is going to start right now because I hear him stirring. Time to put this thing to sleep.

Now that I've had a chance to regroup

it's time to move forward. I had reached a point last week where I was stressed. Seriously. Stressed. All completely self-imposed, b...