04 April 2007

It's becoming a rough week.

I should always go with my instincts. On Sunday, when I was looking forward at my week, I realized it was going to be a tough week. There are things going on and I knew by Wednesday I'd be tired. Then, Monday night, I had myself a rethink and decided it wouldn't be as bad as I thought. Well, guess what?? It's shaping up to be as bad as I thought. The worst part is, it's not any one thing that's bad, it's a bunch of little things that have to be dealt with and they piss me off and create stress and ugh!!!

So, basically the alarm went off this morning, I pulled the covers over my head and rolled over. No way. Plus it's been really freaking cold here in the morning!! Really cold.

I have a whole lot of things rolling around in my head right now that I just don't feel like getting into. I know I haven't been commenting much on the blogs and I apologize, I just can't seem to find something to say. Also, I feel like such a slacker. Everyone is running, biking, swimming, getting ready for their season to start and I don't have a season this year. This year is totally focused on weight loss and base building so I feel like a lazy bum compared to most of you guys :)

Also, you know what's been on my mind?? In 11 days I turn 48. Now generally age doesn't bother me. But for some reason this one is causing me to really think. Honestly, when I was in my 20's I couldn't imagine being 48. Also, being so freaking spontaneous and childish, I didn't plan like I should have. Plus, I'm really thinking about my life. There are things I want to do and I'm not sure working a 9-5 job is part of that. I want to spend time at home. I want to have the time to train and exercise when I want. I want to travel. I realize now, as I approach 50, that there's so much more to do in life. I don't want to be tied to a job in a building. I want to find a job that will go with me when I need to move, but that will pay well. So that's a lot of the reason behind the paid posts and stuff. I'm searching. Up until this point in my life I've just kind of traveled along the path of life. I didn't really search out things they kind of fell in my lap. Now I'm on the quest. I think I finally know what I want and I'm trying to find the way to make it happen. 48 is still pretty young. I have plenty of time to change my path in life, but that's why I want to do it now. I don't want to be 68 saying "I wish......"

Okay, it's awfully early in the morning to be dwelling on such deep thoughts. I had better get my butt into the shower and off to work or that 9-5 job will be gone sooner than I want it to be :)


angelfish24 said...

I know what you mean by not planning my path in life, I just let it happen. I started a few years trying to plan a new career at least and am still following that path for 2 more years. God, hate going back to school but it's necessary.
I know they say, we regret more the things we didn't do in life rather than the things we did. I would love to travel more too but it's not feasible now besides a trip to vegas or close by nowadays.
Hope your week is going better soon!!

Vickie said...

I think its fairly common to be having all these doubts about your life at this point. I went through he same thing, and actually it took about 3 years to sort through. My mom died when I was 48 and I was instantly turned into a caretaker for my dad, even while my kids were then almost all out on their own. Also, I was going through a divorce and was going through some major financial setbacks, so it was a rough year for me too! You will get through this, and keep in mind that we're here for you! I didn't have all you guys back then or I might not have turned to some destructive behavior I did at the time (heavy drinking). Reach out, we'll be here!

Maybe not the why, but the how

 Last post I was struggling to find the why. Why am I working out? Why do I want to be healthy? Why do I need to take care of myself? Yes, t...