Lessons learned

I made some connections today. For the past few weeks, I have struggled with my Ph.D. work. It was no longer fun and interesting and had become this huge burden. I dreaded having to do things and I would generally wait until the last moment to even look at the instructions. It was horrible. Then, yesterday, I sat down and looked over the assignments that were due today. I read some stuff and did just a little bit to prep. Actually, my intention was to write the papers yesterday but something came up. When I sat down to write them this morning, they just flowed. I felt like doing my best, which I haven't felt like doing lately, and I really put some effort into them. One class has an ongoing assignment that we have been doing a little bit of every week. I opened that up and looked it over and was appalled at the work I had done. It was not up to my normal standards and I can't believe I got a B on these. They were junk. One paper I redid 8 weeks worth of work. Anyway, apparently my motivation was back. I really don't know where it went or why it left, but it is back.

This happens in living healthy too. I lost interest in Crossfit a while back. It had become a chore instead of the fun it had been before. The same things happens with healthy eating. I'll go for a while doing great, then all of a sudden I just can't be bothered. Hmmm...Do I sense a pattern?

So what have I learned? I just need to keep on moving. I may not make a lot of progress, I may not make any progress, but as long as I keep moving I will eventually reach a place where things start to look up again. So just keep moving.

Back on track

I will be following this advice closely for the next few days. Last week was a complete disaster as far as eating goes and starting today I am back on track. I am going to log all my food to keep track of what I eat. I am going to Crossfit today, tomorrow, and Monday. I am going to get my act together. I feel like crap. I feel bloated. I have a slight headache that has been hanging around for about two days. I feel lazy and just want to sleep. I also feel full. How is that possible? I only had a salad for dinner last night and I have not eaten this morning. But still, I feel full. So I'm done with the garbage and starting today need to get myself in check. I hate when I feel like this because I'm almost embarrassed to go to Crossfit. I feel like such a slug. But going to Crossfit is exactly what I need to get my butt back in gear.

I have nothing more to say, so I'll sign off and get ready for Crossfit.

Update: Nothing puts you on the right track and in the right frame of mind like a good Crossfit workout. The WOD today was:

50 kettlebell swings
25 toes to bar
200m farmers carry
40 kb swings
20 toes to bar
200m farmers carry
30 kb swings
15 toes to bar
200m farmers carry
20 kb swings
10 toes to bar
200m farmers carry
10 kb swings
5 toes to bar
200m farmers carry

This is what is known as a chipper. There is a lot of work to do and you just need to break it up into chunks you can handle. In other ways, chip away at it. I love these types of workouts. I do well in these. I don't do great in the sprint type workouts, but chippers?? Love them. So I set my mind to it and chipped away at it. I finished in 32:49. Nice. I love when faced with a long list of things to do and I kill it. I didn't exactly kill it, but I did the best I could. Pushed myself when I wanted to stop.

Where your head is, is the most important aspect of life really and in Crossfit especially. These WODs are meant to push you, to test you, and to improve you. I love it. Now, if I could just get my head in the right place for the eating portion, life would be great.

The week in food

I have no pictures, I didn't think about that. But I have a good memory.

Monday: Breakfast:eggs and bacon. Snack:some prepackaged crap. Lunch:salad, burnt chicken, some unidentifiable fish. Dinner: Salad

Tuesday: Breakfast: eggs, sausage, and guacamole. Lunch: Sandwiches. Dinner: chili, rice, and salad.

Wednesday: Breakfast: Donuts, Snack: banana and granola bars. Lunch: taco salad. Snack: Sun chips. Dinner: salad.

Thursday: Breakfast: Nothing. Snack: fruit bars Lunch: Hawaiian food. Snack: Popcorn chips. Dinner: 2 costco hot dogs

Friday: Breakfast: 2 packages of Krimpets. Snack: musubi Lunch: Teddy's burger, fries, shake.

There you have it. My week in crap eating. I was attending a five day seminar and for lunch and snacks were at their mercy. Breakfast and dinner though were completely on me. I could have taken food with me, there was no law that said I had to eat their food. I saw people bringing their own food. I made some poor choices and now I feel like crap.

Another thing is that I did not eat much. I'm not sure why. I would have breakfast and lunch and together they would not be 800 calories. Then I would have salad for dinner. Poor choices.

The good news is, the week is over and I have an opportunity to regroup. The bad news is, I have three days of meetings next week. Yuck. But, between now and then I plan on getting back on track and I plan to make better choices in my food during my meetings next week.

So the week is over. The damage is done. The next three days are to regroup, get back on track, and start to feel like myself again. I can and will do this.

Summer is winding down

My last weekend of freedom. Monday I start AP classes. Next Tuesday it's back to school. Wow, that sure went fast. I remember it being May and me thinking there was no way I could survive the summer with nothing to do. I was wrong. I made it. In fact I got used to it. I don't think I could do this forever, but it was a nice break. Every year I teach summer school, so I've never really had a full summer off. In many ways I am ready to get back to work and in others I wish summer would continue a few more weeks. Oh well, it is what it is.

