07 January 2006

Okay, slow down...

Woke up a little sore this morning. Really feel it in the back and butt. I may have overdone it just a little yesterday but it felt good. Tomorrow I have a 5k race that I have a real chance of placing in my age group. Keep your fingers crossed.

I have a confession to make here. I am shy. Painfully shy. I will avoid doing things because I feel so uncomfortable in new situations. I have to force myself to do things and to talk to people. It gets really tough sometimes. When I was on vacation I did a Resolution Run on Jan. 1 and I had to talk myself through it the whole time (hubby had tickets to the 9er game so I was on my own). In spite of the wind and rain and cold and miserable conditions, I had a great time and met some really nice people. But I had to force myself to do it. Part of the problem is I doubt myself - a lot! I tend to think I'm not good enough or fast enough or interesting enough or whatever enough and I let those negative thoughts win sometimes. So, one of my goals this year is to do something outside of my comfort zone once a month (I'd like to do it once a week but I think I'll start slow). I've already done something this month by doing the Resolution Run BUT I'm not going to count that. Next week I have a biathlon. Now I have not swum in over 3 months (acutally since my freak out at the tri) so I'm going to have to squeeze some swimming in this week. This is way, way out of my comfort zone. I will probably be the last one out of the water but hey, someone has to be last right?? I have to start working on this mentally now or I will chicken out. Okay, there it is, it's out there. Most people who know me have no idea about this. I come off as very strong and confident and bold but I'm not. Inside I'm scared and shy and constantly doubting myself. Well, I've been like this for 46 years, I think it's time to get over it, don't you?? By the way, this is also the year for me to totally get honest with myself (I usually am but I want to be even moreso).

2 comments:

Bolder said...

oh, i'm the same way... jumped into the pool today, and this person is staring at me, sayin' nothin', my first reaction was to just swim away... but, i said 'water's cold today!', which warranted about a grunt...

that's more than i would have got i guess if i had just pushed away and kicked water in their faces!

La said...

I know exactly what you mean about appearing one way but being a different way inside. Baby steps...

Feel like I've fallen into a hole

For years I lived my life in the 'when'. When I start running again. When I start eating right.... When I do this.... or that......