28 November 2015

Time for a Re-Do

Yesterday didn't go quite as planned. Maybe that was because I didn't have a solid plan. But today is a redo. I am going to WW in a few minutes. Then I have some errands to run in Kailua. Then I'm heading over to Costco for a few things. Finally coming home to do some housework. Should be a pretty busy morning. I want to get some housework done, with the rain for the last 2 weeks my floors are a disaster. Then I have some grading to do for Phoenix and chemistry. I would love to get that all out of the way today and spend tomorrow doing something fun and amazing, like cleaning my camera and taking some photos. That would be fun. Okay, I need to jump in the shower for a minute and then start my day.

27 November 2015

Funny how that works......

It is amazing how a little change of attitude and thinking changes everything in your life. Yesterday morning I decided to be grateful and choose happiness. Yesterday was a wonderful day. Absolutely. Wonderful. I walked in the morning for over an hour. Hubby made eggs benedict for breakfast (a tradition). I did a little cleaning in the spare room. While doing that decided that I needed a chalkboard on the wall, so whipped out my chalkboard paint and did that. Now I have a cool chalkboard on the wall. Watched some TV. Colored in my new coloring books (love them). Made dinner. Cleaned the kitchen. The day passed, I kept busy, and all was right with the world. I never took a nap or wanted a nap. I didn't put a whole lot of thought into what I ate, though we had poke for lunch and I knew what I was having for dinner. There are some things I wanted to do that I didn't because of the rain - clean the floor. But it was a great day. I chose to be happy and I was. I loved it. I'm going to do that everyday. I think, until this becomes a habit, I will have to make the conscious choice everyday. But that's okay. I know it will become a habit with practice.

As I was walking around being all happy yesterday, I came to a decision. I really want to run, maybe even do triathlons. Nothing big, no long distances, but just maybe. I love to run, in spite of the fact that it hurts everything in my body. So that is what I'm going to work on first. Hopefully by spring I'll be able to pull out the bike and start working on biking and swimming. I would love to be able to bike over to Kailua, swim in the ocean and then bike back. That would be an amazing workout. Anyway, the fact is, if that is what I like, what makes me happy, why am I not doing it? Because I got caught up in Crossfit. I would still like to do Crossfit, but I think only 2x a week at most. We shall see. What I do know is that I will be doing Crossfit style workouts at home. I'm thinking of running in the morning and doing a Crossfit type workout in the evening. Or, even better, alternating days; one day run, one day Crossfit. That would probably work better. I will be walking the dogs in the afternoons so better to save that time.

These are the things I want to do. These are the things that make me happy. So why am I not doing them? I don't know. I really don't. I will be doing them from now on though.

As for food.....I'm really so incredibly tired with my long, long fight with food. I'm tired of trying different things and either struggling with them or them not working. As I'm writing this, the AltShift guy is giving a live broadcast on getting back on track. I did feel pretty good on 5 shift, and while I did struggle with 3 shift on Wednesday, that was kind of my own fault. No, I'm sticking to my guns. I felt really amazing when I was just eating normal food and watching my macros. Once in a while I like to eat things like bread or dessert. I know that I can't eat it all the time as it makes me feel like crap, but once in awhile is okay. So there's another thing, after 56 years I kind of know what my body likes and doesn't like and so why am I letting other people tell me what to eat? That is just crazy. So I'm back to tracking on my fitness pal, eating more protein and less fat, and going for the veggies and fruits. I can do this and I feel great when I do so let's get on it.

So today is another day where I choose happy. I am going to do things that make me happy. That may even involve going to the mall later. Who knows. I have the day off and I will do what I want to.

26 November 2015

Changing my outlook

When you only look at the negative, things can get really dark. I was on the borderline of that. I have problems. Lord knows, I have problems. The thing is, as in the previous post, I have far more to be thankful and grateful for then I think a lot of times. So I'm changing my tune.

I'm starting with my self talk. No longer will I say, I have to do X,Y,Z. My new attitude will say, I get to do X, Y, Z.....

I will log my food!! Every day!!! I have the food to eat, the electricity and internet to run my computers and phone, there is no reason whatsoever not to log everything.

I will workout!!! Every day!!! I am strong, healthy, and have the equipment to workout. Plus I have a 24 hour fitness membership. I will workout every single day even if it is only walking on the treadmill; like I am now; typing things.

I will be happy!! I choose Happy!!! Happiness is a choice.

There is always, always, always, a bright side to things. It is time to start focusing on that and not on the negative.

I will NOT focus on the dark side, I'm all about the light side now.

Starting today, right now, this instant.... I have a new attitude.

This is going to trickle over into my food. I'm over this counting points, eating carbs, not eating carbs, blah, blah, blah. I'm not sure why exactly I went back to all that. I think I was just desperate for something that would work. Well, guess what will work??? Eating reasonably and moving more. Seriously. I know that I can't work off the food I eat, but not moving much at all is not helping anything. Also, the more I move the more I want to move. So logging my food, moving my ass and having a joyful, grateful outlook.

