Day 5 & 6 plus some random musings and general plans
Yesterday was day 5 in my just one day journey and it was by far the hardest to date. Hubby worked late, really late, so I was alone all day with the opinion that I had nothing really to do, I was wrong but I'll get to that later. I did fine for breakfast and lunch, but as it got closer and closer to dinner time, I was not doing so well. I did not know if I needed to make dinner or not. I was getting hungry but for some reason did not have a real snack or my protein drink, I chose to eat popcorn. Luckily hubby got home soon after and we had a nice dinner, but after dinner I took some banana bread. Just a small piece but a piece nonetheless. Then, just before bed, I had these cookies that have been in the house for a week. They are some Japanese brand and it salty crackers with a mango filling. It did not sound that appealing and I have avoided it for a week, but last night I broke down and tried them. I only had 2, they come in little packs of 2, and they were not that good. Salt and mango??? Bleh!!!!! I did not like them very much at all, but I found myself standing there looking at them, debating on having 2 more. Luckily I came to my senses and went to bed. But it absolutely amazed me how I actually considered having more when I didn't like them. The really good part of this whole experience is that awareness is the
first step in true change, at least for me. Every really large issue I've had, like binge eating, I started to conquer with awareness of what was happening. So in spite of the fact that I ate those things, I am extremely grateful for the awareness, knowing it is the first step. So I consider yesterday a success as far as food goes.
As far as other things, not so much. I have a huge pile of work to do but I pretty much avoided it all yesterday. I ended up taking a nap I really didn't want and I got nothing much done. That I don't like. I have got to stop doing that. I read an article the other day and it really struck home for me. It was on a dissertation website and the writer was talking about how you cannot wait to write until you feel like it. All the successful writers make it a priority and usually have a writing schedule that they follow - whether they feel like it or not. I think that is my problem. I say that frequently, I don't feel like it. Too bad. I need to set a schedule for writing and I need to stick to it no matter what. I had a prospectus draft hanging over my head for 2 weeks. 2 Weeks!!!!!! I kept saying I didn't feel like it or I didn't know how to approach it. I finally sat down on Thursday to write it and I did it. One sitting. Got it done. Is it perfect? No. But it's not supposed to be. This is a reiterative process; draft-correction-draft-correction. I have to get that through my head.
Which brings us to today:
I cannot believe that I have stuck to this for 6 days. It is not so much that I have stuck with it for 6 days, but that it feels so manageable. I have not been tempted to eat crap at all - last night doesn't count - and I feel completely in control. Also, I'm not hungry and I'm not getting freaky over the numbers. I have set a calorie goal of 1800 but I have gone over a few days and I have not completely freaked out and stopped eating. Huge progress. I have found that eating is hugely important and I'm coming to terms with food as fuel. The better the food, the better the fuel, the better I feel. It is completely and totally worth it. And, after all these years, I'm finally getting it. Finally.
But I need to shift my thinking some. I need to create a schedule for writing and I need to stick to it - whether I feel like it or not. I have the opportunity to teach an online college class. This is a huge opportunity as this is what I really want to do. That is going to take more time also. And with students waiting on me, I will not be able to put it off for 2 weeks!!!! So I have got to get better at time management, I just have to. I have to come up with a plan for everything that needs to get done and stick to that plan. Whether I feel like it or not. It needs to start with cleaning this desk and keeping it clean. I can't get any work done in this mess.
So the plan today is to stick to the food plan, and work out some other plans to get ahead of the curve. I wrote something in my calendar that I need to be proactive and not reactive. That is a good way to look at it. Something to work on.