Summer is winding down

My last weekend of freedom. Monday I start AP classes. Next Tuesday it's back to school. Wow, that sure went fast. I remember it being May and me thinking there was no way I could survive the summer with nothing to do. I was wrong. I made it. In fact I got used to it. I don't think I could do this forever, but it was a nice break. Every year I teach summer school, so I've never really had a full summer off. In many ways I am ready to get back to work and in others I wish summer would continue a few more weeks. Oh well, it is what it is.

In food issues, I'm so torn about the whole food thing. I love the way I feel when I eat mainly paleo, I just hate thinking about it all the freaking time. For two days, I haven't been paleo much and I'm feeling kind of yucky. So I think I need to come to grips with the food issue. What really bothers me is that I can't quite figure this out completely. I'm an intelligent person and I don't understand why I struggle with this so much. So I'm just not anymore. I like how I feel when I eat paleo, so that's how I'll eat 90% of the time. That is all there is to it. No freaking out. No stressing over food, just eat paleo. I am not going to be so insane about it and if I have wheat or sugar once in a while it will not be the end of the world. But I'm done stressing about it. In fact, now that I think about it, the stress is caused by the indecision. When I'm on a paleo challenge I don't stress like this. It is very clear what I can and can't eat and there is no stress involved. It is only when I try to be easy on myself that the stress sets in. Hmmm...never really considered that before. Something to consider. Just popped over to the Whole30 to see about starting one of those. I'm considering it. I do better when there is accountability. That is why the paleo challenges work so well for me. I need to commit to something though or I'm going to keep this nonsense up. So why can't I make a promise to myself and keep it? Why can't I promise my body that I will eat right and then follow through? I can. I can make a challenge with myself. I will pay myself five dollars every day that I stick to the plan. At the end of August, I will take the money and buy myself something good. Hmmm......not a bad idea. Five dollars may be a little much though, but one dollar is too little. Or is it? If I continue, and don't have an end date in sight, one dollar a day will add up. And I always have a dollar in my wallet. Crap, I have dollars all over the place. I have a bank that has like $80 in change in it. I will add my dollar every day to it and use that money at the end. Hmmm....I seem to be on to something here. Let me work it out further and come up with a concrete plan. Right now I'm hungry, so I'm off to the shower and then breakfast.

Well that didn't work out as planned

After my post yesterday, I went to the store and got some of the things I have not had in a really, really long time.

These two together are the bomb. I love this for breakfast. But guess what I discovered? It did not last. I ate this and felt full, but with 2 hours I was looking for something to eat again. Hmmm. They are high in sugar, even if it's a natural sugar.

Then for lunch I had a sandwich - ham. For dinner I had some flatbread pizza. I think I overdid it. I've hit the bathroom a few too many times this morning and I don't feel that awesome.

So now what? Balance. I think that balance is the key. I can't go to one extreme or the other. Today I will have eggs and bacon for breakfast. Lunch is salad and maybe some spaghetti. Dinner will be paleo. I think what I need to do is eat paleo most of the time. And that's okay, I like eating that way. But when I want something different - have it. Yeah, balance. Life is all about balance.

The good thing about feeling a little crappy this morning, it's getting me to Crossfit. I wasn't going to go, but changed my mind. With the way I feel, I need to do something good or the day will spiral out of control. Also, I'm not doing the WOD tomorrow since it's on the beach and I can't risk hurting my knee. I might go Sunday. Then Monday it's back to work! Ugh!!! Three months off and I'm facing work in 3 days. Ugh!!!

Alright, enough with the pep talk. I need to get ready for Crossfit.

Done with diets

For most of my adult life I have been dieting in one form or another. I have not always used the word diet and I have fallen into that stupid 'it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle' trap. I hear people say that and I want to choke them. If you are in any way restricting what you eat - even if it's for a verifiable medical reason - you are on a freaking diet. The way most Americans eat is considered the American diet. It's a freaking diet. So through the years I have done many diet. Weight Watchers, Atkins, Paleo, carb loading, blah, blah, blah.....I'm sick and tired of it. For the past couple of weeks I have not been following any specific diet. I have been eating what I want and trying to keep it healthy. I have had sandwiches many days and I didn't die or explode from bloat. Some meals were paleo - no carbs - some were not. If I felt like eating something I did. There was no eating huge amounts of meat - which can happen on paleo - and I even enjoyed my meals. I have had egg sandwiches for breakfast, BLATs for lunch, and garlic bread for dinner (usually not in the same day). I have discovered that I am eating a reasonable amount of food - 1 sandwich - and moving on with my life. I'm not thinking about food constantly. I'm not obsessing over what I will eat next. I get hungry, ask myself what do I want, and have it. Boom. That simple. I am trying to focus on whole foods. I use butter, full fat milk, nothing that is low cal or fat free. I have veggies and fruits. Lots of avocados and mangos. Good stuff. And as a result of this 'diet' I've been feeling pretty good. Naps in the afternoon are limited to 15-20 minutes. I have the energy to get through my day. And I'm just feeling good all over. Also, there are some things I'm really missing. Hummus. I love hummus and haven't had it in over a year. Beans. I love beans. They are so good. But I've been avoiding them. Yogurt. Sometimes I love yogurt. I have not had any yogurt in almost 2 years. So, bottom line? I think I'm done with dieting. I'm just going to eat like a normal person, avoid sugary snacks, avoid all processed foods really, and be happy. I'm tired of this nonsense. I'm too freaking old for this.

