19 October 2010

Something new every day....

I got some disturbing news tonight. Nothing overall that earth shattering but definitely a blow. I decided on a course of action that was really the only option and I thought I was dealing with it. So off I went to workout. I thought I was in a pretty good mood - all things considered - and was looking towards my workout. It began and slowly got more and more intense. As the intensity ramped up my thoughts go inward. I focus on what I'm doing and don't get involved in the class "banter" that goes on. Tonight as my thoughts turned in I realized I'm very, very upset about this whole thing. What I thought was dealing with it was actually just pushing it down. I'm mad about a couple of things and I was burying it. The harder I worked the more it started to come up. I seriously felt like one of those breakdowns on the Biggest Loser. At one point I got so choked up I had to stop and I was this close to throwing in the towel and going home. I didn't, but there were definitely times during the workout when I was phoning it in. I did finish and jetted out of there right away. I did not want to talk to anyone.

What I learned from this little adventure is that I hold things in my physical body. The stress I feel from this development settled right into my body. I have felt this before but never really made the connection. I have had bad news and quit half way through a workout because I just couldn't do it. Interesting how that works. You really do learn something new everyday.

In other news, my plan to focus on one day at a time seems to be working. I got up this morning and ran - woo hoo - and then focused my eating one meal at a time. I did not assume that I could make up for anything later. I thought to myself that I only control right now. I can not be sure what is going to happen later, I only have right now. It worked. I like not thinking ahead just focusing on the moment. Have to do that a little more. I also need to add my one a day vitamin to my routine.

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