22 October 2006

A quiet Sunday

I'm feeling very melancholy today, not sure why.

For some reason I'm really missing my Mom. She died 4 years ago next month and I still miss her a lot. We were pretty close, less so once I moved to Hawaii.

I've also been thinking a lot lately about aging. I'm almost 50!!! What's up with that?? I never thought I'd live past 30, seriously. When I was younger, late teens early 20's, I was so into drinking and drugs and partying, I was sure I'd kill myself by 30. A number of friends did. One friend was pushed out of a moving pick-up by her boyfriend as they were doing 80 down the freeway. She was messed up bad!!! I wonder what ever happened to her????

I look back on my life and I have a few regrets, not too many, but there are some things I wish I'd done differently. To me a regret is wishing I hadn't done something I did, or had done something I didn't. I only have a couple of those. There are a few things that I just wish I'd done differently. I wish I'd gone to school earlier. I wish I'd stopped using drugs earlier. I wish I'd gotten serious about weight and fitness earlier. In some areas I feel like I'm playing catch up because I waited so long to start some things. On the other hand, I should be thankful I did them at all. I could be like my friend rolling down the freeway at 80 mph on my face.

Okay, enough maudlin stuff. Oh yeah, part of the reason I'm kind of bummed is because I didn't get to go to Kona and volunteer. The person I was supposed to stay with had some damage to her property so I couldn't stay there and, as you can imagine, hotel rooms and rental cars were near impossible to find. That kind of put a damper on the weekend. I did watch the finish line last night for a while and it sure looks like fun. I'm definitely going next year and I'm planning early. I'll get a hotel room and a car reserved early that way I don't have to rely on anyone else.

Okay, that's really enough. I'm going to go read my book for a while then hubby is taking me out to dinner. What a nice guy!!!


Ann (bunnygirl) said...

I had a pretty wild time in my twenties, too. But although it would've been nice to have used that time more productively and be further along now, I also like to think that it was sort of an innoculation against a mid-life crisis.

Been there, done that, you know? There's nothing more pathetic than a person in their fifies trying to pretend they're a twentysomething. If you're ever going to be a party girl, your twenties is the time to do it.

No regrets.

Vickie said...

I think I went through the same thing when I was approaching 50. The problem for me though was I had all these personal tragedies going on at the same time it really messed me up for a while. I finally got back on track earlier this year (and now look what happens!!). But seriously, it is a phase that hopefully will pass. Make a plan for the next year and work towards that so even if a few roadblocks are put up, you can follow the detour and get back on track. It sounds like you went through the stuff you did and arrived at where you are now for a reason, so you can go forward happy that the past is behind you and the opportunities of the future await you. P.S. I'd like to go to Kona next year too and volunteer. Since I'll never make it there otherwise, I've been seriously giving this a thought lately!

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