18 August 2012

The truth

In the last 2 posts I've talked about wanting a treadmill. In the first post I talk about how I like being home with my dogs and that is true, but it's not the whole truth. I've decided to lay it all out here and purge it from my mind and soul. Hopefully it will help.

The truth of the matter is that I could probably be agoraphobic if I let things get out of hand. I tend to be a homebody. I prefer to be home than just about any other place. When I'm feeling fat and not pleased with my body, I want to be there even more. So the way I am feeling right now, I don't feel comfortable going to the gym to workout. I would rather stay home and workout until I have confidence in myself again.

I'm not really sure how to describe it. It's not exactly low self-esteem because I know I can do anything I put my mind to. It's just being uncomfortable with my physical self right now. My workout clothes feel like they look like maternity clothes to me and I don't like it. That's not quite right either.

What I do know is that when I don't work out and I gain weight I tend to lie around the house more and not want to go out. When I workout, even if I'm not super thin, I want to go out and do things more often. I have just re-read that and in my head heard every person on the Biggest Loser saying the same thing. So I guess I'm not so different from most people. Okay....

Well, treadmill or not, tomorrow I start working out at home since I'm not going to the gym.

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