02 June 2012

Thoughts on food

Yes, another post today. I have a lot of thoughts going around my head and this is the best place to dump them.

Since I decided to make this change and start this journey, I've been thinking back to when it was easy for me. There was a time when working out and eating right was fairly easy. And I've been trying to look back at that time and analyze why. Why was it so easy for me to get up in the morning and ride 25 miles? Why could I look at cookies and decide that I didn't want them? Why? In an effort to try and find an answer to those questions, I picked up a book the other day. It's called "It was food vs me and I won" I thought it might be an interesting read. I wanted to discover how someone took on food and won. So I started reading it the other night and quickly discovered that she could have been writing about me for most of my adult life. She talked of constantly battling food, being on a diet, feeling guilty, etc. All these things were things I had felt at one time or another most of my life. She also talked a lot about binge eating which was a problem I had but I've managed to get it under control. Anyway, what she was writing immediately brought back how I felt when I was in shape, working out a lot, and eating right. I felt in control. I had the ability to say no to cookies or to have just one if I wanted one. I did not eat until I was stuffed, I ate until I was full. I had control. This started me to thinking about my life now. There are times when I feel like I have no control and those are the times I turn to food. I am a control freak - it took me a long time to admit that - and when I don't have control I stress and when I stress I eat. Wow!!! It felt so freeing to make that connection in my head. Apparently I had made it in my body but I did not realize what I was doing so it didn't stick. I have got to be in control and when I'm not I eat. When I eat I have to get plus size dresses for weddings at the large women's store. I do not like that. Liberating to know. So I'm aware now and I'm going to work on it. I will have to develop some strategies for when I'm feeling like I have no control. I can take a deep breath. Put my trust and faith in someone else. Or just say a little pray.

This actually makes a whole lot of sense now that I think about it. I gained most of the weight this year and this year I really felt like I had no control at all in my classroom. Not all the time, but a lot of the time. So now I know what is the problem and what I need to do about it. Awesome.

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I'm done

 I fall into old habits pretty easily. I guess because they are something I'm used to even if they don't really work for me anymore....