17 December 2023

The gift that keeps on giving

 Is this cold or illness or whatever the heck I have. After last week, which I posted about a few posts ago, I felt okay. Still not great. Still not my old peppy self, but definitely okay. Then Wednesday morning I had an episode of shortness of breath. All week I felt like I could not take a deep breath, but Wednesday I actually felt short of breath. Thought of getting a sub and going to the ER, but decided to ride it out. Ended the day feeling okay, the shortness of breath had gone away. So that night I decided to pull out the big guns. Vicks Vaporub. I put that all over my chest before bed. I slept really well and woke up feeling pretty darn good. Did the same thing Thursday night and woke up Friday feeling almost myself. Yay!!! Still got a little breathing thing, not shortness of breath but the feeling that I can't take a super deep breath. But I can take a deep breath, it's hard to explain. I do cough when I take a deep breath and that's annoying. But other than that I feel pretty darn good. So hopefully this thing, whatever it is, is passing. 

Our vice-principal just passed away on Friday. It was a scary, fast passing. Over fall break she went to the doctors for a routine gynecologic check up. They found something in her ovaries. She went into the hospital and did surgery and felt like they had gotten all the cancer. But she had problem after problem. Kidneys, liver, on and on. She was on dialysis and in and out of the hospital. On Wednesday or Thursday they found a lot more cancer throughout her whole body. They stopped all treatment and she passed on Friday. I can't help thinking how quick it was. Like 9 weeks. She went from feeling okay just a little off to gone. It really puts life in perspective. She was 46 years old, so young. There are so many what-ifs. What if she had gone in sooner? What if they had found everything right away? What if....what if..... what if? Life is too short. You have to make the most of it while you are here. Another thing I can't help but think of is that she was doing okay until they found it. What happens when they find cancer that causes all this pain and suffering? What would have happened if she never went to the doctor? Would she eventually have gotten sick anyway? It makes you wonder. Did the treatments kill her? It's just something to think about and it makes me second guess my own mortality and my decisions. It's been a few years since I've had a pap smear. I was going to wait until April, but I think I'll work on scheduling that sooner. 

Okay, that's enough for now. I'm going to do something productive, though I'm not sure what. 

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I'm done

 I fall into old habits pretty easily. I guess because they are something I'm used to even if they don't really work for me anymore....