13 March 2012
I have to write a thesis. I have to write this thesis by May. If I don't all hell breaks loose and life gets really, really difficult. I've known this for months. Easily 4 months. Have I done anything? Not really. Do I have anything to really show for all that time? No. Why? Although deep down I've known the answer all along, I haven't been really able to admit it to myself until tonight. I don't believe in myself. I don't believe that I could do this. Now, let's examine that for a few moments and just realize how ridiculous that really is. I write. A lot. I have been blogging for 8 years. For probably 6 of those years I've even made money off my blog. My writing. On top of that I've written innumerable papers and literature reviews and what not for school. I've done all kinds of things but for some reason I think I can't do this. That's insane. Look at this, right here, right now. I'm sitting writing coherent sentences and paragraphs off the cuff. Maybe that's it. Maybe I'm so used to writing off the cuff, off the top of my head, that the thought of sitting down and writing something structured and formal is scary. That makes sense to me. In fact, after I wrote that I felt a kind of relief. So I think that's the problem. I can write free-form so to speak, but writing formally, scripted scares me. I can do that. In many ways I just have to be more creative because I have to write in verse I'm not used to. I need to view it as a challenge and not a chore.
Now, on to this weight loss thing. I haven't been doing very well there either and I'm trying to figure out why. I do know that breaks tend to bring out the slug in me. But, I need to look at it differently. Activity, working out, gets the creative juices flowing. I came up with a way to get started on my thesis during a walk this morning. So activity promotes my thesis writing. So I need to re-frame this. Working out is not for losing weight, but promoting creative thinking for my thesis. I need to believe in myself that I can do this. I can do whatever I want to. Whatever I set my mind to.
So no more doubts, no more negative thinking. For the remainder of this week I will make significant progress on my thesis. I will get to the end of the week and have the literature review, the methods and materials, and the personal reflection done. I will do this, more importantly I can do this.
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