In food issues, I'm so torn about the whole food thing. I love the way I feel when I eat mainly paleo, I just hate thinking about it all the freaking time. For two days, I haven't been paleo much and I'm feeling kind of yucky. So I think I need to come to grips with the food issue. What really bothers me is that I can't quite figure this out completely. I'm an intelligent person and I don't understand why I struggle with this so much. So I'm just not anymore. I like how I feel when I eat paleo, so that's how I'll eat 90% of the time. That is all there is to it. No freaking out. No stressing over food, just eat paleo. I am not going to be so insane about it and if I have wheat or sugar once in a while it will not be the end of the world. But I'm done stressing about it. In fact, now that I think about it, the stress is caused by the indecision. When I'm on a paleo challenge I don't stress like this. It is very clear what I can and can't eat and there is no stress involved. It is only when I try to be easy on myself that the stress sets in. Hmmm...never really considered that before. Something to consider. Just popped over to the Whole30 to see about starting one of those. I'm considering it. I do better when there is accountability. That is why the paleo challenges work so well for me. I need to commit to something though or I'm going to keep this nonsense up. So why can't I make a promise to myself and keep it? Why can't I promise my body that I will eat right and then follow through? I can. I can make a challenge with myself. I will pay myself five dollars every day that I stick to the plan. At the end of August, I will take the money and buy myself something good. Hmmm......not a bad idea. Five dollars may be a little much though, but one dollar is too little. Or is it? If I continue, and don't have an end date in sight, one dollar a day will add up. And I always have a dollar in my wallet. Crap, I have dollars all over the place. I have a bank that has like $80 in change in it. I will add my dollar every day to it and use that money at the end. Hmmm....I seem to be on to something here. Let me work it out further and come up with a concrete plan. Right now I'm hungry, so I'm off to the shower and then breakfast.

Well that didn't work out as planned

After my post yesterday, I went to the store and got some of the things I have not had in a really, really long time.

These two together are the bomb. I love this for breakfast. But guess what I discovered? It did not last. I ate this and felt full, but with 2 hours I was looking for something to eat again. Hmmm. They are high in sugar, even if it's a natural sugar.

Then for lunch I had a sandwich - ham. For dinner I had some flatbread pizza. I think I overdid it. I've hit the bathroom a few too many times this morning and I don't feel that awesome.

So now what? Balance. I think that balance is the key. I can't go to one extreme or the other. Today I will have eggs and bacon for breakfast. Lunch is salad and maybe some spaghetti. Dinner will be paleo. I think what I need to do is eat paleo most of the time. And that's okay, I like eating that way. But when I want something different - have it. Yeah, balance. Life is all about balance.

The good thing about feeling a little crappy this morning, it's getting me to Crossfit. I wasn't going to go, but changed my mind. With the way I feel, I need to do something good or the day will spiral out of control. Also, I'm not doing the WOD tomorrow since it's on the beach and I can't risk hurting my knee. I might go Sunday. Then Monday it's back to work! Ugh!!! Three months off and I'm facing work in 3 days. Ugh!!!

Alright, enough with the pep talk. I need to get ready for Crossfit.

Done with diets

For most of my adult life I have been dieting in one form or another. I have not always used the word diet and I have fallen into that stupid 'it's not a diet, it's a lifestyle' trap. I hear people say that and I want to choke them. If you are in any way restricting what you eat - even if it's for a verifiable medical reason - you are on a freaking diet. The way most Americans eat is considered the American diet. It's a freaking diet. So through the years I have done many diet. Weight Watchers, Atkins, Paleo, carb loading, blah, blah, blah.....I'm sick and tired of it. For the past couple of weeks I have not been following any specific diet. I have been eating what I want and trying to keep it healthy. I have had sandwiches many days and I didn't die or explode from bloat. Some meals were paleo - no carbs - some were not. If I felt like eating something I did. There was no eating huge amounts of meat - which can happen on paleo - and I even enjoyed my meals. I have had egg sandwiches for breakfast, BLATs for lunch, and garlic bread for dinner (usually not in the same day). I have discovered that I am eating a reasonable amount of food - 1 sandwich - and moving on with my life. I'm not thinking about food constantly. I'm not obsessing over what I will eat next. I get hungry, ask myself what do I want, and have it. Boom. That simple. I am trying to focus on whole foods. I use butter, full fat milk, nothing that is low cal or fat free. I have veggies and fruits. Lots of avocados and mangos. Good stuff. And as a result of this 'diet' I've been feeling pretty good. Naps in the afternoon are limited to 15-20 minutes. I have the energy to get through my day. And I'm just feeling good all over. Also, there are some things I'm really missing. Hummus. I love hummus and haven't had it in over a year. Beans. I love beans. They are so good. But I've been avoiding them. Yogurt. Sometimes I love yogurt. I have not had any yogurt in almost 2 years. So, bottom line? I think I'm done with dieting. I'm just going to eat like a normal person, avoid sugary snacks, avoid all processed foods really, and be happy. I'm tired of this nonsense. I'm too freaking old for this.

How about now

Is harder than it sounds. I've been really working on not procrastinating, getting more organized, and not letting things get out of control. But when things like this do not come naturally, they are difficult. For example, I was supposed to turn in my premise yesterday. I forgot to email it. I did it. I reviewed it with a friend. Then I forget to email it. UGH!!!! Today I have two discussion posts due. Two. I knew this. I've been thinking about them all week. Have I even started them? NO!!! I have to do all the background work and write the posts. UGH!!!! So, today I need to work on how about now even more. My desk is an absolute disaster. I'm going to straighten it out - that should only take like 5 minutes. Then I'm off to the showers, get some breakfast, and work. These discussion posts are getting done before noon. I'm skipping Crossfit because I don't really feel like it and I have too much to do. I need to figure out a way to keep myself on track. I'm not sure what that is, but that will be my focus today - developing a system to keep me on track. No more procrastinating. No more missing deadlines. No more disorganization. How about now!!! That means now, not later, tomorrow, or someday. NOW!!!! Okay, enough beating myself up. I'm off to work on myself.

Note: today's quote of the day at the top of my blog:

Every man must decide for himself whether he shall master his world or be mastered by it.

Sometimes I think the universe is trying to tell me something :)