Ramblings

Don't really have a whole lot to write about today, so it will probably be a bunch of unconnected ramblings.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I turn 59. Honestly, I never thought I would live this long. I grew up during the cold war. We used to practice nuclear attack drills in school. Then it was the 60's - 70's. Everyone was doing drugs. Then we moved to California where it was all gratification now. So I really didn't have a view of the future as I grew up. My Dad died when he was about 52 - that is so freaking young. I just didn't have any concept that I would live to be this age let alone what to do to prepare for it. I lived my life not really thinking about the future. And now, the future is here. Wow, wasn't expecting that. Anyway, the job I have now has a good retirement system and at this rate, I will collect about $400/month at age 65. Not great, but better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick.

Today we are taking the dogs to the Riparian Preserve. It's a nice place to walk the dogs, which is why we are going. We are going to walk the dogs and then go get lunch. Tomorrow morning I'm going to take the new addition, Maverick, to a little training session in the park. It's done by the guy who runs the mobile doggie treadmill company and I'd like to get Maverick out and about whenever possible. Next week we start training, but I'd like to get a jumpstart on it by taking him this weekend.

Speaking of which, this is the new addition to the family:

Maverick. We adopted him 3 weeks ago (I think) and he is adjusting nicely. He is a border collie mix about 1.5 years old. They think he is mixed with husky and that makes sense by his coloring and his height - the boy is tall. I got him for a number of reasons. First, the girls are getting old and slowing down. I can't take either of them for a long hike anymore. Lola used to be able to hang but not anymore. Second, I have always wanted a dog to do dog sports with. Bella was supposed to be that dog, but her wrists started acting up before we completed her training. So that never happened. Then we had Axl for so long. He required a lot of love and attention and I knew I couldn't bring another dog into the house. Then we moved and blah, blah, blah. So having lost a considerable amount of weight in the last 6 months, I want to do more things. Also, since I'm not finishing my Ph.D. I need a hobby. So Maverick is my new hobby. He starts basic obedience training next weekend and from there we go on to dog sports. He is wicked smart and I mean wicked smart. This should be fun.

School is almost over. 5 more weeks and we are done. I can not wait. I'm really over this year and I just want it to end.

I guess that's about it. I don't really have anything more to say. I do need to go take a shower and get more coffee and get ready for the day.

Progress Report

So I made a huge mistake when I got my new phone earlier this month. I did not save the data from the app that I was tracking my weight loss/body changes on. Luckily, I had recorded some of them in a previous blog post so at least I have some. But, that's okay. I have made huge changes and I really don't need a step by step progress report. Though it would be nice to see month by month. Oh well. And in truth, I didn't do it every month. I had nothing for March or if I did, I didn't note it on my blog and I don't remember doing it. In any case, without further ado, here are the current stats.

Date	September 2017	February 2018	April 2018	Difference
Weight	227.8	197.4	190.8	-37
Body Fat %	49.7	46.6	44.6	-5.1
Chest	49.0	45.0	44.0	-5
Waist	44.5	38.75	37.0	-7.5
Hips	50.0	44.0	43.5	-6.5
Right Bicep			12.75
Left Bicep			13.0
Right Thigh			23.25
Left Thigh			23.5
Right Calf			15.0
Left Calf			15.25

Not too shabby if I say so myself. It has been years since I've been in the 190's and even longer since the 180's. I did get this low when I was doing the paleo challenge, but that didn't last. Lord knows it didn't last 8 months. So I am very pleased with my progress. And this weekend I kind of lost it on Friday. Popcorn, beer, lots of fried stuff, ice cream, yuck!!!! I really felt like crap yesterday. So I'm not perfect, but I'm making good choices more often than not and that is a great thing. One final thing, here are some progress pictures. Last ones were done in February so it's time for new ones.

I'm really seeing a huge difference. I know I have a long way still to go, but I'm confident I will get there with AltShift.

4-14-2018  I keep looking at this post and it becomes more and more amazing. When I first posted this, I saw differences but not a whole lot. But the more I look the more I see. My arm - look at the definition in the shoulder area. My back - that roll of fat is almost gone. My stomach - it is so much smaller. Even my legs seem to have shrunk. And I don't have all those fat rolls under my chin. I can't quite believe it. I look at my face in the mirror and I can see indents in my cheeks. It's wild. Okay, I just needed to make note of this.

