26 April 2015

Closing the day

I have to get into the habit of closing out the day. I need to make sure that I log all my food every day and I would like to take 10 minutes and recap the day here. So here goes.

Crossfit this morning was brutal but I went. Food was pretty good. I had my Progenex protein powder in my coffee and what a jolt that gave me. I didn't eat food until lunch when we went to Kona Brewery after a Costco run. Then I took a nap and prepped for the week. Egg casserole made and cold brew coffee brewing. I'm going to have a scoop of Progenex in my coffee in the morning and in some cold brew coffee in the afternoon. I always get tired around 2-3, so this should pick me up. Plus if I'm going to Crossfit it will give me something to work off.

I realize now that I just do not eat enough food. I have days where I stuff myself, but most days I fall far short of what I should be eating. I'm working with a coach at Crossfit and we are working on that. For this week, I am just to track everything I eat. We are going to reverse diet me into a reasonable amount of calories. Thinking back on when I was the skinniest and the healthiest, I was always eating. I would eat and 30 minutes later was hungry again. I needed a lot of food. That was when I had the most energy and was constantly doing something. Time to get back there.

Okay, I'm tired and tomorrow starts my new morning routine, so it's off to bed.

25 April 2015

Ending the day

Today went pretty well. I went to Crossfit and did the partner WOD this morning, that was fun. Then I had Subway for lunch; worked on my assignment; walked the dogs; and had dinner. When I left to walk the dogs I realized I was starving. I had Subway at noon and it was 5 pm when I walked the dogs. No snacks, no junk food, and I survived. Wow, what a concept. I did get my assignment done so that made for a very successful day. I did not get my prospectus done and that bums me out. I have a pretty full day tomorrow, but I have to find some time to read and write. I just have to do it. I just have to find the time and fit it all in. I guess that means getting up early in the morning and trying to get something done before I start my day. Which means I should get my butt to bed now so that I can get up in the morning.

Project Me: Part Deux

I think it is time to restart project me. I was doing pretty good at the beginning of the year, but then things started to slip. I have found that in order for me to achieve anything, I need to keep focused on it. I need to think about it every single day. So, I think restarting Project Me is a great way to do that. Possibly even checking in here briefly every day. We will see how that goes. I can find the 10 minutes to blog every day. I just need to be organized with my time.

Okay, so, goals for the week of April 26 - May 2:

Fitness: Crossfit 5x; walking the dogs 6x; running/walking in morning 5x; meeting my step goal every day.

Health: Prep food on Sunday and track calories every day. Aim for 1500 a day.

Work: Being organized and keeping on top of things. Finish the year strong.

School: Devote 1 hour every night to school work. This has been difficult, but with a little planning and focus it can be done.

Finances: Reinstate the moratorium on spending. Check the bank balance every night. Fill out the paperwork I have that needs to be completed.

I think part of the reason that Project Me derailed is that it was for a month at a time. I don't work that way, my focus isn't long range. So I will do a week at a time and see how it goes.

So this technically starts tomorrow but I'm going to start working on these things today. I will put these things in my journal and have it right in front of my face every day. Definitely no excuses. Okay, off to Crossfit for the partner WOD.

24 April 2015

The best laid plans

don't always work out. I had the best of intentions 2 weeks ago and it just did not work out the way I wanted. I have been stressed about all kinds of things and as a result, just not motivated to do much. As a result, I have not increased my activity as I wanted to do and, in fact, have gotten in less sessions at Crossfit. Eating has not been horrible, but it could be better. I am stumped as to what to do about food. I have so much information, so many plans, so much knowledge, and yet I can't seem to find what works for me. I think I'm going to stick with tracking my food and trying to stay with my calories. Which is another problem. At one site it says I should 2000 calories, another site says 1800, while another says 1500. That's a pretty good spread. It's enough to make the difference of success or failure. So exactly how many calories should I really eat??? Who knows????

And let's talk about activity. I have been doing Crossfit for 2 1/2 years and am larger than I have been in 15 years. Hmmm...What is going on? Well, thinking back on things, I have always been my healthiest and felt my best when I am working out twice a day. I used to get up and run or bike in the morning; swim at night; ride my bike to WW on Saturday morning or go for a 6 mile run/walk after WW. I did a lot of cardio. Cardio loses weight. There is just no way around it. I've been lifting weights and doing short workouts at Crossfit and it's just not working. At least for me. So I have got to add cardio. And the easiest cardio is running. Yes, my knee is not in the greatest shape, but I believe that a lot of that has to do with the weight. If I can get some of the weight off, I truly believe my knee will improve. For now, it's a matter of taking it easy and not going crazy. I also need to reduce the time I spend sitting on my ass at the computer. It would be the perfect thing if I could walk on the treadmill during those times. I need to move more and there is no other way around it. Also, when I sit in my chair at the computer, I get tired. If I get up and get moving I won't be so tired.

