Decorating

This is my new dresser. I'm very excited about it. It's an Ikea. We don't have Ikea here in Hawaii, so the fact that I managed to snag an Ikea dresser is awesome. It was not put together, so I did that. Anyway, this is part of a long, long story. I will try to make it as short as possible.

When we lived on the ranch, I basically became very depressed. I gave up trying to make things look nice and just went with what was there. I pretty much let Hubby do whatever, and while I love my husband, he should not be in charge of decorating. Plus he's a borderline hoarder. After we left the ranch, I got a little better and paid some attention to the home decoration but still, not a lot. I was happy to just have whatever and wasn't too picky about it. Since we have bought the house, that has been changing. Slowly. I want things to be nice, as nice as possible with 3 big dogs. I have a nice couch that I keep covered to keep it nice. I got a nice dining set. We did the kitchen counters so they look nice. We decorated the bathroom, it looks nice. The bedroom though has always been a bit of nightmare. We built this dresser thingee (not the one above) in the closet and it it very, very ugly. The other day, I took a TV and stand out of the bedroom and ended up painting the stand. Here is what it looks like now:

Originally I was just painting it for fun, I had no idea what I would do with it. Then, I liked it so much, I decided to make it my nightstand. I had been using an ugly, old, black end table that Nala had chewed the corners off - that tells you hold old it is. So I went and got a lamp at the thrift store and painted the lamp and the draw handle silver. It's in the bedroom and looks adorable. Well, that got me to thinking about our "dresser" in the closet. I hate that thing and started looking for a real dresser. Someone offered us this one and we jumped on it. I put it together yesterday and just got it into the room this morning. It looks awesome. Now, I still need to find a dresser for Hubby to replace that monstrosity in the closet. We will put the dresser in the closet but at least it will be a nice one.

So the moral of the story is that I have really gotten into decorating. Honestly, for a long time, I never saw the purpose in spending time and money on decorating. I figured any old thing would work. But I am finding the joy in it. I rearranged the spare room a few weeks ago and everytime I walk in there it makes me smile. Now that is what decorating is all about.

Pain free

I have taken the last 4 days off from Crossfit and as much as I hate to admit it, my knee feels awesome. I forgot my brace today and I didn't need it all day. I can walk down stairs unassisted. It still is a little painful to walk upstairs, but not as bad as it was. I was planning on taking the month of May off from Crossfit, but now I'm wondering if I should just stop now. I really does feel good. Hmmm...not sure what to do. I was planning on going for the rest of this month and then taking May off, but now......well, maybe I'll just take the week off and then see what happens.

What I do know is that I need to get my eating in check. I have not been going crazy, but I'm eating things I don't normally eat. Like rice. And bread 2 nights in a row. And lasagna. And desserts. I need to stop the desserts. So I'm going to work on that. I also need to do my PT exercises. I haven't worked them into the routine yet, so I keep forgetting to do them.

That's all I got. I wanted to document that I am pain free and have been all day so that I remember it.

It was a good day

I always hear Flo from Progressive singing that.....Anyway, yesterday was good. Things went well. I kept my promises to myself, all except the treadmill walk. I did not keep that promise because I started a project that took up most of my time. Since the point of walking on the treadmill was to keep busy and not nap and since my project accomplished that, I consider it a promise kept. So yesterday was a good day and I am happy.

Today was also pretty good. Again, I did not do something I planned on doing, but I did do something else equally important so it is a wash in my book. It is amazing how success builds on success. Once I got control of one small area of my life, all the other things started to fall into place. I love that. It's weird too because when I feel that I don't have control, I feel like I don't know what to do or where to start. For example, my classes. When I feel like I have no control, I have such a difficult time doing my assignments. I would struggle and worry and not know where to start. Then, inevitably, I would sit for hours on Saturday working and struggling to get it done. Now, that I feel I have regained control of my life, I read little bits during the week and by the weekend I'm ready to do the assignment. It is amazing how a small change and literally change everything. Awesome.....

Today will be........

Awesome, amazing, fantastic, productive, etc......... I have some new found knowledge and understanding and I plan to use it....Today.... I am going to make a couple of promises to myself, not too many, and I am going to follow through on them and I am going to empower myself. My promises are as follows:

• Complete two class assignments
• Do laundry
• Vacuum/Sweep/Mop the floors
• Iron my clothes for the week
• Look at some breakfast casserole recipes for something different for breakfast
• Do my PT exercises
• Walk on the treadmill for at least 30 minutes while I read or do something

I think that will do. Not too much, definitely things I had planned, but I need to build my promise muscle. 

In other, seemingly unrelated, news...I have made a discovery that I'm pretty sure is new to me or that I've never made the complete connection. Sugar makes me tired. And not just a little tired, but a full blown exhaustion, I need to lie down right now because I can no longer hold myself up, tired. I have had these feelings before, but quite honestly I never made the complete connection to sugar. I feel this way when I eat a lot of sugar, so that I knew, but I have discovered recently that one small piece of candy can create that feeling. That is not good. Clearly my body is not processing sugar correctly, or maybe it is and that is really how everyone feels...yikes.... So, for just one day, I will not eat any sugar. I will avoid it today and see how I feel throughout the day. 

