27 June 2007

Lessons learned.

I consider myself pretty intelligent but sometimes I can be really dumb. I have a tendency to be stubborn with myself and to forget my limitations at times. For instance, if there is something I need to do that is hard, or difficult, or a little scary I will put it off and put it off and put it off until I can't put it off any longer. Now I know that it is never as big as it seems in my head, and that the longer I put it off the bigger it gets. But I do it anyway.

For example, a few months back we went to get a mortgage we ran into a problem because suddenly there was a tax lien on my credit. It was from the State of California, who I've been having issues with for months. I got so angry I just threw my hands in the air and said, screw it. Now there was a number of things going on here. First, I was really pissed at Cal. for waiting 18 years to try and collect some bogus taxes. FYI, because I have no records and can't prove they are wrong, they are automatically assumed to be right and I must pay the money. Who keeps their tax records for 20 years??? Anyway, that was the main issue, I did not want to deal with Cal. anymore. Second, I wasn't mentally ready to buy a house. Just looking at houses caused a mild anxiety reaction. I was not ready at all.

So, I put it off. Didn't deal with it. Just went on with my life doing other things. Then for some reason I picked this paperwork up on Monday night. I started looking at the liens and trying to figure out what they were. That was when I realized they were filed in 1991 and 1992. So yesterday morning I got on the phone and started calling people trying to get this figured out. Anyway, bottom line is they are all taken care of. Everyone is sending me the releases in the mail, I will forward them to the credit agencies and that will be that. That became much bigger in my mind then it really was. All it took was a few hours on hold to get it all straightened out.

I've also come around mentally and am ready to buy a house. Once I get all this straightened out we'll start looking for a house. I will not buy during the summer so we'll wait until fall to start getting serious. The way I figure is by this time next year I'll be shopping for window blinds for the new house.

Another example is one that just dawned on me this morning. I am dying to do a triathlon, I mean really dying to do one. But I have not been swimming in 4 months. Swimming freaks me out a little anyway so I need to get back in the water. The past 2 Sundays I've made plans to run and swim. The first Sunday something came up and I didn't get to go. Last Sunday I went hiking right around the corner from my house and didn't go swimming. I've been avoiding it. Putting it off. Trying to ignore it. Swimming is becoming a bigger and bigger monster in my mind. I have got to tame this beast. So my goal this weekend is to get in the water. No goals for time or distance or anything, just get my butt in the water and swim. I can not let this get so big I can't conquer it. This weekend I tame the beast that is swimming.

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