I have been slowly coming to an epiphany - if that's even possible. A couple of years ago I started thinking about the basic futility of life. I began to just go through the motions because I kept thinking, what was the point of it all? Really. We are all going to die so what is the point of all this? I made this discovery in my thinking a year or so ago and it is something I have to battle. It may be a sign of depression, I'm not really sure. What I do know is that I don't like it. I don't like feeling this way and I don't like thinking this way. If everyone thought this way absolutely nothing would get done. I decided to switch careers and become a teacher because it is something I've always wanted to do. At the time I made that decision I was near the peak of my fitness and I was enjoying life. A. Lot. Over time though, the inevitable futility of it all has started to weigh on me.
Then, while watching the Biggest Loser tonight, they talked a couple of times about finishing what you start. And that really struck a chord with me. I don't finish what I start and I think it's a by product of the above thinking. I also know that when I do finish something I feel like a rock star and it inspires me to do a whole lot more. So I think it's time for a change.
Life is not going to last forever. None of us are getting out of this alive, but there is no reason I can't have a good time along the way. I love teaching. I love my dogs. I love my house. I have things I enjoy doing. As long as I have to be here, I may as well enjoy the ride. So it's time to change up my attitude. I need to focus on doing things I enjoy and make this journey a fun one. I don't know how long I'm here for, so let's make this a ride to remember.
So I should have a plan and some goals. And I do.
- I want to do marathons and triathlons
- I want to get my PhD.
- Lose 15 lbs.
- Start running, biking and swimming again
- Finish my thesis
- Start working out regularly
- Eat right more times than not
- Get off my ass
Really short term:
- Get up tomorrow and workout
- Track calories eaten
- Start reading through articles and narrow down my thesis topic
- Email Dr. VG and set up a meeting re: thesis
Just writing these things out and formulating a plan makes me feel good - powerful. I like it. So let's go.