19 October 2014


I have reached the point where I can no longer just go with the flow. I must make a plan and I must stick to it. I have a few things I dearly want to accomplish, but in order to make those things happen I must do other things.

I want to feel better physically. In order to do that I must eat right and workout.

1) Workouts happen at 5am. I have settled on that time and I'm not going to change it. I prefer to workout in the morning and that is the time they offer the class. I have gotten up for 5am workouts most of my life, this should not be any different. Now, in order for 5am workout to happen, I must get up at 4am. In order to get up at 4am, I must go to bed by 8:30pm. None of this is impossible, it just needs to happen regularly.

2) Eating right requires planning. Planning lunches and breakfasts. That means putting them together the night before so they are ready to go in the morning, especially if it is a morning of a 5am workout. I need to put them together every night so I don't have to deal with that in the morning.

There, that is not so hard. Difficult? Yes. But totally doable. I used to workout early in the morning all the time. I prefer that time to workout. But the past couple of years I got into the evening habit and while I like it, I don't really like it. Working out in the early morning sets me up for a good day. Working out at night is too easy to flake on.

I also want to get some serious work done on my prospectus. I cannot just spit some work out now and then. I need to devote some time to working on it everyday. So I'm going to give 30 minutes to it every single day. On the mornings when I don't have Crossfit, I will do it at 5am. On the mornings I do have Crossfit, I will do it in the evenings. I will carry some articles with me at all times in case I find myself with some time on my hands. I am going to start a calendar today and I cannot break the chain of writing. Every day, 30 minutes on my dissertation.

This is not hard. It is not brain surgery. It is things I have chosen to add to my life and I need to make them work around my life. It is not hard!!! It is completely doable and once I get into the habit it will be easy. I just have not allowed myself to build up the habit. So habit building starts today. I will prep my breakfast and lunch tonight after dinner. I will prepare my clothes for work and for my workout. I will get to bed by 8:30pm and get up at 4am and go to Crossfit at 5am. I will do this. Maybe I should blog every night with my successes for the day. I will try, but I don't want to put too much pressure on myself. Let me get the habits of working out and working on my dissertation down.

I have logged my Crossfit and my dissertation work on my Google calendar. I have also logged in my prospectus work with alarms to message me. I have done this for next week. Next Sunday I will evaluate the week and see how it worked. out. I can make changes or tweak it as needed.

Under Pressure

and it is of my own making. I have numerous things to do. Numerous..... yet I sit here playing games and not doing anything. I have to figure out my eating, that is important. I have to submit something to my dissertation mentor tomorrow, I have nothing. Okay, that is really all I have to do, but it sure feels like a lot of pressure on me. I think because I have so very little on the dissertation front. This is huge, and I have done no work on it at all. Okay, just putting this stuff in writing helps. When I don't articulate it, the pressure just builds and builds, and becomes much larger than it is. So let's figure something out. I need to submit something by tomorrow. I could read today and write something up this afternoon. I just looked at the outline and the guidebook and it is not as bad as I thought. I think I could put a rough, very rough, draft together today. I just need to focus and quit screwing around. Well, that has relieved the pressure considerably. I am going to start working on that now. I will be going to Crossfit at 10am but I will pick up when I return. Here is to writing a 1st draft of a prospectus today.

18 October 2014

10 days after I surrendered

things are not a whole lot better. I don't like the way I feel. I have not been going to Crossfit as much as I would like to. I am getting lazier and lazier. I have little to no motivation. I am eating more crap than I want to and I can't seem to help myself. I don't want to battle my weight anymore but I can't just let it go either. I need to do something. I cannot continue on this way. I have to change the way I eat. The way I exercise. The way everything happens. As it is now I can barely get out of bed in the morning. By 1-2pm I am exhausted and yawning away. I come home from work and end up napping in my chair. Sometimes I walk the dogs. Then there is dinner and I spend the rest of the night on the couch until bed. That has got to stop. I'm not sure exactly what to do, but I've got to do something. Maybe I need to break up my meals and eat more frequently. I need to create meals that can be broken up and easily eaten quickly. Maybe. I am going to force myself to go to Crossfit. No excuses. That means going to bed earlier. I don't know. I need to dwell on this a little bit. On a good note, I did just pass up ice cream. Baby steps.....