I also looked back on the years and found that I was always most motivated to workout when I was training for something. When I was running a lot of races, I was motivated all the time. Those races really kept me going. And I felt amazing. I felt really great and motivated during the Crossfit open, but since then my workouts have been kind of blah. I don't feel any reason to push myself just to push myself. So having some goal in mind makes working out much better and gives me a whole lot more motivation.

So taking all these things into consideration, I'm going back to basics. I'm going to shoot for 1500 calories a day. I will track everything I eat everyday. I am starting couch to 5k on Monday. I will be doing this in the mornings at 5am. 3 days of running and walking on the other days. Then I will do Crossfit and walk the dogs at night. On the weekends I will do Crossfit and walk on the treadmill when working. I need to keep moving. All this sitting is getting to me. I always feel better on the days I move most and I sleep really well when I'm moving a lot.

So that's the plan. This weekend will be spent getting ready for Monday and Monday morning I will get up at 4:30 am and be on the treadmill by 5 am. No excuses, no reason to miss anything. I have always found that working out creates a lot of good energy and I know my dissertation will progress much better if I have a lot of energy and am moving a lot more. So that is the plan. The moving starts tomorrow with the partner WOD at Crossfit. That will be a good way to get things rolling. I would like to ride my bike more too. Maybe it's time to drag it out of storage and keep it handy for the weekends. Hmmm...that would be great.

Definitely time to try a new plan and get things moving again.

16 April 2015

Time to hit reset

It's been a while. After Easter weekend we had a huge blow up with the neighbors. They ended up calling the cops because a friend had a tire on the common driveway. It was so stupid and they've been acting like as*holes lately. Unreal. After that, the wheels really came off the bus. My stress levels were through the roof. My stomach was a churning mess for days. My workouts became non-existent and all I could think about was those as*holes and what they might do next. I took off on Monday to try and get a restraining order but it was denied. We ordered camera surveillance equipment for the house, that gets here tomorrow. Then I came up with the idea of mediation, but now I'm not sure I'm going to follow through on that. Ugh....So I spent most of the last week and a half completely stressing out and letting my life just go to sh*t. I got nothing done all week, no schoolwork, little grading, no planning, my desk was an absolute mess, piled high with mail. It was horrible.

But that all ended tonight. I came home exhausted, like I have been every night. I took a nap on the couch and while I was sleeping something changed. It did. I woke up determined to take control of my life back and not let those as*holes win. So I came in and went through all the mail on my desk. I dusted off my calendar and started entering things in it again. I have made to-do lists and checklists. I have a plan for the weekend and I'm feeling like I'm back in control of things. I have a lot to catch up on, but with a little diligence I can do this and I will do this.

What this whole nonsense has done is put a firm timeline on our exit strategy. 18-24 months and we are gone. We have a good, solid plan and now it's just a matter of making it happen. The primary factor is my Ph.D. I have got to get that finished so we move that to the top of the list. So work on that will now become a priority. I need to keep focused on that.

Over these last 2 weeks too my workouts have been non-existent and my eating has been awful. Time to get back on track again. I'm going to start hoping on the treadmill in the mornings and tracking all my food. Time to get my sh*t together and lose this freaking weight. I can do anything I put my mind to and this is what I choose to put my mind to. I'm going to start running again. It will not be fast and it will not be far, but I am going to run. I figure it will help me lose weight and once I lose some weight the knee will get better.

Okay, now that I have my life firmly back in my hands, I'm getting tired. It's not even 9 pm yet and I'm ready for bed. That's not a bad thing. Time to take control again.

03 April 2015


One of the good things about working for a catholic school? Good Friday and Easter Monday holidays :)

So today is Good Friday and I have the day off. And I also have Monday off. This totally rocks.

I have lots of work to do over these 4 days. I have unfortunately been putting off my schoolwork knowing that a 4 day weekend was looming large in my future. So I did not do anything during the week. Bad habits that need to be broken. So there is a lot of work to do the next 4 days. But that's okay, I have a plan and it will all work out.

Tonight is the Benchmark Bash at Crossfit. I am going to max out my backsquat - shooting for 200# - and then take on some horrendous workout. I have never been to one before and it should be fun. When they started having them I was so injured, I just did not feel like maxing out anything. But I'm feeling better now and I think I can do it. It's worth a try.

