I tell you, I have such respect for teachers after doing this for a while. They are the hardest working people on the planet. Time flies by, literally, I can not believe how fast the day goes by when it's broken into 45 minute chunks. Then planning for lessons everyday. Whew.....it really wears you out.
Anyway, the week fell apart as far as exercise goes. I'm not sure how to solve this problem. I really, really want to workout. Getting up in the morning is good but hard. Running after school is really tough. I'm tired and my feet generally hurt from being on them most of the day. I guess I'm just going to have to suck it up and do it. There really is no way around it.
Some catalogs came in the mail today, time to start thinking of Christmas gifts. Hubby got some NFL and golf catalogs and Old Navy has some great gifts for her, well, actually me.
Anyway, I'm doing a little mindless TV watching tonight so I'm off....
Busy, busy, busy..... I've been working and trying to get all my various commitments met. It's been exhausting. However, the morning workouts seem to be going well. I got up Monday and Tuesday and did my strength training in the mornings. The evening ones haven't been going so well though. Monday I had a parent conference after school and only got in a 30 minute elliptical. Tuesday I was going to run but I forgot a top. Hmmm....was that a subconscious act?? Speaking of which, I have to put a top in my bag before I forget. I am running tomorrow. I was going to run this morning but I had to be somewhere fairly early and I slept longer then I thought I would. I was going to run tonight but I was working and it got dark quickly, plus it's been raining most of the day. So unless I had some outdoor lighting and an umbrella, a run ain't happening tonight. I know these are all excuses. I'm very aware of that and I'm aware of why I'm making them. Awareness is definitely the first step. What can I say, I'm a work in progress.
Morning vs. Evening Workouts
I've been struggling with my workouts for awhile now. I like to workout in the mornings and I'm getting back into running/biking, etc but I found it almost impossible to do these things in the mornings. This is something I have struggled with for a long time. I like doing workout videos in the morning but really want to run. So it's been a conundrum and a constant battle for me.
Last night as I was cruising around reading blogs, I found one lamenting about how they can't do workout videos in the morning. How they need to quiet of strength training or running. BAM!!! It hit me. That's my problem. I like workout videos in the morning because I DON'T WANT TO THINK. Running or biking requires far too much thought and planning in the early am. On the days when I do run or bike in the am it's usually only after I have been up for at least an hour. I've had coffee, had a little something to eat, did some mindless surfing on the web...Things like that. I have been known to sit and stare at nothing for extended periods in the morning. On the other hand, I can jump right up and turn on a workout video because there is absolutely no thought involved. Someone tells me what to do when. By the time I'm done I'm awake enough to get on with my day.
On the other hand, at the end of the day there is so much on my mind the thought of working out to a video makes me cringe. The last thing I want after work is someone all happy and smiling telling me do this, do that, UGH!!! Makes we want to kill something. After work is when I need the time inside my head. Time to figure out what I need to do and when it needs to be done. Plan ahead for the next few days, or hours - whatever. Time to transition from work to home mentally
Once I had this epiphany I realized what I need to do. I need to workout with videos in the morning and run/bike at night. It's that simple. I want to strength train so I will do that video in the mornings. It's about 30 minutes - just enough time to wake me up and get me human. Then I will stop and run on the way home. I'll actually be running only 3 days a week, the other 2 I'll walk or come home and ellip. So simple yet it involved such a struggle to get here.
Lifestyle - Bullsh*t
For as long as I've been working out and losing weight I've heard people say, it can't be a diet it has to be a lifestyle change. Well I say bullsh*t. A lifestyle is something that changes. For 7 years I lived the lifestyle of a lab worker. I worked 9-5 Monday thru Friday and alternate weekends. That was my lifestyle. Then I was let go. My lifestyle changed. I was unemployed and had lots of free time on my hands. Then I became a teacher. Another lifestyle change. I now work 40 hours at work and many hours at home prepping. Another lifestyle change. As all these lifestyle changes have happened my diet and exercise routine were thrown into a tizzy. With every shift in lifestyle I had to reshift my diet/workout focus. Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't.
As I was riding my bike today it hit me, this can't be a lifestyle - which is changeable like an outfit - but a routine. I have a couple of unbreakable routines. I get up and brush my teeth. Every morning, no matter what. I get up and brush my teeth. Doesn't matter if the world is coming to an end, I get up and brush my teeth. Completely unbreakable routine/habit/whatever but it is literally set in stone, a completely non-negotiable act. I would never get up and say I'll skip brushing my teeth today because I'm tired/late/hungry/whatever.