Need a paradigm shift

I've been working very hard on shifting the way I view food and exercise and for the most part have been pretty successful. I now need to apply the same changes to money. This is something I really struggle with because I was never taught how to handle money and I've handled it badly for years. So I think it's time for a paradigm shift when it comes to money.

Here are the problems:

1. I constantly think that we do not have enough money. That becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If I am focused on how little money we have, then the whole thing is a struggle. This is kind of like in AltShift when he tells us not to focus on the things we can't have but to focus on what we enjoy. So focus on the positive not the negative. 
2. I need to pay attention to what I spend. Much like not eating mindlessly, I must use my mindfulness to stop spending. When I can go into the bank account and not know what a charge is, that is bad. So I need to use mindfulness for my spending. 
3. I need to have a plan and stick to it. Much like following the shifts in AltShift, I must have a plan for handling the money. People do it all the time, I can do it too. 
4. And I need to stay on top of it all the time. At least in the beginning. Once it becomes a real habit, I will be able to think about it less, but in the beginning, I must focus on it to get it down right. I think I will develop daily habits that I do in order to build those skills that I want to have. I just need to break them down into actionable steps and do them every day. 
5. And stop stressing over it. Worry about money is ridiculous and that needs to stop now. I just need to fix it. 
6. And I need to stop with the impulse buying. Much like impulse eating, it does not support the lifestyle I wish to live, so it needs to go away. 

I think I had fallen into such a trap with money in Hawaii and it's hard to shake it off. I need to change the way I think about money and about things and about spending. Today I will develop that plan. 

Need to refocus a bit

So I'm doing well with AltShift, really, really well actually. On Sunday I will do my monthly weigh and measure and things are going well. Things have slowed down, but that is to be expected. And the truth of the matter is that I feel so damn good in my body now. But things have slipped slightly. I don't meditate regularly. I was doing so well for so long and now I have trouble remembering to do it. I need to set a timer at a time that works every day and just meditate when it goes off. I've been pretty good about getting my steps in but I've taken an action that may derail me. I am tired of wearing my step tracker. I hardly ever check it and I basically just use it as a watch. So I ordered myself a real watch, Timex to be exact. I don't want to wear something all the time, but when I go to work or out, I want to have a watch on. So I'm not going to wear my tracker anymore. My phone will work as a tracker as long as I have my phone on me. It doesn't track when it's sitting on my desk :) I'm going to give it a go. I can always start wearing my tracker again if I need to, but I'm really over it. I haven't been able to sync it because my account is all screwed up, so I get none of the benefits and it only works as a step counter. I guess I'll just see how it goes.

That's about all really. Everything else is going well. Food is good, though I do need to stop eating potato chips on 3shift. So that's it for now. I'll update on Sunday when I weigh and measure.

Today we pick up Maverick

After much gnashing of teeth, a couple of sleepless nights, and a Hubby who hates when things change, we have decided to get another dog. This is Maverick. Maverick is with the border collie rescue. He is part border collie and they think part Husky. He is tall but light - 45# - and very calm and mellow. On Thursday night we met him and his foster dad at a park and the girls really took to him right away. There was a little growly action, nothing serious, and then they were all friends. We walked them around and they all walked together like they've been doing it for years. My girls are very calm and he is very calm. I've pretty well gotten over the whole HOA thing. Seriously, no one ever sees us. We hardly see our neighbors. Plus, I will just tell them we are dog-sitting for an extended period. I've decided I'm okay with lying because it's a stupid rule. So I'm excited about that. I already have him signed up for obedience training classes. They start next month and are near the house. I'm excited to work with a dog again. He came from Tuba City and is a reservation dog. So we really don't know his background but he is pretty chill and that's the important thing.

We are picking him up today and then going to a dog event and then out to lunch at a dog-friendly place. He was supposed to go to an adoption event, and he's been to other events, so I think it will be okay. Plus we can tire him out before bringing him home. Tomorrow we are having a party here, at least I think we are so he will get to meet some more people and dogs. Oh yeah, and there is the dog park in the morning. We are just jumping right in with him. But I think he will fit rather seamlessly into our lives, that's the kind of dog we wanted and he seems like he will. I want to take him hiking. But we kind of have full days this weekend so I'm not sure that will happen. But next weekend for sure.

So I'm very strange in that while I like change, I really like change, I'm always nervous about it because I'm also a control freak. I have to know what's going to happen when. So bringing a new dog into the house always causes me anxiety, which is probably why I got up at 4:30 this morning. Though, I did sleep really, really well.

