22 April 2008

Okay, I finally, really got it!!!

To expand upon my post yesterday. It finally hit me this morning. I mean really hit me and sunk in. I know understand it like I've never understood it before.

Changing the little voice in your head is hard. When I was heavy, and even more recently, I would not push myself because I really, honestly believed deep in my soul, that I couldn't do it. I would try and I would make outward efforts, but deep down in the secret part of me, I didn't buy that I could do it. I've been working on changing that belief and I think the Lanikai Tri was the first evidence that I may have succeeded. I quit 18 times during that tri but I knew that wasn't true so it didn't mean anything to me. I said the words but it was more like saying something you've memorized. Because I didn't really believe it I just kept on going and planning the next stage of the race. I don't think I'm explaining this very well, but it is crystal clear to me.

This morning as I was working out I was thinking about how hard it was. I was also thinking that it was very hard, harder then I've worked in a long time, but I was enjoying the heck out of it. That got me to thinking that just a few short months ago I would have been whining about how hard it was and how I couldn't do it. Whereas this morning I not only knew I could do it, but I was having fun seeing how far I could push myself. Then I thought of the Biggest Loser. In the beginning all those contestants whine and cry about how they can't do the workouts. Jillian said that the winner, Ali, fought her for about 3 weeks. Then something changed and she was all there all the time. That's when it hit me like a brick wall. It is all in the mind. Because I didn't truly believe I could lose this weight, I couldn't. I have made the leap though and I now believe it's doable. No, that's not true. I don't believe it, I know it.

I have noticed a number of other changes over the past few weeks that now make all kinds of sense. I don't want sweets. I don't want to overeat, ever. I've lost my taste for beer. Wow. It's all because I now believe deep in my soul that I can do this. Wow. It's amazing.

I've had that quote at the top of my blog for months now. But it's only today that I really and truly understand what she means.

1 comment:

angelfish24 said...

Glad you are doing well. Maybe that's my issues with weight...maybe I really think I can't do it for good. I think deep down I know I can and will when I'm ready.


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