Another thing I want to do today is to add something to my daily chores. I have keeping the kitchen clean pretty well down. I'm on top of the money by checking the bank everyday. I also did pretty well at prepping for the next day in the evenings. I dropped the ball on my PT exercises, I think I will add that back in. So nothing else, just PT. I will work to do them 5 times this week. That is my goal. More would be great. Okay, off to conquer my day. 

Bit the bullet

For the last couple of weeks I've been rolling around the idea of taking a break from Crossfit. There are a lot of reasons for this, a lot. First and foremost is my knee. I make progress and then it acts up. It seems to be getting progressively worse and I really need to get it better or just fix it. I was talking to one of the girls at Crossfit who had to take 6 weeks off for something else. Her knee got so much better in that time that it hardly bothers her now. That made me stop and think. Second is the money. It would be nice to have a break from paying out $200 a month for a little bit. Finally, it's just time for a break. I've been doing Crossfit almost 2 years and while I really do love it, it is becoming a bit of drudge. Some time off might just rekindle the love affair again.

So, with all these thoughts rolling around my head for the past couple of weeks, and the conversation with the girl this morning, I have decided to take the month of May off from Crossfit. May is going to be a busy month anyway with school ending, graduation, me leaving there, etc. I will have lots to do and not having the pressure of getting to Crossfit will just make life that much easier. Also, I want to start walking the dogs again. I know a lot of Axl's behavior issues are the lack of exercise. So for the month of May I will not do Crossfit, I will focus on ending school, I will walk the dogs, and I will do my PT exercises. This will relieve a lot of pressure from myself and allow me time to get the things done that I want to get done. If I enjoy the month of May, I may extend my hiatus even longer - but I doubt it. I will probably do WODs at home while I do my PT.

So I bit the bullet and I feel a huge sense of relief. One less thing I have to worry about next month.

April 15, 1959

On Tuesday I will be 55 years old. It is hard to believe. I never really thought I'd live to be this old. Seriously. When I was in my 20's and even my 30's, 55 seemed so incredibly far away, I just did not see it happening. But, here we are 3 days away from it. I am not big on birthdays, I don't think I ever really have been. Hubby celebrates the entire month - yeah, I'm not like that. Maybe one day or a meal, but really not that big on birthdays. Especially now as I'm getting older, I don't see celebrating the fact that I'm that much closer to death. I know it's a glass half full kind of thing. I could look at it as I made it another year - but to me that is still a weird thing to celebrate. But 55 is a biggee. My Dad did not live to see 55. My brother Joe did not live to see 55. My nephew Clifford did not live to see 55. I'm getting to the point where people do not live this long. And that's not to say that 55 is old, because it is not. It's just weird. I've been alive a long time and have outlived family and friends. It is enough to make me pause and think. But time marches on.....

Promises kept

Today I bought this book:

I had a $2 credit at Amazon and it was $2.99, so I bought it and was reading it during school today - yeah, I was busy :) Anyway, I didn't get far and I was skimming, but one thing struck me hard. He says that part of losing weight is keeping promises to yourself. All promises. He said something like every time you break a promise to yourself you undermine your ability and determination. As I was reading that, I was thinking about all the grandiose promises I have made myself over the years. I will lose tons of weight...I will workout everyday...I will workout twice a day....I will...I will...I will....... And every time I didn't do what I said I would I hurt myself and I made really doing it that much harder. It makes sense. This week I felt powerful and in control because I had said I would do certain things and I was doing them. Even when I couldn't do everything I wanted to, I didn't stop doing them and say what a failure I was, I backed off and said I need to take it slower. It's not that I can't do what I want to, it's that I can't do it all at once. And he says in the book to take one thing at a time, master it, then add another. So, that's what I'm going to do. I'm going to master one thing, this week is was tracking the money, and then I'm going to add something else next week. One thing at a time. One promise at a time. Baby steps. That is why I feel so damn good when I make a to-do list and then proceed to knock things off that list. I make a promise to myself and then feel amazing when I keep that promise. The pieces are all starting to come together.

Baby steps

Here we are at Thursday. Tomorrow is Friday, and I will have made it through my first week back after break. That will only leave 5 more weeks of school. Oh, hell, yes..... I started the week with a lot of plans, and overall, I've stuck to them. But I think I went out of the gate too fast. I think I need to slow down and rethink these things. I started the week with the intention of doing my physical therapy twice a day, keeping the kitchen clean, staying on top of the money, being organized and efficient. Well, it was a good effort. I have managed to stay on top of the money, and I think that will be easy to keep going. I have managed to keep the kitchen clean and to clean up in the evenings. I have not managed to do my PT exercises twice a day. First my band broke (I've ordered a new one) then I got sore. Really. Sore. So I need to start that a little slower. Maybe I'll do them in the morning next week, then add the evening ones. I have not managed to hit Crossfit every day - see previous soreness - but I will return tomorrow. I have not gotten my clothes laid out every night, nor kept up the gratitude and workout journals. But I have made some baby steps and I consider that real progress. So I plan on keep doing what I'm doing, and add one thing at a time until it becomes a habit. There is no need to rush at all, this is a marathon not a sprint. Tonight I am tired, really tired. Time to get some dinner and chill.