06 April 2006

I have to get this off my mind.

But first, today's training. I headed off to the Y, rode the stationary bike for 30 minutes and did some light upper body work. This arm going numb is bothering me a little but I'm going to try and work it out. I'll do some light upper body work for a week or so and see if that helps. I also have to re-start my stretching program. At night while I watch TV I'm going to stretch. The dogs will help, they love it when I do that :)

Probably next week I'll be able to ride my bike and run outside in the mornings. I can't wait. I have to work out all the details. Maybe I'll drive to the Y then run from there. Then I can come back and do some strength training. I don't know, I'll figure out a plan this weekend.

This part is really just for me and has absolutely nothing to do with training, so you may want to skip this.

Where do I begin. Let's see. I lived in the house at the ranch for 13 years. I have never in my life lived anywhere that long. This house was below market rent and we didn't pay utilities so it was really cheap to live there. Because it was so cheap the ranch did not do a lot to take care of these houses. The good thing was we could improve it and deduct the materials from the rent, so that was cool. But the house we lived in had some big problems. The roof leaked and it had termites. For 8 years I tried to get the ranch to fix the roof. They kept patching it but all it did was move the leaks around. For the termites they installed the ground termite system, but the termites were already there. This was not going to fix the problem. There was some other problems with the house and after a while it got so it wasn't even worth trying to get anything done. We just learned to live with these problems.

For a long time it really was okay because we had the beach and that kind of made things okay. But even that went bad. Some idiots moved in next door who let their pit bulls run loose. The next house down had their pit bulls chained up and would bark like crazy whenever we went out on the beach. Also, the ocean in this area became seriously contaminated. The Dept. of Health discovered it about 6 months ago. They can't figure out where the contamination is coming from and estimate it will take at least a year to fix it (how can you fix something when you don't know what's wrong???) So we couldn't even go in the ocean anymore. Finally there was the location. We were 10 miles from the nearest town. Now that doesn't sound far but the road was a 2 lane highway, windy, and loaded with tourists. It would take us at least 30 minutes to get to town. We would get home at night and not want to go anywhere. It was a production just to go to the store. If we forgot to pick something up on the way home we just did without it. Some weekends we wouldn't leave the house at all, it was just too much effort.

Also, living on the ocean presents problems you don't even know exist until you live there. Things rust!! Really, really fast. If it's cheap metal in 48 hours it's useless. Even better quality stuff only lasts months. In the 13 years we lived there I went through 4 computers. Then there is the sand. There is sand everywhere. On the beach, on the floor, in the bed, on the couch, in your clothes, in your food, embedded in your skin, it's unbelievable!!!! I would find sand in my hair after a shower. UGH!!!!!

Okay, that's the situation. Most of this stuff was kind of exciting at first but it gets old after a while. I felt like I was camping out 24/7/365. Also, it starts to wear on your spirit. I am generally a very positive, upbeat person. I'm the one that finds the bright side of the worst situation. For the last few years here my attitude has been, why bother???? I understand now why people in slums and projects think they have no choice and can't get out. I felt that same way. I figured that we were paying such low rent we just could not afford to move. For the last couple of years I wanted to move I just did not think it was feasible. I felt like we were stuck. That translated into the rest of my life. I had trouble getting up in the morning to train because, "Oh, why bother." I've been wanting to get this little internet business going but felt totally unmotivated. I used to be very active; constantly doing things. It became very, very hard to drag my butt off the couch. I really felt like there was no hope and no chance of improving. It wears you down. It really makes you feel hopeless and stuck. It's terrible to feel that way.

Then came our rain of trouble. So, it all started with the truck burning. That was bad. Then we went and bought the new truck only to get the eviction notice 2 days later. I thought it was the end of the world. I did not know how we could possibly do that. We have to pay off the balance of the truck that burned. We had to come up with a down payment and the first payment on the new truck. Now we had to come up with first, last, deposit, and find a place that would allow 3 large dogs. Talk about depressed, I was ready to go live in my car - it would be a lot easier.

But, it all worked out. We found a place, we got all these things paid, and we had enough money to buy food :)
In just the few days we've been in the new place I can totally feel the difference. Leaving the ranch house on Sunday for the last time was tough. We had spent most of our married life there. My daughter grew up, graduated, and left from this house. Every single corner was completely loaded with memories. It was sad, but it was a good sad. I really felt like a chapter was ending but the future was wide open. It was definitely time to move on.

This place has a whole different feel. I feel hopeful, positive, and energized. I'm doing things here I had stopped doing at the ranch house years ago, like caring. The last few years at the ranch house I pretty much let my husband do whatever he wanted as far as decorating or painting or whatever. I just didn't care. In the new place though I care a lot. I want things to look a certain way. I want things to be nice. I've taken to doing the dishes everynight after dinner, something my hubby had taken to doing. It should be noted that I do dishes most days at work and do not want to do them when I get home. But here, I've started doing them again because I want the place to look nice.

So I feel really good; better than I have in years. I'm going to get my internet business started. I'm going to be successful. I'm going to buy a house in a year. I feel like I got stuck in a hole and I've finally managed to crawl out.


:) said...

Here's to "crawling out of the hole"!!!

Backofpack said...

Whoo-hoo! You go Flo! I love the positive, upbeat tone of your post and I am so excited for you. Way to go!

Nancy Toby said...

Hooray! It DOES sound like a whole new you! Keep up that positive momentum!!

*jeanne* said...

WONDERFUL!!! You're successful already, just by the emotional upswing!

Here's to YOU!


Start where you are at

 A large part of my problem with workouts and my weight, etc., is the fact that I used to be really hardcore. I tell people I used to be an ...