Another unbreakable routine I have is feeding the birds. Every morning after brushing my teeth I make coffee and feed the birds. Feeding the birds takes 20-30 minutes. I have to cut up fruits and veggies, clean bowls, put out fresh water, etc. It's time consuming, tedious, and not a way I like to spend my mornings. But it happens every single day no matter what. I would never tell the birds I'm too tired to feed you this morning I'll feed you later. That just won't happen.
There are other routines I have but you get the idea. These are not lifestyle changes because as my lifestyle continuously changes these routines/habits/chores remain the same. They are still done at the same time and in the same way they were when I worked in a lab. Or when I was unemployed. So why do I short change myself when I would never short change my birds. My birds are important enough for me to get up 30 minutes earlier and feed them. I'm not important enough to workout everyday?? I am. It's time for a paradigm shift. Time for a new way of thinking.
I think that's enough epiphanies for now. I have another unbreakable routine I have to do, shower and clean the house.
So here's the deal. For the last few months I've been on this energy roller coaster. One week I'm fine and have lots of energy, the next week I'm exhausted. I've tried to tie to something. Anything. It's not my period, though that adds to it. It doesn't seem to be my workload, that remains fairly constant but I do know that it is exhausting work. The only thing I can think it is is my food. When I'm feeling good and have lots of energy I tend to forget to eat I get so busy. Then the following week I'm tired and eating more regularly. Then the following week I have lots of energy again. It's the only pattern I can see. So I've decided I should probably start tracking my food intake. I have to be careful because I can get very obsessive about the numbers. I'm trying to come up with a way so that won't happen. I read a blog the other day where the person was talking about how they limited their calories but not what they eat. Gradually, as they lost weight, their eating naturally changed towards healthier food. This makes perfect sense and I think that's the approach I'm going to take. I'll set my calorie intake at a certain level but not get crazy over what it is I eat. I think that's one of the best ways to go. Or I could just check into orlando vacations and drink mai tai on the beach :)
I've gone through a lot of mental stuff to get to the point where I am now. I have reached a point where I don't hate my body, I would still love to lose a couple of pounds but it don't agonize over it. I have worked myself into a position where healthy food is usually better then any junk food offered. I am able to eat a reasonable amount and not stuff myself till I'm sick. It's been a painful, often frustrating, journey but I feel like I've come out the other side of a dark tunnel. I'm not obsessed with numbers, either calories or on the scale. I'm not beating myself up over missed workouts but doing the best I can and realizing that's enough for now. I've done a lot of soul searching to understand things about myself and why things are they way they are. So when I see someone harming themselves and not making the connections I want to scream from the rooftops STOP IT!! DON'T YOU SEE YOU ARE DOING THIS TO YOURSELF!!! But I don't feel it's my place. Lord knows I'm no expert in just about anything but having been through what I've been through I can see it in other people. I know someone who lost a lot of weight, a lot!! In the past 2 years they have regained it all back and more. It happens I get it. But they are now suffering from all sorts of ailments, hating themselves, and trying all kinds of crazy things to lose weight. One thing they have is migraines. Apparently they used to get them a lot, then lost all the weight and they went away. Now they are back with a vengenance. Wow, I can see the connection. Clearly it's something in their diet if they didn't have them when they were eating healthy. Or it's from lack of exercise. All these things are connected yet people in it refuse to see it. I wish I could help them. I've tried to make gentle suggestions but they are not receptive. I feel so bad and wish I had all the answers.....
Well I have done it. Today was the first deadline I was facing if I was going to commit to this thing. The discount rate for the Maui Marathon ends today. If I was going to do this thing I had to get on it. So I did.
I am in. The next registration deadline is not until December so I'm good there. I'm excited about this. I look forward to the challenge.
I've been working on getting back into running and for me it's a slow process. I start out and things hurt. There is a progression to the pain and it almost always follows the same pattern. My feet hurt, then my knee, then my back, finally my periformis muscle. It happens every time to varying degrees. This time it wasn't too bad but I ran into another wrinkle with my knee. Anyway, I've been running pretty consistently for the past 4 weeks and overall feeling good. Tonight I stopped for my run on my way home and headed out. The first interval was hell. I thought I was going to die. Of course it doesn't help that the humidity and vog is absolutely killer. Anyway, the point of this post is that I found my running pace. In the past 4 weeks I haven't been able to find that pace. You know. That pace that feels absolutely effortless. That pace that makes you feel like a rock star. That pace that feels like you could go forever. I was afraid I wasn't able to get it these past weeks. But tonight I found it!!!!
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