09 October 2014

I. Am. Done.

Completely and totally done. I have spent most of my adult life battling my weight. I have a bad back, horrible knee, and screwed up shoulder from various workouts over the years. I have counted calories, fat grams, carbs, points, blah, blah, blah....I. Am. Done. Looking back I have never been successful when I'm 'battling' my weight. My success always came when I was doing things I enjoyed and doing them because I enjoyed them. When I set out to lose weight, it has never worked. I get crazy. Obsess over numbers. Think about food all the time. Get crazy with everything. I'm done. Yes, I'm overweight. Yes, I should be 50lbs lighter. But I can't do it anymore. I'm going to focus on the positive and not the negative. I'm going to do thinks I enjoy, Crossfit, walking. I'm going to eat reasonably. I will not count calories or anything else. I will focus on eating right. I will avoid sugar but on the weekends will allow myself some. I will continue to avoid wheat, that stuff just messes with my system. I just want to be normal. I have so many things going on in my life, I don't want to focus on my weight. So I'm done. It is officially over. I will no longer obsess over these ridiculous things. I will live my life for fun.

04 October 2014

I am a walking machine

Or at least I am trying to be. After last night's post, I was really fired up about walking - still am actually. So I walked to Crossfit this morning. It took me about 20 minutes. After Crossfit I walked to the store, grabbed a bag of ice, and walked home. That all took me about 30 minutes plus I carried 10 lbs of ice 2 blocks. I got home and was HUNGRY!!! So I made some breakfast then took a dip in the pool. After the pool I did some research for some of my school work and then took a nap. Love breaks. When I got home from Crossfit I checked my numbers on my FitBit and I was already at 7,800 steps. My goal is 16,666 a day so I'm basically half way there. Woot. I'm getting ready to take a shower. It's been raining on and off since I went in the pool and it does not look like I will be going in the pool again. Plus, I want to walk the dogs this afternoon and need a shower before I do that.

I just read a statement that said trying to lose weight by exercising is ridiculous and impossible. That is not what I'm trying to do. I'm trying to keep myself moving because sitting on the the couch is an unhealthy way to live. I'm trying to keep myself moving because the more I move the more I want to move. I'm trying to keep myself moving because when I feel my body doing amazing things, I want to fuel it properly. In many ways I am exercising to lose weight, but not in the normal sense. I am exercising - walking - because it has benefits that go far beyond the immediate and the obvious and I use those to lose weight.

03 October 2014


Fall break has begun. I'm so glad. Actually, this break came really quick. The days at Damien fly by. I love it. I am ready for a break though. I usually have big plans over the break and this time I don't. I have a few things on my to-do list; finish grading, go in and do some things in my room, clean up this room; but that's about it. My focus this week is going to be to keep moving. I feel like a slug and I don't like that feeling. So I plan on moving. A. Lot. Crossfit in the morning, walking on the treadmill while working, walking the dogs at night. Moving, moving, moving. I just need to shake some of this weight off and I know I can do it if I don't spend the entire week on the couch. Oh, don't get me wrong. There definitely will be couch time, but I am going to try and limit it to 1 hour a day. What I am really looking forward to this break is not having to go to school everyday, not having to get up early, and not having to plan lessons. That is the stuff I need a break from and that's what I'm going to focus on.

I just put my Fitbit on again and i went back and looked at some previous days. One Sunday I hit 12,000 steps. I'm guessing there was Crossfit in the morning and dog walking in the afternoon, not sure what I did in between but I kept moving. If I shoot for 15,000 steps a day for 9 days, that will be a total of 135,000 steps. What if I went for 150,000 total steps that is about 16,666 steps per day. That's what I'm going to shoot for. 150,000 total steps over the next 9 days. I may start walking to Crossfit. That's a fabulous idea. Walk to Crossfit. Walk to the store. Walk everywhere. That is an awesome idea. Why take the car? I'll just use that extra time to lay on the couch. Oh, I am sold. My car will only move if I have to go outside Kaneohe. This is on like donkey kong.....

Okay, I'm off to start break.....

28 September 2014

I feel renewed

This weekend has renewed my spirit, my faith, my determination, and my mind. I feel so much better right now, at the end of the weekend, then I did at the beginning a mere 48 hours ago. Amazing how quickly things can change. I woke up this morning and did my school work, that felt good. I then packed up and headed off to Crossfit. I was a little sore from yesterdays throwdown but I needed to move some more. The WOD was brutal: 5 rounds of 3 minute AMRAP - 3 deadlifts, 6 box jumps, 1 wall walk - 1 minute rest between rounds. It was tough. But it felt awesome to be pushing my body and making it do work. After that we had the Weekend Warrior challenge: 4 minutes on the clock, row 500m, then as many double unders as possible. Took me 2:38 to row 500m then in ~90 seconds I got 16 doubleunders. Not bad considering I had just done a brutal WOD and I suck at double unders. I was pleased. Came home tired, sweaty, sore, and feeling amazing. Have felt amazing all day. Sore though. Starting to get really sore. But tomorrow morning it's back to Crossfit again.

Not enough time

In the classes I'm taking for my Ph.D. we are creating a personal learning network. It is basically a list of all the people, websites, sources,etc, for information in our chosen field. Mine happens to be educational technology. There are a plethora of resources in that field. A. Plethora. Some of them are really, really good. I would love to spend time sitting and reading through them. But I just don't have the time. Between the classes I'm taking, the classes I'm teaching, and trying to keep some semblance of sanity, I just do not have the time. I workout in the mornings, I work hard at school all day (much harder than I ever worked at my other school), I come home exhausted and usually go in the pool for 15-20 minutes to try and revive myself. I'm trying to get back into walking the dogs after that (still a work in progress). Then I will sit at the computer and do a little bit for the classes I'm taking, nothing serious as I'm usually pretty brain dead. Then it's time for dinner. After that I clean up and watch TV for a little bit. Then it is off to bed. Yes, there are days when I waste time by taking a little nap or playing on the computer, but that really doesn't amount to much - though some days it's more than others. So how do I find the time to keep up on all this stuff? I really don't know.

27 September 2014

I choose happiness

What a difference a few hours and a change of attitude can make. I was so mad and grumpy and whiny last night, but I made the decision that when I went to bed it would end. I would wake up and I would be happy. So I woke up this morning and felt pretty good. I went to Crossfit for the couples throwdown even though I didn't have a partner. I figured I would do the workout alone if I had to. I quickly found a partner though and all was good. The first WOD was: 200m run/row, push press then 200m run/row, double unders then 200m run/row, back squats. One partner would run while the other did the movement. When the partner got back from the run they would switch. The second WOD was a weight ladder. We could snatch, clean & jerk, or just clean it. Snatch was 4 points, C&J 2 points, and clean 1 pt. We had one minute at each bar and there were 7 bars. I think it started at 45, 55, 65,75, 85, 95, 115 but I'm not 100% positive. The final event was a chipper. 40 kb swings, 40 wall balls, 40 weighted sit-ups, and 40 partner burpees. This you could break up however you wanted, we chose to do 10 at a time to not burn ourselves out. For the first WOD our team came in 2nd. The second WOD we came in 9th, and the third WOD was 6th. Overall we finished tied for 5th place. It was super fun. It was an awesome workout and it helped to cement my positive attitude. I did well, much better than I thought I would, and I had a great time doing it.

This is going to sound really strange, but I have been wondering if the antibiotics I've been taking are behind this. I went to the doc a week ago Wednesday for an ear infection. She gave me drops and antibiotics. By Sunday my mood had turned to shit. I was angry. Really. Angry. For no apparent reason. This hung around through Monday and Tuesday. It finally subsided but then I had a low grade headache for the rest of the week. After about a week, I started to forget to take my antibiotics and I haven't had any now for 3 days and I'm starting to feel better. Coincidence??? I don't know. I have not taken antibiotics in a long, long time. It just struck me as weird that I haven't taken them in forever and I haven't been in that bad a mood in forever. Also, once I stop taking them the bad mood seems to lift. I don't know, but it sure is weird.

Anyway, I am ready to get back on track and back into a good attitude. A good attitude feels so much better than a bad one.