That's really all I have to say. Things have been just chugging along, not perfect but not horrible either, and that's about all I'm hoping for right now. I'm going to go shower, eat breakfast, and get started on my work. I have goals today and a to-do list to keep me focused.

28 March 2015

First week after break

This is true after any break. Monday is usually okay, then Tuesday comes and it all falls apart. Luckily I survived and made it to the weekend. The week didn't go exactly as planned, but it was okay.

Last Sunday, a coach at Crossfit showed me a new stretch for my back. Well, it ended up throwing my back out completely and putting me out for the whole week. I could not use my left leg for anything except walking on flat ground. I had a hard time sitting on the toilet. Yesterday was the first day back and it is fine now. But that threw a wrench in things for the week. I didn't go to Crossfit or walk the dogs much. But I'm better now and that is all that matters.

Today was the last WOD of the open. 15.5 was ugly....

Rowing for calories is no joke. It is harder than you think. RX for me was 45# on the thrusters. I did better than I thought I would, 17:41. Nice.

Eating has been pretty darn good. I took my breakfast, lunch, and a snack every day. I did have some snacks when I got home, I'm hooked on popcorn, but that's about it. No crazy binges or excessive eating. So that is definitely a good week.

The one thing that happened that bums me out is that I lost track of my assignments for Walden. I thought I was being so organized and on top of things, only to find out I had overlooked something. That really upset and has caused me to sit here all day working on assignments. I have some assignments for tomorrow too. I am determined that this will not happen again. I will be writing everything in my calendar and double checking it. Also, back to every night one hour. I let that slip a little bit this week and I have paid the price.

So, gearing up for another good week. All I can do is strive to be a little bit better each week.

22 March 2015

Wow, what exactly happened?

I began this week with a plan. A pretty decent plan. Then I forgot the plan. Then I wasn't even close to the plan. Then I got comfortable. Then the week was over. I need to lose some fat, I just haven't been focused enough on it. But I think I've finally figured it out. I've been reading all week and I think people say to not count calories because that is how you build muscle. You can't lose fat and build muscle at the same time. You have to do one or the other and they are two very different processes. It's called bulking and cutting. When bulking you eat a lot and lift a lot to build muscles. When you are cutting you eat in a deficit to reduce your body fat. I get it. I finally really get it. So I need to cut. The thing is, you can't cut forever. You have to cut for a few weeks, then slowly add calories and bulk a little, then reduce your calories and cut again. I understand. All those bits and pieces I've read over all the years finally seem to be coalescing into some sort of sense. So I'm going to count calories and cut. I'm going to eat at 1500 calories for the next 3 weeks. Then I will up my calories to 1800 for one week. That will be one month. I will then assess how I feel. If I feel good, I will continue to do that. If I lose some weight, all the better. I just want to feel good. So that is the plan for the next month. More importantly, for the next week 1500 calories. Nothing is off limits, including sugar, if I have the room for it in my calories. Okay, I think I have a good idea on what I'm doing now.

And break is over

Today will be spent getting ready for tomorrow. Laundry. Food prep. Shopping. etc. I'm sad but I'm okay with it too. At my last school, returning from a break involved a whole lot of anxiety. With the crazy bitch running the place, you had no idea what you were going to return to. It was a running joke among the staff, who got fired this time??? Thank god the place I'm at now is much more sane. It is run by normal people and returning from break does not cause my blood pressure to rise. I was talking to another ex-employee of the insane asylum and we agreed, when you leave there you suffer from a type of PTSD. Seriously. It took me a good 6 months to realize that the new place was normal and I didn't need to live in fear like before. Insane. Enough of that. Thinking about that place makes me incredibly thankful that I'm out, but also makes me wonder what the f*ck was wrong with me that I stayed 5 years. I was definitely the insane one there. In my defense, I tried every year to leave. I think working there taints you and no one else wants to hire you. What the head honcho doesn't realize is that everyone knows how insane she is. She is the only one who doesn't know. Anyway, moving on. Not sure how I got on that topic. I try to avoid thinking about that place because it was like a nightmare.

So break is over and it is back to school tomorrow. I'm kind of anxious to get back, the sooner we get back, the sooner we are done for the year. We have 9 weeks left. Those will fly by.

Today though will be chores, chores, chores. Getting ready to return to school. There were somethings over the break that I didn't get done. Oh Well. Life is like that sometimes.

I started this post because I felt like blogging, but then that rant in the first paragraph just took it out of me. I'm done now. I'm going to start things rolling so I'm not working until 8 pm tonight. Need to get to bed early so I can get up early....