02 December 2021

Respite over

 2 weeks ago, Hubby got bit by our dog. There was a fight between the neighbors dog and ours and he stuck his hand in, like he always does, and ended up getting bit. I forced him to go to the ER to have it cleaned and looked at and he was given antibiotics. Thankfully he took the antibiotics very seriously and didn't drink for the entire 10 days that he was taking them. That was nice. He drinks a lot and it has increased over the years. There are many nights when he will get drunk just sitting here at home. And the thing is, he doesn't know when he's drunk but it's clear as day to me. He goes from being nice to being all mean and obnoxious. Everything become f-this, you're a jerk, bullsh*t, things like that. He doesn't listen when he's drunk and I've gotten to the point where I just don't respond when he's that way. Usually I won't even be in the same room with him. Anyway, he finished his antibiotics on Monday and yesterday went out with his golf buddies for lunch. Needless to say he came home stupid drunk. We sat there watching Survivor and he was talking and bitching the whole time. It was then that I realized how nice it had been when he wasn't drinking. Also when he wasn't drinking he wasn't falling into bed at 7pm, he actually could stay up a little while - till 8 or so. We could talk without him making stupid and mean comments. It was nice. And I already miss it. 

In all honesty, I often think about that and whether or not I should have to live this way. Seriously. Most nights I spend in my room here because he's been drinking too much and I don't want to interact with him. When he's not drinking, things are great. But he becomes such an as* when he drinks and as I said, he drinks a lot. Oh well, I know I'm not going to change him, I'm not even going to try, I just have to decide if this is really how I want to live the rest of my life. 

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