04 May 2006

I seem to be withdrawing into myself.

I find myself withdrawing. I'm reading blogs but not commenting. I'm not posting here. I'm considering not doing the trail running group. I'm pulling back.

The truth is I'm not sure what I want to do. I waffle back and forth about doing a tri, running, weight training, blah, blah, blah. I just don't know where I want to focus my energies. This makes it really, really hard to commit to anything. Because I can't commit to a darn thing, I don't feel qualified to comment on anyone else's blog. I read how everyone is swimming, biking, running, and preparing for races and I feel like I'm adrift with no anchor.

How do I shake this malaise?? How do I commit myself to something?? How do I gain focus in my life again?? I really hate this feeling. The odd thing is that I tend towards depression but this is not that. I'm not depressed at all just lack direction right now.

Part of the problem is that I have some things in my life I'm considering. I kind of feel like I'm at a crossroads in a number of areas in my life and need to make lots of decisions. I feel like the choices I make now will effect things for a long time to come. Ugh!!!! I do not know how to explain it. All I know is that I HATE making decisions like this. I want to see the black and white not have to wallow in the grey area.

I know this doesn't make a lot of sense but some of these decisions are sensitive and I don't want to go into detail here. So I'm busy here trying to figure out my life. Why can't it just be easy??? Why can't I just decide what I want to do and do it??? God, if only life were that easy....


Ann (bunnygirl) said...

Who says you have to decide anything right now? I'm way off my training levels and not planning on racing at all until I'm sure my hip/ITB problem is up for it.

I'm not worried. I'm still a triathlete. You are, too.

No one can go full-speed all the time. It sounds like you're in a natural "trough" period. Be patient, take care of yourself and you'll know when it's time to start climbing those peaks again!

Nancy Toby said...

One answer: Pay a hefty entry fee. It works for me and puts a quick stop to the waffling! :-)

Linda said...

You need to be kind to yourself and at the same time be firm with yourself. One day at a time, set your goals and abide by them. I'm talking to myself here too b.t.w.

Flo said...

Nancy, I love it!!!!! Money always gets me moving :)

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