How about now

Is harder than it sounds. I've been really working on not procrastinating, getting more organized, and not letting things get out of control. But when things like this do not come naturally, they are difficult. For example, I was supposed to turn in my premise yesterday. I forgot to email it. I did it. I reviewed it with a friend. Then I forget to email it. UGH!!!! Today I have two discussion posts due. Two. I knew this. I've been thinking about them all week. Have I even started them? NO!!! I have to do all the background work and write the posts. UGH!!!! So, today I need to work on how about now even more. My desk is an absolute disaster. I'm going to straighten it out - that should only take like 5 minutes. Then I'm off to the showers, get some breakfast, and work. These discussion posts are getting done before noon. I'm skipping Crossfit because I don't really feel like it and I have too much to do. I need to figure out a way to keep myself on track. I'm not sure what that is, but that will be my focus today - developing a system to keep me on track. No more procrastinating. No more missing deadlines. No more disorganization. How about now!!! That means now, not later, tomorrow, or someday. NOW!!!! Okay, enough beating myself up. I'm off to work on myself.

Note: today's quote of the day at the top of my blog:

Every man must decide for himself whether he shall master his world or be mastered by it.

Sometimes I think the universe is trying to tell me something :)

Three little words

I have a terrible problem with procrastination and I think that feeds into my lack of organization. For example, I will see something that needs to be done and I will say, I'll do that later. That does a couple of things. 1) it puts off me doing - procrastination; 2) it adds to the disorganization because things are not put away; and 3) I believe, it adds to my stress levels because my internal to-do list becomes longer and longer. I came across an article the other day about this very topic, disorganization. Actually, the article was specifically about disorganization but I realize now there is a lot of other things that goes with that. Anyway, the lady writing the article talks about how she used to be very disorganized. She would see something that needed to be picked up or put away and say to herself, I'll do that later. Now to me, that not only adds to disorganization but also to stress. I know that I have to do 8 things in 3 different rooms and the longer I procrastinate the more they weigh on my conscious and raise my stress levels. Anyway, this lady came up with three little words to combat that. When you hear yourself saying 'later' you say, 'how about now.' Then do it. You are increasing your organization by putting away whatever needs to be put away. You are reducing your stress levels because that is one less thing you have to think about. And you are battling your procrastination head on. Back when I had my bout of severe organization, that is one thing that I did. I did not put things off, but did them as soon as I saw them. So if I was washing dishes and noticed that the back of the sink was dirty, I would clean it right then. If the bathroom was messy, I would take a minute and straighten it up. Even if I couldn't clean it completely, I did something to make it look neater. So those three little words are my motto. I think the hardest part is catching the 'later' but I've been working on it. When I see something and don't act on it I've been saying - out loud - how about now? and then doing it. It will take some work and it will not be easy. But it is a simple fix to a problem that really bugs me. So from now on:

Note: the quote today at the top of my blog is:

Quote of the Day
Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

How appropriate is that????

The end is rapidly approaching

I can not believe that this summer is almost over. When I was 'let go' I could not imagine how I would make it through the summer. Now, here we are at the end of it. The teaching world is kind of weird. I want this last chapter of my life to be over and done with, but it really won't be until I start at the new school. I'm so looking forward to that. I've been hitting the sales and stocking up on new clothes. I am going to completely reinvent myself for this new school. At the old place, there was so much negativity and dissention in the ranks, that it was easy to not really care. Not care about how you looked. Not care about how you taught. Not care about a lot of things. Just walking around the new place, it is completely opposite. Everyone has pride in the school, student and staff/faculty. Order is not only expected, but demanded. Shoot, the kids wear slacks, shirts, and ties to summer school. That right there shows a level of pride and belief in what they do, so much so they don't reduce their standards. Ever. Nice. I also really like that there are no free dress days. They are allowed to wear school polo shirts on Monday and Friday, but no free dress. That just shows that they believe enough in what they are doing that they will not lower their standards for any reason. Once you start offering free dress as an incentive for doing well, you have reduced your normal dress code to penalty status. You can't make the grade, you were the uniform. You did well and earned good grades, you get to wear whatever you like. There are many ways to look at everything, but when you are so blinded you can only see your way, this is what happens. So at the new school, everyone is allowed to wear school polo shirts on Mondays and Fridays, but it is uniform/dress code the rest of the week. Nice. This builds a sense of pride in the school.

Anyway, next week is my last week of freedom. On the 21st I start the AP institute to learn to teach AP Chem. That lasts a week. Then I have Monday off, and orientation on Tuesday, followed by meetings on Wednesday and Thursday and school on Friday. Yikes. There is so much I still want to do. Mainly paint the bathroom. I think I will tackle that on Monday. If I can get my schoolwork done, I'll start taping it on Sunday. We'll see how that goes.

Okay, enough of this. I'm off to get ready for Crossfit and kick my own butt this morning.

Things are coming together

Last night's navel gazing post may not make a lot of sense, but it was something I needed to work out and process. It helped me a lot. Having said all that, pieces are starting to fall into place. I am greatly enjoying Crossfit again, which is good because I had lost the spark for a while there. I'm not stressing over eating, but it is going well. I'm comfortable in my own skin even if I would like there to be less of it. I'm not obsessing over it like I usually do. So it's all coming together, I'm feeling happy and loving life.

Having said all that, I can not get my act together with school. I did not finish my paper yesterday and it is due today. I don't do things until the day they are due. WTF?????So now today I have a paper, a discussion post, respond to a discussion post all due. Guess what I'll be doing today? Sitting right here on my butt working. Why can I not get things together? Oh well, something to keep working on I guess. I'll never be perfect so I should quit thinking I can be.

Now here's a horrible problem to have today, my hand is going numb. I have carpal tunnel syndrome in both hands and while I'm typing my right hand is going numb. This is not good. This will make it very difficult to do my work today. This will have to stop.

Okay, enough whining. I'm off to shower, eat breakfast and settle in for some serious writing.