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Zero forward progress

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So last week I was all angry and pissed off and things were going to change and they were going to change NOW!!! I made a plan and wrote it down in my planner and everything. So what happened this week??? Nothing! Absolutely!!! Nothing!!!! It was amazing.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday I did nothing as far as working out goes. Oh, I lie, I did yoga on Sunday (btw, it almost killed me). Monday morning I did go to the gym and that actually felt pretty darn good. But then Monday afternoon we had a Labor Day pool party and there was alcohol. More alcohol than I should have drunk on a school night. Plus we had Iggy who got up 2 or 3 times a night. So I went to bed early Sunday, but I had alcohol in me and Iggy getting me up 3 times. Luckily I took some ibuprofen and had water next to my bed through the night. I woke up feeling pretty good but I woke up late. So no gym and by the time I got home I was pretty tired. So no yoga. Tuesday night I slept really, really well and only heard Iggy on…
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Procrastinator Extrordinare

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So Thursday I was angry. And I mean ANGRY. With a white hot anger that would burn anyone who got near me. It is now Sunday. Has anything changed? No. In many ways, I feel like I have far, far too much information and I don't know which way to turn. Primal, Paleo, Whole 30, Weight Watchers, Zone??? Way, way too many choices and I don't know which one is best. I've tried just about all of them and they all work to some extent if you work them. Things I do know for sure:

I can't restrict calories too far or that will blow up in my faceI need to find some serious motivation because of the fact that I am fat and feel like crap is not doing it.  As I was typing this something just hit me (again). In the past, when I've become seriously invested in exercise it is because I had something I was working towards. Someone years ago wrote that if you have to be working towards something and not against something else. Truer words were never spoken for me. I need some extrinsic …
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Once again, I'm angry

at myself. I find that I tend to go through depressions and I think I was in a bit of one recently. When I'm in a depression nothing really gets to me. I don't get happy. I don't get sad. I don't get angry. Not true, I do get sad almost constantly. But I have no extreme emotions; joy, anger; love; etc. When I'm coming out of a depression, I find that I have some serious emotions. Lately, that emotion has been anger. I find myself angry at many things. And not just anger, but absolute rage. While I'm not one to generally support anger, I believe there is a place for it if you channel it correctly. My anger lately has been directed at myself, and that is not good. But, the things about myself that are making me angry are things I can direct my anger at. I'm angry because nothing fits me anymore. I have like 1 pair of pants (which I've been wearing to work for the last 2 weeks) and a couple of shirts. That is it. Today I'm wearing a shirt that I absolu…
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Light at the end of the tunnel?

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So I've been wearing my new orthotics for 7 days. On Monday when I wore them to work for the first time, I could only stand them about 4.5 hours. But on Tuesday I made it all day with them. The rest of the week was the same. I've also gotten better with the ones in my sandals that I wear around the house. When I first started wearing them, they hurt my right foot because my arch was falling so bad the orthotic was cutting into the arch. But gradually over the week, it has gotten better and it no longer hurts to wear my sandals. I've also noticed some other improvements. I no longer dread getting out of bed. Used to be that everything would hurt when I got out of bed and it was super hard to walk. It's getting better. I no longer have all that pain and it is easier to walk right out of bed. I also used to feel very unsteady on my feet. I was always afraid of falling, even in flat shoes. Now I feel that a whole lot less. Finally, I saw a jogger yesterday and thought, fo…
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Time to take care of things

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The first reference I can find to my ankle is this February. I know it was bothering me before that. It started bothering me towards the end of last year because I remember thinking it was cold. And I thought that for a long time. Then it wasn't cold anymore. But my ankle still hurt. Then it hurt really bad. And it was hot. Really. Hot. So I got to thinking that maybe something else was wrong and I even considered going to an orthopedist. But honestly, I'm kind of off doctors. I really didn't want to have to consider surgery or some such other nonsense. Then I saw an ad for the Good Feet Store. I decided to go yesterday just to see what they had to offer. Turns out they offer orthotics. I've had orthotics before and they worked miracles so I was open to them. They were really, really expensive. Like $1000....yikes. I was planning on spending a few hundred dollars but not 1000. But my feet were a mess.

I've always had good arches, but the imprint of my right foot w…
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Unconditional love

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I've been working hard on this for a couple of weeks now. I find myself saying I'm fat or whatever, and I immediately follow that with 'that's okay.' I find I am no longer beating myself up for things like eating 1/2 a package of cookies. Yes, I ate 1/2 a package but I haven't had cookies in months. I would rather have a bunch at once then eat some every day.  I have taken to wearing 2 piece bathing suits when it's just me and Hubby. I'm very comfortable wearing them now. I haven't weighed myself in weeks. Weeks. And I'm okay with that. Self-love is not easy, especially when you've spent a lifetime hating your body. But I'm working on it and I'm definitely making progress.






Which leads to this. Since I am becoming more accepting of myself and not beating myself up so often, I find that the excuses are falling away. I find it easier to do the things that I need and want to do because I'm coming from a place of love and acceptance.…
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So.......

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a few weeks ago I came across a teacher's blog who talked about how she chose a word for the year. She gave a number of examples from past years but this one really spoke to me. It still does. I haven't really instituted any upgrades in my life yet because it was the last few weeks of summer and I had fallen into a pattern of lazy days. I did manage to go to the gym regularly, so that was definitely an upgrade. This week though, school starts. So I think it is time to upgrade my life and I just need to figure out what that looks like.

Upgrade my career: I really do love what I do. I know I complain and moan about the kids, but I really do enjoy teaching. It is fun, different every single day, and I am making a difference. So upgrading this looks like this:

No whining or complaining about anything, but especially the kids. Keeping my lesson plans up to date throughout the yearEntering grades every week, no matter what. Staying organized if it kills me Finding systems that work …
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