17 May 2011

Can an epiphany be slow in coming???


I have been slowly coming to an epiphany - if that's even possible. A couple of years ago I started thinking about the basic futility of life. I began to just go through the motions because I kept thinking, what was the point of it all? Really. We are all going to die so what is the point of all this? I made this discovery in my thinking a year or so ago and it is something I have to battle. It may be a sign of depression, I'm not really sure. What I do know is that I don't like it. I don't like feeling this way and I don't like thinking this way. If everyone thought this way absolutely nothing would get done. I decided to switch careers and become a teacher because it is something I've always wanted to do. At the time I made that decision I was near the peak of my fitness and I was enjoying life. A. Lot. Over time though, the inevitable futility of it all has started to weigh on me.

Then, while watching the Biggest Loser tonight, they talked a couple of times about finishing what you start. And that really struck a chord with me. I don't finish what I start and I think it's a by product of the above thinking. I also know that when I do finish something I feel like a rock star and it inspires me to do a whole lot more. So I think it's time for a change.

Life is not going to last forever. None of us are getting out of this alive, but there is no reason I can't have a good time along the way. I love teaching. I love my dogs. I love my house. I have things I enjoy doing. As long as I have to be here, I may as well enjoy the ride. So it's time to change up my attitude. I need to focus on doing things I enjoy and make this journey a fun one. I don't know how long I'm here for, so let's make this a ride to remember.

So I should have a plan and some goals.  And I do.

Long Term:

  • I want to do marathons and triathlons
  • I want to get my PhD. 
Medium Term: 
  • Lose 15 lbs. 
  • Start running, biking and swimming again
  • Finish my thesis
Short Term: 
  • Start working out regularly 
  • Eat right more times than not
  • Get off my ass
Really short term: 
  • Get up tomorrow and workout
  • Track calories eaten
  • Start reading through articles and narrow down my thesis topic
  • Email Dr. VG and set up a meeting re: thesis
Just writing these things out and formulating a plan makes me feel good - powerful. I like it.  So let's go. 

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