Okay, enough Maverick talk. I'll post when we get him.

Sometimes things need to blow up before they can be fixed

So yesterday I kind of let loose on the 'friendship' chat. The girl who was away for a funeral was back and asked who was going to the dog park in the morning. Well everyone else jumped in and said oh, I'll go, I'll go. I just lost it. I said, Wow, I was there for 11 days and no one came to see me. Thanks. I see where I stand. Got it. Guess I'll see you guys whenever. And from there it just blew up. One girl told me she figured I was over her and her drama, which could not be further from the truth. This is probably the one I like the best. Then we got into the whole private conversations thing, where it seems like everyone is closer to everyone else because they talk and we don't. It was all very high school and childish and I'm afraid it will have fundamentally changed things for us. This could be good or bad, don't know yet, we will see how it all plays out. I feel kind of bad, but then I don't. Some things were said that needed to get out and I think it helped clear the air. We'll see what happens from here.

I woke up yesterday in a bit of a bad mood, and this just caused it to worsen. I was in a horrible mood all day. My 2nd-period class, my least favorite, caught the brunt of my anger, unfortunately. I have got to come up with a better way for that class. I think I will do that today. I'm thinking a seating chart Anyway, I ended up leaving school early because of the mood I was in. It was nice to get out early and home early. I was home by 3 pm. Took a dip in the pool and just vegged the rest of the night. Then last night I slept well. Really well. The alarm went off at 4 am and I rolled over and went back to sleep. I woke up at 4:05 sure I had overslept. But no, so I ended up getting up early. Got my meditation in for the day and had a few minutes to do a brain dump here.

I just needed to take a few minutes and get this off my brain. I find that writing here really helps me sort things out and remove stuff from my brain. This hasn't helped a whole lot, but I'm hoping that I can lose the bad mood. I don't think I'm in as bad a mood as yesterday, though it's still not great. Maybe I'll listen to music on the way to school instead of a book.....hmmm....that might work.

Okay, time to go get ready for school and the day ahead.

I am a child!!!

But at least I've come to accept that. It's true. So yesterday I was still a little ticked off over the whole messaging thing. I got a private message from another member of the 4 who said she was 'just reaching out to connect' blah.....  I ignored it. The one out of town posted a couple of times too and I ignored those. And last night I was kind of angry about it. I mean real anger. Which struck me as odd because I generally don't get angry. But then I remembered, I read somewhere that anger results in an imbalance of power, or something like that. Then I realized that I have control of my emotions. Someone can only make me angry if I allow them to. And I decided that I wasn't going to allow them to. So yeah, I am a child and I freely admit it.

Having said all that, when I do talk to them again, and I will soon, I'm not going to explain myself. I'm just going to say yeah, I didn't respond and leave it at that. I may say that if I have nothing to say I just say nothing. I don't know, but I refuse to explain myself. Anyway, enough of this nonsense, and it is a whole lot of nonsense in my head. Time to get out of my own head.

Today I have to make sure I'm ready for school again 😢  I don't want to go back. I don't want to face 9 straight weeks of torture. The good news is, it's only 9 weeks. Of 4 day work weeks. I can do this.

I have lost a lot of my momentum this week during break though. There were days where I didn't walk 4,000 steps. Days when I spent most of the day sleeping on the couch. Days where I ate more crap than I should have. So tomorrow will be good to get back into the routine. The good news is that it all didn't go to shit over the break. Yes, I faltered here and there, but overall I kept doing AltShift. Yay me!!!  \o/

I did go to the gym once during the break. That is definitely a start. But I want to go 2x a week regularly. I just don't know when to go. Of course, I should have used the break time to figure out when is the best time to go, but I didn't 😏  So I need to do that this week. It would be nice if Hubby went with me, but I think he's feeling a little embarrassed to go. Oh well, one more thing on my to-do list this week.

I got up really early today for a couple of reasons. First, I was awake. Second, I need to get back into the habit of getting up really early. Third, I really enjoy my time alone in the mornings. And fourth, I want to go for a walk this morning. I like having an hour or so before Hubby gets up. For some reason, it seems like once he gets up everything gets louder. I like the quiet. That's why I like to walk at this time too.

Okay, I'm done. Going to get ready to head out for my walk and then get ready to tackle the day.