In many ways, I can be such a child. At 56 years old and I can still pout when things don't go my way. Surrounding myself with an air of unhappiness leads to more unhappiness. I firmly believe that you attract what you give out. So from now on it is all about positivity and happiness.

Thanksgiving Day

I have decided (not for the first time) that I spend far too much of my life focused on the problems. The money we don't have; the things that may happen; the fact that things aren't the way I want them to be; etc. I realize that I am so much luckier than many, many people and I need to lose that negative outlook. Today seems as good a day as any to start. So, here is what I'm thankful for today, in no particular order:

  1. The fact that I woke up this morning at all. We never know when our time will be over so we should be grateful for each day we get. 
  2. I'm grateful for my health. Even though I complain about my weight and aches and pains, I am in so much better shape than most people my age. I need to not take that for granted. 
  3. My home. Yes, I struggle with money and I feel like it's a losing battle sometimes. But I never thought I'd own a home so every second of struggle is worth it. 
  4. My husband. I know I bitch and moan about him, and many of the things he does drives me crazy, but the fact is he is awesome. He is perfect for me. He knows me better than anyone and loves me anyway. He puts up with all my nonsense and craziness. He is amazing. I can't imagine what my life would be like without him. And I'm very glad I don't have to. 
Okay, I'm going to stop there. I have many, many more things to be thankful for but I'm going to make myself think about them daily. No more complaining. No more worrying and stressing over things I can't control. I'm going to be thankful for what I have and find ways to make the other things better. So, with that said: 

25 November 2015

This week had a strong start

but things didn't go as planned. I didn't sleep well on Sunday night, so overslept a little on Monday. Monday night I slept really good, but still overslept a bit. Today I got up a little bit late, again. This means that no other activity happened this week. None. Not good. I'm not particularly pleased with that, but stuff happens. I'm not going to beat myself up over it. I'm just going to move on. Tomorrow I will do couch to 5k on the treadmill and I'm hoping to get to walk the dogs. It has been raining here for like 2 weeks, so the dogs haven't gotten walked much.

The really good news is that I have a 4 day weekend. Woo Hoo!!!!! This is so needed right around now. A nice 4 day weekend then head back for like 2 1/2 weeks of school and then Christmas break. YES!!! So needed this year. Ah, that's a lie, it's so needed every year.

22 November 2015

Thanksgiving weekend

kind of looks like this. I will have no dissertation to work on and the class I'm teaching will be over. I will use the 4 days to get caught up on everything so that I head into December ready to end it, but other than that - I got nothing. It's weird to be facing this after almost 3 years of schooling and writing. As much as I would like a break from the, the thought of not finishing is driving me wild. I really have to figure this out and soon.

Okay, moving on to the topic of this blog - health and fitness. Yesterday I talked about AltShift and how I started that on Friday. So yesterday was my 2nd day. Overall I'm feeling good, even though I think I may have screwed up yesterday. Hubby made Swiss steak for dinner and I think he used flour on it, which I ate. Bummer. But also not the end of the world. Prior to dinner, I had only eaten about 4 grams of carbs. I'm supposed to keep my carbs below 30 so even if the swiss steak was 30 - which it wasn't - I'm only slightly over. It's all good. Progress not perfection.

The way AltShift works is that for 5 days you eat low carb, then for 3 days you eat low fat. You just go back and forth and back and forth like that. This is similar to carb night that I tried a while back. But with that program, you ate super low carb for 5 days or so then got 1 high carb day. It got to be a problem because I found that I couldn't go that long consistently without carbs. Then, by having only 1 day of high carbs, it really wasn't enough to build up my glycogen stores again. I ended up wanting more and more high carb days. Also, on high carb days anything was fair game. Cakes, cookies, ice cream, whatever. That did not help things. On AltShift, wheat and sugar are out all the time. So I think it should be easier to maintain long term. And I do need it long term since I have so much weight/fat to lose. The good new is, I am no longer focused on a number on the scale. I really don't care what the scale says, my goal is to fit into the clothes that I have. I have some awesome, amazing clothes and I can't wear them because I'm too fat. So I'd like to lose some of this fat and fit my clothes again.

Yesterday I did day 1 of week 1 of couch to 5k. It really felt good. I have a couple of treadmill workouts I'm going to start cycling through and work on my running. Plus walking, walking, walking. I did clean up the workout room yesterday, it looks much, much better. It is also the 'junk' room and everything we don't have a use for goes in there. Unfortunately, for years now, it has not been cleaned or organized. Stuff was just thrown in there in any old way. Yesterday was needed. Since I won't have lots of work to do, I need to make a list of things that need to get done and start doing them. I have Thanksgiving break coming up and Christmas break, I cannot just sit around on my butt that whole time. I need projects.

Okay, enough rambling. I have nothing more to say.....

21 November 2015

Finding what works

Is truly harder than it sounds. I gave WW a good go, but I found a couple of things I suspected would happen. First, I got hungry. Whenever I stuck to my points, I got hungry. By the third or fourth day, I would be using my weekly points fairly significantly. Last week by Wednesday I had no weekly points left. And I did not go crazy at all. So that was a problem. Then there is the whole issue of what to eat. I wanted to try to eat typical food, sandwiches, etc. as those kind of things are fairly low in points. But I felt bloated. Wednesday and Thursday I actually felt like I was pregnant, my stomach was so large. I hate that feeling more than anything. So I decided I needed a change.

