15 July 2009

Why do I have to keep relearning things???

My workout this morning almost became a no-go. I sat at the computer for far too long ( I thought I could check my email since I had nowhere to go in the morning) and started to get hungry. Since I usually workout on an empty stomach I knew I couldn't eat then workout - that's a sure fire way to make me hurl. What to do?? I could eat but then I couldn't workout or I could workout starving. I finally decided to eat and then take the dogs to the park, I could workout when I came back. Off to the park. The dogs had great fun, I have 2 new foster dogs and the 4 of them just had a blast at the park. It was hot!!! On the way home all I could think about was taking a shower. But I still had to workout!! Ugh!!! Once I got home there was a debate in my head about working out or showering. At one point I told the dogs they had their fun now it was time for me to have my fun. The workout won. I did 30 mins strength training and 30 minutes of cardio intervals smelling like a rhino. Luckily only the dogs were around :)

As I was doing the intervals I was mentally patting myself on the back for making this workout a non-negotiable thing. That's really what I want it to be, completely non-negotiable, like brushing my teeth - it's annoying but I do it twice a day, every day, no matter what. Then another thing hit me, I'm pretty comfortable where I am right now. With my body. Sure, I would like to lose 20 lbs (or more) and I would like to be all buff and muscular but I'm not willing to invest the time and effort to get that. I do want to workout everyday because of the way it makes me feel mentally as well as physically and I want to do the marathon in December, but other then that I'm pretty happy with myself right now. I think I may have broken through that crazy, obsessive, nutso thinking that I just had to lose weight, I had to be a certain size, I had to workout so hard. Wow, I'm pretty impressed with myself. In many ways I'm really, really happy with me. I'm like the person that I am, I like the profession that I've chosen (finally), I like how I've become responsible (finally), and I think I finally like my body. I'm still going to workout (that's non-negotiable) and eat right because of the way it makes me feel and because of the things I want to do, not because I think I have to lose X lbs or wear size Y. I think I'm finally done with that. Wow!!! What a long strange trip it's been.

1 comment:

Blondy said...

Congrats! your achievements are great. I too wish some day to be the person I want to be, until then I am preparing :)
I believe it's a matter of patience and not giving up.


  Motivation is not the cause of action, it is the result. You want to be motivated? Get up and go do something. - Mark Manson How many time...