I had purchased the AltShift book back in September. When I bought it, I read it through, but then decided not to follow it for whatever reason. I'm guessing laziness but I could be wrong. Anyway, after feeling like a huge, blimp for a couple of days, I decided to give it a try. I really did like Paleo when I did it, so I thought this might work for me. I get tired doing the same thing over and over and over. This program calls for switching between high fat/low fat, higher carbs/lower carbs. Maybe it will keep me from getting bored if I can switch things up. Some days have rice/potatoes, some days avoid them. I'm hoping it will keep me interested and on track.

So I started yesterday and I have to say, I felt good. I ate - a lot - and I did not feel super bloated. I am still feeling a little bloated because of all the carbs I'd been eating on WW, but it is starting to abate. It will probably take a day or so, I'm okay with that as long as it doesn't get worse.

The entire point of writing this post was to try and work out if I want to go to WW. I have paid in advance, so I thought I'd go and use up what I paid for. But I have managed to drag things out for over an hour and now it's too late. If I leave right this second, I can still make it but I'm not dressed. So I guess there is my decision.

One of the things I get obsessive about, and I've talked about this before, is the numbers. How low can I go. How little can I get away with. I think I've broken through that thinking, I think I proved that with WW. So I think I can handle this now. At least I'm going to give it a good try. I will track to try and keep the calories up.

One last thing before I go. I am no longer working on my Ph.D. - at least for the moment - so I have no reason to spend most of my day sitting in this chair. I will not spend hours sitting here today. I have things I wish to do and I am going to do them.

Later that same morning: I finally got moving and did couch to 5k week 1 day 1. Ran at 4 mph for the first 4 rounds. Rounds 5 & 6 I upped it to 4.5 mph. For the final 2 rounds, I upped it again to 5 mph. Not only did I survive, but in many ways running faster felt better than running slower. Interesting. So 30 minutes and 1.58 miles. Not record breaking, but a fabulous start. Side note: my back did not hurt at all the entire time. On the final cooldown walk I felt a couple of twinges, but otherwise nothing. Yeah!!!

15 November 2015

Time for some focus

There are some things that I just can't control and worrying and stressing over them is completely useless. So I'm going to focus on what I can control. I managed to get through this week without doing too much damage. Hubby worked nights all week so eating was up to me. That is both good and bad. I did okay in that I did not go crazy - always a worry - but I really could have done better. So this week I'm going to do better. My focus this week is going to be no treats. I've been bad about that. Real bad. So time to get my act together. No sugary treats. My dissertation class is over and until I hear from the government, there is nothing really I can do. So I'm going to focus on eating and working out. I will be doing my walking and WODing in the mornings and I would really like to walk the dogs at night. At the same time, I like the relaxed feeling of being able to stay at work until 4 or so if I need to. So the walking the dogs may be a little iffy. Of course, there is no law that says I can't walk them a little later. I'll need to work on that.

I can't control the world, so I'll have to settle for my little piece of it.

Sliding, sliding, sliding

I realized years ago that I had a tendency towards depression. I don't get it as bad as some people, but I do get it. I feel like not doing anything. I spend far too much time sleeping, or watching TV, or just sitting. I spend far too much time in my own head. And I just feel sad. Well, it's happening again. The good news is that once I recognized it, years ago, it has become easier and easier to see coming. When I lived at the ranch, I swear I had been in a depressive state that had lasted years. That's when I first realized what was going on. Since then, I've become better and better at seeing what is happening. And this one I caught the minute it started. It began on Friday when I ran into the money obstacle. Friday I didn't do much of anything. Yesterday I didn't do much of anything. I napped. Watched TV. Went to bed early. That is one of my signs that it's happening, sleeping so much. I reach a point where I just don't know how to go on and so I sleep. Avoidance. My speciality.

So let's take a few minutes and really examine what would happen if I don't find a way to get the money. First, it would mean that I would have to suspend the completion of my Ph.D. Doesn't mean it's off they table, just on hold for a bit. What would that do to our moving plans? Well, we could move them up and year and go now - though not my first choice. They could also stay on track and do just like we planned. It would free up a lot of my time. I would no longer spend hours every day thinking about my dissertation. I could actually do fun things, like crafts, workout, take pictures. I could start working on getting the house in order by cleaning and organizing. Okay, the more I think about it, the more appealing it sounds to take a break from it. It would really not be so bad to take a break, focus on getting the house ready for the move, moving, and then picking up where I left off. I would be fresher and more ready to tackle it. Plus I would be out of here.

So, what have I learned from this little experiment? That this may be a gift in disguise. That it really wouldn't be so bad if I had to take a break from it for a bit. That yes, it will change things, but not necessarily for the worse. I always, always, always, say and truly believe that things work out the way they are supposed to. It may not be the way we want, but it is the way its supposed to be. And frequently: